Things you will never hear on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

[Furryjones]

This will never be heard on MLP!
Pony 1 " Dude, your a little bitch."
Pony 2 "I am not a bitch!"
Pony 3 " Ok, squeak calm down."
2 " And don't call me squeak alright! Its kenny!"

[Bipolar Bear]

This ever happening-
-oh god, my ribs!-

I'm with Celestia on this one. Cadence needs to actually know a pony before performing her spell otherwise this may very well happen.

Celestia's face was fucking priceless! XD

[Zaedrin]

Pinkie Pie: "RUN!! THE BRONIES ARE COMING, HIDE YOUR DAUGHTERS!! FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, RUN!!!"

[CannonFodder]

Pinkie Pie: "RUN!! THE BRONIES ARE COMING, HIDE YOUR DAUGHTERS!! FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, RUN!!!"

Ha! Good one.

[Ariosto]

Applejack: "I'd have never thought you swung that way, Big Mac".
Big Mac: "Both, actually".

Trixie: "... *sniff* I'm sooorryyyy! Can we be friends from now on? *snif*".

Rainbow Dash: "My fan letters have gotten increasingly uncomfortable lately".

Rairty: "I love Pony Gaga's outfits! Aren't they just spectacular?".

[CannonFodder]

Applejack: "I'd have never thought you swung that way, Big Mac".
Big Mac: "Both, actually".

Applejack: "Lemme guess, Caramel?"

[Ariosto]

Applejack: "Lemme guess, Caramel?"

(Silence)
Big Mac: "... nope, Braeburn. Caramel's straight".
Applejack: "WHAT THE HAY, Caramel's straight?!".
(Silence)
Big Mac: "... I had thought you...".
Applejack: "Knew? How could I have. But, every colt's gay for Braeburn, lucky guy, you got one cute partner!".
Big Mac: "But, Braeburn and I are... we're... I had thought you... (facepalm and disconcerted sigh of 'relief') uh, nevermind".

Soarin': "I'm not doing any damn practice until I get my Pie!".
(Close there).
Applejack: "Aaaah, do you know what that is? It's the sound of money! (and extorsion)".

[CannonFodder]

Soarin': "I'm not doing any damn practice until I get my Pie!".
(Close there).
Applejack: "Aaaah, do you know what that is? It's the sound of money! (and extorsion)".

Soarin', "What flavor is it?"
Applejack, "PIE FLAVOR!"

[Tybis]

Twilight: "Alright, we finally got that letter delivered. Even though the countryside was infested with zombie apples, we got it there!"
Spike: "I thought I could teleport letters..."
Twilight: "FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

Applejack, "Big Mac I'm pregnant, and it's yours!"

Makes me sad, man.

[Cocobanana]

Twilight Sparkle: Hey AJ, I like how your apple shines in the sun; mind if I put some fireworks inside of it?
Applejack: Aw shucks Twiley, I'd never thought you'd ask.
Twilight Sparkle: Actually if you'd been paying attention I was asking for Spike, it all sounds like crazy talk to me.
Spike: Hello everybody, I'm a zoophile!

[CannonFodder]

[Zaedrin]

Sweetie Belle: "No Rarity, not the belt!!"

Apple Bloom: "Applejack, what'n ternation is a 'Brony?'"

Applejack: "They're...umm...friends...of mine. Who...like to...get to know me better...in the barn...*blushes*"

Apple Bloom: "Can I know 'em better?"

Applejack: "HELL. NO."

[CannonFodder]

Rainbow Dash, "So I was on a date with twilight-"

[Ariosto]

Rainbow Dash, "So I was on a date with twilight-"

Twilight: "Rainbow! Don't tell it... (smile and blush) it's... cheesy...".

-Fluttershy: "Marvelous... Tree Power... make up! E-element of Kindness, Flu-t-t-tershy, and for the sake of HARMONY... I'll punish you...
-Rainbow Dash: "That's the most you can think of?! Ugh, practice your catchphrase for the big presentation, the bad guys need to know we mean justice, they must fear us, all of us. Okay, once more, Element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash! [...]".

