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Coming Out: The Thread (Continued)

Destova

Nobody Special
It's not like I'd mind xD

Oh myyyyyy.

Back on subject: don't be afraid to speak up. While coming out to a bunch of weirdos on the internet may sound dumb, it may just be the practice you need to be fully happy with your self and your situation. Take this as the audition.

Also, while you may think you don't have to tell anyone, that it's not a big deal, I urge you to look inside yourself and ask if that is true. Perhaps it may really be true; I know it wasn't for me though. Keeping it bottled up, not having anyone to confide in made me fall into depression. Coming out just to my closest friend was such a huge relief. Letting my family know was even more so. Just be careful who you tell. Of course not everyone will like it. If you're in a situation that the person you tell is the only reason you have a roof over your head, and you know they might do something drastic, then I'd say it's okay not to say. Don't put your life in danger of course. But if you can and you know someone you can confide in, I can promise 90 percent of the time it will really help. And as you can see, there are plenty of us here if you need help or advice.
 

KAS3519

New Member
It's pretty easy to tell if you are gay even if not saying it.

One of my good friends, who hadn't come out of the closet yet, asked me out. This was back before I had (I don't really know how to put this) realized I was gay.
That was awkward...

@OT

The only reason I haven't come out is because I'm unsure of what my parents reaction will be. They have always been people to stand up for gay rights, but when I told my mom that a gay guy did ask me out (as mentioned above), she stared at me with the coldest look in her eyes and said "I don't want you talking to him again." We haven't spoken since (we being me and the other guy).
I'm sure it was out of protection for me, what was she protecting me from? I think we were only about 12 or 13 at the time, what did she think were we going to do?
 

Kitsune Cross

**** that **** now! Bitch
I suppose I should finally man up and admit it

I'm bi, but learning Het. about 75/25 split, were I to put a figure to it, but it changes every day to be honest.

Not the most coming out anyone's done ever, but took me 4 years to get here. I feel better.

So the fandom do actually turn everybody gay, damn, well all good to you bro!
 

Fiab

Crazy enough
Welp, My turn!

I actually first came out to a close friend of mine way back when that I was gay when we were in grade 6? 7? So about 10 or 11 years ago. Turns out she was gay herself. It was really nice having her accept it. Jump forward those 10 or 11 years. Maybe later November or early December, stayed up all-night (nothing new there for me) and at some point I randomly decided I was gonna come out about it to my mother that morning. So I waited till she got up around 6 and followed her into the kitchen while talking. Didn't rush right into it. Kind of went from 0-30, 30-50, then 50-100 about, and came right out and told her that I was gay. Big ol' grin on my face the entire time. She replied with "Really? Wish you weren't." Ended up wearing that grin the whole day.

That would have probably hurt a lot more than the small sting it was if I hadn't figured out that she kind of overloads with surprises. I kind of got a kick out of her reaction to it. Though she grabs her coffee and heads back upstairs to get ready for work. Which I had planned to tell her before she left so she could think about it when she could, but work and ignore it for the time being. Few hours later I get a hold on the friends I speak with everyday and tell them. "Oh, okay." which I figured would pretty much be their reaction. Then we proceeded to game and they let loose the gay jokes. Then one of my best friends comes online (Skype) and I tell him that I came out on being gay. He asked if I was joking and I told him nope. The best response ever. "Well good for you, now help me. My sound isn't working again." Known the dude for 14 of my 22 years and that was it. From there my mother talked to my grandparents, whom then talked to me. Then she talked to my aunt. Month later I tell my lil brother. He didn't handle it well, had the whole "why?" thing about it. Later that day he brought it up with my parents while driving somewhere. My dad didn't handle it how I expected. I had expected to be booted out as soon as he got home, but instead he just went out to a bar nearby with my older brother.

Couple weeks later my mother is talking to the wife of my oldest brother (me being 3/4). Has me tell her myself. My mother being a woman who willingly sought religion in her upbringing and was kind of crushed by it sure was wanting me to tell the family all about it. Turns out all she was really trying to wrap her head around was the fact that she might have a son-in-law rather than another daughter-in-law.

