@SnowChicken
you're an idiot. those are oldschool antipsychotics and stuff you probably learned from the tv.
you can take medication that's not an antipsychotic.
It may even take YEARS AND YEARS to get it right. But that's your best option, and its fantastic. You NEED to keep yourself on the ball... immediately stop taking any medication that's negatively affecting you, irregardless of the doctor, and find a doctor that is suited for you. It's your own choice to not seek help, and the only person you can blame for not trying is yourself.
also what you said about "the pills" more than false. Stop thumping your anti-drug bible and listening to american horror story. I'm schizophrenic and I feel great because I made the choice to actually try.
you're deflecting and you know it. Nobody can make you do anything. You need to willingly seek out help, talk to doctors about your symptoms, research affective drugs, report back any negative side effects the drugs cause you, discontinue their use, or use them in conjunction with other drugs. Then after climbing the ladder for a while you'll peek your head up out of the hole and go "woah. wtf. I did all /that/?"
but right now? you've made a tiny step then threw a tantrum out of fear. Go pick yourself back up and go seek out a doctor.