Make your favorite game sound as shit as possible

Discussion in 'PC and Console Gaming' started by Yakamaru, Nov 2, 2016.

  1. Bidoyinn

    Bidoyinn Member

    kid gets to travel the sea alone (sort of) on a boat trying to save the world and no one can stop him because he has a fantastic track record and a sword. makes faeries cry.
     
  2. Rystren

    Rystren Call me FLUuFFFFEH

    Simple Doom spinoff. Now with many items, but only three are off any use. And a sequel with classes. The weakest our which makes the final boss look weak.
     
  3. Iovic

    Iovic Member

    Attempt #57
    A flock of giant keas steal half your barrels of food and your only iron anvil.
    Damnit, they stole the seed bag too.
    No forage or trees.
    No iron and an aquifer. Right...
    PAUSE: CAVE IN: x 104
    Lose one pick when a miner dies in a cave-in attempting to breach the aquifer.
    Lose the other pick when the other miner gets trapped in ice.
    Some time later...
    3 of your fishers drown after getting attacked by a giant sponge. Which can't move.
    Migrant wave. Three quarters of which are children and their pet cats. The adults can only make lye or keep bees.
    Cat vomit all over the tavern floor.
    Oh great, an artefact wolverine leather thong. NO ONE CAN EVEN WEAR THAT YOU IMBECILE! Just put it there next to the artefact tin battleaxe.
    How the hell did a yeti get in?
    Oh god, not another elven caravan. Bugger off you cannibalistic tree huggers!
    Were-anteater attack ohgodohgod.
    Survivors turn into were-anteaters next full moon ohgodohgodohgodohgod.
    Survivors of THAT turn...
    A noble mandates the production of slade beds, and kills your best carpenter with a silver hammer when he fails to make it.
    2 year old goes berserk and slaughters your military, a legendary weaponsmith and your only doctor.
    WHO THE HELL LET IN A STEEL TITAN!? Only one way to deal with this...
    Clowns. Oh bugger.
    One survivor, who walled himself into a corner when I wasn't looking.
    It was inevitable.
     
  4. Alstren

    Alstren Nerd Bird

    Got 2 of em.

    So you have to save some twit who doesn't even bother showing up for the sequel from a fat green thing with legs, so you kidnap your lover/roommate/pet and stuff them into your pack sack and walk outside. To immediately be harassed by some jerk who dug a tunnel network in your front lawn, and he insists on delaying your pursuit by beating you over the head with a tutorial. After putting up with the bad camera, janky controls, and complete lack of voice acting you climb inside of a giant head and spent the next 22 hours mindlessly collecting garbage and helping strangers while your previously mentioned roommate whines the entire time. Then right at the last hours of game play you have to run through a completely contrived and annoying boardgame that depending on a random dice roll will force you to answer a quiz about random stuff you've seen or heard in the game that you couldn't have possibly known you'd be quizzed on. And that's if your lucky, if your not you have to survive a boss rush with no healing items and if you die you restart the whole boardgame. After smashing your controller and wishing there was such a thing as a Wiki back when this game came out, you get to the final boss who has way too many stages, will force you to restart on death and WILL repeatedly kill you with the power of poor controls.


    You climb into a multimillion dollar 20-100 ton war machine and get dropped off into a frozen hellhole with no buildings, cover, or landmarks along with 11 other people who have no idea what their doing. During the first 5 seconds of the game one of your "teammates" blows up the back side of your machine because they like the pretty colours their lasers make, and you spend the next 5 minutes walking in a straight line looking at your phone in boredom. You eventually find the enemy only to have your teammates suddenly runaway in fear of having their paint scratched leaving you to fight off 12 surprisingly competent people more or less by your self while you team mates repeatedly ask you to expose your self to enemy fire so they can they can do meagre amounts of damage from 800 meters away in a trench with indirect fire weapons. Then you either get turned into dust by 5000 missiles raining from the sky or shot right in the cockpit and die instantly from one shot fired by an aimbotter. Then you spend the next 5 minutes watching your team mates disappoint you in new and interesting ways as their machines have the most bewilderingly illogical weapon choices possible. Finally its 11-3 in your enemies favour and the last remaining member of your team is in a tiny fast vehicle with barely any weapons. For the next 5 minutes instead of facing his death with dignity and allowing everyone else to move onto the next match he outruns the enemy team and does nothing but run away in an attempt to save his precious kill/death ratio until someone gets lucky and kills him or the timer runs out and the enemy team wins anyway. The enemy team then says "GEEGEE" "ZOMG REKT" "lololololol" "IS OP!" and your team descends into childish insults and infighting, then the guy who wasted 5 minutes of everyone's time will then go and complain on the forums that everybody's mean to him.
     
