Coming Out: The Thread (Continued)

[Seian Verian]

...I have no idea what I could contribute to this thread. I've never really had problems with it... I just sort of transitioned over time from asexual to bisexual, and when I finally realized I had, I didn't have much problem with it. And... By that point, was in an environment that also didn't have any problem with it. So I'm honestly fairly casual about my sexuality, though I don't shove it in people's faces.

Good luck to all those that aren't so lucky though! I know not everyone can be so accepting as the people I've managed to be with recently...

[Mullerornis]

But even after telling those two people, part of me wants to be more open about my sexuality, but another part of me doesn't. It's like, sometimes I feel that I can only truly be myself if I came out, but that other side is telling me to keep it in and share it only with a select few people since it wouldn't matter to complete strangers anyway. Maybe I'll just go with the latter side; I've only told two people so far and I'm perfectly fine with that. I want to tell more people, but those people share the same familiarity to me as the first two people so it wouldn't really be stepping out of the box. There's also that issue of the anti-gays, both religious-extremist or just downright ignorant, so my closet provides a safe haven from them, while at the same time keeping the doors open to the people who I trust

I don't want to sound like the male bisexual version of a femnazi, but I think you're doing it wrong.

While a safe haven is nice, as an ideological standpoint it is only letting ignorant win. Now, I'm not saying to be a retard and go tell everyone, but to adopt a more relaxed position. Don't go around bothering others, but don't be in the closet either.

[Ariosto]

And I'm back here sooner than I had expected. It does feel... longer than it is, though.

Coming out didn't go well, at all. Mom made it blatantly clear she's not okay with it, and dad is full of fears about homosexuality. Either way, neither wants a bisexual or... aheem, effeminate (I can't find any other word that describes their line of thought) son.
Both saw it as a problem, mom in her life plans for me (really, mom, if I don't have a family it'll only be to oppose you and only you), dad has a similar train of thought:
"Mannerisms are associated with passive homosexuality, what message are you trying to give?".
"Minorities love feeling discriminated because it gives them power".
"That you empathize with minorities doesn't mean you have to be part of one".
"You're a man".
"Who were the first people affected during the initial AIDS outbreak?".
"An homosexual man sees you doing that (meaning, those mannerisms) and says 'I can have this one'".

Connect the dots...
The problem is he actually believes in his words and sees me having homosexual thoughts as something that could hamper me. You may say you're not an homophobe, dad, but you're still very much opposed to homosexuality and afraid of it.
During the course of that conversation, I made it clear I didn't mind homosexual men approaching me at all troubling (never admitted directly to liking, though, but that's also because I don't mind girls much either), at which point he told me he had been talking with mom and said he thought college was the problem and was planning to take me out of it if it was necessary, putting me in one that I can pretty much guarantee to be inferior (I'm sure of it). What is your logic, dad? Which will harm your son's education more? Taking him to a worse college or him adopting mannerisms?
At this point I began to cry and told me about this forum (no name was dropped) and that I got into a relationship with someone here and he was a guy. Of course, that only made matters worse... except not.

Psychologist, friend of the family, eager to help. And because I'm such a good liar and still a teenager, we simply left it at depression due to the previous semester's circumstances and I'm under medication now. We're not done with him, though, and there are still more appointments. Dad's more relaxed now, and considering a travel to Europe is awaiting him and mom and he still hasn't filled all the papers in, he has plenty of things to think about. Plus, I told him I hadn't written to this person in a long time, so he's probably less worried about it.

On one hand, I can see why Dad was so worried (online, this bisexuality came practically out of nowhere to them), but that mannerisms could disturb him so much bothers me, and I'm not entirely comfortable with the situation.

And of course, discretion is suit to follow on this matter. No more mannerisms when they're at home, as well as no browsing here under those same circumstances.

[rafacarrilho]

Came out of the closet to my friends and mom about 2 months ago, had to translate a letter in 3 languages and send to everyone would understand it, everybody was shocked but very supportive

[Indigo-Mew]

I came out to my parents first thing (apparently that is not a good idea), they were cool with it. then I told one of my best friends which went well. I don't want to come out to anyone else even though i know they will be very accepting and it will be something off my back (making me happy round people). I will just do when i feel happy too! ^^

Oh and i did say on a job application form (it was a tick box thing) after debating it for a while, It was a bit weird for me.

