AI Storytime!

[metatherat]

@Thrashy the skunk came up with a new kind of alcoholic beverage: the skunk bop. It was basically beer poured on your face by a skunk in a skunk bowl. It didn't last. The skunk drank it all up while eating a whole bag of potato chips and then got really tipsy. He then went up on stage and sang a song and everyone screamed with him until the cops arrived and had to tell him not to do that. The skunk went to a nearby bar and asked for a bottle of wine, which he drank down while being dragged into a police wagon with a bunch of other skunks.
----
That went off on a tangent, but it was a very believable one

 

[metatherat]

Rats, rats, we're the rats! Let us play the role of the hero! And I'll tell you what, the rats really love us when we play. If we play and the rats love us, they'll help us kill those filthy slobs. That's what's gonna happen, right, Kneazle? So let us put on the hero hat and the cape and become the new rats. It doesn't have to be fancy! We just have to take on the evil slugs and let them know, that rats and slugs are friends... and they can't eat the hero. That's the rule of rats. Just play with the rats and love them! You can't eat them, though. If you do eat the heroes, your hat and cape will fall off. So don't eat the heroes! No heroes eating our hat and cape, you understand? Rats, we 're the rats! Let us put on the hero hat!
---
Ha! Sorry, Transformer, but if becoming a rat was as easy as wearing the hero hat, everyone would be one by now! *smugly rat-trots away*

 

[ssaannttoo]

Butt Butt Butt
Butt Butt Butt
Butt Butt Butt
Butt Butt Butt
Butt Butt Butt
Butt Butt Butt

Butt
Butt
Butt
Butt
Butt
Butt
Butt
Butt
Butt

 

[Simo]

here's one for @Ravofox :

Ravo Fox slipped into the slick rubber skunk suit and headed back along Interstate 5. After one pass into Seattle for a smoke break in an outhouse, Ravo and a bunch a friends pulled an abandoned Hummer into an empty driveway where the police say Ravo began chasing one of their cars while hiding a.38 special. Ravo Fox is accused of driving around to multiple homes along East 55th Avenue, stealing food for his dogs and for personal use.

~

heh...foxes!

 

[LucierdaSolari]

Luci the vixen slipped into her swimsuit, cover - up, and flip - flops. With the summer heat getting the best of her she ducked into the air conditioned house. "Oh." She didn't know what to say, but before she could figure it out the bathroom door opened. "It is what it is, girl." She giggled. Ike was leaning against the wall, bracing against the dog he'd told her was a show dog. The Airedale Terrier growled and snapped at his hand, nipping it. She winced. How could they find these places? With her luck she'd just be stuck

 

[Faustus]

The most magical thing about axolotls is their ability to sense danger and seek it out. It's the reason why they can be so unpredictable and yet so beloved by the rest of us. When they attack and eat you they're not just doing it for a meal — they're doing it for you. And the best part is, you're likely to learn to love it. When you know that an axolotl has a chance of killing you, it makes you even more determined to protect them from other predators. It's one of the greatest gifts an axolotl can give you — and the best way to give them love is to become one yourself. It'll be so cool to have a beautiful, dangerous and adorable baby that loves you so much that it 'll even kill you if it needs to.

 

[metatherat]

The most magical thing about axolotls is their ability to sense danger and seek it out. It's the reason why they can be so unpredictable and yet so beloved by the rest of us. When they attack and eat you they're not just doing it for a meal — they're doing it for you. And the best part is, you're likely to learn to love it. When you know that an axolotl has a chance of killing you, it makes you even more determined to protect them from other predators. It's one of the greatest gifts an axolotl can give you — and the best way to give them love is to become one yourself. It'll be so cool to have a beautiful, dangerous and adorable baby that loves you so much that it 'll even kill you if it needs to.

Axolotl culture is strange and disturbing! I liked the transformation part, though. I still don't want to learn to love them attacking and eating me :O
----
And now, the classic TMNT series, as re-imagined by Transformer:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half-shell
Turtle power!
Heroes and their turtles
The turtles are always coming at you at speed!
Turtles on roller coaster
The turtle has no place on the coaster
Turtles are going wild on my lawn
Turtles are really bad at math
The turtle gets mad on a date
They just came down from the sky!
Turtles always want to get close and touch my face
Turtles don't know that the sun has set!
Don't think about the turtles

 

[Faustus]

"The turtles are always coming at you at speed!"
....what?!

"Turtles on roller coaster"
Oh. That explains it.

 

[Faustus]

@metatherat don't blame me for this one, you started it!

Bucky! Captain Bucky O'Hare!

Mutants and aliens and toads and everything else that people in our time hate!

And if that wasn't enough, what is this, The World's Largest Dildo?

We have a lot of work to do if we're going to take on the challenge of being the next Marvel Studios. But you're probably wondering how we're going to pull it off? I've got one answer: I'm gonna have a big ol' sex party. We're gonna make the world a little bit nicer, a little bit more fun, a little bit more sexy and a lot more interesting. And by interesting I mean, you'll want to look away now.

It'll be a celebration of the awesome power of sex!

 

[the sleepiest kitty]

I like big butts and I cannot lie. Yes, this is me! I am sooooo excited about this coming Sunday! One of my very best friends is getting baptized. This will be her first time and she has wanted to for such a long time. She will be so strong in her new life! How special for her and her family. I am sooooo excited for her. She has a long road ahead of her, but with God and the Church's help, she will be just fine! Now I need to get out to Target and get some pictures printed. I hope you all have a great week!

