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Abuse in all its wonderful variety has a profound effect on the human psyche. I never said it didn't.

Screw all that. I want a number system based on the name Bob.

Bob the First, Bob the Second, Bob the Third, Bob the Fourth, Bob the Prettiest, Bob the Eater of Tacos, and so on.

Also, first...

The people that use coupons seriously are not nice people. They do not smile. They do not laugh. They stand at the checkout counter and do not care that they are a dam in the river - perhaps they...

Say what you will, but the 1930's are what I call a good time. Being able to beat your wife and not get shit for it? Classy.

Actually, I was lying, just to prove a point, which is that you are a complete and utter toolbox.

I enjoyed it. I will probably do it again in future, should the opportunity ever arise.

When I was growing up I DREAMED of having a dad like yours. Mine preferred to use his belt to write Morse code on my ass.

Just shut up and eat some oatmeal, Rigby, there's a good man-baby-raccoon thing.

I like using the self-checkout if I don't have much, because I'm always afraid if I buy a lot I'll forget to scan something.

You can't, and that's precisely the point. Nobody wants discussion or arguments or any of it - they want familiarity, commonality, unthinking vacuous stupidity.

People who use coupons are the kind of people that spend their entire lives trying to get back at various people and organizations in various petty, small-minded ways, because they have a...

Yes. This.

Late night shopping is the best shopping.

People who use coupons, have three carts worth of shit, or are generally slow on the uptake are bad to be behind. I can understand why...

Hopefully I'll be able to get a job and make a life somewhere in Minnesota or one of the Dakotas - dead cheap living up there, summers aren't 90 degrees plus, and no tornadoes. That would be heaven...

The further underground you go, the better it'll be. Generally, tornado shelters are small concrete bunkers or basements situated under the ground. Some houses have reinforced ground floor rooms that...

And I live in a high-danger zone for them. Great. Nothing to be done - basements in Oklahoma are at a real premium.

The obvious solution to my problem would be "Don't be there", but I don't have...

It's very hard to stop caring about your family no matter how much they hurt you. I don't know why this is, but it just is.

There are lots of non-meat products that use animal gelatin. There is such a thing as vegetarian gelatin, but I have no idea what it does to the taste or texture of the foods they're put in.

Hey, you wanna eat livers and poop sacks and whatever, be my guest.

Organ meats don't sell well because they're organs, and thus are a very intimate, and therefore RISKY, food item. I don't want to eat a liver because it's nothing more than a sort of sponge that...

On the subject of vegetarianism/veganism - do you think that most of the people who claim themselves to be as such became vegetarians/vegans due to feelings of guilt, shame, or fear from eating meat?...

Ask him this:

"If we went to a friend's wedding, what material would your tie be made of and what color would it be?"

If he gives you an answer like "Blue", he's about as gay as a telephone...

Not really worried about this, because it doesn't affect me. I might get written up for speeding, but I'll never get pulled over for drunk driving. So, yeah, glad drinkers are getting kicked in the...

Because people are whores for fitting in and looking like everyone else.

They want to look just as rich and popular as the kids on the football team. Instead, they'll look like a fat bag of shit...

I would say to these people: you're worried about vegetarians cutting down a few acres of lettuces when every day miles of rainforest are felled? Kindly get your priorities straightened out.

I'm glad they don't cater to the XXL and up crowd - the only thing worse than being an obese neckbeard is being an obese neckbeard that dresses like a preppy douchebag.

Additionally, paying lots...

I confess that sometimes, when I'm alone, I tricycle around naked wearing a set of Mickey Mouse ears and yelling "I AM ZORRO, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE! TREMBLE, PEONS!"