At what age would you know you are Ace/Aro?

[VeeStars]

So, recently with all the free time I have because of lockdown and such (and pride month), I have been thinking a whole lot more about myself than I normally do. I had always kind of thought I wanted to date people, but now that I think about it, I don't really know anymore...

I have never really seen anyone in "that way" and have never had a real crush on anyone, like, ever. I'm starting to feel more and more like asexual or aromantic, but I am pretty young (going into highschool) so maybe I could just be a late bloomer? This is all just confusing to me and it sort of felt like when I was questioning if I was really straight or not. This is kind of a vent thread I guess. What age would I know I'm aro or...?

 

[AbstractReptile]

I've recently started to become interested in dating somebody myself, something I was never interested in as a teen. So, yes, late bloomers are possible, but somewhat rare.

And besides, identifying as gay isn't wrong. I also identify as gay. c:

 

[VeeStars]

I've recently started to become interested in dating somebody myself, something I was never interested in as a teen. So, yes, late bloomers are possible, but somewhat rare.

And besides, identifying as gay isn't wrong. I also identify as gay. c:

Hi, just wanted to let you know I edited my post because it sounded cringy as fricccc lol.

Nothing wrong with being gay at all, didn't mean to imply that at all. Happy being gay lol!

 

[Punji]

I imagine it probably varies on the person. Some people just know, some don't.

Personally, I think I'm greysexual and aromantic but I'm not sure. How can one verify a null quality? Maybe it's never really clear.

 

[TyraWadman]

Maybe you just haven't met the right person? I personally can't be interested in someone if I don't know them/our values don't align. Perhaps you just have a particular taste when it comes to the ideal partner? I didn't meet my first ex until age 21.

As you said, you're young. Try not to overthink it and just enjoy life (once the pandemic and rioting is done of course)! Sex and romance isn't the only thing to life and chances are you'll find your answer based on personal choices and things you experience along the way!

 

[VeeStars]

I imagine it probably varies on the person. Some people just know, some don't.

Personally, I think I'm greysexual and aromantic but I'm not sure. How can one verify a null quality? Maybe it's never really clear.

Ah, ok. Forgot greysexual/romantic was a thing, it might be the term for me, but can't be sure.

Maybe you just haven't met the right person? I personally can't be interested in someone if I don't know them/our values don't align. Perhaps you just have a particular taste when it comes to the ideal partner? I didn't meet my first ex until age 21.

As you said, you're young. Try not to overthink it and just enjoy life (once the pandemic and rioting is done of course)! Sex and romance isn't the only thing to life and chances are you'll find your answer based on personal choices and things you experience along the way!

Yeah, thanks! As much as I made it seem, it isn't such a huge issue for me, and I definitely won't be dating anybody in these times lol

 

[Ovidia Dragoness]

Give it time. I'm not saying you aren't an ace, just that you may just have not found someone that catches your eye or you haven't really grown into the person you're going to be. A lot changes through highschool.

 

[AbstractReptile]

Give it time. I'm not saying you aren't an ace, just that you may just have not found someone that catches your eye or you haven't really grown into the person you're going to be. A lot changes through highschool.

This. I was aromatic myself for many years. Had absolutely no interest with being romantic towards anyone. That all changed when I admitted I was a scaly.

 

[VeeStars]

Give it time. I'm not saying you aren't an ace, just that you may just have not found someone that catches your eye or you haven't really grown into the person you're going to be. A lot changes through highschool.

We will wait and see I guess. :/

This. I was aromatic myself for many years. Had absolutely no interest with being romantic towards anyone. That all changed when I admitted I was a scaly.

Haha lol.

 

[Valryth]

I'm definitely asexual (as per the definition) as I don't remember ever experiencing sexual attraction towards anyone ever. I do however think that I wouldn't mind having sex with someone I'm dating, despite not feeling this attraction, and that's why I struggle with tags and go between things like ace/demi.

Something positive is that at the end of the day this doesn't matter: if I ever feel romantically attracted to someone and it's mutual, I can tell them about the way I feel, and there's no real need for tags! I don't really care about how others may or may not perceive my sexuality as I really can't be bothered to explain it to everyone who asks me about it, and it's probably none of their business in the first place.

Sometimes our real feelings and self are more abstract than labels would like us to be, and finding a way to make peace with that is usually quite helpful! I've been learning new things about myself with every year, and I'm still rather young too. Hopefully you're also able to figure out where you stand as time goes by!!

 

[quoting_mungo]

It’s okay to adopt the label that you feel fits you best at the time. If you find something new out about yourself later, you can change or amend what you call yourself at that point. It wasn’t until I fell for someone uncharacteristically fast and it freaked me the hell out that I really reflected over my history and realized that while I’m absolutely allosexual, I’m also demiromantic or demiromantic-adjacent.

While sexuality is definitely more of a “born with it” thing than anything else, that doesn’t mean it can’t shift over time. I know bisexuals who cycle between being more male-attracted and being more female-attracted. I know we’ve had people on this forum who’ve mentioned their sexuality shifting over time. That’s okay.

There’s no deadline on figuring these things out, and whatever you settle on now can always be revisited in the future. If you feel ace or gray-ace fit you best for now, it doesn’t much matter if that’s because you’re a late bloomer.

Teenage me was a bit naive, and basically had to be exposed to concepts or they wouldn’t occur to her. If not, there were definitely a few years where I might have identified as asexual/biromantic, because I just... didn’t see the attraction of sex. That’s no longer the case, but it was then, and that’s the important part.

