Hello there, I'm new to this site.
I can really relate to what rekcerW said and I agree with him. I found this video a few days ago, I hope it's okay to link it here:
I've made the same experience on my own, so it really helped me to know that other people feel the same way.
Like LeFay, I'm used to be alone. It's really strange, but most people where I live, prefer to be alone. It was like this while I was going to school and it didn't change as an adult. We have really nice places here, like a park, lakes, a small town and so on. I like those places, especially the park. But it's strange, when I go there, I'm almost always alone there. I have the whole thing for myself, which isn't only bad, haha. But I often have that feel of loneliness. To be honest, I always hoped to meet new people, when I go to the city or something. But it never happened. I talk with people here and there and it's always nice. Most of the people in this world are, in my opinion, really nice and friendly! I never had that feel that someone hated me. People are helpful and nice. But still, it was never more than a small conversation. A (deep) friendship? Love? I never experienced it in my whole life, ever. I had "friends" in school, but only in school. No one wanted to meet outside of school. It seems everyone was busy like hell. And it's true. My "best friend" at that time was a Muslim, so he had a lot of religious things going on. The other was addicted to World of Warcraft. The other was a farmer and helped his family. But the point is: everyone already had their lives. No time for something else or new relationships. I only saw them in school and that was it. You can imagine, when I finished the school and hopped into my first job, I was completely alone. I "only" have my mother and that was my live until now.
The best thing I could do is to just accept that. Enjoying the park or the city for myself, it's really nice and wonderful if you can accept that. Just sitting at the lake, watching the ducks or the nice sky - wonderful~ But before that, I thought those things are only enjoyable, if someone would accompany me on it. If I could share it with someone. I somehow had that crazy thought all those things are pointless or just not that enjoyable, when I'm doing it alone. The only things I can really enjoy on my own, are the nice video games, the Animes. It's just I have no one to talk about it, after I finished it. But I can enjoy my hobbies while doing it. I'm happy with my life, but sometimes, like once a month, the feel of loneliness are overwhelmingly. Hence I'm here now, I guess.
I also made some experience on the Internet in the past. And I don't think it is a 100% compensation for real relationships. It feels more...cold? You see no smiles, hear no voices, can't feel the warmth of a hug. It's a wonderful place to meet like-minded people in an instant. People, you would probably never ever meet in reality. It has it advantages, but it can't give you everything, unfortunately. And it's not easy in reality either... I did have a few acquaintances in the past, but it was one-sided, like always. It's strange, it's always me who wants "more". When I don't call anyone, no one would call me. They were all nice and friendly and happy to see me, but it's still just me who visited them and all. One-sided relationships are really pointless, it does help no one. I stopped visiting them a few years ago and it was "dead" in an instant. They don't need me, they expect nothing from me. It can be a good thing, maybe it really is. I'm free to do what I want. I don't know, it's strange, haha.
Personally, what I think...it is even harder to be a creative person. I started a few projects on my own over the years. I even started to learn to draw not long ago. I love the process and it's fun. But at the same time I'm sad, because everything seems so meaningless/pointless to me. At the moment I feel like it's pointless to be creative as a alone person. I hate it so much to "enjoy" everything alone. It just doesn't go hand in hand anymore, with my new experiences. "Accepting to be alone" makes it pointless to me to be creative, because it means I don't need someone else, which means every interaction is pointless, because it's nothing deep. I struggle with that since a few years now. I think the problem is, that I (or we) are always looking for something deep or a meaning/purpose, that probably doesn't even exist. The only depth I can find so far in my life, is myself. And being creative does hurt myself, it makes me more sad than happy... My dream is to create an awesome game together with other people. A game we all like. Not something with microtransactions of course. <3 Just a pure, awesome game. It's stupid to have a dream, where you are dependent on others. But doing it alone and just for myself is not really fulfilling. I tried it. I don't think doing something just for the money is fulfillung either. I'm at a point where being creative just makes me sad and I feel it's just pointless. So I stopped and I'm doing other stuff again. I try to just enjoy what the world has to offer, all the small things. All the things that I can do alone. I'm still learning and I hope I get better at it over time.
I wish you all the best and a lot of love.