• Fur Affinity Forums are governed by Fur Affinity's Rules and Policies. Links and additional information can be accessed in the Site Information Forum.

Cheap (50-2,000) DA Point Writing Commissions CLOSED

fernshiine

Well-Known Member
Okay, well she would also invoke the supernatural, even bring up Amanda and Grief in her mind to "shame" Grau for not following the Bradanska legacy. (Bradanska is Grau's last name, basically most of them are evil. Aurelia will play that dark side nightmare thing on Grau and make her fight herself were she to be evil like the rest of her family. Aurelia wants to posses Grau and seek her revenge on the living, but due to how Aurelia died she can only do that with someone who was once nobile like her.) So Aurelia will tempt Grau to turn evil, bring up her dead father and aunt, and all sort of that evil haunting Sith goodness. Oh and Aurelia talks in an Italian accent.

Well, there is Amanda, Grau's aunt who died in the first war as well. There can be Scorn, who is the son of the person who killed Grau's grandmother, Ophelia. (Ophelia dying is sort of like how Anankin lost his mother, turning Grief evil.) There's also Ivan, Grief's father but he could be the "light side", he's the only other member of the Bradanska family who had any noble intent, but he's sort of the reason Grief turned evil as well due to his republic he made failing. Oh, there's also Scylla. Scylla is still alive in this, and Scylla is the most likely to get in Grau's head. Scylla and Grau were close, Scylla took the "easy way" and became evil with Grief. Instead of an evil version of Grau, Grau could face Scylla in her Sith nightmare.

The Bradanska curse is what ruined their family. It started with Aurelia who turned evil with magic and ever since then only misfortune and dark paths have been in their family. It's why nearly all Bradanskas have visions of the supernatural, are sort of insane, and addicted to power. However, the curse doesn't do well with those who are already evil, (like Amanda, Scylla, and Tyrenous. These sort of nightmares did plague Grief, but eventually Aurelia was satisfied with her grandson's actions.) Anyways, the curse is that someone who was noble in the family, (like Grau) will be one day met with Aurelia and Aurelia can possess them and come back into the living by their body. Think of it like the Dark Side, in a way. Oh and it's the reason all Bradanskas are basically natural born witches, (although Scylla and Grief don't believe in magic), and generally have psychic powers and mutations. It can only be fought mentally and by basically rebuking the evil in your heart, (as mushy as that sounds, most people on Moebius are evil in the Archie Sonic lore so this is a very big deal not to just "fall' to evil.)
I LOVE THIS LORE OMG!

Last question: do you want there to be a definitive end, or just simply some scenes of Aurelia trying to force Grau to become evil and her refusing and banishing the evil in her heart?

I don't think I will need background characters at all. My idea is to have Grau try to mind her own business figuring out how to not let the Republic be a slave to her brother, but be plagued with real-time visions and dream visits of Aurelia as she manipulates her in an attempt to turn her bad. She struggles against this, infuriated, and lashes out at Aurelia angrily by shouting at her, which encourages Aurelia to keep pushing her (sort of like how Palpatine did that to Luke when he got mad). In the end, she decides what she really wants, and realizes she doesn't need power and wants to do something for the ornery people of Moebius.
This will take place in her place of living (wherever she dwells) and in her dreams.

Does this sound good? Once I'm halfway done I'll take a screenshot or send the 500 or so words I've done. I'll send it in PM.

Just want you to clarify this before I start and tell me if it's fine. 1,000 words is honestly perfect for this story.
 

Jaredthefox92

Well-Known Member
I LOVE THIS LORE OMG!

Last question: do you want there to be a definitive end, or just simply some scenes of Aurelia trying to force Grau to become evil and her refusing and banishing the evil in her heart?

I don't think I will need background characters at all. My idea is to have Grau try to mind her own business figuring out how to not let the Republic be a slave to her brother, but be plagued with real-time visions and dream visits of Aurelia as she manipulates her in an attempt to turn her bad. She struggles against this, infuriated, and lashes out at Aurelia angrily by shouting at her, which encourages Aurelia to keep pushing her (sort of like how Palpatine did that to Luke when he got mad). In the end, she decides what she really wants, and realizes she doesn't need power and wants to do something for the ornery people of Moebius.
This will take place in her place of living (wherever she dwells) and in her dreams.

Does this sound good? Once I'm halfway done I'll take a screenshot or send the 500 or so words I've done. I'll send it in PM.

Just want you to clarify this before I start and tell me if it's fine. 1,000 words is honestly perfect for this story.

Thanks, I've been on this for years.XD

I would say that she just refutes Aurelia, you can't really get Aurelia to go away, but if Aurelia cannot get to Grau than she's powerless other than to do some supernatural stuff. Grau is morally grey (see her name is "grey/gray" in German). She is not naturally nice, heck she kills Scylla in the future, but what keeps her dark family legacy at bay is she generally wants to help her wayward world, like her grandfather Ivan did. Grau is not perfect, far from it. But, she means well and that is the thing that keeps her out of Aurelia's clutches.

