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Best Seller on eBay

mystery_penguin

Redline Movie Fanatic
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=160559216667#description

Now, why on earth would some MAJOR companies pay LOTS OF MONEY for a wetsuit?
Because of the guy's description.

I bought this wetsuit brand-new last year and have worn it a fair bit. When I say 'fair' I reckon about 20 times, but then probably more like 30. A fair few times anyway.

HOWEVER you will like this, If it was not being worn, it was hung on a hangar or rolled to prevent creasing AND I rinsed it in fresh water after EVERY session so it's in VERY good condition as I look after my gear, I always do, similarly I take care of my body and shower at least once a day and always moisturise. Yes you're probably getting a feel for the kind of man I am. You can see from the pictures it has no creases and looks lovely. My friend Gaz has got a wetsuit that he doesn't look after and it looks like an Elephant's arse, all wrinkled, a bit like an old man's testicle.

You're probably thinking "People p*ss in wetsuits, I'm not sure about a second hand wetsuit", but believe it or not I have NEVER urinated in this suit, seriously, these suits are too good to be doing such a vulgar act in, the wee just ends up staying in the suit and then when you're sat having a post-surf pint in the pub you smell awful and girls don't like boys that smell of p*ss so you just sit there, alone all night, sobbing into your pint of Betty Stoggs like a lonely desperate p*ss smelling man.

I've included a picture of a bear using a urinal, this is how I normally use the toilet, notice that the animal is not wearing a wetsuit. Although I am not a bear, I, like a bear, do not p*ss in wetsuits.

It's a size medium or "m", it was the top of the range suit when I bought it, I think I paid around £300 for it, still a great warm suit that will make you surf at least 200% better. It won't really but it will keep you warm and it's flexible so you'll be able to throw your arms around like Beyonce whilst you're bouncing along a wave. People will look at you and say "f*ckin hell check that dude out, he knows what he's doing wearing one of those Xcel suits and he's got some fresh dance moves". They probably won't say this.

Now as it's been worn, there's some signs of wear around the neck, which I've taken pictures of, so you don't say "oi you c*nt, there's area of wear around the neck I'm giving you bad feedback". The pictures make it look worse than it is (because they're close-ups), and I've taken the pictures with the suit turned inside out, when it's the right way round you don't see the wear and it has no effect on the performance of the suit. That was a bit boring wasn't it, but it had to be done so you can't take me to eBay court for not being honest with you.

Why am I selling it? Well I've just bought a new one, as I'm a flash tw*t like that, I tend to get a new suit every season, I just like the feel of fresh neoprene on my soft skin, and well to be honest I could do with some cash to pay for prostitutes. No, that was a joke, now you're going to think the suit is riddled with disease but it's not as I was joking I do NOT engage with ladies of the night.

I'll post it out the next working day following cleared payment, or if you're around the Truro area you can come and collect it thus avoiding postage charges. Having said that, if you're a maniac, maybe you should just let me post it to you as I don't want to be murdered to death, especially as the summer is just beginning! WOO HOO.

Any questions just ask, I'll answer them very quickly as I'm sat at a computer all f*cking day, unless there's waves.

Thanks for looking and reading all of that ridiculous text, I hope you have a wonderful day.
Then, he continues to answer a wide array of questions.
http://contact.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayIS...on_VI&redirect=0&requested=d_h_morgan&afsrc=1

Q: Bears may well p!ss in a urinal but we know what they do in the woods don't we? 17-Mar-11 A: I do, Mark (the bear) plays poker with his mates there and leaves cans of special brew all over the shop. He once fell asleep there and woke up at 4am with sick down his fur. The d*ck.
Q: Dear D H Morgan, I notice in you description that you go to great lengths to invince prospective buyers that you have not at any time taken a slash in the power rangers outfit. Is this because you have rather been leaking your load into drinks bottles and dumping them along the hard shoulder of various motorways up and down the country? If yes then I must insist that you cease and desist in this disgusting activity henceforth. It's not big, it's not clever and there are perfectly good services located close to motorways which have the facilities you require. Failing that, why not piss in the wetsuit anyway? It would seem that not pissing in your wetsuit is a failed tactic in your attempt to attract a woman. If you hadn't failed then you sure as hell wouldn't spend so much time writing convoluted listings on Ebay. regards Furious, Surbiton. 16-Mar-11

A: Dear Mr Furious from Surbiton, your message is riddled with assumptions about me and my toilet habits, I have only p*ssed in a bottle once and that was during a traffic jam on the M5 in 1998, the bottle overflowed and drenched my chinos, yet I STILL did not dispose of it on the hard shoulder. I put it in the cup holder and neglected to tell Tony it was not apple juice 3 weeks later. He then threw it on the hard shoulder.
Q: Are you married, I love a man who moisturises......and scampi fries....ideal complete.....? 16-Mar-11

A: I am not married. I am 'complete' minus the end of my index finger which I lost trying to feed a chipstick to an otter, I should have listened to Terry Nutkins when he said "if you f*ck about feeding Otters you'll lose a finger", at the time it made no sense, now it does.
After reading his fantastic description, major companies started donating items and bidding on the suit. The price reached so high, that he raised the donation amount to 90%.

On 14-Mar-11 at 23:43:11 GMT, seller added the following information:

UPDATE.


This listing for my urine-free wetsuit is getting a lot of unexpected attention which is nice but I'm feeling I should do something positive with all the 'f*cking energy man', so I've decided to give 90% of the money it makes to the Red Cross to aid their efforts in Japan. That sounds all 'oh look at me I'm so nice I'm giving to charity' doesn't it... yeah well p*ss off.
THEN,
On 15-Mar-11 at 00:42:42 GMT, seller added the following information:

Okay so people are now saying "only 90%", and I agree that sounds a bit sh*t, you see I was worried that if it only made it up to £20 or something I'd be unable to afford the postage! So let's say as the value goes up so does the percentage!

It's quite cool that he's donating to the Japanese relief efforts in such a hilarious way.
 

Paul'o'fox

amica mea Musica
12,500? This guy is good, I hope he's telling the truth!
 

CannonFodder

Resistance is futile! If 0 ohm
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