 

[Frank Gulotta]

12

Then again labels are garbage

 

[oappo]

It’s okay to adopt the label that you feel fits you best at the time.

Gotta echo this. Labels are merely categories. They're aren't necessarily meant to be some sort of strict, 100% match for people but rather a "close enough" type thing. In addition, they do not really describe or account for the abundance of variation possible in a person's sexuality.

There’s no deadline on figuring these things out, and whatever you settle on now can always be revisited in the future.

Also this. There are things I didn't know about myself until I was well out of highschool.

 

[Ziggy Schlacht]

Man, you're thinking too hard. Just live your life. Don't need a label to say "I'm not interested in a relationship at this point." That's indicative of... literally that sentence and nothing else.

 

[VeeStars]

And of course FAF doesn't notify me because I totally don't want to see any responses AT ALL!!!!

Anyways, thanks for all the responses. As I have said before, it doesn't really matter to me too much, I have just been thinking about it lately. ^^

 

[VeeStars]

12

Then again labels are garbage

Maybe, but it is much easier to quickly say you are Label A than to explain all of the details.

 

[Guifrog]

I started to label myself ace at around 24, and aro a bit later. 28's maybe. I think those labels are important for a sense of belonging, self-discovery and validity, despite eventually finding that they're not as important to me now.

Nowadays, if asked, I'm most likely to say romance is absolutely not my thing. And sexual parts don't interest me but there's other stuff I like (the fandom takes part of the blame btw), so I find no sin in casual lil' games with peeps. And I wouldn't completely discard living with someone else in the future if overall conditions tend to win-win. Maybe it's the outcome of this experience of quarantining with my parents for months, which has turned out pleasant, and productive, so the idea of changing the equation from "parents + healthy relation" to "bestie(s) + healthy relation + lil' games" seems equal to yay.

So I'm always in the process of figuring out how I work, as much as you, and everyone else I think. Not sure if there's a proper mean age for that. I'm good and living with it atm while having other concerns to address

 

[AceQuorthon]

TIL that Ace is a slang for asexual, I should change name to GayQuorthon

 

[KD142000]

I wouldn't say there's any specific age. Experiences vary heavily.

All I will say is, it doesn't really matter what you label yourself as. you could very well have not met the right person yet or really thought about people around you. Sometimes, people don't find a crush until after high school.

You do you. It's nobody's business but yours.

 

[JuniperW]

I don't think there is any set age when we know for sure what our romantic and sexual preferences are, though I do believe we become more confident in ourselves while we grow as people.
I think you should go with whatever makes you feel most comfortable. If you're unsure, you don't need to use labels.

 

[Deleted member 111470]

You have to know by 17 years and 11 months or a deathlaser comes out of the sun and melts you to glass.

There is no set age that will magically reveal what your preferences are.

 

[VeeStars]

FAF, seriously. I have to receive notifications for completely random threads I no longer care about but the thread I MADE and CARE ABOUT gives be no notifications. :V

I started to label myself ace at around 24, and aro a bit later. 28's maybe. I think those labels are important for a sense of belonging, self-discovery and validity, despite eventually finding that they're not as important to me now.

Nowadays, if asked, I'm most likely to say romance is absolutely not my thing. And sexual parts don't interest me but there's other stuff I like (the fandom takes part of the blame btw), so I find no sin in casual lil' games with peeps. And I wouldn't completely discard living with someone else in the future if overall conditions tend to win-win. Maybe it's the outcome of this experience of quarantining with my parents for months, which has turned out pleasant, and productive, so the idea of changing the equation from "parents + healthy relation" to "bestie(s) + healthy relation + lil' games" seems equal to yay.

So I'm always in the process of figuring out how I work, as much as you, and everyone else I think. Not sure if there's a proper mean age for that. I'm good and living with it atm while having other concerns to address

^This. I wish I had more to say... :/

I wouldn't say there's any specific age. Experiences vary heavily.

All I will say is, it doesn't really matter what you label yourself as. you could very well have not met the right person yet or really thought about people around you. Sometimes, people don't find a crush until after high school.

You do you. It's nobody's business but yours.

^Also this. I was thinking about it again and I am not going to label myself as Aro, at least for the time being.

I don't think there is any set age when we know for sure what our romantic and sexual preferences are, though I do believe we become more confident in ourselves while we grow as people.
I think you should go with whatever makes you feel most comfortable. If you're unsure, you don't need to use labels.

^^^

You have to know by 17 years and 11 months or a deathlaser comes out of the sun and melts you to glass.

There is no set age that will magically reveal what your preferences are.

Haha! But what if I am not made out of Silicon Dioxide? What will I melt into then?

 

[Raever]

Chances are if you aren't attracted to anyone, you're Ace. If you get a bit steamy when thinking of a person you're probably not Ace. It's pretty simple really.

 

[VeeStars]

Chances are if you aren't attracted to anyone, you're Ace. If you get a bit steamy when thinking of a person you're probably not Ace. It's pretty simple really.

I don't really think any of my friends are really attracted to anyone at my age. I am definitely waiting before I label myself Ace. I was thinking more Aro.

 

[VeeStars]

Hey all. I just wanted to make a conclusion to this thread since it has run its course. You are totally free to keep posting. I am very thankful that all of you decided to take time out of your day to post here. Sometime after I made this thread, I decided to just wait as many of you suggested, and since they are many variations of ace/aro I could be any one of them or none at all. I have done a bit of "research" (looking at other's stories) just to learn more. You all have given me great suggestions and I thank you all for that. Stay furry, furpals~