Discussion in 'PC and Console Gaming' started by Yakamaru, Nov 2, 2016.
Is it Terraria ?
(There's actually so many minecraft clones that this can fit to a lot of games )
Yeah, it's Terraria. If It had been Starbound, I would have added, 'Laggy as all hell.'
You get turned into a kinda anthropomorphic animal and lose your memories during a storm and get discovered by another animal. This second animal, a complete stranger tries to recruit you into their non-existent team to join an exploration guild. The guild IDs you by your footprint. It's surprisingly effective for everyone but you.
You and your partner spend the majority of the game wandering around the same enclosed spaces doing missions with slight variation, the guild takes 90% of your income for doing these quests. A lot of the areas you do quests in are full of traps, the game tells you you can check for traps, but really there's no way of knowing where they'll be. If you try to steal from a shop keeper, he will obliterate you.
As the game progresses you begin to have very conditional future visions, time freezes in specific areas, you're betrayed by a celebrity, your enemy turns out to be your best friend, you're both from the future, you go to the future, you go back to the past, your old best friend sacrifices himself, you try to stop time from freezing by fighting the Time God, and get erased from existence. Your partner's tears somehow bring you back.
In the following weeks the two of you get attacked by your guild, move onto a house on the edge of a cliff, climb a mountain, adopt a child, and recruit gods onto your team. I don't really remember what happens at the end of the game but I think it turned out that some dickbag was responsible for the events of the whole game and was still trying to kill you for some reason.
Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Darkness/Time/Sky, great game.
Mess with physics incorrectly, you'll crash. Mess with them correctly, you get insane G forces.
This game has terrible balance issues. I've restarted over thirty times now.
No, I'm not going to kill a stray puppy! "What's the worst that can happen?"
Three minutes later, my character was a writhing lump at the base of the dungeon stairs- three of my limbs were in a heap, the fourth was in a different room, and I was bleeding everywhere. I got so desperate that I prayed to the Destroyer of Worlds.
He wasn't exactly pleased. (not that he was my first choice- after I lost the first arm, I reached out to the only other God I knew. He gave me a banana.)
Somehow, I survived being smited by the Lord of Chaos, only to have that same little puppy from before finally end my misery by utterly eviscerating my groin.
3. Halo: Combat Evolved???
4. It's gotta be Dwarf Fortress
Nope, think earlier.
You're time will be wasted in a single three day three night session of sending a seemingly endless amounts of ships halfway across the galaxy in attempts to destroy your rival empire only for each and every fleet to be decimated as he steadily marches toward your worlds.
Assuming you survive the brutal pirate attacks long enough to boost your economy.
Run around with guns trying to kill the enemy team or plant a bomb that apparently kills people but doesn't destroy any of the land around it. Also you have one bomb so if that one gets defused there is no way to re-activate it or plant another one. Also you end up dying in the first ten seconds as some guy shoots you in the face with a high powered sniper rifle through two walls when he had no way of knowing you where there (without his obvious wall hacks on).
Stranded on a planet made of water with one island and a huge land mass held up by random big floaty things on the bottom. Massive ship that got destroyed when you crashed on it. Big giant sea creatures who will try to kill you, and will succeed in one or two hits if you are not in your submarine/robot suit thingy. Also when help comes it gets destroyed by the same big gun that shot you down and you have to run all over the place and meet the biggest monster of them all to turn off the gun then make your own ship to escape. Cause fuck those guys who go out of their way to rescue you, who needs them anyways?
You have to ignore the title of the game entirely to complete all except for one ending, and you have to a bunch of random shit to get the others, all of which are completely against what the name of the game and the only other character on the game tell you to do. Also most of the endings lead to the destruction of the world (which is just a city on a monitor in front of you).
A game where you can control the universe and make the universe you just spent hours creating destroy itself in a matter of seconds. At least for you. Also in this game you make worlds collide, literally as you can create several earths and then wait for 5 minutes for them to hit each other just for a few cheap animations. Also watch the world get obliterated by a basketball that was dropped from outer space.
The game I want to talk about is a sandbox game that has lots of potential, but fails to deliver. It has single and online modes. The single player mode has you take control of a self-loathing rich asshole, a generic shallow gangbanger, and a psychotic canadian motherfucker. Online mode sets you up with your own custom character and plenty of overpriced customization options for them. You can spend a million dollars to buy a car, then a million more to upgrade it so you can spend even more money to modify it. You can also buy a lot of guns that you don't use because the RPG is a one hit kill. But why use guns when you can spend all your money on a jet, and continuously rain missiles and explosive gunfire on other players until you get kicked? Or be on the receiving end of jet fire that you can do nothing about. You can do jobs and things to earn your virtual currency, or you can buy it with real life money like everyone else, and not risk getting totally fucked while trying to earn something. You can also piss off other players by using game features, like setting a proximity mine in a tunnel where some asshole with an RPG is chasing you (and blow up his armored car and him when he comes for round 2), and disable the ability to damage and be damaged by other players within milliseconds of them trying to crash a plane into you. You can go and do bigger missions where you can earn more money than the usual jobs, but who ever knows how it ends? Every pussy ass bitch walks out on you if they don't get to be a part of the ground team, or if anyone in the team fails just once. The game's core mechanics are also just as wonderful, such as NPCs being able to drop you with a pistol from a mile away while you are in a fast moving car and they are too. The game also teases you with gore in a cutscene with a brutal headshot, but the actual game just features no gore, just tiny bullshit bullet holes with terrible effects. Don't get me started on the physics system, might as well be set on the fucking moon. You fall and slide down a hill for 15 feet, you die. You hit a tiny stupid object on the side of the road, you spin out or go flying. You hide behind cover, an RPG can still get you. The gun sound effects are absolute shit, especially compared to the ones used in the cutscenes. The cops in the game are fucking Orwellian oppressors who know exactly what you are doing, and know where to find you, and are just as stupid as most real cops. Aside from slaughtering NPCs like animals, playing repetitive missions, throwing your money away (virtual, but real cash can be spent by absolute morons), dying for the stupidest reason, flooring a squeaker and making them cry moments after they try to shoot you, and just wasting your day, there is not much to do.
