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Celibacy

Select the option which best describes you:

  • Not celibate

    Votes: 32 43.8%
  • Conditionally celibate

    Votes: 17 23.3%
  • Voluntarily celibate

    Votes: 20 27.4%
  • Involuntarily celibate

    Votes: 4 5.5%

  • Total voters
    73
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Deleted member 82554

Guest
Here's a pile of stuffed toys. Now everyone shaddap and awwwwwwwwwwwww....

images.jpeg.jpg
 

Stadt

Eeriee the Wendigo
Not celibate, but I could never see myself having sex outside of a relationship. The term nearest to what I would clump myself as being is Demisexual. I don't find people attractive. I can sometimes recognize that a person is physically attractive, but it does nothing for me as far as arousal goes. But if I get to know someone and become open to the idea of having them be a partner to me, I will get turned on by them. But I don't see a lot of people in that way, even if I do like them as a person, so I've only ever had two sexual partners. Both long-term relationships. I've had lots of fictional crushes though.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
Clearly the poll should also have had a “pandemic celibate” option. ;)

Tbh if boyfriend didn’t live with me that’s where I’d be at - can’t see partners outside the household while social distancing. Even less so since only one of them (aside from boyfriend) is even remotely local.
 

Ziggy Schlacht

Hasn't figured out this "straight" business
Clearly the poll should also have had a “pandemic celibate” option. ;)

Tbh if boyfriend didn’t live with me that’s where I’d be at - can’t see partners outside the household while social distancing. Even less so since only one of them (aside from boyfriend) is even remotely local.

Isn't that why multiple countries advocated glory holes?
 

Charleslr'93

Well-Known Member
Not celibate, but I could never see myself having sex outside of a relationship. The term nearest to what I would clump myself as being is Demisexual. I don't find people attractive. I can sometimes recognize that a person is physically attractive, but it does nothing for me as far as arousal goes. But if I get to know someone and become open to the idea of having them be a partner to me, I will get turned on by them. But I don't see a lot of people in that way, even if I do like them as a person, so I've only ever had two sexual partners. Both long-term relationships. I've had lots of fictional crushes though.
I can agree with you on this one. I've had a few long term relationships, and boy did I explore myself and had a ton of fun. Things got kinky. XD
 
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Deleted member 134556

Guest
Wow Trash Man back at it again. People who take issue with all women as a collective are trash. End of story.
Nothing against you, but I personally thought they made a few good points, even if they may have worded it in a way that was unfavorable to people. I have noticed a trend in some men pushing this idea that if someone struggles to find a relationship with a women it must be because they have toxic and negative views on them, which if that were the case, would mean all men are “incels” until they find a partner, or if they are refraining from having a relationship for various personal reasons. Yes, there are some men who hate women and think they are objects, which is a good reason for them to be denied a relationship with one, but others who are afraid of commitment and other non mysoginistic reasons deserve not to receive the same label, especially from the kind of men ASTA mentioned.
 

MrSpookyBoots

Batto with a Bad Leg ;'(
I'm honestly not sure. I want to say "voluntary celibate," as it is something I've agreed to do on certain occasions. Such occasions were when I was not in a relationship.

Honestly, sex is overrated. The people who want to screw anybody with legs likely won't find any meaning behind a relationship beyond sex. I find it more enthralling to be with someone who I want to spend my time with. Sex is just a rare bonus.
 

Ovidia Dragoness

Udder Derg
Banned
Nothing against you, but I personally thought they made a few good points, even if they may have worded it in a way that was unfavorable to people. I have noticed a trend in some men pushing this idea that if someone struggles to find a relationship with a women it must be because they have toxic and negative views on them, which if that were the case, would mean all men are “incels” until they find a partner, or if they are refraining from having a relationship for various personal reasons. Yes, there are some men who hate women and think they are objects, which is a good reason for them to be denied a relationship with one, but others who are afraid of commitment and other non mysoginistic reasons deserve not to receive the same label, especially from the kind of men ASTA mentioned.
He specifically said that people who have a problem with all women are considered incels. Which honestly if they have that attitude to all women, it's no wonder they aren't getting it. Also where in the flying flip are you hanging out where all men are considered incels until they find a mate?
 
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Deleted member 134556

Guest
He specifically said that people who have a problem with all women are considered incels. Which honestly if they have that attitude to all women, it's no wonder they aren't getting it. Also where in the flying flip are you hanging out where all men are considered incels until they find a mate?
It’s a war torn opinionated wasteland called twitter. I suggest avoiding it unless heavily armed.
 