Overall my family has been pretty accepting of it. With exception to not knowing how my dad feels about it and my lil brother flat out just said I was lying. Supposedly making me a closet straight guy (which still makes me chuckle). I've known that I was gay since I was 6 years old, so I just accepted it and never had the whole denial thing happen. Though I kept it to myself since at the time it was just easier for me to be the awkward brother than the gay one for the rest of the family. Didn't really feel scared about telling my friends/family because I had a gay friend come out several years earlier and seeing how they all responded. Really the whole reason I told was cause the sooner they knew, the sooner they'd get over it, and if they didn't, well you can't force someone to truely accept anything. That and it was really quite an obstacle blocking me.

In short, I should have come out a few years ago since once you've accepted it as part of you, not much really can hit you hard about it.

Well that's mine and I honestly did not expect it to be a wall of text. It seemed so much smaller in my head. I think this thread is rather amazing. Helps those looking to do it or had/have bad experiences with it, by supporting em :D
 

fonduemaster

shine bright like her forehead
Shiiieeet well done, I wouldn't have no guts to do that. congrats ;D
i've never exactly understood what makes people want to come out to others despite the possible bad outcomes. Is it just like an impulse, or are you guys genuinely proud? why people take pride in that is something i dont understand, but it's not a bad thing at all. i think it's great, but it confuses me how people are happy being in a community where people are shunned, oppressed and bullied by others and sometimes even attacked. I wonder if it's like a message to the others saying "fuck you, we never gone give up!"?? maybe i'll understand when I get older...
 

Destova

Nobody Special
Shiiieeet well done, I wouldn't have no guts to do that. congrats ;D
i've never exactly understood what makes people want to come out to others despite the possible bad outcomes. Is it just like an impulse, or are you guys genuinely proud? why people take pride in that is something i dont understand, but it's not a bad thing at all. i think it's great, but it confuses me how people are happy being in a community where people are shunned, oppressed and bullied by others and sometimes even attacked. I wonder if it's like a message to the others saying "fuck you, we never gone give up!"?? maybe i'll understand when I get older...

I'd ask you to read some of my more serious previous posts to find out at least partially why people do. To sum it up though, I did it because knowing that I was lying to the people I care about was gnawing away at my well being. It might seem a moot point to someone on the outside but to someone such as myself, I don't like lying. I did more then enough of that to last me two lifetimes, and lying about something so (now) trivial was just hurting myself.

I sure don't want the hate and harassment that comes with it, but I've learned to tune it out because those people are crying over something that makes no difference in their lives, and if that's the way they want to spend their precious little time on this earth harassing me, then let them. In the meantime, I'm happy with myself and my friends and family, and I'm living life to the fullest without having to hide or lie.
 

Fiab

Crazy enough
fonduemaster said:
Shiiieeet well done, I wouldn't have no guts to do that. congrats ;D
i've never exactly understood what makes people want to come out to others despite the possible bad outcomes. Is it just like an impulse, or are you guys genuinely proud? why people take pride in that is something i dont understand, but it's not a bad thing at all. i think it's great, but it confuses me how people are happy being in a community where people are shunned, oppressed and bullied by others and sometimes even attacked. I wonder if it's like a message to the others saying "fuck you, we never gone give up!"?? maybe i'll understand when I get older...

Can only speculate on other people's reasons, but some good guesses would be proof for yourself that you accept it despite what others think, you want people important to you to accept it too(my opinion this should not be your reason since it's your business in the end), or you don't really care one way or another, but a mood/impulse just hits to tell someone without any real reason. My reason was just I generally don't lie to people about myself, so the people that know me actually know me.... that and I love watching people's reactions to things. Think if you accept the fact that people take time to accept things that are out of the normal for them. Especially if it overloads their circuitry. Takes time to reboot, then you wait for everything to load, then background processes still seem to slow something down, then it's normal again.... Sorry, bad ceiling fan-computer memory.

