• Fur Affinity Forums are governed by Fur Affinity's Rules and Policies. Links and additional information can be accessed in the Site Information Forum.

Celibacy

Select the option which best describes you:

  • Not celibate

    Votes: 32 43.8%
  • Conditionally celibate

    Votes: 17 23.3%
  • Voluntarily celibate

    Votes: 20 27.4%
  • Involuntarily celibate

    Votes: 4 5.5%

  • Total voters
    73
Status
Not open for further replies.

Charleslr'93

Well-Known Member
It's short for 'involuntary celibate'.
I don't see how shortening the word is somehow unkind, but the full version is perfectly fine.
But I'll apologise.
The full version makes more sense, and wouldn't offend said person. These days people like to be offended over anything and everything. Better safer than sorry. I don't mean to sound like a dick.
 

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
The full version makes more sense, and wouldn't offend said person. These days people like to be offended over anything and everything. Better safer than sorry. I don't mean to sound like a dick.

Gotta agree with KD though, in the end it really is just dress up.
Granted, not everyone who isn't currently getting laid thinks the world OWES them sex.
I know plenty of friends who just aren't confident enough (or peppy enough) to want to go out, but do want to eventually have sex with people they love, they just don't make it a priority in their lives. To me, that's involuntary celeb-bull-crap that doesn't actively seem...well, whatever the internet depicts it to be. Nothing wrong with wanting something and not having it. Every human has their wants. :p
 

Charleslr'93

Well-Known Member
Gotta agree with KD though, in the end it really is just dress up.
Granted, not everyone who isn't currently getting laid thinks the world OWES them sex.
I know plenty of friends who just aren't confident enough (or peppy enough) to want to go out, but do want to eventually have sex with people they love, they just don't make it a priority in their lives. To me, that's involuntary celeb-bull-crap that doesn't actively seem...well, whatever the internet depicts it to be. Nothing wrong with wanting something and not having it. Every human has their wants. :p
I'm not arguing against or for, I just simply said people might freak out over the word Incel instead of the full wording. Because that's 2020 now? I guess? I see it everywhere, people will have a cow over the silliest things.

I'm monogamous, I heavily prefer relationship fun, though I will not deny a opportunity or someone who has similar if not the same interests as me, if they bring it up or hint to it.
 

KD142000

Leather-clad Lobo
Gotta agree with KD though, in the end it really is just dress up.
Granted, not everyone who isn't currently getting laid thinks the world OWES them sex.
I know plenty of friends who just aren't confident enough (or peppy enough) to want to go out, but do want to eventually have sex with people they love, they just don't make it a priority in their lives. To me, that's involuntary celeb-bull-crap that doesn't actively seem...well, whatever the internet depicts it to be. Nothing wrong with wanting something and not having it. Every human has their wants. :p
Agreed. Everyone has their wants and desires.

To be honest, there are some people I think don't get laid enough in this fandom. I often wonder why nobody snatches them up. That's a rather crude way of putting it...but there are lovely people in this fandom who do deserve to have meaningful relationships.

When I hear 'I should be having sex but no one gives me it'...that's pretty much self-explanatory. If you treat people with respect, you're automatically so much more attractive. Granted, there will always be some people who are shallow and only care about appearance...but I think that way of thinking is in decline, maybe.

If you have the personality of dried soap, I don't think you're gonna get many offers. Normally, people do have personalities and emotions and all the rest...but hide it beneath a heavy layer so it never gets seen.

Involuntary celibates are one half affected by shallow people and the other half affected by their own crappy behaviour. I don't mean any offence when I use the term because it's multi-faceted and everybody has a different case.

If you ARE involuntarily celibate, my advice is: Have a personality, be nice, don't treat people as sex objects, don't think anyone owes you anything and just have some patience.
 

Ziggy Schlacht

Hasn't figured out this "straight" business
It's short for 'involuntary celibate'.
I don't see how shortening the word is somehow unkind, but the full version is perfectly fine.
But I'll apologise.