Ovidia Dragoness

Udder Derg
Banned
It’s a war torn opinionated wasteland called twitter. I suggest avoiding it unless heavily armed.
You seem to be following some bad crowds if that's the way people are acting. You can find whatever people you want to hang out with on twitter. Also don't confuse loud voices for lots of people.
 
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Deleted member 134556

Guest
You seem to be following some bad crowds if that's the way people are acting. You can find whatever people you want to hang out with on twitter. Also don't confuse loud voices for lots of people.
Nah, I don’t follow them, but I do come across their tweets when exploring randomly. My twitter account is for my unapologetic kinks , so I’m not interested in following people outside of my crowd. XD
 

Attaman

"I say we forget this business and run."
I have noticed a trend in some men pushing this idea that if someone struggles to find a relationship with a women it must be because they have toxic and negative views on them,
I mean, it was nuked with the Politics section, but...

ASTA literally defended one of the Incel shooters with "His hand was forced, look at what your feminism and mocking of Incels has wrought" a few years ago.

Or, to move away from that and stick to the thread, "Roast beef" is commentary used by Incels to infer that women are "ruined" by sexual promiscuity (to the point of resembling "roast beef" down there, which for that matter also has some pretty horrible implications / knee-jerk judgement values made considering there's a lot of variance in appearance down there), and "devalues" was put in quotation marks when discussing women being seen as walking fleshlights. The fact that the best argument I can see for how the stances "Don't treat women as though they're sex accessories" and "Mock somebody for being a virgin" are hypocritical is "Why mock somebody for not doing something (having sex with a woman) that you admit isn't trivial?" Which infers some uncomfortable things about what sex is (particularly when taken in combination with the roast beef stuff: Women are supposed to reward you for good behavior, but a woman who sleeps with multiple men throughout her life is ruining herself and giving you sloppy seconds and generally of less worth as a reward and whatnot).

I mean, hell: The entire argument that
This effectively insinuates that a woman's value is inherently -- and perhaps even exclusively -- grounded in her sexuality, and that a man's only measure of value is firmly derived from his ability to access that sexuality.
Kind of - accidentally or intentionally - ignores the concept of toxic masculinity in and of its entirety to hinge instead on how clearly somebody who holds the above two positions is hypocritical and merely changing "Women are sex objects" from a negative into a positive ("Women are sex objects, if you cannot access them it's your fault") instead of the much more logical conclusion of "They're an asshole / still fairly influenced by machismo norms, but can at least avoid openly calling women walking prize dispensaries."

I think we can relatively safely presume that there's some level of baggage.

which if that were the case, would mean all men are “incels” until they find a partner, or if they are refraining from having a relationship for various personal reasons.
That's virgin. The term one's looking for is virgin. Which, well, see above: The fact that people will mock somebody for being a virgin is still a sign of machismo / assholish behavior, but it's distinctly different from either being an Incel or calling somebody an Incel because Incel specifically refers to the philosophy in much the same manner that Men's Rights Advocates does not refer to all people who advocate for men's rights but the sort of people who argue that the real thing keeping Men down is Feminism.

but others who are afraid of commitment and other non mysoginistic reasons deserve not to receive the same label, especially from the kind of men ASTA mentioned.
I'll note that the main people I see using Incel as synonymous with virgin are other Incels, specifically to use it as a recruiting tactic and / or mock somebody for walking the walk (being "an involuntary celibate") but not talking the talk (realizing how women are keeping them down and how they need to embrace Incel psychology / mannerisms to "improve" themselves / have their ancient Greek philosopher inspiration moment).

Just as I can say "You can be a men's rights activist, but never go Men's Rights Activist", I can say the same about "You can be involuntarily celibate, but never be an Involuntary Celibate."
 
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Deleted member 134556

Guest
I mean, it was nuked with the Politics section, but...

ASTA literally defended one of the Incel shooters with "His hand was forced, look at what your feminism and mocking of Incels has wrought" a few years ago.

Or, to move away from that and stick to the thread, "Roast beef" is commentary used by Incels to infer that women are "ruined" by sexual promiscuity (to the point of resembling "roast beef" down there, which for that matter also has some pretty horrible implications / knee-jerk judgement values made considering there's a lot of variance in appearance down there), and "devalues" was put in quotation marks when discussing women being seen as walking fleshlights. The fact that the best argument I can see for how the stances "Don't treat women as though they're sex accessories" and "Mock somebody for being a virgin" are hypocritical is "Why mock somebody for not doing something (having sex with a woman) that you admit isn't trivial?" Which infers some uncomfortable things about what sex is (particularly when taken in combination with the roast beef stuff: Women are supposed to reward you for good behavior, but a woman who sleeps with multiple men throughout her life is ruining herself and giving you sloppy seconds and generally of less worth as a reward and whatnot).

