Seeking Feedback for Erotic Short Story

Discussion in 'Tutorials and Critiques' started by kionawrites, Oct 15, 2017.

  1. kionawrites

    kionawrites New Member

    Title: Noblesse Oblige

    Blurb: When a young alley cat goes into heat for the first time, she finds an unlikely friend in the prince. (It's a little long for a short story at ~17,000 words.)

    Content Advisory: masturbation, heterosexual sex, heat cycles

    Looking For: both high-level developmental feedback as well as line-by-line nitpicks (if you have the time). I intend to publish this story, so it can use all the critiques it can get.

    Preview: FN (I can't seem to get the formatting right on the FA posting; the FN version is a little more legible.) :3

    Link: Send me a message and I'll give you the link to download the full story. Please do not redistribute it.

    *I'd love to do a critique swap, if you have something you'd like me to look at in return! Just let me know what the content is (kinks, etc.) ahead of time. <3
  2. -..Legacy..-

    -..Legacy..- Sergal Mafia :P

    Not my usual flavor of read, but as an excerpt, it was well-written. I didn't see any snags in flow that required me to go back to understand what I had just covered. That's usually my biggest pet peeve.
    kionawrites likes this.
  3. kionawrites

    kionawrites New Member

    I'm very glad to hear that! Thank you so much for taking the time to read it!
    -..Legacy..- likes this.
  4. -..Legacy..-

    -..Legacy..- Sergal Mafia :P

    Just try to keep reference as you change back and forth between internal monologue and external events. Too much swapping in a short period of time can confuse a reader as to where they are.
    kionawrites likes this.

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