[CannonFodder]

This-

[Ariosto]

The amount of times you've cited lesbian RD in this thread makes me think you actually cherish the idea in some secret corner of your mind, not that it's a bad thing.

Applejack: "This family of mine is so messed up: a senile oldhag, a sulky and angsty brother and a good-for-nothing sister. If only I could send them to someplace far".

[CannonFodder]

The amount of times you've cited lesbian RD in this thread makes me think you actually cherish the idea in some secret corner of your mind, not that it's a bad thing.

Applejack: "This family of mine is so messed up: a senile oldhag, a sulky and angsty brother and a good-for-nothing sister. If only I could send them to someplace far".

Shit! They know! *burns secret shipping fanfic stash*

*celestia in response to applejack*
Celestia: "Does your family like bananas?"

[Hakar Kerarmor]

Cheerilee: "All right my little ponies, today is sex education day."

[Ariosto]

Shit! They know! *burns secret shipping fanfic stash*

*celestia in response to applejack*
Celestia: "Does your family like bananas?"

RD: "What was that? Let me see!".
CF: "No!".

Applejack: "Pardon my ignorance, princess, but what are those "bananas you speak of?".

Braeburn: "My pie brings all the boys to the yard!".
RD: "That's nothing, I can gather fillies from all around the world in 10 seconds flat with just a flap of wings".
Big Mac: "Psshh, nope. I bring both fillies and colts to the barn with my mere existence".
RD: "Aww yeah, wanna compete?!".

And before this turns into more speculation on the character's sexualities:
-Shining Armor: "Am I not the most interesting pony in this place?".
-Spike: "Two days, still no satisfying meal... hello Owlalicious, this is called a throat. This throat is mine, now get inside it, 'cause it's poultry tonight".
-Rarity: "Your sense of fashion is shitty, plain and simple, shitty. Do me a favor and get an optometrist, would you?".
-Pinkie Pie: "That was a good sleep".

[CannonFodder]

RD, "What the hell are you doing in my house scootaloo?"
Stalkerloo, " Nothing"

[Ariosto]

Pinkie Pie: "Don't say that, there are kids watching us".
Twilight: "I don't see any kids...".
Pinkie Pie: "Ah, don't be silly, you know they're the reason this show stays afloat... and the creepy adult men".
Twilight: "Pinkie, I don't get what you're saying at all".
Pinkie Pie: "Let me explain, it's very easy to understand; see, we're fictional characters, we don't really exist...".
Twilight: "And now you got a penchant for philosophy?".
Pinkie Pie: "No, I'm talking about Television and our audience".
Twilight: "What?".

[Zaedrin]

Fluttershy: And and and then...*sniff* She...she told me I didn't even exist and that I was just a cartoon to sell toys to kids and have weirdos "clop" to meeee! *breaks down sobbing*

Therapist: Well Ms. Shy, it appears you are going through an existential dilemma. A severe one, too. But fortunately, I know something and somepony who can help you get over that easily.

Fluttershy: *sniff* What? Who?

Therapist: Have you ever heard of something called "The Fourth Wall?" A mare by the name of "Pinkie Pie" may help you get through that wall.

[CannonFodder]

Fluttershy: And and and then...*sniff* She...she told me I didn't even exist and that I was just a cartoon to sell toys to kids and have weirdos "clop" to meeee! *breaks down sobbing*

Therapist: Well Ms. Shy, it appears you are going through an existential dilemma. A severe one, too. But fortunately, I know something and somepony who can help you get over that easily.

Fluttershy: *sniff* What? Who?

Therapist: Have you ever heard of something called "The Fourth Wall?" A mare by the name of "Pinkie Pie" may help you get through that wall.

That wouldn't end well D:

[Cult]

Spike: *walking into a room carrying a beaker* I did not hit her, it's not true. It's bullshit! I did not hit her! *throws beaker* I DID NAWT! Oh hi Twilight.

[Tybis]

I really want to play that now.