Okay, so I live by this mantra of sorts that for MOST everyday things, it doesn't hurt to try anything at least once. This is how I discovered techno and sushi, and found that I am not a skateboard prodigy.
So while I was in Walmart picking off inventory tags from random places in the Clothing section, I noticed this thing of string bikini briefs. Or maybe just a regular string bikini for dudes. I dunno. But I was like... well shit, why not? That guy on the front looks like he knows EXACTLY what he's got going on. Maybe I could totally rock that look too, or at least have myself some shagg-a-rific pair of underwear.
The next morning I change into these badboys in the privacy of the bathroom here (which is totally closed off and lockable, thank god. CLEAN even.) The fabric was WONDERFULLY smooth and sensual. And for exactly 5.5 seconds, I felt like a SEXY SEXY BEAST in those navy blue sting bikini bottoms. Hell, EVERYTHING looked sexier and larger and better.
And then my package started to settle into the front of these things as I got dressed for work. Instead of, you know, just 'chillin' in there. The bikini thing did it's work and form-fitted around that thing to protect whatever decency it was trying to fool anyone else into thinking it had.
Five minutes later, I'm picking at them. Not a crotch-wedgie, but just trying to relive the damn PRESSURE.
FUCK. SERIOUSLY? These things are two-steps away from a full CASTRATION, which is something I'm not willing to try once. I got the right six, matched it up and everything. And I'm not so pretentious as to think it's merely the size of my package that made it so uncomfortable (i'm perfectly average, imho). SO, I guess, this is something you have to get used to?
Fuck. That. 5.5 seconds of "RAWR IMA SEXY BEAST" is not worth feeling like I'm being groped by the TSA for the entire flight. I tried to work, sit, and just CHILL in these things on my break, but no. Just didn't work. I used a fucking box cutter to cut those skimpy strings and throw them in the trash. I just went commando for the rest of work. And, you know, maybe these things aren't meant for working in? I don't really care. I can't say I'm even going to be caught dead with these things on the beach, if not for the fact that I'm pretty active on the beach (if not more), than I am at work.
I will end this on a positive note and say that the things felt wonderful on the ass. Hugged it quite nicely and didn't ride up at all. Felt like nothing was there at all.
BUT, fuck, isn't that what going commando is all about?
ps: this isn't what you thought it was going to be, was it?
... jesus fuck what the hell did i just write?