Fused Oneirism

Discussion in 'Tutorials and Critiques' started by Faux_Real, Aug 25, 2016.

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What did you think of the first chapters of Fused Oneirism?

  1. Loved it!!!

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  2. Liked it

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  3. Meh

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  4. My head is full of f***

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  5. Didn't like it

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  6. Hate it!!!

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  1. Faux_Real

    Faux_Real New Member

    Hey guys, first post on this site and the first post of many to come, probably. I'm having a little bit of trouble getting any comments or critique whatsoever on my work (outside of my 2 IRL friends who aren't bothered by this sort of stuff), so I figured I'd come here and humbly ask for some constructive criticism.

    This story I am working on called "Fused Oneirism" is of the genre hard sci-fi, and also an erotic novel. Also, the work primarily revolves around hyper and/or multi. Since this is hard sci-fi, I pretty much have explanations for all of the technology that is used in the book, however, I've been trying to show the audience instead of just tell them how these things work (this will be one of the main points I'd like to know about, which is, does the writing confuse you?). Of course, there will have to be some dry explanations of things sometimes (this is hard sci-fi after all), but these will be contained in sections called "Interludes" where I basically get a carte-blanche to engage in a couple of pages of exposition when necessary. However, something to note is that this society is so advanced that most of the mysteries of Quantum Computing have been solved, which if you are privy to the concept of Quantum Computing, this implies a lot of impossible things becoming possible (i.e. if you are able to compute with electrons, what's stopping you from changing the electron alignment, position, or electron count of an object? Since matter is basically energy [electrons do a lot more than they told us about in grade school], what's stopping you from modifying the composition of matter completely? At this point, what's stopping you from manipulating an object to move by itself?).

    Other than that, the main themes of the erotic bits are hyper, multi, merging (which will come in the later chapters), and mixed genders. There are some erotic sub-themes here of milking and autofellatio as well.

    Anyway, positive feedback would be great, but so would negative feedback. I would really love to know what people think about this, and what I can possibly change to make my work even better. Below will be a poll if you want to keep your critique short and sweet, but, of course, replies are most welcome as well.

    Here is my account on FA: Easykyul

    And here is what I have written thus far: Prologue, Chapter 1, Chapter 2
     

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