As well, your tl;dr version of my post... you sir, are amazing. I can not believe I did not think of doing that. I now know why it seemed shorter in my head. :grin:
 

Distorted

Active Member
It was also a matter of lying and hiding how I really ways as well. It bothered me about not being honest to my family since we were pretty close. My mother was especially hurt that I didn't talk to her anymore. She said that if there was anything bothering me that I could tell her and nothing I said or did would make her stop loving me.So under some false sense of security I confided in her and came out. She...did not take it very well. And after all the yelling and arguing, she just kinda pretended that I didn't say it. I honestly think she doesn't care about me anymore. So long as I don't partake in that "lifestyle", then everything is fine.

I did tell some of my close friends, because I wanted to let them know who I really was, and I was tired of being asked about girls all the time. They took it a hell of a lot better than my family. Some of them even knew it before I even told them. It really did make me feel like I wasn't messed like my folks thoughts. I understand that it's not that big of a deal to most folks, but it meant the world to me that such a simple thing didn't change how my friends felt about me.
 

KAS3519

New Member
To all those of you who have come out, here's a question: When do I go about doing it?
Should I just say it over dinner sometime, or wait until it relates to the conversation?
 

Destova

Nobody Special
To all those of you who have come out, here's a question: When do I go about doing it?
Should I just say it over dinner sometime, or wait until it relates to the conversation?

Honestly that really is not something we can answer with any certainty. I told my first friend late one night over Yahoo Messenger. The next one, on my way to take him home from staying over at my place. I told my family after my mom figured it out and proved to me the rest of my family wouldn't care.

You can't pinpoint when or how to do it; it just happens. Least for me it did.
 

Distorted

Active Member
To all those of you who have come out, here's a question: When do I go about doing it?
Should I just say it over dinner sometime, or wait until it relates to the conversation?

Can't really say for sure. I'm sure your folks aren't like mine. My mother was asking had I met anyone and I told her then. And I also told my mother on a weekend so she could have time to take it in, but the whole ordeal lasted for the entire month and then some. Just know what you're getting into when and if you decide to say it. Make sure they're not next to stairs or items that you use to throw. Heheh heh....I sure wish I was joking.
 

Fiab

Crazy enough
KAS3519 said:
To all those of you who have come out, here's a question: When do I go about doing it?
Should I just say it over dinner sometime, or wait until it relates to the conversation?

It's really your judgement call on that one just gotta make sure you're ready for some attention about it. Though I think it'd probably be less favorable to kind of just blurt it out to a group of people over telling people slowly, my personal opinion though. Course there is also the option of hinting at it until someone asks you if you are this or that. Then you just have to say yes or no to decide whether or not you're ready for peoples to know.
 

kumiko

New Member
Man this is such a personal topic for me, but I'm willing to share. You guys have some great stories about it, I mean that in a sorta good and bad way. some of the situations are inspiring, some of them are just harsh you know?
Here's mine...*deep breath*


Since around when I was 6, I knew there was something different about me...couldn't exactly pinpoint it because I didn't have a concept of "gay". It was only until about middle school that I learned what the concept was...but the school I was going to at the time was absolutely awful. I wasn't out yet at the time, nor did I want to. I was constantly harassed with the harshest things you could think of, and went through constant bullying over the subject that everyone suspected I was gay. They didn't even know for sure, and they did this type of stuff, so I tried hiding it and denying it. I felt like there had to be some way rid myself of it. But I soon learned that no matter how hard I tried, there was not. This drove me into a pretty deep depression and I did some things I'm not proud of.
I had some sort of mindset change though one day, I just decided to pull myself away from all of that nonsense. So I was online schooled for a couple years. Eventually I came across this highschool that was focused on people like me, kinda different and artistic. I decided to go there my freshman year (only 150 kids total).
As soon as I got there, I was a bit intimidated by all of the various people. Everyone was so unique and just...cool. All I had been exposed to was bland students with no sense of originality.
From then on, I made some friends (many of which were lgbt) and realized that being gay isnt a bad thing or anything I should be ashamed of at all! So slowly I started to appreciate life more and find myself. I decided to tell my friends that I was gay. Nobody treated me any different, they were supportive and loving and it was great! My family on the other hand was tough, they're sorta not okay with things like that so I tried warming them up to it by telling them I was bisexual (which I definitely wasn't). They took it a bit odd at first, I guess they thought I was being influenced by something. But soon I just flat out told them I was gay and though it was awkward for about a week, we joke about it all the time and they have learned to accept it. I feel like the happiest person alive since coming out and finding who I was and deciding what I want to do with my life.

