Being jealous in open relationship

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Kaley Boatwright, Nov 12, 2017 at 3:52 AM.

  1. Yakamaru

    Yakamaru I stubbed my log on a car!

    Of course not, love. That it not exactly what I meant.

    Let me completely rephrase my standing and expand a little: Open relationships, one such that you're in now, is statistically even less likely to succeed than that of a normal relationships because of the additional stress and pressure it adds. You've added one person into the mix, one more potential unknown and factor into a relationship. And because of that, there has to be even more communication and not to mention honesty going on in order to keep the status of your relationships stable.

    People break up all the time. That is normal. What is more rare however, is being married for years and then end up breaking up with your wife or husband because of an open relationship, which is what we're talking about here. Only about some 3-6% or something of married couples are in an open relationship from what I can gather from the data I've read, though I might be wrong. And how many of those relationships end up failing because of an attempted open relationship?

    And just like you said, one size doesn't fit all. In this case, the shoe you're in doesn't fit the rather large majority of people. An open relationship is a status, a condition. And depending on the conditions/status of that relationship, many different factors come into play, an open one add even more factors and possible conditions.
     
  2. quoting_mungo

    quoting_mungo Administrator Staff Member

    That honestly depends on the exact form the relationship takes. I would argue that e.g. one-night-stands with bar hookups don't add another person into the mix by any meaningful definition, because at that point the other person is basically the equivalent of a masturbatory aid. Having a regular fuckbuddy/friend-with-benefits outside the relationship, maybe. Not really for me, but every relationship is different.

    I disagree that an open relationship requires more honesty for the simple reason that honesty should not be quantifiable between partners in a healthy relationship. Lies are relationship poison - the only acceptable lies are white lies about inconsequential things like birthday/holiday gifts and similar, lies intended to preserve a pleasant surprise.

    Are we? I'm honestly confused, because I'm not seeing that context anywhere.

    I'd like to go out on a limb and say more marriages fail because of cheating than do because of consensual extramarital sex. I don't have any studies to back up that guess, but it's what seems to be indicated by what I hear and see of other people's relationships. Cheating and open relationships are apples and oranges because of what I said above - lies are relationship poison. I have been cheated on in the past, and only found out because a mutual friend's conscience got the better of them. At that point, the boyfriend in question and I were no longer dating, so to some degree the point was moot, but I was pretty angry. Not because he had sex with someone else, but because he declined multiple times when I offered my blessing to do so, and then apparently did it anyway. What made it cheating was the fact that it was done behind my back, rather than taking the offer to change the rules of the relationship so he wouldn't need to sneak around with it.

    An open relationship changes the influences and stresses on the relationship, but I disagree that it would inherently increase the number. Being in a monogamous relationship, I felt pressure to suppress emotions I had for my now husband. That caused strain on the relationship - the emotion was there whether or not I wanted it, because emotions aren't things you can just choose to discard. If two people in a monogamous relationship have significantly disparate sexual tastes or sex drives, opening up their relationship may end up strengthening it because it addresses something that otherwise would cause friction.

    It's also hard to say how many people would or would not be happy in an open relationship, due to western cultural influences romanticizing jealousy and some instances of frankly abusive behavior.
     
  3. Yakamaru

    Yakamaru I stubbed my log on a car!

    One-night-stands are inconsequential as they don't have an impact generally on a relationship. There is no emotional connection between the two, potentially more people involved. If you decide to have a fuckbuddy, friend with benefits, however.. Things change. Things can change a lot. Unless all parties give their consent and have conversations.

    Honesty keeps a relationship alive. Being honest and talk about things that will or may affect the relationship. As for lies: It depends on the context and the intentions of the lie. Kids lie because they can't handle the concept of trouble. Lovers lie because as you mentioned, they want to give a pleasant surprise.

    www.webmd.com: The Truth About Open Marriage

    In the US, around 4-9% of people are in an open relationship. Those numbers change because of constantly changing relationship status, due to everything from breakups to drama inside the relationship. I don't know the more approximate %'es here in Europe, but my guess is the numbers are about the same-ish.

    www.love-sessions.com: Top 15 reasons why couples break up

    Indeed. Infidelity, aka, cheating, is in the top 3. Quite frankly, I've been looking for a bit more in-depth statistics on the topic of open relationships and the facts surrounding it, but I've fallen short, unfortunately.

    I will have to disagree unfortunately.

    An open relationship changes the influences and stresses and adds potentially more factors that can pretty much only be hammered out through proper communication, honesty and emotional control. When you're in a polyamorous and/or open relationship you're going to have to understand what it means to be in such a relationship. You have one more individual in it. One more set of emotions/feelings/thoughts/needs. And unless you're honest about your emotions and how you feel, you will end up feeling you're suppressing them. Honesty is one of the keys to any relationship, being honest with your partner(s).

    Your relationship is one of the not-many that actually work, and is a relationship model that quite frankly, the rather large majority aren't interested in due to all the unforeseen problems that come with adding one more individual into the mix. There are too many unknown factors, not to mention people want to focus their love, affection and attention towards one individual. The large majority of people just isn't interested in such a relationship models as it adds even more flaws than what a normal one already are riddled with.

    As for western culture romanticizing jealousy: Yeah, no. I am with you on that one. Fuck that shit.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017 at 5:53 PM
  4. Saiko

    Saiko GTWT Survivor

    You’re conflating an open relationship with polyamory here. The entire premise of designating a relationship open versus polyamorous is to not have a love triangle. The relationship still only has two lovers, and handling of emotions and needs shouldn’t have to go beyond sexual relations. If there are romantic relations involved, then you’ve mislabeled the relationship and need to re-evaluate the situation.
     
    Yakamaru likes this.
  5. Yakamaru

    Yakamaru I stubbed my log on a car!

    Shit, my bad. Let me rephrase and reword around a little, as it's not what I intended to write.

    Note to self: Look over what you write thrice before posting..
     

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