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Bloody Paws story by me

Grey Wolverine

The saint of Furr Affinity

M. LeRenard

Is not French
I think the problems with this one are simply stated, but difficult to implement. Basically, it moves way too quickly, and is way too explanatory. I'd say this might be a prime example of where showing would be better than telling.
Part of the art of writing is figuring out how to build relationships between the reader and the characters in the story. I can see you're making an attempt at that, but the pacing pretty much thwarts it. Right in the first couple sentences, we learn that this guy is some kind of hybrid, that his parents died in a car crash, and that hybrids are looked down upon. And while I'm sure that's good to know, right now pretty much no one cares. It's like reading an obituary in a newspaper from a city you don't even live in. There was this person, some stuff happened throughout his life, and now he's dead. Kind of tough getting teary-eyed over that, wouldn't you say?
So try expanding on everything. Introduce us to the characters slowly, and let us get to know them and like them first. Show them living together, talking with each other, etc. Then the stuff that happens will have a bigger impact, and the story will be more interesting.
The nice thing about this plot is that's it's pretty basic, so it's not too hard to make it interesting for the common reader. You just need to exploit a few tricks to make the emotions work. Sort of like what James Cameron did with the movie Avatar, minus the quadrillion dollar budget.
 

Grey Wolverine

The saint of Furr Affinity
Chapter 4:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5482420
Also, am I like one of the only people why didn't like Avatar? Than again, I was having a bad day, maybe if I l watched it again Id like it. Ah well, I'm going to go watch "The Boondock Saints 2" later, is it any good?
 

M. LeRenard

Is not French
A lot of people didn't like Avatar, but it was also the highest grossing film of all time. I used it as an example because it had a really basic, overused plot, but it still managed to impress people because of all the tricks Cameron implemented. The plot in this piece (anthros mistreated by larger society and some guy whose parents were murdered, so he joins an assassin group to get revenge) isn't very original, so I'm telling you that you should try to play off of that to make it work.
I've never seen Boondock Saints 2, though I've heard it's one of those movies you either love or you hate.
 

Grey Wolverine

The saint of Furr Affinity
Okay so here it is, the next installment of my story http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5965447
Yes I know this is an old thread, but I didn't want to start a new one when this was only on the second page. Anywho, I am experiencing computer problems, just got Word working again, so yes, you do have to download this, I'm trying to fix it but hey, who even reads my stuff.
 

scavola

Member
I don't think at this stage it's ready for critique. In my opinion, it's still a draft. It reminds me of the first book I wrote, I got the story down on paper and it came out at 100 pages. When I went back and revised it, adding descriptions, narrative, expanding on scenes, etc., it grew to 300 pages. Keep at it and get the story down before you loose it, then comes the hard work, revising. Again, just my opinion based on my experience, feel free to disregard it.
 
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