[WarLegalomon]

[QUOTE=-trent-;2976158
Oh and i did say on a job application form (it was a tick box thing) after debating it for a while, It was a bit weird for me.[/QUOTE]


Wait ... wha? Job application forms have tick boxes for Orientation?! O_o I think that's illegal to put on Canadian job application forms, but I could be wrong about that. Wow ... UK certainly is different from over here.

Good job on a successful Coming Out


I'm more the play it cool, take it in stride type of person myself. If it comes up in conversation, then great, if not then no worries. I understand how heavily being bi gay lesbian can weigh on a person and it's quite often a great relief to finally tell someone even if it is only just the one person. I'm not the type to go flaunting it all over the place or be right up in people's faces. If someone asks "hey, are you (insert orientation here)?" I would just respond casually whether it be yeah or nope. If I respond yeah, and they get scared or upset, I just shrug it off 'cause really, it's my own business, I'm cool with it, and y'can either accept it as part of who I am, or continue on with whatever you were doing before you asked the question. To be honest, sometimes I think it's more dangerous to admit you're a Habs fan in downtown Toronto, or vice versa in Montreal. haha

Over the course of this past year while recovering from some health issues, I honestly went thru every single post in the original thread along with the first post that was very highly informative. I even read thru all the posts in this thread too and I hope it becomes more active again. I enjoy reading people's stories, their hardships and difficulties, and overcoming their fears, and I always feel so happy when Success has finally been achieved. I feel sad reading the nasty posts. I really wish more people would become understanding. Like, c'mon, we're all HUMANS, Earthlings, we eat, breathe, communicate, we poop, belch, yawn. We're the same damnit! Grow up Humans, now!

Keep the stories coming! ^_^

[Corwin Cross]

Heh... I was kinda out-ed as bisexual and a furry, when my mom decided to find out why I've been a paranoid fucktard for the better part of 4 years... And looked up my texts, my diary, my artwork, my...everything. It was incredibly awkward... But they're supportive. About everything except the 'furry' part. Thus is why I haven't been here in forever.

[Fallowfox]

I tried dipping my toe in the water by telling my parents one of my friends was gay. They concluded that 'he was just going through a phase,' So whilst I can't imagine my parents being anything but accepting about it I don't know if they'd actually believe me if I did tell them, and resolve it as me just trying to be different.

[WarLegalomon]

Heh... I was kinda out-ed as bisexual and a furry, when my mom decided to find out why I've been a paranoid fucktard for the better part of 4 years... And looked up my texts, my diary, my artwork, my...everything. It was incredibly awkward... But they're supportive. About everything except the 'furry' part. Thus is why I haven't been here in forever.

Corwin, I am so happy to hear that your parents are supportive towards your bisexuality. As for the Furry part, it's really just a hobby, and they should view it as such. It's like a group of people speaking Klingon to one another and attending Star Trek conventions and participating in various Star Trek related activities. Being Furry is fun tho and helps one get through life, just like books and music. So long as your parents can understand that aspect of Furry, they should be fine with it. Focus on the most important part, they accept you for who you are, the way that you are.

[WarLegalomon]

I tried dipping my toe in the water by telling my parents one of my friends was gay. They concluded that 'he was just going through a phase,' So whilst I can't imagine my parents being anything but accepting about it I don't know if they'd actually believe me if I did tell them, and resolve it as me just trying to be different.

FallowFox, that's a good way to test the waters for sure. I don't understand why people consider being gay a phase. They are just plain ignorant, meaning, they don't have the knowledge they need to be able to fully understand the situation. Hopefully in time, they may gain that knowledge and in turn, accept you. Maybe acquire some pamplets or library books, and leave 'em on the table for them to stumble upon. When they approach the subject, you can do the friend situation again, how it's not a phase and you support your friend whole-heartedly. The least the parents can do is accept your words and views, read up on the subject, and when they become more understanding, then let them know about you and how long you've known.

Of course, I don't know your parents, as everyone's parents are different. But I do know knowledge is a powerful tool. Best of luck to you.

[Spatel]

Yeah I tried the same system. Told my mother the last girl I dated was bisexual, just to gauge her response. "Eww, gross. How could you trust her? Weren't you afraid she would cheat on you with a woman?" .... heh that was two years ago. Suffice it to say the part where I told her I also was didn't go well, at least at first. She was not nice. Gave me the whole 'it's a choice' spiel. I was actually very conflicted at the time, because being pretty much completely 50-50 myself... my behavior at least does kinda seem like a choice. I could've chosen to date women. I don't benefit as much from the "born this way" argument, because even if this is all I have ever known, men are not a necessity for me like they would be if I were gay. They become a luxury if you're bi. So the defense for this lifestyle is more complicated to explain.

