wtf depression?

[Coty-Coyote]

So, some days are pretty bad, as in I am trying to decide how to go out, like choosing which caliber I am going to use. But why? Where the fuck do I get the nerve to even be sad? My life is not that bad. There are people with real problems, big problems, and they can handle it. Is it really a chemical imbalance? It just makes me feel like an asshole.

[Kaamos]

Go see a doctor?

[Seian Verian]

Ah, depression... Such an incredibly familiar subject. I've had it basically my entire life, so I know how it feels. Whether it's from any "chemical imbalance" or not, it's a real problem. Feeling awful, no energy, thought processes that lead into vicious cycles of self-loathing...

You just need to keep going on, try to find help, and try to keep yourself grounded in reality, make sure that you KNOW it's the depression and that it CAN get better. Try and find counseling, and make sure to talk to a doctor about it to see about some antidepressants that can help out.

[Xaerun]

So, some days are pretty bad, as in I am trying to decide how to go out, like choosing which caliber I am going to use. But why? Where the fuck do I get the nerve to even be sad? My life is not that bad. There are people with real problems, big problems, and they can handle it. Is it really a chemical imbalance? It just makes me feel like an asshole.

Yep, see a doctor, ideally a psychiatrist. If you can't manage that, see a GP and a psychologist. Antidepressants are typically used to give you enough energy to fix the problem, but ultimately the motivation has to come from you.

[Rilvor]

Yep, see a doctor, ideally a psychiatrist. If you can't manage that, see a GP and a psychologist. Antidepressants are typically used to give you enough energy to fix the problem, but ultimately the motivation has to come from you.

This right here.

You also need something to hold onto to stay afloat. I couldn't give you any real advice without knowing every detail.

[Limbo]

I lost a good friend to suicide almost two years ago. He was taking medication for his depression, and something went wrong with his medication, either it stopped working or started doing something that it wasn't supposed to do. While his parents were out shopping for groceries or whatever they were doing (the details are a bit hazy now), he took a gun (presumably his father's) and ended his own life.
Whatever you do, seek help. Even after you seek help, if you start feeling bad, talk to someone. If my friend had let anyone know what was going on, he might still be here today. Just keep going, move forward, and above all remember Rafiki's words(How fitting, furry forum): "Oh yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it; you can either run from it, or learn from it"

[Coty-Coyote]

I wonder if I even have depression, really. I am probably just a hypochondriac who feels sad. Every time I actually think about my depressed feelings in a critical manner they go away. I can actually see my faulty thought processes pretty easily. Not to long ago I went and "talked to somebody" I don't remember what exactly they were, it was a free service through my university. 5 minutes into the appointment I couldn't really remember why I felt the way I did and I was no longer feeling that way; so it couldn't really be addressed. However, even though I write it off as some sort of hypochondria, it returns. I almost feel like I do it to myself. I almost want to be depressed because it is better than feeling nothing. I probably should go see someone but I cant justify it. I don't want to look like a damned idiot who just needs to get over themselves.

[Hinalle K.]

Maybe you...just feel sad,yeah. Happens.

[Shànwàng]

See a professional. You might find out you have anxiety issues instead. As someone who's been clinically diagnosed, it's not about logic making go away. God I wish it were.

EDIT: You have seen a professional, maybe. Saw one at my uni, it helps.

[Kitutal]

depression as a condition can be a difficult thing to define, especially when there is nothing really serious wrong. but I would say, sure there are lots of people living in worse situations, but that doesn't make things better for you in any way. are there times when only the bad things seem to matter to you, that's all you can think of and nothing else seems at all important? just you keep remembering that things aren't as bad as they might seem at times like this. however, whatever there might be wrong in your life, even tiny little iritations, go and do something about them, it does honestly make you feel a lot better, even if it's just a small thing. a great way to deal with depression is to get yourself doing something else, start work on some project or other that you can enjoy and feel a sense of achievement and just get yourself something to do, the worst thing you can do is give in to these thoughts, lose all motivation and end up just sitting around not bothering to do anything other than thinking on how much of a mess you've made. yea, there's medication that might help, but not without some risks and potential side effects and most seriously becoming addicted to the stuff, I know someone who went without theirs two days by mistake and the way they described how they felt to me as I desperately tried to keep them from taking their own life, I can't even imagine how terrible it was inside their mind at that moment. they can help make you feel better, yes, but they don't cure you, and in the end, whatever happens, you have to do it. so go on then, go and get something useful done, it really helps, don't dwell too much on it, and don't worry about thinking that you're being selfish feeling the way you do when other people are in worse places, it's not like there's only terrible disaster and wonderful happiness and nothing in between, and besides, it's not like you can help it, not yet anyway.
good luck, carry on, and don't give up, things might start getting better soon, promise yourself that you will keep on, make sure you do so, force yourself through each day when they're at their worst.

[Limbo]

I wonder if I even have depression, really. I am probably just a hypochondriac who feels sad. Every time I actually think about my depressed feelings in a critical manner they go away. I can actually see my faulty thought processes pretty easily. Not to long ago I went and "talked to somebody" I don't remember what exactly they were, it was a free service through my university. 5 minutes into the appointment I couldn't really remember why I felt the way I did and I was no longer feeling that way; so it couldn't really be addressed. However, even though I write it off as some sort of hypochondria, it returns. I almost feel like I do it to myself. I almost want to be depressed because it is better than feeling nothing. I probably should go see someone but I cant justify it. I don't want to look like a damned idiot who just needs to get over themselves.

