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AI Storytime!


Well-Known Member
“well I’m not eating that, I’m sorry mom, but no thanks!” Michael soon picked up the two— one that had survived the previous two years, the other that he dragged down by his foot, probably because it was filled with hamburger (Eileen Giguere or Deblina Michelle, his mother's other two— if you can call what came out of it "turkey"— insisted on using it as a disposable taco). When Michael turned the alien out of his fridge to admire its contents, she rejected it and spat out a slew of epithets and comment. "You are a repulsive worm, the remnants of your space-bat parents," she spat. "You belong to a wretched planet,


Former Gymnastic Club Diluzeres goalkeeper Pascal Longuanque was caught by the Slovenian authorities trying to smuggle several boxes of expired hemorrhoidal cream to Namibia.

The US-based wholesaler, Primary Health Care Supplies, told AFP the 46-year-old Longuanque had been caught trying to deliver the product, which he bought for Rs 3,000 from a local Italian wholesaler.

Reports say Longuanque initially sold the cream to Dizumeci, a local military supply company in Namibia.

Longuanque told police that the containers of the hemorrhoidal cream were in Swiss.

The maximum retail price of a tube of the ill-preserved cream is Rs 3,000.

This is actually even more when factoring in transport costs, medical fees, and 10 per cent sales tax.

Laxmi Narayanan, a local food activist, said that using the cream for deodorising wet hair is not justified, considering that it is cheap, which means there was very little interest in carrying it outside the region.

Narayanan said: "We don't know how these things get transported. It doesn't make sense that the same cream is used for toiletries but is flown in.


Professional Watermelon Farmer
There was a woman who was beautiful, who started with all the advantages, yet she had no luck. She married for love, and the love turned to dust. She had bonny children, yet she felt they had been thrust upon her, and she could not love them.

She went into business, and she was thrifty, but she was scorned by all that lived in her city. Her estate, all that she had, her fortune, all disappeared, and she was reduced to beggary. With her everything she had gained, and with it all she had lost, she cast the lot aside, and lived in the country, and was not puffed up by the love of any one, but she was still beautiful to look upon.

(prompt from the opening lines of D.H. Lawrence, The Rocking-Horse Winner)


The Drunk Skunk. Metal and Beer. FckNzs.
Tom was a student and everyone in school was making fun of him because he was a furry. Everyone at this school was a brony, except him. One day, some guy at the school pushed him into a trash bin for giggles and that's how he got a nosebleed. Thanks god his nose is good and I love how it matches his tail.

Mr. pawpsicle. As he became older he would help me pack my boxes. He picked out some of my most prized possessions: anime posters, drawings and magazine subscriptions. Whenever I had something going on at school, it would be a surprise.

Shonie. I am so so so so glad she doesn't know I'm a brony. I love her so much.


A man drove to the countryside, stopped at the edge of the road after spotting a herd of sheep moving slowly across the vast grassland then got out of his car, put on a realistic wolf fursuit and ran to them on all fours.

When he had surrounded the sheep, he rolled on top of them, slapped their hindquarters twice on the back of the neck and yanked their heads back with a flick of the tail, before ordering them to lie down and baa.

His actions were captured by a sheep farmer who posted the footage on his YouTube channel with the message: 'These guys were left in a hurry to their new lives… and they don't think to look around before they go on a killing spree.'

The BBC2 documentary features footage of Bolton coming to the aid of the farmers, who were fighting a wolf.

She walks through the countryside with her dog Patrick, carefully followed by the owner of the farm, who left his sister back at the house.

The farm is an intensive care unit, where both owners' sister are suffering from terminal illnesses.

Bolton told them that in the UK farmers and emergency services are often joined by hermit sheep, which can be far more intelligent than man.

Sir Thaikard

Blood for the Blood God!

I want to be the seventh elite warrior. I want to become the seventh elite warrior."

"The Blood God army doesn't have high fighting power, and you want to get the opportunity to fight against the top five elites?"

"No… I am not particularly good with physical strength."

These four were not slightly biased towards Luo Feng and Meng Qing.


"Luo Feng, Meng Qing, congratulations." Little wimp smiled.

"It's not what you think it is." Luo Feng shook his head and said.

"You really made things hard for yourself." Little wimp frowned.

"But, I am determined!"

"It seems like the rift between our


Professional Watermelon Farmer
Tom was a student and everyone in school was making fun of him because he was a furry. Everyone at this school was a brony, except him. One day, some guy at the school pushed him into a trash bin for giggles and that's how he got a nosebleed. Thanks god his nose is good and I love how it matches his tail.

Mr. pawpsicle. As he became older he would help me pack my boxes. He picked out some of my most prized possessions: anime posters, drawings and magazine subscriptions. Whenever I had something going on at school, it would be a surprise.

Shonie. I am so so so so glad she doesn't know I'm a brony. I love her so much.

(This one is especially good!)

After the disco ball crushed gyrating fox , the dance floor cleared, and silence fell over the furry convention.