I mean, hell: The entire argument that

Kind of - accidentally or intentionally - ignores the concept of toxic masculinity in and of its entirety to hinge instead on how clearly somebody who holds the above two positions is hypocritical and merely changing "Women are sex objects" from a negative into a positive ("Women are sex objects, if you cannot access them it's your fault") instead of the much more logical conclusion of "They're an asshole / still fairly influenced by machismo norms, but can at least avoid openly calling women walking prize dispensaries."

I think we can relatively safely presume that there's some level of baggage.

That's virgin. The term one's looking for is virgin. Which, well, see above: The fact that people will mock somebody for being a virgin is still a sign of machismo / assholish behavior, but it's distinctly different from either being an Incel or calling somebody an Incel because Incel specifically refers to the philosophy in much the same manner that Men's Rights Advocates does not refer to all people who advocate for men's rights but the sort of people who argue that the real thing keeping Men down is Feminism.

I'll note that the main people I see using Incel as synonymous with virgin are other Incels, specifically to use it as a recruiting tactic and / or mock somebody for walking the walk (being "an involuntary celibate") but not talking the talk (realizing how women are keeping them down and how they need to embrace Incel psychology / mannerisms to "improve" themselves / have their ancient Greek philosopher inspiration moment).

Just as I can say "You can be a men's rights activist, but never go Men's Rights Activist", I can say the same about "You can be involuntarily celibate, but never be an Involuntary Celibate."
Fair point. I was unaware of some of these things, so Ill say my post was not that informed overall. I appreciate the civil response towards me considering these kinds of threads can get inflammatory,
 

Frank Gulotta

Send us your floppy
I've never been interested in sex, saves a lot of time and avoids a lot of bullshit
 

KD142000

Leather-clad Lobo
If this turns into a shit show, I shall be leaving this site for good.

Here's my point about involuntary celibacy. First of all, I don't think everyone who is 'involuntarily celibate' is a bad person. Far from it. It varies greatly on a case by case basis. But people do need to reading too much into the negative connotations if they're mentioned. Whilst I made a strong point, it was directed at involuntary celibates who match the description I made, not at others.

Second, for the involuntary celibates (I really have to keep using this word, huh?) who DON'T match that description, I would offer a very different approach and set of advice.

Third, for involuntary celibates who DO match the description of 'treating others as sex objects and thinking the whole world owes them sexual interaction', this is rightfully going to be treated as negative. It is not to say ALL involuntary celibates are like that. But it is to say SOME are like that.

I apologised yesterday for not going into as much depth as I did here. So I will apologise again.
 

TyraWadman

The Silent Observer
I've never been interested in sex, saves a lot of time and avoids a lot of bullshit

Ummmm it's taken you years to put your hands on my back and give me that massage but my friend Becky said she saw you rubbing someone's shoulders yesterday?????? U_U

If this turns into a shit show, I shall be leaving this site for good.

U smell like wet dag.
*knocks over empty, plastic cup*
 
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Deleted member 134556

Guest
I've never been interested in sex, saves a lot of time and avoids a lot of bullshit
Sex isn’t a requirement in life. We’ve evolved for millions of years and reached a point where not everyone has to have sex for our species to survive. In addition, it’s not the best thing in the world. Sure it may feel good to lots of people, but your not missing out on something extraordinary if you feel “eh, it’s not for me”. I’ll probably never have actual sex in my life, and I’m completely fine with that, because it’s not that big of a deal to me.
 

KD142000

Leather-clad Lobo
See my above commentary. Or, for another example, the difference between "gamer" (somebody who at least semi-occasionally plays some form of - typically digital or tabletop - game as a hobby) and "Gamer"(TM) (see: Drinks exclusively Code Red, is prone to Heated Gamer Moments(tm) if they forget to turn their microphone off, has a pre-typed complaint to either send to game companies or include in reviews of games that include make use of more than one woman and / or minority character, etcetera). I... strongly recommend against using the terminology "involuntary celibate" because its origin is almost synonymous with its most popular use (Same reason I feel like calling somebody a gamer isn't fighting words, but calling them a men's rights activist will lead to rolled sleeves), but it's a technically valid choice of grammar.
Don't mean to be rude, but what term am I supposed to use, instead of that? You can't say 'I'd avoid using that terminology' but then never provide an alternative that is fine to use.
 

sshado

Artemis the Satanist
I'm polyamorous and ideally would participate in a commune in person. I'm part of one digitally for now. That said, I only have one partner in person right now and I'm pretty selective.

Sex is lovely, but also a lot of work! Don't let the presence or lack of it define your life. Unless it's really important to you, then I suppose do what you want! :p
 
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