About coming out/transitioning

[Lunneus]

This is pretty long, just sayin lol, there's a tldr at the bottom.


So, i've been on the fence about my gender for like.. 11 years. I've never felt quite right being female but i've never really done much about it outside of online presence. and maybe that's why i've let it go on irl for so long simply because i had an online outlet. Presenting myself as male, or even just keeping myself ambiguous has always felt so much better both online and the scant chances i had irl.

But now i'd really like to be 'me' for real but it's like.. i never know when it's the right time. especially since im still in college.

I live with my mom and sister still and my mom and i get along fine, she's super supportive in literally anything i do but im just nervous in general. Nervous, and there is literally always some shit going on. Nary a day passes when there isn't SOMETHING going awry with finances or at work or someone digging up some age old record to stir up trouble.
My sister i.. force myself to get along with, but if I had my way i wouldn't even talk to her. She makes me the most nervous about bringing this topic to light because she has really, and i hate to say this, but dumb opinions. She the person who says "I don't have a problem with lgbt people BUT" and that's always just the start of a problem. And she always goes on these huge rants that no one wants to hear about the different surgeries trans people sometimes have, emphasis on SOMETIMES, and how it's mutilating the body and all this and all that and something about women being the bearers of life and whatever else she's on about.


tldr; So between always being stressed out and depressed and not wanting to deal with dumb bs from dumb people, i don't know when to actually talk about my gender with my mom because talking to my sister is just.. no. no thanks.

I guess i'm looking for advice? or if you have your own experiences with this or something. I dunno.

 

[Kinare]

I'm not experienced in the actual trans department, only been "on the fence" myself for a few years. I don't think I would ever go through with a transition unless my parents were already dead and I had a supportive lover. One of my brothers would definitely disown me because he's an intolerant little asshat, and the other might tolerate it, but I'm not 100% sure. Without situations working out perfectly, I can tolerate being female alright, so it's not worth it to me to push the subject.

For you, since you do say your mother is good about being supportive, what I'd do is research the hecc out of the subject like cost, expectations, or just general facts and stuff in case she has questions. With money being an issue for you it might not be something you can do for a while, but if you are able to open up to your mom about it then it might make you feel a lot better to have some support irl.

Your sister... I'd just avoid talking to her about it until after you have your mom's support and are ready to go through a transition. If you tell her before you're ready I can see it becoming a case of her trying to change your mind or something dumb like that, and as long as you haven't done it she has basis for it in her head. That said, I used to have similar views to her when I was a teen and young adult, so people can change. Like me, maybe seeing someone close to her deal with these issues will change her.

 

[Lunneus]

@Kinare

Yeah, a lot of research is probably good. I did a little bit before just looking at how much top surgery costs and like.. woah. I don't think i would even if i could afford it. On the other hand though, i dunno if our insurance covers hormone therapy. I think my main worry is money + stress factors. I don't want ot stress her out more than she already is by having to worry about what i have going on, and i don't wanna stress myself out beause im worried about stressing her out. It's like a vicious cycle of stress.

as for my sister.. I guess i could give it another chance. I'm not a very confrontational person and i tend to to shut down and concede if people are too loud and too aggressive. It wears my down really really quick.

 

[TrishaCat]

Try talking to your mom in private about your feelings. This way you can talk about what you want and not involve your sister.
Money issues are hard to fix, but you can't even know for sure if you can or can't afford it until you try.
I personally did a lot of my transition experimentation in private and spoke with trans friends and even a therapist about it. I experimented with the other gender's clothing and went from there, eventually posting pictures of myself in women's clothes on Facebook to sort of hint at my interest in transitioning. My parents asked me about it, I said I wanted to be a girl, and they were (mostly) cool with it.

 

[Doomer]

People will care less about your gender as you grow older. I would say it's not worth the trouble.

 

[Bluefiremark II]

I don't care who you are. What gender you are. What race you are. We're all people. Don't ruin a gift of a body given to you to something unnatural is how i think of it.. there are some things that are meant to be. Your body is your body- us using surgery to "change gender" id unnatural- against how nature functions. And honestly there's no *need* for it. Now don't take any of this as mean. You can do what you want, but.. you are who you are. How you act and what you like don't define your gender. The only thing that defines male and female is biology and science. People like transgenders have higher suicide rates, in part due to bullying and such.. but its the part of society that will always be a problem. Everyone. We as humans try to unify ourselves yet seperate ourselves to do so, we label and define. Make outcasts and allies.

Now i can't tell you how you feel exactly..
But i do know that you are you, if I'm male or female it doesn't matter- I'm still the same person and i should be the same either way, it does not change anything. As for the surgery itself, there are many possible risks, very expensive and as mentioned before- doesn't change anything.. in fact- it likely makes it more obvious to people what you are and makes them want to seperate you into the outcasts group even more. Not everyone will and maybe not at all- but there are the chances.

There is truly no real point in surgically changing gender when you're already perfect the way you are. If someone is a girl that wants to be a guy, heck go ahead and dress and act like one, it doesn't matter! But the moment you change your biological make up by surgically changing yourself- its making a statement that you don't like who *YOU* are. And that's really sad. Doing that doesn't change who you are. It only changes physical pieces.

So if this sounds aggressive or mean i am sorry. That is not the intent here, it is just me ranting on about how you are special, and you make who you want to be and nobody else. You don't have to change genders to be who you want to be. An octopus doesn't decide to become a squid one day and surgically change itself because even if it could it would still have the mind of an octopus. In the same concept- you are you. Your brain *is* your current gender- changing physically doesn't change who you really are. It's a lie you put on to yourself and everyone else, even if you believe it- it is living a lie. Now that's not necessarily bad in of itself, but generally statistically it is not the right move to go for the surgery. Just be happy with who you are! Sorry for the long rant.. I'm done now. If you need to respond to this argumentatively or some other way that causes drama, please don't or at least dm me. If you need support, you are welcome to talk with me. If you just want to talk more on opinions like this, feel free to ask me.

Thank you for reading this now, enjoy your day everyone~ and what you choose to do is up to you- and i will treat you the same no matter what you do.. unless you do something extremely unethical.

 

[1234554321]

 

[Lunneus]

@Bluefiremark II

i see where you're coming from, though honestly i am not happy with myself. like at all. i don't care about this body because it doesn't feel like its mine. it feels like I've just been shoved into it. ya know?

and i wouldn't do surgery anyway, i don't like being cut on lol most id do is binding and maybe hrt after i talk to a professional.

i appreciate you being well worded and not rude about your opinion! i wish more people were like that and then the bullying wouldn't even be an issue trans folks have to deal with

 

[Bluefiremark II]

@Bluefiremark II

i see where you're coming from, though honestly i am not happy with myself. like at all. i don't care about this body because it doesn't feel like its mine. it feels like I've just been shoved into it. ya know?

and i wouldn't do surgery anyway, i don't like being cut on lol most id do is binding and maybe hrt after i talk to a professional.

i appreciate you being well worded and not rude about your opinion! i wish more people were like that and then the bullying wouldn't even be an issue trans folks have to deal with

Yeah. People should just be nice to others even if they disagree. And yeah, as i said i definitely do not understand where you come from since i do not have the same experience and mindset. So it was definitely just me viewpoint and glad you understand it- hope things work out for you as time goes on though ^-^