It may be just your hormones going "Dive men diveeeeeeee!" on you. (About to out myself on a forum. BU). By all technicalities, I am a female, and I try to ignore my hormones but sometimes they get me way down. I admitted ze truth here because honestly I don't know much about testosterone. But I'm sure men go through the same thing, where either a.) hormone levels are too high and you feel shitty, or b.) hormone levels are too low and you feel shitty.
I'm no doctor, but that's what I heard from one once or twice before. I'm not trying to diagnose you or anything, but it's something you could look into. It's always good way to keep busy if nothing else.

[Ozriel]

I can't say much, but keeping yourself busy is one way, and talk to a psychiatrist.

[Ad Hoc]

Seems like the litmus test for depression is whether or not it's actually disruptive to your life and/or has a tangible negative impact on your health. If you're sad enough that you have difficulty focusing on your responsibilities, have lost interest in former hobbies/activities, or if you've started pushing people away socially and intentionally isolating yourself, then those are some significant warning signs. If you've started having fatigue, sleep disruptions, and/or appetite problems (both weight loss and gain are possible), then that's a huge red flag and you should see a doc either way. Other symptoms can crop up as well.

When I'm depressed, I don't even really get sad so much as I get anxious/angry. Get major fatigue and start losing a lot of weight. Pretty much won't talk to people beyond the basics for days.

Not trying to say that you don't have it, but medical depression generally extends beyond simple sadness. If you have the resources to do so, you may benefit from seeing a doc either way though, it's possible that you're developing it. A therapist of some sort may be able to help you head it off before it gets bad enough to warrant drugs. Not that there's anything wrong with drugs, but they're almost never a long-term solution, just a boost to give you the energy to manage the disease yourself. They can also be pretty expensive if you don't have insurance, and they can have some obnoxious side effects. (I've yet to find one that doesn't give me nausea for a few hours after taking it, regardless of what I eat with it.)

[Onnes]

You seem to be making the mistake of thinking that clinical depression has to be in anyway logical. It really doesn't which is part of why it's considered a medical illness and not just a mood. What confuses me here is that you seem to be saying that you go between suicidal ideation and no depression at all, which it's more than a little weird.

[Grimfang]

If you feel like you're having random bouts of depression or suicidal thoughts, try seeing a doctor or counselor again. It's good to have an open-mind, as to whether or not you even "have a problem" somehow, but don't come to any conclusions on your own. If a potential problem exists in some form, your life will be a billion times better for having started on sorting it out, rather than dismissing your feelings as hypochondria. Also, maybe inform anyone with any potential appointments, that you might not feel depressed when you're talking with someone about it, but it still does occur.

[Ricky]

You live in Idaho...

Maybe you are just bored?

[Coty-Coyote]

What confuses me here is that you seem to be saying that you go between suicidal ideation and no depression at all, which it's more than a little weird.

Yeah, that is pretty much it. It is like a cycle. Right around the time I decide to look for help all my symptoms either just sort of vanish or I can easily "pull my self out of it". Honestly, I have only had suicidal thoughts a few times, (I probably should have left that out of the original post, it is probably more drama than anything) but a couple weeks ago I did. I was completely down. I had no sense of self worth, I was doing nothing all day, I started fasting just for something to do. I had some pretty messed up thoughts during this period. Then, I just thought to myself "I shouldn't think like this, it won't help anything. Presto, I felt fine like a day or two later. It confuses the hell out of me that I can swing that much that fast. Right now I am feeling fine. I have been keeping busy with work. But I got sort of pissed off at myself when I started to think about the episode a few weeks ago.

[Ricky]

I was completely down. I had no sense of self worth, I was doing nothing all day, I started fasting just for something to do.

What do you normally do during the day?

[Dreaming]

Well, that's sort of how depression works?

It doesn't find a reason to jump on you like that, it just does. It could be for a variety of reasons, chemical imbalance can be one of those. But it's best to speak to a Doctor about this, since thhey're actually qualified to make that diagnosis.

[Midnight Breeze]

I've been suffering from depression for about two years now and most of what you've described feels very familiar to me.

Where the fuck do I get the nerve to even be sad? My life is not that bad. There are people with real problems, big problems, and they can handle it. Is it really a chemical imbalance? It just makes me feel like an asshole.

You aren't being an asshole. You aren't being unappreciative of your situation being better than some others, you're suffering from feelings you didn't choose to have. The same thoughts went through my head. Depression doesn't work the same way as regular sadness.

I am probably just a hypochondriac who feels sad.

The suicide ideation would suggest otherwise. Even if its only a little, its mere presence is a bad sign.

I probably should go see someone but I cant justify it. I don't want to look like a damned idiot who just needs to get over themselves.

It might help to write something down to take with you. If you simply take what you have shared in this thread it should help describe what is going on. It doesn't sound to me like you're being an idiot. Pretty much everything you've described I've experienced to varying degrees. It's a very real problem and leaving it would be a bad idea.

It confuses the hell out of me that I can swing that much that fast.

I get that too. One day I don't feel like getting out of bed or even having any breakfast and the next I can think about it for a while, spring out of bed and feel pretty high. You might want to read a bit about bipolar disorder since it pretty accurately describes some of this.

My advice is the same as many others: See a professional. If you explain what you've explained here to a professional will be able to recognise exactly what kind of problem you have an give you much better advice on how to fix it. Sorry if my post is a bit of a mess, I'm pretty sure I've missed some words out, but I'm typing this at 7:00am having stayed up since yesterday. One of the joys of my condition. If you ever need a chat with anyone I'm happy to give my time.