• Fur Affinity Forums are governed by Fur Affinity's Rules and Policies. Links and additional information can be accessed in the Site Information Forum.

Being direct or polite?

Are you more direct or polite when communicating


  • Total voters
    52

insertgenericnamehere1

Well-Known Member
So I have been thinking about this for quite some time now. The relationship between being direct and being polite. To many people and cultures being as direct as possible is considered genuine, honest, and trustworthy. Many other individuals and cultures emphasize strongly on being polite and well mannered. To me both seem to serve a unique purpose in communication, and neither one is really 'right' and of course the scale of this varies by person and culture. Yet, I have seen multiple conversations and social scenarios breakdown over this common error. Maybe if we just stopped and thought for a moment about people's intentions this could be solved. Maybe this person isn't trying to insult, or be rude to me, maybe they are trying to be genuine. Maybe this person isn't stuck up, they are just trying to be polite or mannered.

Honestly I don't know the answer to this. Idk what do you all think? Is there a difference or is this just lunacy? If so which do you prefer to be direct or polite? What are the Pros/cons of being direct or polite? Anyone feel free to share their thoughts and opinions.
 
Depends on the situation for me. I try to be direct when communicating, but polite at the same time to prevent a situation from becoming hostile or close-minded.
 

The Matte-Black Cat

Dark/Psychic-Timid Nature-Often lost in thought
Honestly, I'm more direct to get my point across, but I try my best to change my voice tone so that it doesn't Seem like I'm being "mean" or so..
 
Z

ZeroVoidTime

Guest
It really just boils down to the situation and a persons mental state at the moment of conversation whether to be polite or direct when making a statement. Whenever I make a statement during a first impression I try to be as polite as possible before transitioning into a more casual direct response. That way I get to know someone before more serious friendships and/or relationships are formed. Yes I understand that might be making a conversation completely at face value but I get preview before getting into the in-depth characterization of a person I am forming a friendship/relationship.
 

insertgenericnamehere1

Well-Known Member
Definitely true that this varies and depends on specific situations. There are times when it's best to be polite. Or for instance in a professional setting. I also think it varies based on culture/custom.
 
N

NightTripper

Guest
I'm polite for the most part. Lot's of please and thank you. I find no issue being kind to people.
However if I feel someone is getting closer than I want them to or I want to get closer to someone, Direct.
 

Yakamaru

Yee to the haw
"If you can't say what you mean, how can you mean what you say?"

I've always been honest and straightforward, though at a rather high cost: Politeness.

I've been trying to balance the two for about a year-ish, with rather mixed results at the beginning. A lot of mixed results. It's rather finnicky, though in the recent months I've found a pretty decent balance, I'd say.
 

insertgenericnamehere1

Well-Known Member
I'm polite for the most part. Lot's of please and thank you. I find no issue being kind to people.
However if I feel someone is getting closer than I want them to or I want to get closer to someone, Direct.
Yeah I usually am very polite, especially with gratitude. Idk I do notice with myself that a lot of people can easily mistake my directness as an insult. In general though I'm also aware that I have a habit, for better or worse of enjoying provocation, and controversial subjects. It has it's pro and cons. Best thing is I find that I'm able to filter out who I actually connect with the most and who I don't. Unfortunately I've lost many friends, probably due to this, but now I can see who's more real to me.
 

SSJ3Mewtwo

Well-Known Member
I kinda disagree with the dichotomy presented in those options. It's entirely possible to be direct and clear, while still being polite and respectful.
 
N

NightTripper

Guest
Yeah I usually am very polite, especially with gratitude. Idk I do notice with myself that a lot of people can easily mistake my directness as an insult. In general though I'm also aware that I have a habit, for better or worse of enjoying provocation, and controversial subjects. It has it's pro and cons. Best thing is I find that I'm able to filter out who I actually connect with the most and who I don't. Unfortunately I've lost many friends, probably due to this, but now I can see who's more real to me.