I didn't have the best response planned, but I went for the "consenting adults should be able to do whatever if it doesn't hurt anyone" angle. Which is a better argument anyway.

She's had a year to sit on it and improve and she's pretty cool about it now. Now she lives off of every detail I give her about my boyfriend.

Also, on that note, hai guys MY BOYFRIEND

Corwin, I am so happy to hear that your parents are supportive towards your bisexuality. As for the Furry part, it's really just a hobby, and they should view it as such. It's like a group of people speaking Klingon to one another and attending Star Trek conventions and participating in various Star Trek related activities. Being Furry is fun tho and helps one get through life, just like books and music. So long as your parents can understand that aspect of Furry, they should be fine with it. Focus on the most important part, they accept you for who you are, the way that you are.

The problem with that defense is what if his parents think it's a pathetic hobby for an adult to have, and don't want him doing it?

[RedFoxTwo]

Ah, so this is the thread where everyone's been accumulating these ridiculous post counts.

[WarLegalomon]

Yeah I tried the same system. Told my mother the last girl I dated was bisexual, just to gauge her response. "Eww, gross. How could you trust her? Weren't you afraid she would cheat on you with a woman?" .... heh that was two years ago. Suffice it to say the part where I told her I also was didn't go well, at least at first. She was not nice. Gave me the whole 'it's a choice' spiel. I was actually very conflicted at the time, because being pretty much completely 50-50 myself... my behavior at least does kinda seem like a choice. I could've chosen to date women. I don't benefit as much from the "born this way" argument, because even if this is all I have ever known, men are not a necessity for me like they would be if I were gay. They become a luxury if you're bi. So the defense for this lifestyle is more complicated to explain.

I didn't have the best response planned, but I went for the "consenting adults should be able to do whatever if it doesn't hurt anyone" angle. Which is a better argument anyway.

She's had a year to sit on it and improve and she's pretty cool about it now. Now she lives off of every detail I give her about my boyfriend.

Also, on that note, hai guys MY BOYFRIEND



The problem with that defense is what if his parents think it's a pathetic hobby for an adult to have, and don't want him doing it?

True, but then again, a lot of parents heavily frown on Video Games and Star Trek conventions. *shrugs*


I really like what you said here:
"consenting adults should be able to do whatever if it doesn't hurt anyone"

This is so true. Adults are entitled to do whatever they wish so long as they do not destroy other people's property or physically / mentally hurt another. Unfortunately, not everyone views this the same way we do. Some people believe it's okay to hurt someone so long as they get what they want.

Yah, being Bi certainly is a bit more complicated. On one hand, you can pretty much go fishing from both pools, enjoy the company of both genders. On the other hand, a lot of non-understanding people view it as being more sex-crazed, doesn't matter who it is you just follow your penis wherever it leads you. Yeah....

I like the Bi's tho, they seem to be most accepting of anyone and everyone and can actually really appreciate both genders. Mind you, some have more of a preference to the same gender, others of the opposite but that still doesn't stop 'em from taking a look.

Anyway, that's based on my own experiences when dealing with bisexuals.

[Spatel]

True, but then again, a lot of parents heavily frown on Video Games and Star Trek conventions. *shrugs*

I got the trifecta unfortunately, since I go to Smash Tournaments, I have an encyclopedic knowledge of Star Trek, and well.... I mean I'm posting here of course I'm a goddamn furry.

[Corwin Cross]

Corwin, I am so happy to hear that your parents are supportive towards your bisexuality. As for the Furry part, it's really just a hobby, and they should view it as such. It's like a group of people speaking Klingon to one another and attending Star Trek conventions and participating in various Star Trek related activities. Being Furry is fun tho and helps one get through life, just like books and music. So long as your parents can understand that aspect of Furry, they should be fine with it. Focus on the most important part, they accept you for who you are, the way that you are.

Yeah, they see the furry fandom as a bunch of pedophiles. Despite surveys saying... that most furries nowadays are 15-22 years of age. I just turned 17 two months ago.As for me, I kinda felt like the furry fandom was a good place to explore my sexuality as I got acclimated to it. When I 'joined' 4 years ago... I considered myself COMPLETELY straight. But now... I'm about 50/50.