Five decades later, the residents of Easton have rediscovered the lost community. A handful of faithful cheerleaders still wait on long lines every evening, but now, a $2,500 cash prize is at stake.

Dozens of costumes and decorations line the den, which are donated by a collection of TV shows and musicians that includes Shirley Temple and the Grateful Dead, right next door to the annual gathering of Greater Easton Socialists, the gay and lesbian community and its gathering spot, the SPCA, across the street.

More than 12,000 people come to the Eastern Fair every year, many of them dressed in sparkly costumes.


Gee, it's so boring around here. Mah boi, this peace is what true warriors strive for! Mah boi, this peace is what true warriors strive for!" [battle]

: "Daaah! Daaah! I can't hear you! I can't hear you! You've shut off your radio! You shut off your radio, daaaaah, you shut off your radio!" [battle] Golly : "We're coming in! We're coming in, you bastards!"

: "We're coming in! We're coming in, you bastards!" Golly : "Ech! There goes another one! I bet they're working on your system, down there. Why would they want to mess with...


Sairn the Majestic
Context, playing a DnD campaign where I'm a necromancer and I joke with the following question. I thought it would give me something cool, but alas see the treasure lol

Why bury the dead when you can just raise them? | |------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | Get: Agility potion (x1850 y 1125) | | Drop: Phoenix Down | | | - QUEST: Squire's Tower, To the End | |------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | Ah, what a grand place to be in. To the end. With gold in your | | pockets. Go meet the squire, then dig up some treasure! | |------------------------------------------------------------------------------| ******************************************************************************** |------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | TOWER OF SNOW | SCAMPER 042 | |------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | It's the one where you make all those nasty monsters come into your | | lair and attack you. For this quest, you get another +2 to a level you already | | have (Sniper


4-tailed kitsune
Haru nerviously walked up the steps to Kyuubi Academy, a magic school for young kitsune, as she was unsure what to expect on her first day.

"Hello, there, Kurosaki-kun!"

Sakura ran over to greet her classmate and thus began an epically awkward first day at Kyuubi Academy.



Summary - The girls of the third year are practically ground to dust in an insane fight against an unidentified, extremely powerful demon that does not recognize them or recognize their gender.

As the battle goes on, more details begin to come to light.

However, the terrible, unwinnable war against the nations that have arisen around the demon begins.


4-tailed kitsune
Umm wat? :
Bomble The Bee woke up lazily on a sunny afternoon in no hurry, as today she was scouting a route she has flown many times before. She had barely got to a grassy bank when a night market van drove by and with a bonfire burning beneath it, politely waved goodbye to a small group of Dutch people. As was her usual morning routine, she boarded the second vehicle after it pulled into the road that was behind her. The rest of the group swiftly stepped out into the road, where the two vans started flashing their lights at them, clearly in a bid to sell them something.

"Where did you come from, though?" asked the large boy in the back of the van. He seemed curious as he sat down beside the biggest of the children at the front


profound asshole
screencapped this to prove i didn't make this shit up



Fundamentalist Heretic
Kænon sighed. The data was there on the servers but absent on client machines. Military protocol demands that all units receive it instantly, not in chunks of 500 kilobytes, but in bulk. Hervé made a hand gesture. "So they're listening," he said, "and we don't have a record of it."

As the investigation proceeded, however, leaks and names started to spread, and no one could fully deny they'd been listened to. At a certain point, GCHQ allegedly exploited the listening effect to plant a few bugs in computers at Der Spiegel.

Now they don't really know what they're missing. They had a very bad summer, and a poor autumn. The NSA faces similar technical problems but finds it cheaper to bugger
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4-tailed kitsune
The genie came out of his lamp to discover his new master was puppy who thought the lamp was a toy. He wondered how he would manage to grant wishes to a canine.

Charlotte's snout said 'Do you have a pet named kitty?'

Genie replied "yes," and Charlotte gasped.

Genie said "Give me kitty."

Charlotte said "What do you think will happen?"

"First I'll give her a job, and then she'll be mine!" says Genie.

"Beth will look after her as well," says Charlotte, "but you can't have both," she says with a laugh.

"Is that so?" says Genie, his eyes shining with ideas.


A furry, a brony, an otaku and a mime boarded a two seater biplane in Monaco and flew overseas to Morocco. On the way they were spotted by an Egyptian man in his 20s. The plane was tracked down, not by crew or passengers but by an intelligence officer, who got off a wing and landed the plane. The two men, who were travelling from Tokyo to Cairo on the same flight, were arrested.

Then it got weird. According to the report, it happened because the intelligence officer thought the tassel-wearing little stuffed animal-looking fursuiter was a Taliban member.

Soon after the creature was released, it bolted out of the cell in Morocco.