Hmmm, well there is one thing that I would change. Yes, she has these nightmares at night, but she can also have them when she uses her powers. (This is the part where the story gets silly btw, but hey this is a fan story. ) You see, Ophelia gave everyone on her side of the family a very odd power, they can change size. Grief can, Scylla can as well, but Grau can become REALLY big. Now, while this doesn't mean she loses control all the time, her ego is a bit of a problem. Other than that she could be under a lot of stress as well, like where Scylla and Grief would just murder one of their subordinates or just kill some human soldiers, Grau is forced to keep it under control. She has power, that's the problem. It's sort of how Superman contrasts to Brightburn, in a sense. She could totally just murder her brother, take control of Moebius, and start yet another war with Sonic's world, but that wouldn't get her anywhere like it didn't with Grief, Scylla, and Amanda combined. I would say using her anger and especially her ego would work. Like she could be having this happen during a battle.

It sounds good, but I would perhaps try to work with the theme of her ego and her stress levels.

Oh and, 100pts then? Just to make sure we're clear.
 

fernshiine

Well-Known Member
Thanks, I've been on this for years.XD

I would say that she just refutes Aurelia, you can't really get Aurelia to go away, but if Aurelia cannot get to Grau than she's powerless other than to do some supernatural stuff. Grau is morally grey (see her name is "grey/gray" in German). She is not naturally nice, heck she kills Scylla in the future, but what keeps her dark family legacy at bay is she generally wants to help her wayward world, like her grandfather Ivan did. Grau is not perfect, far from it. But, she means well and that is the thing that keeps her out of Aurelia's clutches.

Hmmm, well there is one thing that I would change. Yes, she has these nightmares at night, but she can also have them when she uses her powers. (This is the part where the story gets silly btw, but hey this is a fan story. ) You see, Ophelia gave everyone on her side of the family a very odd power, they can change size. Grief can, Scylla can as well, but Grau can become REALLY big. Now, while this doesn't mean she loses control all the time, her ego is a bit of a problem. Other than that she could be under a lot of stress as well, like where Scylla and Grief would just murder one of their subordinates or just kill some human soldiers, Grau is forced to keep it under control. She has power, that's the problem. It's sort of how Superman contrasts to Brightburn, in a sense. She could totally just murder her brother, take control of Moebius, and start yet another war with Sonic's world, but that wouldn't get her anywhere like it didn't with Grief, Scylla, and Amanda combined. I would say using her anger and especially her ego would work. Like she could be having this happen during a battle.

It sounds good, but I would perhaps try to work with the theme of her ego and her stress levels.

Oh and, 100pts then? Just to make sure we're clear.
Yup! 100 points! And I'll get on it now. It should be done sometime within 72 hours, given the word count!

Also, how should the conclusion of this short story happen? Do you want there to be one, or just a tidbit of her struggling with stress, temper, and ego?
 

Jaredthefox92

Well-Known Member
Yup! 100 points! And I'll get on it now. It should be done sometime within 72 hours, given the word count!

Also, how should the conclusion of this short story happen? Do you want there to be one, or just a tidbit of her struggling with stress, temper, and ego?

That's okay, take all the time you need. I have finals tomorrow and for the rest of this week. XD

Well, the love interest cliché is sort of overdone, considering she probably had to deal with this before she married her husband. I think she would have to find a reason inside her head, so maybe conclude it but I don't think there should be a conclusion so much as a closure. The story isn't done so much as Grau just sort of snaps out of it. So yeah, the second option is possible, there's no really "happy" ending with Aurelia involved so much as a "normal" ending, or basically Grau gets back to what she was doing and gets back to fighting. Also, considering at this time Scylla is still alive, Grau really cannot declare victory with both her brother and aunt still far to willing to overrun the Republic and cause history to repeat.
 

fernshiine

Well-Known Member
That's okay, take all the time you need. I have finals tomorrow and for the rest of this week. XD

Well, the love interest cliché is sort of overdone, considering she probably had to deal with this before she married her husband. I think she would have to find a reason inside her head, so maybe conclude it but I don't think there should be a conclusion so much as a closure. The story isn't done so much as Grau just sort of snaps out of it. So yeah, the second option is possible, there's no really "happy" ending with Aurelia involved so much as a "normal" ending, or basically Grau gets back to what she was doing and gets back to fighting. Also, considering at this time Scylla is still alive, Grau really cannot declare victory with both her brother and aunt still far to willing to overrun the Republic and cause history to repeat.
Ah, okay. I think I get it now. I have an idea in mind! Tysm for all the info and help with the structuring!
 

fernshiine

Well-Known Member
Indeed, transferring points now.
Thank you! I'll send the story (whatever I have done) to you tomorrow and if there is revising we can go over it then! I hope you have a nice evening!
 
Top