sounds like you have a lot of hate towards GTA5... good job
Drive cars in stereotypical, generic environments until everybody's dead except you.
oops look like i died again. (dark souls)
i draw the sun. it solves your problems. you thank me. i am a dog. for some reason that doesn't stop you.
you give me medicine. i bring it to a dying man. his daughter thanks me. i am a dog.
a man dances for trees. i wag my tail. flowers happen. he thanks me. i am a dog.
kid gets to travel the sea alone (sort of) on a boat trying to save the world and no one can stop him because he has a fantastic track record and a sword. makes faeries cry.
Simple Doom spinoff. Now with many items, but only three are off any use. And a sequel with classes. The weakest our which makes the final boss look weak.
A flock of giant keas steal half your barrels of food and your only iron anvil.
Damnit, they stole the seed bag too.
No forage or trees.
No iron and an aquifer. Right...
PAUSE: CAVE IN: x 104
Lose one pick when a miner dies in a cave-in attempting to breach the aquifer.
Lose the other pick when the other miner gets trapped in ice.
Some time later...
3 of your fishers drown after getting attacked by a giant sponge. Which can't move.
Migrant wave. Three quarters of which are children and their pet cats. The adults can only make lye or keep bees.
Cat vomit all over the tavern floor.
Oh great, an artefact wolverine leather thong. NO ONE CAN EVEN WEAR THAT YOU IMBECILE! Just put it there next to the artefact tin battleaxe.
How the hell did a yeti get in?
Oh god, not another elven caravan. Bugger off you cannibalistic tree huggers!
Were-anteater attack ohgodohgod.
Survivors turn into were-anteaters next full moon ohgodohgodohgodohgod.
Survivors of THAT turn...
A noble mandates the production of slade beds, and kills your best carpenter with a silver hammer when he fails to make it.
2 year old goes berserk and slaughters your military, a legendary weaponsmith and your only doctor.
WHO THE HELL LET IN A STEEL TITAN!? Only one way to deal with this...
Clowns. Oh bugger.
One survivor, who walled himself into a corner when I wasn't looking.
It was inevitable.
Got 2 of em.
So you have to save some twit who doesn't even bother showing up for the sequel from a fat green thing with legs, so you kidnap your lover/roommate/pet and stuff them into your pack sack and walk outside. To immediately be harassed by some jerk who dug a tunnel network in your front lawn, and he insists on delaying your pursuit by beating you over the head with a tutorial. After putting up with the bad camera, janky controls, and complete lack of voice acting you climb inside of a giant head and spent the next 22 hours mindlessly collecting garbage and helping strangers while your previously mentioned roommate whines the entire time. Then right at the last hours of game play you have to run through a completely contrived and annoying boardgame that depending on a random dice roll will force you to answer a quiz about random stuff you've seen or heard in the game that you couldn't have possibly known you'd be quizzed on. And that's if your lucky, if your not you have to survive a boss rush with no healing items and if you die you restart the whole boardgame. After smashing your controller and wishing there was such a thing as a Wiki back when this game came out, you get to the final boss who has way too many stages, will force you to restart on death and WILL repeatedly kill you with the power of poor controls.
You climb into a multimillion dollar 20-100 ton war machine and get dropped off into a frozen hellhole with no buildings, cover, or landmarks along with 11 other people who have no idea what their doing. During the first 5 seconds of the game one of your "teammates" blows up the back side of your machine because they like the pretty colours their lasers make, and you spend the next 5 minutes walking in a straight line looking at your phone in boredom. You eventually find the enemy only to have your teammates suddenly runaway in fear of having their paint scratched leaving you to fight off 12 surprisingly competent people more or less by your self while you team mates repeatedly ask you to expose your self to enemy fire so they can they can do meagre amounts of damage from 800 meters away in a trench with indirect fire weapons. Then you either get turned into dust by 5000 missiles raining from the sky or shot right in the cockpit and die instantly from one shot fired by an aimbotter. Then you spend the next 5 minutes watching your team mates disappoint you in new and interesting ways as their machines have the most bewilderingly illogical weapon choices possible. Finally its 11-3 in your enemies favour and the last remaining member of your team is in a tiny fast vehicle with barely any weapons. For the next 5 minutes instead of facing his death with dignity and allowing everyone else to move onto the next match he outruns the enemy team and does nothing but run away in an attempt to save his precious kill/death ratio until someone gets lucky and kills him or the timer runs out and the enemy team wins anyway. The enemy team then says "GEEGEE" "ZOMG REKT" "lololololol" "IS OP!" and your team descends into childish insults and infighting, then the guy who wasted 5 minutes of everyone's time will then go and complain on the forums that everybody's mean to him.
I got a few.
1. It's a 2d, top-down, game. Dogs are NOT that hard to program, nor are normal human faces that hard to draw, pixel art or not. Gotta love them off-screen kills. Also, thanks for making the cursor tiny and white with no option to change it, it totally doesn't get lost at all. By the way, fuck windows. All of them. Stop. (What are hitboxes anyways?)
2. I'm Tommy Italian, the smoothest gangster ev- IS THAT WATER?!?!
3. Oh no, I'm surrounded by haunted killer robots in the middle of the night... Or you could just get a DIFFERENT FUCKING JOB.
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