Advice to anyone who needs help coming out: Surround yourself with people who care about you and accept you. Once you do that, it'll build your self esteem a lot and you'll discover who you really are and be happy with it. Then you can move on to tell your friends, parents, etc. Dont act like its a negative thing, though each person may take it differently than the last. Try and let them know that you're telling them this because you feel like you can trust them and let them know that you're happy with who you are. It may be awkward or rocky for a good week to a month but it will work itself out and you'll be glad you did it.

*love to all of you out there*
 

Kosdu

Member
@Kumiko

Love to you too, I'm just now recovering from that pain.

I suppose on the other hand it helped me be tough when I need to, I'm the kinda guy who'd walk with a broken leg as far as he needs to if he needed to.
 

FenrirDarkWolf

Trapped in a Lucid Eclipse
I've never actually, technically came out to any of my family but my grandmother, before she passed away. Then she told everyone else. But, I feel like I should tell them, even though they already know.

Any ideas on what I should do? It's just... very awkward for me there, cause, they don't mind it, but they make a lot of gay jokes and all and apparently still want me to be with a woman, but like, it's just awkward I guess...
 

Fiab

Crazy enough
FenrirDarkWolf said:
Any ideas on what I should do? It's just... very awkward for me there, cause, they don't mind it, but they make a lot of gay jokes and all and apparently still want me to be with a woman, but like, it's just awkward I guess...

Ah gay jokes aren't all bad, just if they're meant to be intentionally mean. As for the find a woman thing. My mother who accepts it all together accidentally let something like that slip not too long ago. This is how it went.

"You better make sure for your sake you find a woman who can cook."

"Nope, gay"

"Find a guy who can cook then."

"I can cook just fine"

"I don't know about that."

/end

They ain't that big of a deal in the end if you're happy about things :grin:
 

TheRH100

阴茎 :V
Even though at my school everyone likes to act like total badasses, I came out a few months ago as a bisexual (maybe I'm pan, idk) and nobody really actually cared. I actually really would rather people not care then to sit there and buly me because of it, so that's cool what happened. Maybe it's the fact that I am bi, so technically I still dig a straight relationship and people don't care much?
 

Destova

Nobody Special
Even though at my school everyone likes to act like total badasses, I came out a few months ago as a bisexual (maybe I'm pan, idk) and nobody really actually cared. I actually really would rather people not care then to sit there and buly me because of it, so that's cool what happened. Maybe it's the fact that I am bi, so technically I still dig a straight relationship and people don't care much?

I've noticed in my experience with folks who claim to be bi that they don't get near the attention in general that gay and lesbian folks do. I've observed quite a few through my time in high school and I think that's just kinda how it works in the end. I don't know how, or why or how it makes sense, but it's what I've seen myself. I mostly heard about the bi ones directly from themselves, whereas news of a new gay or lesbian person spread like wildfire through my high school.

Kids are strange, to be sure. xD

Ah gay jokes aren't all bad, just if they're meant to be intentionally mean. As for the find a woman thing. My mother who accepts it all together accidentally let something like that slip not too long ago. This is how it went.

"You better make sure for your sake you find a woman who can cook."

"Nope, gay"

"Find a guy who can cook then."

"I can cook just fine"

"I don't know about that."

/end

They ain't that big of a deal in the end if you're happy about things :grin:

Wow. That is, literally, as easy as it gets. I mean, I guess it's as easy as someone just figuring it out lol.
 

