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Coming Out: The Thread (Continued)

Lobar

The hell am I reading, here?
one of the few times I'm going to disagree with this case.

I get just as annoyed as the next guy when it comes to pushing sexuality on other people, but at the same time, who fucking cares if you "overwhelm" someone in that way. my sister brags and shoves it in, that she dates people for their money, and then dumps them, and everyone in my family is not only ok with that, but they basically support her because at one point, she got married to a douchebag, and now everyone thinks she deserves to fuck over every guy in existence as compensation.

if I were a parent in any other family but my own, I'd be shocked and hurt that my child would do something like that in a relationship, but I'd probably put on a face, because I'd want what makes my child happy. and I'm 90% certain most parents do this anyway, because I KNOW my sister isn't the only one who fucks with relationships. so after facing something like that, a gay son introducing his boyfriend to his mother doesn't seem so bad.

The bigger issue is that it puts your boyfriend in the line of fire if it goes badly, which is something you don't really want to do to someone you love.
 

MEEHOO

New Member
Iv told everyone except my brother

I feel bad about not telling him but we're really close and I dont want to damage that
Its just things he's said in the past make me think he would be angry/upset if I was to tell him
 

Saiko

GTWT Survivor
to me, that doesnt really sound like a problem if your parents arent violent and/or homophobic??
Well, mine happen to be homophobic, but the only thing that gets them to show that is my being gay. Otherwise you wouldn't know, and I myself wasn't sure where they'd land on the spectrum until after I came out.

It took three "coming outs" to make it stick, the last of which consisted of me driving myself 1000 miles and back under the pretense of going to my apartment and calling them a few hours away to say I was bringing my boyfriend home. Dad's immediate response was for me to drive him all the way back. He amended that to him buying a bus ticket, but as I said earlier, it's become clear that I am going to be financially disowned because of all this. I myself am set up to be perfectly fine without my family, but not everyone is.

Don't bluff if you're going to play hardball basically. If you're going to go all-in, you had better be ready to lose; and coming out to an anti-gay family via introducing your boyfriend is going all-in.

"Hey mom, I'm gay, AND here's the guy I've been seeing behind your back until now!"
This is precisely the interpretation that my parents won't shut up about. They are mad that I didn't talk to them about any of it, yet conveniently ignore the fact that the only context under which they will actually "discuss" it is if I'm trying to change. Otherwise it's a 2 hour rant on why I'm wrong.

I think in most cases it wouldn't result in anything bad. it's just less considerate, because coming out can be a shock for a family. you shouldn't plan to shock your family twice in one night
This too, but I was more referring to how a family can act while in shock. Mine turned out to be rather poisonous in such a state.

my point is, I don't really see the problem with coming out and introducing your boyfriend at the same time. as long as you do it right I mean. don't be like "accept me for who I am, or I'm running awaaaaay!"
It's less about what should be and more about reality and how some families react.
 
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Blissful.Oblivion

ich boope dich!
Iv told everyone except my brother

I feel bad about not telling him but we're really close and I dont want to damage that
Its just things he's said in the past make me think he would be angry/upset if I was to tell him

What has he said? Lots of guys make terribly homophobic sounding comments or jokes but when it comes down to it they're actually fine. :s
 

gorgonops

Member
Man, I tortured myself for years over this. I was afraid that I was going to disappoint my parents, or that my friends wouldn't believe me (for some reason). My best friend had to basically pry it out of me with booze after some weird comment I made about the lady at a merch booth hitting on me. My conversation with my father was two hours long, involved a lot of worldview discussions, and left us closer as people. They were Very Serious Conversations.

And everyone's response was still pretty much, "Yeah, we'd guessed." Coming out got a lot more casual after I cottoned on to that.

I mean, I told my youngest brother by messaging him in World of Warcraft. :I

I lucked out with my family and friends on that front, for sure. My cousin also came out as a lesbian, her mother sent her to christian counseling, and I'm not sure of the rest of the details, but it ended with my cousin moving out at 17. I'm grateful that my immediate family was more accepting.
 

Newol Fate

Blood Painted Canvas
Honestly... I don't know where I sit in all of this. I've never had a problem with the odds and ends sexualities of the world, no. I for one actually kind of like the diversity. But for the longest time I sat very comfortably in my heterosexuality. But within the past few months my feelings have changed some what, and I mean, I've fine with it, hell. I didn't waste time telling my friends that I'm bi, and honestly, the worst response I got was "Oh god, you don't have a thing for me, do you? No? On thank God." As far as my friends go, Nothing's changed. Of course I guess it helps that my close circle of friends is so very eccentric. But as for my parents. Oh Hell No. They don't know crap, and I plan to keep it that way. Like Saiko said, If your going to go All In, which is bringing somebody home and forcing your parents to accept it, You better be prepared to lose. Regardless of how things seem. I'd like for the world to be accepting and judge people based on how they act rather then things like this. But it ain't.

But if I'm honest... The only thing I've ever really been bothered about by all this is quite simply, How the hell did it happen? I mean, I'm just confused by it. Not upset, but just confused. I swear it seems like ten minutes ago I was perfectly straight, and now I'm not. Its like it just happened and I don't have any reason why.
 