The term "incel" was coined by in 1993 by a female college student who was lamenting her lack of sex due to a lack of partner. It wasn't a woe-is-me sort of thing, but rather a forum for sharing preferences and experiences. It even spawned, in the early 2000's, effectively a support group for the socially awkward who just couldn't seem to get it on. It then morphed into what it is now. But the original useage - without shortening - was explicitly meant for people who want to and are able to have sex but can't due mostly to a lack of partner. I've seen it still used as such, with "incel" having the negative connotation you're getting at.

Fundamentally, given the subject, I think it is an important distinction - even if perhaps a better term is required. Someone who works a night shift, or lives in the boonies, or similar may have just a shear lack of options. This means through no fault of their own, they're celibate. Alternatively, someone on certain meds may very well want to have it, but also can't because things won't work would count. Or unfortunate injuries. Really, there's *alot* of reasons why someone may not have sex, and to assume someone who's frustrated by it just sees other people as sex objects is very rash.

I'd expand this to say that assuming their views, or attacking people for having the gall to lament the "friend zone" is counter productive. If people get shit even before complaining, or without complaining, that's hardly going to help them. Let's not jump to conclusions here. If someone says "I can't get laid because women just don't understand how good I am" then that's one thing, but "I can't get laid because women scare the hell out of me" is entirely another.
 

Toby_Morpheus

Hello, Proto
The term "incel" was coined by in 1993 by a female college student who was lamenting her lack of sex due to a lack of partner. It wasn't a woe-is-me sort of thing, but rather a forum for sharing preferences and experiences. It even spawned, in the early 2000's, effectively a support group for the socially awkward who just couldn't seem to get it on. It then morphed into what it is now. But the original useage - without shortening - was explicitly meant for people who want to and are able to have sex but can't due mostly to a lack of partner. I've seen it still used as such, with "incel" having the negative connotation you're getting at.

Fundamentally, given the subject, I think it is an important distinction - even if perhaps a better term is required. Someone who works a night shift, or lives in the boonies, or similar may have just a shear lack of options. This means through no fault of their own, they're celibate. Alternatively, someone on certain meds may very well want to have it, but also can't because things won't work would count. Or unfortunate injuries. Really, there's *alot* of reasons why someone may not have sex, and to assume someone who's frustrated by it just sees other people as sex objects is very rash.

I'd expand this to say that assuming their views, or attacking people for having the gall to lament the "friend zone" is counter productive. If people get shit even before complaining, or without complaining, that's hardly going to help them. Let's not jump to conclusions here. If someone says "I can't get laid because women just don't understand how good I am" then that's one thing, but "I can't get laid because women scare the hell out of me" is entirely another.
I agree.
To narrow down an entire phenomenon to a small group of variables is little more than perpetuating stereotypes and ultimately could cause more harm.
 

KD142000

Leather-clad Lobo
The term "incel" was coined by in 1993 by a female college student who was lamenting her lack of sex due to a lack of partner. It wasn't a woe-is-me sort of thing, but rather a forum for sharing preferences and experiences. It even spawned, in the early 2000's, effectively a support group for the socially awkward who just couldn't seem to get it on. It then morphed into what it is now. But the original useage - without shortening - was explicitly meant for people who want to and are able to have sex but can't due mostly to a lack of partner. I've seen it still used as such, with "incel" having the negative connotation you're getting at.

Fundamentally, given the subject, I think it is an important distinction - even if perhaps a better term is required. Someone who works a night shift, or lives in the boonies, or similar may have just a shear lack of options. This means through no fault of their own, they're celibate. Alternatively, someone on certain meds may very well want to have it, but also can't because things won't work would count. Or unfortunate injuries. Really, there's *alot* of reasons why someone may not have sex, and to assume someone who's frustrated by it just sees other people as sex objects is very rash.

I'd expand this to say that assuming their views, or attacking people for having the gall to lament the "friend zone" is counter productive. If people get shit even before complaining, or without complaining, that's hardly going to help them. Let's not jump to conclusions here. If someone says "I can't get laid because women just don't understand how good I am" then that's one thing, but "I can't get laid because women scare the hell out of me" is entirely another.
Refer to my later post.