[Criminal Scum]

I came out to my older brother last night. He Took it really well and told me he was there if I needed him, etc. Then the conversation advanced to cool science stuff and we watched a rocket sled annihilate a car on mythbusters.

He's truly a great brother. c:

[WanderingFox]

I haven't really had a coming out experience, but if I did it probably wouldn't end well if I did have one.

Last night, my father called me and we talked and B.S.ed for the better part of half an hour until a recurring subject came up where he asks if I have a girlfriend yet. I say no, as I always do. He starts to get too inquisitive and worked up and starts to ask if I know what I want in terms of sexual things and I reply the same as always: "I dunno." Which led him to rant how unusual it was for an attractive male in his mid-20's not not understand such a thing before he started ranting aimlessly how he'd hunt me down and burn me at the stake if I was "a disgusting, no good HIV ridden faggot" followed by "but it's a good thing that'll never be the case."

Then 10 seconds later his tirade is over and the subject changes; only gay people and minorities bring out that kind of fervent hatred in him. Needless to say if I ever actually do find that I'm gay or bisexual, he's one crazy motherfucker I'll n-e-v-e-r be telling.

[WarLegalomon]

Yeah, they see the furry fandom as a bunch of pedophiles. Despite surveys saying... that most furries nowadays are 15-22 years of age. I just turned 17 two months ago.As for me, I kinda felt like the furry fandom was a good place to explore my sexuality as I got acclimated to it. When I 'joined' 4 years ago... I considered myself COMPLETELY straight. But now... I'm about 50/50.

Pedophiles ... ugh ... a lot of people are just so ignorant and view the Furry fandom as nothing but sex and with minors. This purely disgusts me >_< but at the same time too, it's understandable as people don't understand, or refuse to understand. *sighs*

I found while reading thru this thread, and the initial thread, a lot of people actually determined their sexuality by these forums, FA, and the Furry Fandom. Helped open their eyes to all the possibilities out there, and gave them a chance to explore and discuss these things without fear. I find that very important, being able to Talk without Fear. There's a lot of knowledge on these forums, esp these two threads and it helps a great deal reading thru the experiences of other people.

Anyway, best to keep the Furry discussions to online and with any friends you feel comfortable enough with. Life will be good ^_^

[WarLegalomon]

I came out to my older brother last night. He Took it really well and told me he was there if I needed him, etc. Then the conversation advanced to cool science stuff and we watched a rocket sled annihilate a car on mythbusters.

He's truly a great brother. c:

Mythbusters is awesome ^_^ I'm so happy you felt comfortable enough to tell your brother, and even more happy that he fully accepted it! That's awesome news! And he has your back. Everyone needs that kind of support! Great job!!!

[Criminal Scum]

Mythbusters is awesome

Yes. Yes it is.

I'm so happy you felt comfortable enough to tell your brother, and even more happy that he fully accepted it!

Lololol I wasn't comfortable enough, I just forced myself to do it.

thanks.

[WarLegalomon]

I haven't really had a coming out experience, but if I did it probably wouldn't end well if I did have one.

Last night, my father called me and we talked and B.S.ed for the better part of half an hour until a recurring subject came up where he asks if I have a girlfriend yet. I say no, as I always do. He starts to get too inquisitive and worked up and starts to ask if I know what I want in terms of sexual things and I reply the same as always: "I dunno." Which led him to rant how unusual it was for an attractive male in his mid-20's not not understand such a thing before he started ranting aimlessly how he'd hunt me down and burn me at the stake if I was "a disgusting, no good HIV ridden faggot" followed by "but it's a good thing that'll never be the case."

Then 10 seconds later his tirade is over and the subject changes; only gay people and minorities bring out that kind of fervent hatred in him. Needless to say if I ever actually do find that I'm gay or bisexual, he's one crazy motherfucker I'll n-e-v-e-r be telling.

ouch it really sucks having a parent with those viewpoints. Why can't people see that we are all humans? We breathe, we eat, we belch, we fart, we poop. What the heck is the difference?! Ignorant people who don't know anything. *shakes head*

Always a good idea to test around with people, friends, see what their opinions are on various different things, including gays. Don't just ask about the gay stuff, have a conversation covering multiple topics, like hockey politics star wars, etc. That way, if it turns out later on down the road, you really are gay or bi, you'll know who best to talk to. It's always a good idea to have someone in your corner to watch your back.

[WarLegalomon]

Yes. Yes it is.

