Any Furs Wanna Cameo?

[GamingGal]

Thanks for the feedback!

I've decided to change to first person because there seems to be no benefit from writing in third person and first allows more connection with what is happening. Plus I need to get back into first person so I relearn how to write it >.> Also! Ris, I changed your character's speech, so let me know if that fits a bit better. Now You See Me anyone? XD

 

[Ris'hary]

Re-read it from the beginning - It's better now im my opinion
and now it sounds much more like Ris'hary, spot on!


Card/magic related jargon - You flip/turn a card over, not up, so either:

"...before flipping/turning the top card over"
or
"...before flipping/turning the top card face-up"

 

[DevilishlyHandsome49]

Finally got around to reading this and seeing if there's anything that needs improvement. Part 1 was good, this is better, but a few minor things I would tweak:


If you had of line of dialogue and then description after that, it the the description is more than two sentences, make it its own paragraph. Less cluttered that way.


And as for posting the story in the info box here, make sure you add extra space between each paragraph, cause its really cluttered looking and makes it a bit hard to see.


Overall, nothing big, good work

 

[RedSavage]

I just read it.
Late? A shuttle I'm driving is late? That....... Sounds pretty much completely accurate. :V I'm horrible at keeping time. But when I'm there, I work hard. Good going so far. Some of it seems choppy. A little quick. Don't be too concerned about fitting so many people and happenings in there. Take you time. It's okay to leave some things out for later for the sake of thoroughly describing something now.

But you're doing good so far as I can see. Thanks for throwing my tardy self in there. Me being late would probably be a recurring theme, as well as working several odd jobs in the mix.

 

[Jeroscope]

Name: Jero "Scope" (it's all supposed to be said together like one word)
Species: Red Fox
Likes: Science Fiction, gaming, movies, most music, red wine (cause he's a classy mofo)
Dislikes: Messiness, people who pry into his privacy, his feral side
Personality: Unlike most furs, Jero only lets out his feral side in small doses, and only in cases of showing affection (nipping, licking, nuzzling, etc). He considers himself a well refined gentleman, studying computer engineering and trying to be a Tony Stark of sorts, developing small gadgets and whatnot. He always has a firearm at home or in his car in case of intruders, and typically doesn't let people in unless he's interested in them or is a friend of his. That being said, he's selectively extroverted.
Whenever he gets angry, he tends to bark more than bite because of his fear that his anger will trigger his rage. This never really happens of course, but with things happening around campus it's becoming a more irrational fear that he could turn into one of these killers, so now he's focusing specifically on keeping himself and his friends safe by keeping himself recessed into his dorm and keeping tabs on his friends, checking on them every now and then.

I feel like I'm writing a main character now... Just have me doing something like soldering a motherboard or programming software.