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A wish for criticism...

RonE.Appears

New Member
'Note: I have written this while the site is still down, so I had no idea how long this will take.
Hello. My pen name here is RonE.Appears found in the main site. So far, I have been trying to write few stories here and there, but I have yet to receive criticism. My view count so far is on average around 50, with few getting over 100 (no idea yet how that works).

I wish to see the critique on my latest piece of story, the first three parts out of four already revealed. These series are insofar latest of the ones I created (I have few more in my head), but began writing them down in order to practice. Because of that, admittedly, my plot isn't as solid yet since I am basically making up as I go, and only aware of the end and key events so far. My favorite parts of storytelling is creating characters and unusual situations.

Aside from that, I wish to hear from those more experience about my writing. Also, if possible, I wish to know if there is resource about how to write detective stories (I am a big fan of them, but can't wrap my head around writing set-ups and how to reveal from there).

Edit: Based on popular demand - www.furaffinity.net: Remember your first by RonE.Appears
 
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reptile logic

An imposter among aliens.
Here's some input for you. Yes, it is apparent to the reader that, even this early in the story, the story is not anchored to an outline of some sort. Some effort was made toward basic character development, but not enough, at this point, for this reader to feel a connection with any characters. Word usage is often awkward, whether because of keeping to more literal English translations from native Russian, or something else, I don't know. English is a strange language that borrows from everyone else. To paraphrase a Russian co-worker of mine, Russian has many rules and few exceptions. English has few rules and a shitload of exceptions.

Attached is your first page, with some feedback. I hope that you find it helpful.
 

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RonE.Appears

New Member
Here's some input for you. Yes, it is apparent to the reader that, even this early in the story, the story is not anchored to an outline of some sort. Some effort was made toward basic character development, but not enough, at this point, for this reader to feel a connection with any characters. Word usage is often awkward, whether because of keeping to more literal English translations from native Russian, or something else, I don't know. English is a strange language that borrows from everyone else. To paraphrase a Russian co-worker of mine, Russian has many rules and few exceptions. English has few rules and a shitload of exceptions.

Attached is your first page, with some feedback. I hope that you find it helpful.

Thank you!

Would love if there were more for the rest, but I'll go with that! Again, I am a newbie at this, so I want to ask few things:
- What do I do to connect my protagonist with the audience? I understand the mechanics, I just need practical examples, methods and tips to go for.
- Aside from that, any idea where I should go to learn more about how to write mystery stories?

Again, thank you for your time.
 

reptile logic

An imposter among aliens.
I'll think on it some more. The problem here is that I work a full-time job and am also working on my next two novels. I'm getting uncomfortably close to my self assigned deadline for my next book. I'm shooting for a summertime release.

It is good practice, for all writers, to read and critique the work of others. It makes it easier to spot the flaws in one's own work. I will continue to do so, as I can. Hopefully others will too. Professional critiques and editing can be pretty expensive, but the input can certainly be worth the investment.
 
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