  5. jmortiger

    jmortiger New Member

    I got a few.

    1. It's a 2d, top-down, game. Dogs are NOT that hard to program, nor are normal human faces that hard to draw, pixel art or not. Gotta love them off-screen kills. Also, thanks for making the cursor tiny and white with no option to change it, it totally doesn't get lost at all. By the way, fuck windows. All of them. Stop. (What are hitboxes anyways?)

    2. I'm Tommy Italian, the smoothest gangster ev- IS THAT WATER?!?!

    3. Oh no, I'm surrounded by haunted killer robots in the middle of the night... Or you could just get a DIFFERENT FUCKING JOB.
     
  6. jmortiger

    jmortiger New Member

    Terraria and DOOM (1993)
     
  7. ChapterAquila92

    ChapterAquila92 Resident Bronze Dragon Kasrkin

    As humanity's last line of defence, you send special forces rejects to their deaths fighting RNG bullshit. To make ends meet, you sometimes hold yard sales to fence whatever wasn't bolted down, because you're also the world's deadliest hobo.
     
    Alstren likes this.
  8. Iovic

    Iovic Member

    You're a group of six mercs, and your ship gets shot down just as you're about to reach your destination, killing your employer.
    You wash up on a beach. Hey cool, a treasure chest... protected by a group of giant crabs.
    Ohgod that's a lot of crabs. Bad rolls on your part, get surrounded, total party kill.
    Right, try again. Goes better, get a red potion that you don't know what the hell is for.
    Enter some sort of abandoned monastery. Huh, it's crawling with slimes...
    Ohgod, that slime is level 3 and has a spitting attack.
    ... Some time later ...
    Right, forgot to bring someone who can pick locks, so we've had to bash this door down, knocking our fighter unconscious in the process.
    OH SHIT THAT'S A BIG CRAB.
    Room is full of loot though.
    A room further up is full of roaches. This is where that red potion from earlier comes in, it's a cherry bomb.
    Go to lob the cherry bomb at the roaches, fumble, drop it at my feet, total party kill.
    When was my last save? Ah bugger.

    On reroll later...
    Right, made it out, barely. Two party members are dead.
    Oh no, not more crabs...
    Hide round the corner to make camp and rest...
    Get woken up by a pack of bloody giant soldier ants.
    One of my party members gets killed immediately, one gets knocked unconscious, and the other two are still asleep.
    Bugger.
     
  9. Mandragoras

    Mandragoras Inept Abecedarian

    • You walk around and do stupid puzzles and sometimes watch shitty videos.
    • Some dumb weeaboo bullshit where you make friends with a gay robot and a douchey flower.
    • It's all just text and you die a lot and fuck that.
    • Glitchy spooky house bullshit where you listen to tapes and so what.
     
    Sarachaga likes this.
  10. Sarachaga

    Sarachaga Fromage!

    The two that I am playing atm:
    • Spreadsheets in space (a classic)
    • A ripoff of warhammer 40k where the most important aspect of the game is making sure that your legs are ok.
     
  11. Doodle Bunny

    Doodle Bunny Frequently says stupid things.

    Wander around aimlessly, trying to survive in some sort of Tim Burton wannabe world. Most things will probably kill you.
     
  12. Here's one I have. You're a dinosaur who has to put up with being the caretaker of some baby who will most likely jump off and have you fall to your doom when he becomes an adult anyway...
     
  13. Pipistrele

    Pipistrele Smart batto!

    You glide around the floor in a shitty 3D maze while hand with a gun is sticking out of your chest, and all this time, somebody's concerned face is looking at you from the bottom of the screen (seriously, what did I do to that face?).
     