Swoocerini

New Member
I've been lucky to have extremely supportive friends, and while some were surprised they were merely curious and I feel I have helped them think differently about the LGBT community. Surprisingly, I thought my dad was the one that was OK with it and my mum wasn't which would have been totally unexpected, but I think my dad was a little shocked and now he's a little iffy about it; more about me having a boyfriend than anything I think. My mum is 100% supportive, loves my bf and is very happy for me, as is my entire family more or less. I guess I have been very lucky, and that ain't bad. I was futuristic about my coming out, and did so via Facebook when I said I was in a relationship with *dun dun dunnn* A MAN *thunder and lightning* and I had people message me, mostly curious as they didn't expect it but were supportive nonetheless, and that's really all that matters to me.

Goodness is it a relief though. A weird one: where you wait for the notifications to roll in (if you're tech-swaggy like me obviously), but being met with praise and not prejudice is a wonderful feeling, and to know the whole world is excepting the LGBT community is fantastic and I am glad to be a part of it.
 

Blissful.Oblivion

ich boope dich!
I've been lucky to have extremely supportive friends, and while some were surprised they were merely curious and I feel I have helped them think differently about the LGBT community. Surprisingly, I thought my dad was the one that was OK with it and my mum wasn't which would have been totally unexpected, but I think my dad was a little shocked and now he's a little iffy about it; more about me having a boyfriend than anything I think. My mum is 100% supportive, loves my bf and is very happy for me, as is my entire family more or less. I guess I have been very lucky, and that ain't bad. I was futuristic about my coming out, and did so via Facebook when I said I was in a relationship with *dun dun dunnn* A MAN *thunder and lightning* and I had people message me, mostly curious as they didn't expect it but were supportive nonetheless, and that's really all that matters to me.

Goodness is it a relief though. A weird one: where you wait for the notifications to roll in (if you're tech-swaggy like me obviously), but being met with praise and not prejudice is a wonderful feeling, and to know the whole world is excepting the LGBT community is fantastic and I am glad to be a part of it.

Yay! A happy story! It's always nice to see happy LGBT stories ; Ï… ;
 

DeCatt

Parking Lot Enthusiast
I have no personal need to "come out" as my sexuality should not be of concern to anyone but me and my partner. To me at least, coming out is a bad idea as it makes something that should not be a big deal a big deal. I think if we really want LGBT acceptance in society, we've got to stop acting like it's something shameful that we have to confess. My two cents. I don't think anyone I know, apart from people I don't like anyway, would either be shocked or surprised if I turned up at their doorstep with a male partner, but if I made a big deal about it all of a sudden, they might. So I'm not in the closet, I guess I'm walking around in the hallway.
 

Butters Shikkon

Patron Saint of Queers
My hair turned pink when I came out.

It was fucking horrible.

It wasn't the only thing that turned pink I'm sure. ;v
 

Nezthefox

A lazy fox
After seeing all this, all I can say is that a situation like coming out can never be as bad as it is in your mind. When I came out I was almost certine my mother, a devoted christian would never want to see me again but my entire family was fine with it but no one here knows my family so don't think I wasn't scared about the others as well.
 

Gator Joe

Ragin' Cajun Redneck Gator
I grew up in a devout Catholic home. I, myself, am a devout Catholic and will never lose my faith. I never "came out," per say. I believe that if heterosexuals do not have to tell people what they are, it should be the same for everyone of any sexual preference. Like heterosexuals, I just let people notice what I am from my personality and my actions. However, that is very difficult for some people because I am far from the stereotypical homosexual. If anything, I am a stereotypical redneck (to a certain point). Even with me never telling people what I am (unless they ask), they can still sometimes figure it out. I see no problem with not "coming out." People should never assume what someone is, whether it is identity, race, religion, or sexual orientation. I never assume what people are, and I usually do not ask. To me, it does not matter what you are. If you are nice and I can relate to you and get along with you, then I like you.
 

Hooky

Was hermiting.
I came out as bisexual to my parents a few years ago. They were overjoyed. My dads rock. \m/
They do indeed. I wonder how my parents would react if I told them that there is a large probability of myself being bisexual.
They probably wouldn't mind, I mean they're very open people.
 

Hooky

Was hermiting.
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Misomie

Lazy Artist
I'm pretty sure this is the right place to post. For ages now I've just thought of myself as, well, me because other females were different. Even as a kid I associated with guys more than girls because I just didn't feel like I belonged. Lately I've been doing research and all signs point to me actually being transgendered. I've never thought of this as the case before but it does make tons of sense (and I do means tons). For example I've always been more attracted to feminine guys (and in the rare case, girls that look like feminine guys) than more masculine guys. I've also always been super competitive and rather aggressive (more of if angered I'm more likely to result in physical violence than emotional violence). I don't feel the need to compete with other girls (unless they are literally a direct threat) like I do with guys. My boyfriend has even stated multiple timed that I act more like a guy than a girl (he said I would be better off as a lesbian a few times as well) because of stuff such as valuing logic over emotions, general calmness, laziness with look presentation, disdain towards perfumes and make-up, love of video games, it goes on and on really. I also feel detached from being a female. I know that I'm biologically female but I feel as if I'd be better off if I was born a male and I feel more at ease with them, like I belong. I have very little to no desire in letting people know I might be trans (as I feel no need in why it'd be important for them to know as I've always been me). So am I trans? Or am I just blowing my tomboyness out of proportion?
 

