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Thread: Rant: String Bikinis for men

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    Rattlesnake Flavored The 5,000 Club RedSavage's Avatar
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    Default Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Okay, so I live by this mantra of sorts that for MOST everyday things, it doesn't hurt to try anything at least once. This is how I discovered techno and sushi, and found that I am not a skateboard prodigy.

    So while I was in Walmart picking off inventory tags from random places in the Clothing section, I noticed this thing of string bikini briefs. Or maybe just a regular string bikini for dudes. I dunno. But I was like... well shit, why not? That guy on the front looks like he knows EXACTLY what he's got going on. Maybe I could totally rock that look too, or at least have myself some shagg-a-rific pair of underwear.

    The next morning I change into these badboys in the privacy of the bathroom here (which is totally closed off and lockable, thank god. CLEAN even.) The fabric was WONDERFULLY smooth and sensual. And for exactly 5.5 seconds, I felt like a SEXY SEXY BEAST in those navy blue sting bikini bottoms. Hell, EVERYTHING looked sexier and larger and better.

    And then my package started to settle into the front of these things as I got dressed for work. Instead of, you know, just 'chillin' in there. The bikini thing did it's work and form-fitted around that thing to protect whatever decency it was trying to fool anyone else into thinking it had.

    Five minutes later, I'm picking at them. Not a crotch-wedgie, but just trying to relive the damn PRESSURE.

    FUCK. SERIOUSLY? These things are two-steps away from a full CASTRATION, which is something I'm not willing to try once. I got the right six, matched it up and everything. And I'm not so pretentious as to think it's merely the size of my package that made it so uncomfortable (i'm perfectly average, imho). SO, I guess, this is something you have to get used to?

    Fuck. That. 5.5 seconds of "RAWR IMA SEXY BEAST" is not worth feeling like I'm being groped by the TSA for the entire flight. I tried to work, sit, and just CHILL in these things on my break, but no. Just didn't work. I used a fucking box cutter to cut those skimpy strings and throw them in the trash. I just went commando for the rest of work. And, you know, maybe these things aren't meant for working in? I don't really care. I can't say I'm even going to be caught dead with these things on the beach, if not for the fact that I'm pretty active on the beach (if not more), than I am at work.

    I will end this on a positive note and say that the things felt wonderful on the ass. Hugged it quite nicely and didn't ride up at all. Felt like nothing was there at all.

    BUT, fuck, isn't that what going commando is all about?

    ~cc

    ps: this isn't what you thought it was going to be, was it?

    ... jesus fuck what the hell did i just write?

  2. #2
    Elder God Holsety's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Fuck. That. 5.5 seconds of "RAWR IMA SEXY BEAST" is not worth feeling like I'm being groped by the TSA for the entire flight.
    That's a terrible comparison, everyone knows furries love getting groped by random strangers.

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Ummmm. Boyshorts are the way to go. >.>
    Quote Originally Posted by XoPachi View Post
    You've made this big perverted manchild proud. PROUD.
    Quote Originally Posted by Runefox View Post
    Good luck on the hunt, Chase old boy! You and your dog have got a long night ahead of you

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by Holsety View Post
    That's a terrible comparison, everyone knows furries love getting groped by random strangers.
    A TSA rep named BUBBA who once did professional arm wrestling.

    And holds you there.

    For an entire flight from LA to Sydney, Australia.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azure View Post
    Ummmm. Boyshorts are the way to go. >.>
    ... this is now on my to wear list.... maaaaayyyybe

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by Azure View Post
    Ummmm. Boyshorts are the way to go. >.>
    ... They are women's accessory. :V


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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteCaliente View Post
    A TSA rep named BUBBA who once did professional arm wrestling.

    And holds you there.

    For an entire flight from LA to Sydney, Australia.
    Are you trying to make it sound better?

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzie View Post
    ... They are women's accessory. :V
    oh... okay... maybe cross dressing and wearing ladies' underthings is not quite on my try-once list.

    not quite

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteCaliente View Post
    ... this is now on my to wear list.... maaaaayyyybe
    This is on my wear every day list :3

    They make my butt look glorious.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzie View Post
    ... They are women's accessory. :V
    ...yes, yes they are.
    Last edited by Azure; 07-22-2011 at 05:40 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by XoPachi View Post
    You've made this big perverted manchild proud. PROUD.
    Quote Originally Posted by Runefox View Post
    Good luck on the hunt, Chase old boy! You and your dog have got a long night ahead of you

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by Azure View Post
    ...yes, yes they are.
    Which should inform you how comfortable they are.


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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    How are these different from any other tight-fitting variety of briefs? The whole point is to keep everything contained in a minimum volume. You probably get used to it, although they will almost certainly render you at least temporarily infertile.

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    I love tight fitting boxer briefs. The ones they sell at H&M make me look huge and makes my ass look fantastic
    I got these men's low rise bikini briefs but the crotch area is not wide enough and they just feel weird... I can't wear them
    I've tried women's thongs but they're scratchy and don't fit me either. I ended up throwing them out

    Quote Originally Posted by Azure View Post
    Ummmm. Boyshorts are the way to go. >.>
    I have yet to try this :3c
    It's like you're double cross-dressing

    [/gayyyyyypost]

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by Azure View Post
    This is on my wear every day list :3

    They make my butt look glorious.
    I require pictorial evidence of this, sir.