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  14. ChapterAquila92

    ChapterAquila92 Resident Bronze Dragon Kasrkin

    Not!humans and not!elves fight blobs of goo.
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2017
  15. Iovic

    Iovic Member

    Alert! One of your ships is under attack: Sector: Brennan's Triumph. -- "Oh no..."
    Your Dolphin Superfreighter was destroyed in Sector Brennan's Triumph by Pirate Falcon. -- "What was it even doing there?"
    "Oh hey, more messages I missed..."
    Your Discoverer Hauler was destroyed in Sector Heron's Nebula by Asteroid. -- *Sigh* "Stupid autopilot."
    Your Mercury Tanker: Sorry boss! Looks like someone got here before us. The price of Argnu beef isn't as good as we were expecting.
    Your Mercury Tanker is awaiting new orders. -- "Argnu beef? Right... Got to find somewhere to sell that...
    Your Albatross was destroyed in Sector Cloudbase South West by Asteroid. -- "Oh bloody hell, that was expensive. Stupid autopillok!"
    Your Dolphin Superfreighter was destroyed in Sector Circle of Labour by South Gate. -- >:C
    Your Titan was destroyed in Sector Black Hole Sun by Xenon N. -- "Not another ship killed by... Wait. WHAT!? A BLOODY N!!??"

    *Proceed to fly through a gate... straight into an oncoming Argon Colossus.* *Splat*
     
  16. appsmartvn

    appsmartvn New Member

    One woman even pays you to go out and break a few limbs just for the lols.
     
  17. shapeless0ne

    shapeless0ne a multi fursona kangaroo

    left 4 dead: you shoot zombies, escape and shoot more zombies.........what a simple minded game.
    TESO: you know the only reason your even still playing is for the furries there and the kitty RP.
     
  18. Kit H. Ruppell

    Kit H. Ruppell Exterminieren! Exterminieren!

    An entire planet is trying to kill you, but you spend hours wading into deeper and deeper shit because you have to pimp your outfit and have a grudge to settle with some giant flying asshole who killed your parents. That and you have a nerdy-ass hobby of playing space Darwin everywhere you go, can't resist the compulsion to analyze every patch of scum on every boring rock and rattling off technobabble like a Trektard.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2017
  19. Sergei Sóhomo

    Sergei Sóhomo Well-Known Member

    You fight 2 other factions for land that does jack shit. The moment you begin to take land the owning faction will just drop numerous squads on your ass comprised of max level players who all have 2+ KDRs. If you do manage to take enough land to lock the continent then the bonuses you get do jack shit to help you. Wanna fly a plane? Good luck against squads of people who have 300+ hours of flight
     
  20. Beatle9

    Beatle9 Asexual coywolf and amateur writer.

    A girl drops out of college, goes back to her hometown, and slowly comes to grips with what a horrible person she's been in life. Realizing that her friends are a lot better off without her.
     
  21. Titanic-Wyvern

    Titanic-Wyvern Dat Ace Lizard

    You get shot in the head by a greedy, sad little man in a daisy suit because you were in the wrong place and had the thing he wanted, and what was originally revenge on the sad little shit turns into you deciding the fate of an entire irradiated wasteland. There's also shitty music that plays on repeat, people who either love or hate you no matter what you do, and a cowboy robot.
     
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  22. WolfNightV4X1

    WolfNightV4X1 King of Kawaii; That Token Femboy

    The gameplay is for amateurs and the quests are linear as fuck

    ...and you dont die when landing in a haystack from hundreds of feet in the air.

    ---

    You feed fish pills and fight aliens that invade your tank and try to kill them

    -----

    Galaga knockoff with space chickens

    ---

    The flying assholes, cleft palate blobs, spider infested corpse babies, and other obnoxious pests keep killing you and you'll probably never win the game after the first billion tries.

    There's literal shit all over this damn game. The crap humor is oh so original. You as the protagonist literally want to go back and kill yourself.
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2017
  23. ChapterAquila92

    ChapterAquila92 Resident Bronze Dragon Kasrkin

    Don't forget the Romans, Elvis impersonators, and zombie astronauts. :p
     
    Titanic-Wyvern likes this.
  24. Sergei Sóhomo

    Sergei Sóhomo Well-Known Member

    I only know this because my friend keeps gushing about it
     
  25. katalistik

    katalistik People used tap, it's not very effective.

    Somewhere in our solar system some emo kids with supernatural powers try to maintain balance by fighting armies of robots and cloned humans. Ah and the kids eat pizza every day.
     

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