Discussion in 'PC and Console Gaming' started by Yakamaru, Nov 2, 2016.
Terraria and DOOM (1993)
As humanity's last line of defence, you send special forces rejects to their deaths fighting RNG bullshit. To make ends meet, you sometimes hold yard sales to fence whatever wasn't bolted down, because you're also the world's deadliest hobo.
You're a group of six mercs, and your ship gets shot down just as you're about to reach your destination, killing your employer.
You wash up on a beach. Hey cool, a treasure chest... protected by a group of giant crabs.
Ohgod that's a lot of crabs. Bad rolls on your part, get surrounded, total party kill.
Right, try again. Goes better, get a red potion that you don't know what the hell is for.
Enter some sort of abandoned monastery. Huh, it's crawling with slimes...
Ohgod, that slime is level 3 and has a spitting attack.
... Some time later ...
Right, forgot to bring someone who can pick locks, so we've had to bash this door down, knocking our fighter unconscious in the process.
OH SHIT THAT'S A BIG CRAB.
Room is full of loot though.
A room further up is full of roaches. This is where that red potion from earlier comes in, it's a cherry bomb.
Go to lob the cherry bomb at the roaches, fumble, drop it at my feet, total party kill.
When was my last save? Ah bugger.
On reroll later...
Right, made it out, barely. Two party members are dead.
Oh no, not more crabs...
Hide round the corner to make camp and rest...
Get woken up by a pack of bloody giant soldier ants.
One of my party members gets killed immediately, one gets knocked unconscious, and the other two are still asleep.
You walk around and do stupid puzzles and sometimes watch shitty videos.
Some dumb weeaboo bullshit where you make friends with a gay robot and a douchey flower.
It's all just text and you die a lot and fuck that.
Glitchy spooky house bullshit where you listen to tapes and so what.
The two that I am playing atm:
Spreadsheets in space (a classic)
A ripoff of warhammer 40k where the most important aspect of the game is making sure that your legs are ok.
Wander around aimlessly, trying to survive in some sort of Tim Burton wannabe world. Most things will probably kill you.
Here's one I have. You're a dinosaur who has to put up with being the caretaker of some baby who will most likely jump off and have you fall to your doom when he becomes an adult anyway...
You glide around the floor in a shitty 3D maze while hand with a gun is sticking out of your chest, and all this time, somebody's concerned face is looking at you from the bottom of the screen (seriously, what did I do to that face?).
Not!humans and not!elves fight blobs of goo.
Alert! One of your ships is under attack: Sector: Brennan's Triumph. -- "Oh no..."
Your Dolphin Superfreighter was destroyed in Sector Brennan's Triumph by Pirate Falcon. -- "What was it even doing there?"
"Oh hey, more messages I missed..."
Your Discoverer Hauler was destroyed in Sector Heron's Nebula by Asteroid. -- *Sigh* "Stupid autopilot."
Your Mercury Tanker: Sorry boss! Looks like someone got here before us. The price of Argnu beef isn't as good as we were expecting.
Your Mercury Tanker is awaiting new orders. -- "Argnu beef? Right... Got to find somewhere to sell that...
Your Albatross was destroyed in Sector Cloudbase South West by Asteroid. -- "Oh bloody hell, that was expensive. Stupid autopillok!"
Your Dolphin Superfreighter was destroyed in Sector Circle of Labour by South Gate. -- >:C
Your Titan was destroyed in Sector Black Hole Sun by Xenon N. -- "Not another ship killed by... Wait. WHAT!? A BLOODY N!!??"
*Proceed to fly through a gate... straight into an oncoming Argon Colossus.* *Splat*
One woman even pays you to go out and break a few limbs just for the lols.
left 4 dead: you shoot zombies, escape and shoot more zombies.........what a simple minded game.
TESO: you know the only reason your even still playing is for the furries there and the kitty RP.
An entire planet is trying to kill you, but you spend hours wading into deeper and deeper shit because you have to pimp your outfit and have a grudge to settle with some giant flying asshole who killed your parents. That and you have a nerdy-ass hobby of playing space Darwin everywhere you go, can't resist the compulsion to analyze every patch of scum on every boring rock and rattling off technobabble like a Trektard.
You fight 2 other factions for land that does jack shit. The moment you begin to take land the owning faction will just drop numerous squads on your ass comprised of max level players who all have 2+ KDRs. If you do manage to take enough land to lock the continent then the bonuses you get do jack shit to help you. Wanna fly a plane? Good luck against squads of people who have 300+ hours of flight
A girl drops out of college, goes back to her hometown, and slowly comes to grips with what a horrible person she's been in life. Realizing that her friends are a lot better off without her.
You get shot in the head by a greedy, sad little man in a daisy suit because you were in the wrong place and had the thing he wanted, and what was originally revenge on the sad little shit turns into you deciding the fate of an entire irradiated wasteland. There's also shitty music that plays on repeat, people who either love or hate you no matter what you do, and a cowboy robot.
The gameplay is for amateurs and the quests are linear as fuck
...and you dont die when landing in a haystack from hundreds of feet in the air.
You feed fish pills and fight aliens that invade your tank and try to kill them
Galaga knockoff with space chickens
The flying assholes, cleft palate blobs, spider infested corpse babies, and other obnoxious pests keep killing you and you'll probably never win the game after the first billion tries.
There's literal shit all over this damn game. The crap humor is oh so original. You as the protagonist literally want to go back and kill yourself.
Don't forget the Romans, Elvis impersonators, and zombie astronauts.
I only know this because my friend keeps gushing about it
Somewhere in our solar system some emo kids with supernatural powers try to maintain balance by fighting armies of robots and cloned humans. Ah and the kids eat pizza every day.
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