Also refer to where I said I am using it to mean 'involuntary celibate' and am not using it in a derogatory manner.
 

Charleslr'93

Well-Known Member
Refer to my later post.

Also refer to where I said I am using it to mean 'involuntary celibate' and am not using it in a derogatory manner.
I think we all need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and relax on a couch or the bed, it seems like this is spiralling out of control here.
 

KD142000

Leather-clad Lobo
I think we all need to take a step back, take a deep breath, and relax on a couch or the bed, it seems like this is spiralling out of control here.
Taking a step back. I think I was fair in what I said, however if people disagree, then that's fine.

I also apologised previously for using the term.
My mistake.
 

Ziggy Schlacht

Hasn't figured out this "straight" business
Refer to my later post.

Also refer to where I said I am using it to mean 'involuntary celibate' and am not using it in a derogatory manner.

I did see it, but it took me a while to get that typed and you just happened to have prompted it. I didn't expect that many posts in the interim. This is a loaded subject, and the history of the term is not well known and more trivia than anything at this point. Also, your first post came on... strong.

I mean, you have a point in the rest of what you said - that's just dating 101. It's just getting there can take a lot of introspection, and introspection starts with... Randomly quasi-derailed posts on FA, I guess.
 

Punji

Daedric Prince of Secrets
With regards to the involuntary celibacy discussion, I thought about that before posting, yeah.

I can definitely see where one might be coming from, and I don't disagree entirely. However, I did also include the caveat of "suitable partners" and just being flat out not able to engage in the activity to cover all the bases. ;)

But in my opinion doesn't feel appropriate to intensify the questioning and differentiate between supposed "involuntary" and physical, emotional, or mental involuntary celibacy for something that's just meant as a fun poll about our fandom demographic. It may be anonymous, but it can still be unpleasant to answer for some people I fear.
 
Last edited:

Tetrachroma

"nEw UsEr"
If I'm reading this correctly, I'd be conditional celibate. I'm probably the only person in the fandom who's in the "waiting til marriage" boat. I try to stick true to my Christian faith, though I'd never trod on anyone who chooses otherwise (as long as they're not actively trying to hurt anyone of course)

Probably kills my chances of being with someone in the fandom tho.
 

Charleslr'93

Well-Known Member
If I'm reading this correctly, I'd be conditional celibate. I'm probably the only person in the fandom who's in the "waiting til marriage" boat. I try to stick true to my Christian faith, though I'd never trod on anyone who chooses otherwise (as long as they're not actively trying to hurt anyone of course)

Probably kills my chances of being with someone in the fandom tho.
I passed that sea long ago. Click on my profile picture, you'll see what I mean. He is my world, and I wouldn't change anything for him.
 

Mambi

Fun loving kitty cat
The furry fandom has an infamous reputation of being rather promiscuous and that's all I'll say on that. :)

I'm curious as to how true this may be for our demographic, though obviously this is just for fun so I won't go into too much detail or subcategorize at all. Maybe someday we could poll a larger percentage of the fandom and class by age, sex & gender identity, orientation, and partner preferences/requirements, but for now we're not writing any papers on this. :p

I'm happily married, have been for a very long time now, and have extremely good sex multiple times a week with my soulmate lover.
<blushes through his fur as he sees some others glaring, trying not to appear to brag as he merely answers the poll honestly>
 

MaelstromEyre

Slippery When Wet
I am in a long term monogamous relationship, going on 12 years now.

I have never been promiscuous and have had only two partners, including my current one, and that is by choice.

My first thirty years of life consisted of me being too socially awkward and shy, not to mention the risk of getting pregnant did not make it worth being sexually active.
 

zandelux

AKA Kardek
I've only been posting a very short time on FAF, but I've been really blown away so far by how respectful people have been to each other, even in disagreement. Most other places, it seems, online or offline, people just dig in deeper and escalate disagreements into hatred.