I can say the same about the directness as well as the loss of friends over it. It's why I try to be polite now. Half of it is genuine kindness, the other half is a mind game used to hunt out those who take advantage of kindness. I find it VERY entertaining to put those people in their place when they don't expect it of me....so I guess I can relate to enjoying provocation as well.

@Yakamaru , Balance takes time, keep going for it, even if you get thrown off course, which you will.
 

insertgenericnamehere1

Well-Known Member
"If you can't say what you mean, how can you mean what you say?"

I've always been honest and straightforward, though at a rather high cost: Politeness.

I've been trying to balance the two for about a year-ish, with rather mixed results at the beginning. A lot of mixed results. It's rather finnicky, though in the recent months I've found a pretty decent balance, I'd say.
I see you write a lot on self improvement, which is really nice dude. I've been trying to change and balance a lot in my life. Have you ever read Aristotle's philosophy on balance? I believe it's called the Golden Mean. It really changed the way I look at the world a few years back.
 

Yakamaru

Yee to the haw
@Yakamaru , Balance takes time, keep going for it, even if you get thrown off course, which you will.
Thanks. Social interaction is extremely finnicky, but I've learned a whole lot these past two years.
 
D

Deleted member 111470

Guest
Both. If someone asks me what I think of something, and I don't like it - I won't tell them to kill themselves because it is the dirt under my fingernails.

There's no reason to be destructive and belittle people and call it "i'm just being honest br0, u need thick skin lmao fag kys xDdDd"
 

insertgenericnamehere1

Well-Known Member
I can say the same about the directness as well as the loss of friends over it. It's why I try to be polite now. Half of it is genuine kindness, the other half is a mind game used to hunt out those who take advantage of kindness. I find it VERY entertaining to put those people in their place when they don't expect it of me....so I guess I can relate to enjoying provocation as well.

@Yakamaru , Balance takes time, keep going for it, even if you get thrown off course, which you will.
In all reality balance kindness and being direct, or honest with intentions are all very important. I probably could have phrased this better in hindsight.

Also yeah I've als learned in many hard ways world is not kind. Definitely know how to look out for those who wish to take advantage. They're like energy vampires.
 

Yakamaru

Yee to the haw
I see you write a lot on self improvement, which is really nice dude. I've been trying to change and balance a lot in my life. Have you ever read Aristotle's philosophy on balance? I believe it's called the Golden Mean. It really changed the way I look at the world a few years back.
Two years give you a lot to.. Look back. Do introspection. Think how you interact with people and how you word yourself.

As for the philosophy you mentioned, I will look it up.

Will be getting Jordan B. Peterson's "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos" soon as well. Been wanting to get that book for a while to be honest, but never got around to actually do it.

I try to aim for as much balance as possible, and it's proven to be extremely successful thus far, ever since I started implementing that balance about a year-ish ago.
 

Pogo

I pounce i bounce.
I like using both. Some times i feel like a direct approach would work when i want something. But in casual conversation being polite doesnt hurt. Depends on the situation really.
 
D

Dat Wolf

Guest
being polite is overrated. if u are polite and try not to step on anyones toes, nothing will get done. soemtimes u have to be blunt and direct to the point to get people to listen
 

SSJ3Mewtwo

Well-Known Member
being polite is overrated. if u are polite and try not to step on anyones toes, nothing will get done. soemtimes u have to be blunt and direct to the point to get people to listen

The catch there is that it is far to easy to go over the line, and end up coming across as a bit of a asshole.

It's true that when debating a subject with someone you can encounter an individual or group of individuals who will just flat out not listen. You can see that a LOT in some of the crazier and more die-hard Trump supporters, who just flat out ignore all his contradictions and blatant lies.

But being so direct that you come across as rude to them in response doesn't actually help the situation. It just stirs up more conflict. And it could be that the people you are talking to intend for that to happen. They might like the idea of you getting so frustrated with them that you end up being incredibly rude, thereby making your side of the issue look bad.

It's convoluted, but it happens a lot, and it's a tactic meant to muddle an issue and stall progress.

The best option is to be perfectly clear about your position, but not lose your cool or stand out as being rude.
 
Top