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteCaliente View Post
    oh... okay... maybe cross dressing and wearing ladies' underthings is not quite on my try-once list.

    not quite
    It's funny, because a man would be trying women's underwear that's based on men's underwear (as if the name wasn't enough of a pointer) in the first place. You could aways say that it's not as much crossdressing as letting the poor shorts get back to their roots :V
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    After all, fag is another term for cigarette, and like cigarettes, furfags prefer twenty shafts to a pack.
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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by greg-the-fox View Post
    I love tight fitting boxer briefs. The ones they sell at H&M make me look huge and makes my ass look fantastic
    I got these men's low rise bikini briefs but the crotch area is not wide enough and they just feel weird... I can't wear them
    I've tried women's thongs but they're scratchy and don't fit me either. I ended up throwing them out


    I have yet to try this :3c
    It's like you're double cross-dressing

    [/gayyyyyypost]
    Boyshorts are ultimate in comfort and shape. Thongs are awful and should be outlawed. THERE ISNT ANYWHERE TO PUT MY BALLS!

    Quote Originally Posted by jcfynx View Post
    I require pictorial evidence of this, sir.
    The only pictures I have of myself are baby pictures where my parents dressed me up like a girl.
    Quote Originally Posted by XoPachi View Post
    You've made this big perverted manchild proud. PROUD.
    Quote Originally Posted by Runefox View Post
    Good luck on the hunt, Chase old boy! You and your dog have got a long night ahead of you

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    ...

    This rant.


    It was not at all what I expected. D:
    Quote Originally Posted by HipsterCoyote View Post
    In 1972, a crack OBGYN team was sent to prison over a sexual harrassment claim they did not commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles Underground. Today, still wanted by the government, the survive as doctors of fortune. If you have an itchy burning sensation, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire THE VAGINA GUYS.

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    ...

    This rant.

    It makes me blush. :F


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  20. #17
    Rattlesnake Flavored The 5,000 Club RedSavage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by Onnes View Post
    How are these different from any other tight-fitting variety of briefs? The whole point is to keep everything contained in a minimum volume. You probably get used to it, although they will almost certainly render you at least temporarily infertile.
    The front of this thing kinda wraps around the package. And the way it fits sorta pulls said package away from your body, because it's so tight.

    Quote Originally Posted by greg-the-fox View Post
    I love tight fitting boxer briefs. The ones they sell at H&M make me look huge and makes my ass look fantastic
    I got these men's low rise bikini briefs but the crotch area is not wide enough and they just feel weird... I can't wear them
    I've tried women's thongs but they're scratchy and don't fit me either. I ended up throwing them out.
    [/gayyyyyypost]
    Yeah I usually wear boxer-briefs. Not as loose as boxers and have the form-fiting-ness of briefs.

    Quote Originally Posted by Thatch View Post
    It's funny, because a man would be trying women's underwear that's based on men's underwear (as if the name wasn't enough of a pointer) in the first place. You could aways say that it's not as much crossdressing as letting the poor shorts get back to their roots :V
    HA. Good point. Though, I'd be terrified to buy a pair with a straight face and try to say that. l3

    Quote Originally Posted by Unsilenced View Post
    ...

    This rant.


    It was not at all what I expected. D:
    A proper bait-and-switch, no?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lizzie View Post
    ...

    This rant.

    It makes me blush. :F
    Is it because you're one female* among a bunch of males talking about male underthings? :V

    *(Figures are approximate. :V )
    Last edited by RedSavage; 07-22-2011 at 06:22 PM.

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    I'm a gryphon thing. Forum Legend Waffles's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    I love this rant and demand pictures.
    If you didn't take any, go buy another pair and do it again.

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  23. #19
    Don't vore me, bro Broke the 10K Barrier
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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteCaliente View Post
    HA. Good point. Though, I'd be terrified to buy a pair with a straight face and try to say that. l3
    You could always say that the particular pair is "special", and you're doing it as volountary social job :V

    Only really insensitive bastards would dare to make fun of someone who helps the "special" ones :V
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    After all, fag is another term for cigarette, and like cigarettes, furfags prefer twenty shafts to a pack.
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    Arrow Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteCaliente View Post
    Is it because you're one female* among a bunch of males talking about male underthings? :V

    *(Figures are approximate. :V )
    There is no proof. It's because I generally dress like this and suffer from gymnophobia. :V


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    Deuces Broke the 10K Barrier
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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    I know what to buy for my boyfriend now :V

  26. #22
    WwwHhAaaAaTtTttTttTtT 2,500 Club Evan of Phrygia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    I know how to GET a boyfriend now :V
    333022010220
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    Rattlesnake Flavored The 5,000 Club RedSavage's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by Waffles View Post
    I love this rant and demand pictures.
    If you didn't take any, go buy another pair and do it again.
    it was part of a four pack AND HELL NAW

    ALEU, GREG, DON'T YOU DARE ENCOURAGE THIS WITH YOUR THIS-BUTTON PRESSING FOOLISHNESS. >:C

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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteCaliente View Post
    ALEU, GREG, DON'T YOU DARE ENCOURAGE THIS WITH YOUR THIS-BUTTON PRESSING FOOLISHNESS. >:C
    Oh hell, I'mma rebel!


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    I'm a gryphon thing. Forum Legend Waffles's Avatar
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    Default Re: Rant: String Bikinis for men

    Quote Originally Posted by CoyoteCaliente View Post
    it was part of a four pack AND HELL NAW

    ALEU, GREG, DON'T YOU DARE ENCOURAGE THIS WITH YOUR THIS-BUTTON PRESSING FOOLISHNESS. >:C
    IT IS TOO LATE
    YOU MUST DO IT
    YOU HAVE 3 CHANCES, FAIL THEM AND YOU WILL DIE

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