But anyway, I'm probably an odd mix between conditional and involuntary. Involuntary due to dealing with a lot of other stuff in my life right now. Conditional in that I could probably get something if I tried, but I've been there and it really isn't that satisfying to me. I am going through a dry spell, but these days the emotional dry spell feels worse than the physical part. I'd rather focus on getting the aforementioned stuff fixed, so that I can take the time to find something meaningful. (Which I like to believe is still possible for me.)
 

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
I often wonder why nobody snatches them up. That's a rather crude way of putting it...but there are lovely people in this fandom who do deserve to have meaningful relationships.

That answer is quite obvious; it's a mix of differing desires, circumstances, and life choices.
There is no "need" for someone to be "snatched up" by another (crude intents or otherwise). It takes two to tango and all, and nothing is ever solely sexual. I have had relationships where sex wasn't even a major factor for more than five years. I think the focus on a stranger's choices in the bedroom is rather creepy, don't you? It's not really important what others decide to do with their free time. Though I do admit, seeing the statistics line up against the stereotypical "sexualized" community is pretty cool. Just because I enjoy comparing things like articles, data, etc.

I've only been posting a very short time on FAF, but I've been really blown away so far by how respectful people have been to each other, even in disagreement. Most other places, it seems, online or offline, people just dig in deeper and escalate disagreements into hatred.

*laughs in FA* Oh boy, just wait until the riff-raff notice the forum is back.
It won't matter because block buttons are holy items in any community but...it's best to mentally prepare yourself all the same.

If you ARE involuntarily celibate, my advice is: Have a personality, be nice, don't treat people as sex objects, don't think anyone owes you anything and just have some patience.

I think it's important to recognize that being an involuntary celibate and being a shit human being aren't a hand in hand scenario.
Nor is being an involuntary-cell-babe automatically equating to having an issue with your personality, etc.
Unless it's online. A lot of shit human beings who happen to be [blank] tend to have no filter online and make any group they're apart of look like absolute dumpster fires. Just look at the Furry community- wait. >.>;
 
Last edited:

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
There's stuff I'm into, kink-related, but I'm not a fan of being in a relationship, or having sex (as in penile/vaginal/anal/etc). I don't know whether that counts as conditionally or voluntarily celibate

I'd say conditionally since it doesn't outright prevent you (or you prevent yourself) from doing something entirely.
But that's just my two cents.
 

Toby_Morpheus

Hello, Proto
There's stuff I'm into, kink-related, but I'm not a fan of being in a relationship, or having sex (as in penile/vaginal/anal/etc). I don't know whether that counts as conditionally or voluntarily celibate
Voluntary, I'd say, since you hold claim to your sexual expression.
You have an interesting take, though. I'm curious for more details, if you'd humor me.
We can PM if you're comfortable.
 

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
Voluntary, I'd say, since you hold claim to your sexual expression.
You have an interesting take, though. I'm curious for more details, if you'd humor me.
We can PM if you're comfortable.

Wouldn't voluntary mean they never do anything sexual, period, by choice?
Whereas conditional depends on scenarios and circumstances?
Or do I have that mixed up?
 

Toby_Morpheus

Hello, Proto
Wouldn't voluntary mean they never do anything sexual, period, by choice?
Whereas conditional depends on scenarios and circumstances?
Or do I have that mixed up?
I see voluntary as saying "I personally do not enjoy the idea of sex and that's why I do not have it"
Conditional: "I do like sex, but I have a sturdy list of criteria that could, for a period, prevent me from having sex"
Conditional in this thread, how I read it, is a modification of not celibate, by adding more rules.

It's why I said non-celibate instead of conditional because I have less-than-traditional views on sexuality, even though I still have a condition to determine who I have sex with.

EDIT: Also keep in mind that there are those who are asexual who still enjoy intimacy and other actions without actively looking for sex itself.
 

Charleslr'93

Well-Known Member
Wouldn't voluntary mean they never do anything sexual, period, by choice?
Whereas conditional depends on scenarios and circumstances?
Or do I have that mixed up?
Yes. Voluntary means by choice. Your correct.
Conditional means there are conditions on why you would or wouldn't.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top