Perpetually Tired
You never learn anything but yourself. I certainly did not. Then one day I saw a man who looked like a spoiled rich man on the television news. He said that whatever we were discussing or teaching was just propaganda. He was wrong. The truth is that once you have cut yourself off from God, it is hard to reconnect. After that I came to understand the difference between faith and belief. We believe in God but we do not worship Him. We don't feel so good about ourselves when we think that we are dead, that we are "kneeling before the throne of God." This is not Christian thinking. It is just self-centered. If God is real, why should we have to become a beggar? Wouldn't that be better for our soul? Only the Christian

Huh, didn't think AI cared about religion lol


Well-Known Member
This one is a tad NSFW!

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? <laughing> Look, I need to know now, because I just had a really good idea. I have a feeling you're completely forgetting, or maybe I'm wrong, but what if I really do want to try to seduce you and I have no idea what I'm doing right? So it would really help me if you didn't have a gun with you in this room. Because that's where we're going. <giggles> This is where I'll be reading your mind. So let's get a little dirty for the camera. <giggle> Now come here, and touch yourself for me. <gasp> Oh fuck… you're already hard.


Meanwhile in Russia, Gazprom which now owns all of Gazprom, which was a major threat to Chisinau, so he gave some reasons. I said, "Why?" And he said, "I want to control the pipeline in Europe to supply gas." "What?!" "I don't care what the revenue is, the oil, the gas, the gas." I said, "Okay, if you have that idea, tell me how you are going to do it." He said, "You are going to get me, OK? You are going to get me. I will get you." And I did it, and it turned out to be a disaster. But that is a result of which I am sure you are all very aware. The crisis in Ukraine is...


Saw this woman who had such a large pair of melons that they looked like two mangos hanging down from bellow her clavicles. They went there by the nurse. Every day, we take out those two whole oranges and make almost the same amount of sweet peach syrup as they do with the melons.

"When you get back, let me tell you what the horse tastes like. Give her a few spoonfuls when she bathes in the tub, and she'll see the white seeds beginning to sprout. Give it a little when she's grazing, and she'll have a wonderful meat that's even better than the horse.

"When it comes to making syrup from the apples, buy every variety you can, and make a cup for each.


Pirate Fox Mom
"If we can pull off this landing, it will be a miracle." –Aliens: Colonial Marines, EA

"Hey, I'm new here. I'm a sexy woman in a fancy outfit and a tricked out rover, please help me get this thing moving!" –World of Warcraft, Blizzard

"Too bad, dude, you've already been declared missing." –Total Recall, Dreamworks

Let's get crazy.

Geoff: I don't think we've been sufficiently raving and rave-rapping about The Sims 4, especially this month. I mean, seriously, even though The Sims 4 has been all the rage for a few years now, everyone just decided to start talking about it again (isn't that always the case with the biggest


A cat asked a great dane:
"What's it like to be such a big sun of a bitch?"

The look on dane's face was the kind that said he would lose his vampirism and go for his morning run. Then he began to tell the cats and girls and men and demons of hell what he had to say. The cats looked as frightened and frightened as danes: "What's that?" "A small sun of a bitch?" "Shut your mouth and get out of here!" But they didn't listen. The sun of a bitch asked one of them: "What's the need to break out of here? You can die too, you know." "What?" the little sun of a bitch looked like she might choke.


Professional Watermelon Farmer
"OMG! When your mom finds out, you are gonna be SO grounded!" she says. I quietly nod. I mean, she has a point. I might be in a bad spot right now, but she isn't going to find out by even knowing I am there. Her little problem is now going to be my little problem, too. But I tell myself, okay, fuck it, I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to hide it from her. And I'm not too concerned with how much she'll care. I mean, I can't tell her what happened because she wouldn't be able to talk about it anyway, but I am pretty sure she would like me more now than she did back then, so she is probably on board with it


An alcoholic tattoo artist with Parkinson's disease switched the seats on his shop for rocking chairs. It has now been linked to the sudden deaths of two customers.

Fitting: The owner wrote 'rock chairs do not impede my ability to create art', pictured. He has been charged with two counts of causing unnecessary suffering.

Tragic: One of the tragic deaths is linked to what police are investigating as a possible link to the sickening tattoos.

Police last week revealed a spate of suspicious deaths in which they believe alcohol may have been involved.

Details of the latest deaths, which all occurred within 48 hours of each other, have been released in a press release.

They occurred in Macclesfield, Lancashire, and features two deaths each in Doncaster.


Professional Watermelon Farmer
(Thanks to @Thrashy for unwittingly introducing the character of Mr. Pawpsicle )

But Mr. Pawpsicle! It's frozen solid! Even if I lick it, it's not gonna do any good."

Mr. Pawpsicle looked from Fatty Bear to Pucci.

"Bastards. That was a dead bod-o bird. It's just a reptile, so how come it's still dead and still namby-pamby? Look, I've got an ice pick with the namby-pamby on it. Now you can take my word for it that if I give you the goddamn icicle, it'll do this!"

Pucci reached behind his back and took out a wooden stick. Pucci began to crunch the icicle. As soon as it was broken, a stream of...
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