I think the problems with this one are simply stated, but difficult to implement. Basically, it moves way too quickly, and is way too explanatory. I'd say this might be a prime example of where showing would be better than telling.
Part of the art of writing is figuring out how to build relationships between the reader and the characters in the story. I can see you're making an attempt at that, but the pacing pretty much thwarts it. Right in the first couple sentences, we learn that this guy is some kind of hybrid, that his parents died in a car crash, and that hybrids are looked down upon. And while I'm sure that's good to know, right now pretty much no one cares. It's like reading an obituary in a newspaper from a city you don't even live in. There was this person, some stuff happened throughout his life, and now he's dead. Kind of tough getting teary-eyed over that, wouldn't you say?
So try expanding on everything. Introduce us to the characters slowly, and let us get to know them and like them first. Show them living together, talking with each other, etc. Then the stuff that happens will have a bigger impact, and the story will be more interesting.
The nice thing about this plot is that's it's pretty basic, so it's not too hard to make it interesting for the common reader. You just need to exploit a few tricks to make the emotions work. Sort of like what James Cameron did with the movie Avatar, minus the quadrillion dollar budget.