Kitsune Cross

**** that **** now! Bitch
I'm pretty sure this is the right place to post. For ages now I've just thought of myself as, well, me because other females were different. Even as a kid I associated with guys more than girls because I just didn't feel like I belonged. Lately I've been doing research and all signs point to me actually being transgendered. I've never thought of this as the case before but it does make tons of sense (and I do means tons). For example I've always been more attracted to feminine guys (and in the rare case, girls that look like feminine guys) than more masculine guys. I've also always been super competitive and rather aggressive (more of if angered I'm more likely to result in physical violence than emotional violence). I don't feel the need to compete with other girls (unless they are literally a direct threat) like I do with guys. My boyfriend has even stated multiple timed that I act more like a guy than a girl (he said I would be better off as a lesbian a few times as well) because of stuff such as valuing logic over emotions, general calmness, laziness with look presentation, disdain towards perfumes and make-up, love of video games, it goes on and on really. I also feel detached from being a female. I know that I'm biologically female but I feel as if I'd be better off if I was born a male and I feel more at ease with them, like I belong. I have very little to no desire in letting people know I might be trans (as I feel no need in why it'd be important for them to know as I've always been me). So am I trans? Or am I just blowing my tomboyness out of proportion?

You seem like a pretty cool girl, surely not the typical girl but I don't really think that behavior is odd enough to think you are actually a boy, I don't know you to actually tell, I'm not a psychologist either
 

Misomie

Lazy Artist
You seem like a pretty cool girl, surely not the typical girl but I don't really think that behavior is odd enough to think you are actually a boy, I don't know you to actually tell, I'm not a psychologist either

That was just some of it. I actually only recently started considering it at all because I realized I've started to imagine myself with a penis (this started at least a month or two ago and I have no clue what triggered it). Other than that I mainly wear guy clothes (possessing few girl clothes anymore as I can't stand how they feel/look). I dunno. Thing is I can see myself keeping my female body or getting the male body (both have pros and cons). Most of my life I've hated my body but just recently (past few years) I've grown to accept it and even like it (because I have that slim-slightly athletic build people seem to desire). However I hate being grouped with other females, I know that. I feel like I'm neither gender, just me.

I dunno, if nothing does change, I know I'm a biological female (I always will be no matter what as surgery can't change genetics) and I'm just me and I can live with that. I'm just exploring while I'm young.
 

Hooky

Was hermiting.
I'm pretty sure this is the right place to post. For ages now I've just thought of myself as, well, me because other females were different. Even as a kid I associated with guys more than girls because I just didn't feel like I belonged. Lately I've been doing research and all signs point to me actually being transgendered. I've never thought of this as the case before but it does make tons of sense (and I do means tons). For example I've always been more attracted to feminine guys (and in the rare case, girls that look like feminine guys) than more masculine guys. I've also always been super competitive and rather aggressive (more of if angered I'm more likely to result in physical violence than emotional violence). I don't feel the need to compete with other girls (unless they are literally a direct threat) like I do with guys. My boyfriend has even stated multiple timed that I act more like a guy than a girl (he said I would be better off as a lesbian a few times as well) because of stuff such as valuing logic over emotions, general calmness, laziness with look presentation, disdain towards perfumes and make-up, love of video games, it goes on and on really. I also feel detached from being a female. I know that I'm biologically female but I feel as if I'd be better off if I was born a male and I feel more at ease with them, like I belong. I have very little to no desire in letting people know I might be trans (as I feel no need in why it'd be important for them to know as I've always been me). So am I trans? Or am I just blowing my tomboyness out of proportion?
I don't think there's valid criteria for being a man/woman mentally. It's kinda blurry around the edges, like a spectrum of slight variation. It may depend on whether you are really phased about being "one or the other" or generally not bothered.
 

septango

ᴓᴥᴓ
@miso (srry cant quote)- trans stuff can be super confusing, but I like to think you are trans if you actively desire to be another gender, regardless of how tomboyish or wether or not your brain leans to male or female, so "am I trans" isnt really a yes or no question its about how you feel

oh and as far as feeling "nither gender" there are people who identify as either "agender" or "bigender", heh and yeah as a male-bodied person who pictures themselves with boobs, I can say figuring this shit out can be a trip
 
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Kamek_Sans

Best Raccoon
I'm thinking of coming out subtly over facebook

If you can't tell from my title
I am in fact
turbo gay
 

Misomie

Lazy Artist
@septango- Actually Bigender or Agender fit me a lot more than full on Trans at the moment. I think I'll begin to consider myself one of those (whichever is closer) at least until I know for sure. If I never find out, oh well, I'm happy with myself. :3
 
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