...wait, WHAT??! XD

 

[metatherat]

@metatherat don't blame me for this one, you started it!
[craziness]

*imagines a stereotypical eighties' network executive saying all this*

And now! Something!.... uh, I dunno, I really don't:

Suddenly, the door to the laundromat flew open and Satan stepped through. "I didn't think you were coming!" Harry was caught off guard. Satan smiled, and reached for his wallet. He pulled out his driver's license and handed it to Harry to check out, and said, "This license says I can legally operate a van in New York and Washington DC." "Holy Christ," gasped Hermione and Ron, "you mean you have a driver's license from both the state of Georgia and Washington State?" Harry gasped again as he had no idea what a states license was. Satan shook his head as his face darkened, "No, your true state of existence is New York. That's where the laws regarding driving on the highways of a state are the most lax. As such, you are free to do whatever you want, anywhere, to whomever you wish." This made Harry furious, "I'm trying to learn to drive in a modern day automobile on a modern day road and not in some fucking medieval contraption that was written by aliens from a fucking planet that has nothing to do with this country!" Voldemort laughed as he grabbed a small can of Coca-Cola.
----
Looks like Harry would prefer a more practical learning experience when it comes to operating a van, than the philosophical one Satan was prepared to offer

 

[Faustus]

*imagines a stereotypical eighties' network executive saying all this*

Now you know why the cartoon only ran for a year. The execs spent the budget on hookers and the world's biggest dildo.

Also, now I know why God permits Satan to tempt humanity to sin. He's got a driving license. He can do whatever he wants, anywhere, to whoever he wishes.

 

[Faustus]

"I'm going to kill you in the most bizarre and painful way possible, Mr Bond" gloated Blofeld, and he did. First, he shot himself in the head with an air rifle; then he stabbed himself through the stomach with a large knife; then, with the knife still in his right hand, he stabbed himself through his left cheek, then his heart and lungs and then the chest, neck, throat, and abdomen. Then, as he lay dying, he screamed "You are going to die in a second, because I'm not stopping until you do!" When the police finally arrived at the scene, Blofeld had shot himself dead.

----
Looks like after trying everything else, Blofeld tried to guilt-trip Bond to death.

 

[Faustus]

This looks like a typical post from the Requests forum:

Can somebody draw my pony character please? She's a pretty cool pony with a pretty cool name. I think it would be interesting if the other ponies on the show could join her, or maybe even the entire show! You never know, maybe they'll make an episode out of it. The rest of the story of course will be centered around her. But for now, let's just say, the Pony Princess of Equestria has arrived! Now I'm guessing that this is going to be a long episode and the show will eventually have to introduce some of her new friends. I'm hoping that we'll get to see a bunch of new ponies in this episode and maybe even see some new magic spells. And the first half of the episode will be focusing around how she is coming to terms with being the queen of the Equestrian Wasteland! I really think this will be a great episode and one of the best episodes ever!

 

[metatherat]

Let's see what's in the UK news today.

Priti Patel is under fresh pressure after being accused of being mean to a rat. If you don't know, rat is a small, harmless rodent that often is found under your mattress. The Prime Minister is facing accusations from several members of her own party of being mean to one of them. The Prime Minister was filmed allegedly telling the animal to "die in a pot" and to "go back to your country" while it was lying near her feet during a party meeting last week. This morning it has emerged that the Prime Minister had already apologised to the rat after the footage became public and that she had also offered the rat a place at the Tory Party dinner next month. It is thought that this is the second occasion where she has acted irrationally towards a rat. Her first came when she told a Tory donor that she was going to ban them all from the UK unless the rats in her constituency had a "better lifestyle." A number of MPs are threatening to resign as a result of her "insensitive" outburst against a harmless rodent.
---
They made Patel the PM?! :O
Also, I resent the statement about dying in a pot. We rats don't die in pots because we want to! We can't get out! Sheesh! *grumpy rat-glare and whisker-twitch*

 

[Ravofox]

Let's see what's in the UK news today.

Priti Patel is under fresh pressure after being accused of being mean to a rat. If you don't know, rat is a small, harmless rodent that often is found under your mattress. The Prime Minister is facing accusations from several members of her own party of being mean to one of them. The Prime Minister was filmed allegedly telling the animal to "die in a pot" and to "go back to your country" while it was lying near her feet during a party meeting last week. This morning it has emerged that the Prime Minister had already apologised to the rat after the footage became public and that she had also offered the rat a place at the Tory Party dinner next month. It is thought that this is the second occasion where she has acted irrationally towards a rat. Her first came when she told a Tory donor that she was going to ban them all from the UK unless the rats in her constituency had a "better lifestyle." A number of MPs are threatening to resign as a result of her "insensitive" outburst against a harmless rodent.
---
They made Patel the PM?! :O
Also, I resent the statement about dying in a pot. We rats don't die in pots because we want to! We can't get out! Sheesh! *grumpy rat-glare and whisker-twitch*

(I love how this is such a coherent satire XD I didn't know who this person was, but upon looking her up it makes sense XD)

 

[metatherat]

(I love how this is such a coherent satire XD I didn't know who this person was, but upon looking her up it makes sense XD)

I know, right? These AIs keep impressing me.... raising the temperature setting slightly seems to generate the best results with most models :3