Lololol I wasn't comfortable enough, I just forced myself to do it.

thanks.

Either way, YOU DID IT ^_^ Yay!!!!

[Bipolar Bear]

Well, after finishing my last class for the day, I got the living shit kicked out me for the first time. Couple of cocky homophobes. I'm just lucky they didn't go after Ross, otherwise I'd have a perfectly valid reason to repeatedly bash their heads in with an iron rod.

Couples of bruises, cuts, one of 'em busted my lip open pretty badly. Not much other than that. My boyfriend Ross on the other hand is completely traumatized by it. I keep telling him that I'm going to be fine, but no matter what, he's always got me in Bear Hug. Good thing I reported the guys who assaulted me to the Police and had them taken away.

Hey. I should've expected this. Australia isn't all THAT tolerant of Homosexuals. (=/

[WarLegalomon]

Well, after finishing my last class for the day, I got the living shit kicked out me for the first time. Couple of cocky homophobes. I'm just lucky they didn't go after Ross, otherwise I'd have a perfectly valid reason to repeatedly bash their heads in with an iron rod.

Couples of bruises, cuts, one of 'em busted my lip open pretty badly. Not much other than that. My boyfriend Ross on the other hand is completely traumatized by it. I keep telling him that I'm going to be fine, but no matter what, he's always got me in Bear Hug. Good thing I reported the guys who assaulted me to the Police and had them taken away.

Hey. I should've expected this. Australia isn't all THAT tolerant of Homosexuals. (=/

owwwwwchie O_o that's horrible >_< I'm glad you're okay tho. Good job on getting the police in on the action. I know a lot of victims fear going to the police because they feel things will get much worse. Like, when the abuser is released and seeks revenge, or his friends get the revenge for him. I'd rather take the risk and report to the police myself.

I hear ya. I don't mind it so much if I'm the one getting beat upon, but if anyone touches a single hair on my best bud, I will rip their balls off. Nobody messes with those closest to me. Ever.

I hope Ross settles down soon and come to realize you really are okay. It's never easy seeing someone you care so much for, being a victim of nasty violence. I'm sorry this happened to you guys but I'm so glad you're okay.


If you don't mind me asking, what part of Australia are you in? Northern Territory? New South Wales? Western? etc. I keep hearing mixed reports, depending on where one lives in Australia. But then, depending on who I'm talking to, someone in Sydney would tell me that they see no problems in their area with gays, yet another in a different part of Sydney would say they see bashings quite a bit. Guess it depends on who's doing the viewing and their own interpretations.

Anyway, you and Ross cuddle up with a movie, okay?

[Bipolar Bear]

owwwwwchie O_o that's horrible >_< I'm glad you're okay tho. Good job on getting the police in on the action. I know a lot of victims fear going to the police because they feel things will get much worse. Like, when the abuser is released and seeks revenge, or his friends get the revenge for him. I'd rather take the risk and report to the police myself.

I hear ya. I don't mind it so much if I'm the one getting beat upon, but if anyone touches a single hair on my best bud, I will rip their balls off. Nobody messes with those closest to me. Ever.

I hope Ross settles down soon and come to realize you really are okay. It's never easy seeing someone you care so much for, being a victim of nasty violence. I'm sorry this happened to you guys but I'm so glad you're okay.


If you don't mind me asking, what part of Australia are you in? Northern Territory? New South Wales? Western? etc. I keep hearing mixed reports, depending on where one lives in Australia. But then, depending on who I'm talking to, someone in Sydney would tell me that they see no problems in their area with gays, yet another in a different part of Sydney would say they see bashings quite a bit. Guess it depends on who's doing the viewing and their own interpretations.

Anyway, you and Ross cuddle up with a movie, okay?

Well, I live in Southern Australia, Melbourne. The city itself is really beautiful and homely. The suburb I live in however is not so welcoming. Gangs, Thefts, Beatings, happens every month or 2. Me? I don't let my Ross go ANYWHERE in our suburb without me beside him. No exceptions. l=/

And thank you for your concern, War. Heh, Ross was actually twice as concerned for me as my parents were. And my parents were hysterical when they found out.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't even think of my own safety when I was being beaten. I only cared about Ross getting the blue-hell out of there. And right now, my main concern is his well-being. Not mine. I'll heal up fine anyway. XP

And tonight, we're going to do a lot more than just cuddle up and watch a movie. If you catch my drift... l=)