KAS3519

New Member
I'm making this so much harder than it should be...
Here I am, about to come out to my family, and then LOL NOPE SOCIAL ANXIETY FOR YOU
I have absolutely no idea how to say it. I don't know if I should be blunt about it and just say "I'm gay," and I don't exactly know how to make "subtle hints" that seems to think is the best way to do it.
The way I was planning to do it was to just wait until it's somewhat relative to the topic that we're conversing about, but that's taking longer than I would like.

If anything, it should be slightly easier for me, because my sister is pretty popular at school. When I do come out, it's going to spread like wildfire to practically everyone. So, I should only have to come out to my family and my only online friend who doesn't know yet.

I'm normally fairly good at planning things out, but I'm drawing a blank here. Any suggestions or tips?
 

Kosdu

Member
I'm making this so much harder than it should be...
Here I am, about to come out to my family, and then LOL NOPE SOCIAL ANXIETY FOR YOU
I have absolutely no idea how to say it. I don't know if I should be blunt about it and just say "I'm gay," and I don't exactly know how to make "subtle hints" that seems to think is the best way to do it.
The way I was planning to do it was to just wait until it's somewhat relative to the topic that we're conversing about, but that's taking longer than I would like.

If anything, it should be slightly easier for me, because my sister is pretty popular at school. When I do come out, it's going to spread like wildfire to practically everyone. So, I should only have to come out to my family and my only online friend who doesn't know yet.

I'm normally fairly good at planning things out, but I'm drawing a blank here. Any suggestions or tips?

Calmy run it through your head.

Or just say "I'm gay" and leave the room.

If you can't, text them and let them come. Chances are they know.
 

Spatel

Well-Known Member
Even though at my school everyone likes to act like total badasses, I came out a few months ago as a bisexual (maybe I'm pan, idk) and nobody really actually cared. I actually really would rather people not care then to sit there and buly me because of it, so that's cool what happened. Maybe it's the fact that I am bi, so technically I still dig a straight relationship and people don't care much?

Eh.... there's some stigma, definitely. Just check out DataLounge or something, and you'll find a whole lot of gay folks who absolutely hate bisexuals.

Among the straight population it tends to mostly be homophobia coupled with a refusal to acknowledge bisexuals as anything other than closeted gays. The 'one-drop' rule so to speak. You'll notice it sooner or later when someone refuses to date you over it (probably sooner).
 

Mullerornis

Active Member
Calmy run it through your head.

Or just say "I'm gay" and leave the room.

If you can't, text them and let them come. Chances are they know.


But seriously think if the latter is worth it. Sometimes waiting for a response will only cause more anxiety.
 
L

LupusLuciferus

Guest
I'm making this so much harder than it should be...
Here I am, about to come out to my family, and then LOL NOPE SOCIAL ANXIETY FOR YOU
I have absolutely no idea how to say it. I don't know if I should be blunt about it and just say "I'm gay," and I don't exactly know how to make "subtle hints" that seems to think is the best way to do it.
The way I was planning to do it was to just wait until it's somewhat relative to the topic that we're conversing about, but that's taking longer than I would like.

If anything, it should be slightly easier for me, because my sister is pretty popular at school. When I do come out, it's going to spread like wildfire to practically everyone. So, I should only have to come out to my family and my only online friend who doesn't know yet.

I'm normally fairly good at planning things out, but I'm drawing a blank here. Any suggestions or tips?

I grew up in a homophobic neighborhood, went to a homophobic school, and was surrounded by homophobic relatives. I was terrified to come out. There were times that I felt like committing suicide would be better and easier than coming out. I was an outcast at school, the only time anyone ever conversed with me was when they messaged me on MySpace telling me to kill myself. I thought that coming out would make things worse. I thought I was going to get thrown out of my house. I was an absolute mess and my anxiety was killing me, but there was a part of that was growing very tired of living in fear. Once I gathered up the courage to finally come out, my confidence shot through the roof. Things didn't bother me as much as they used to. My anxiety disappeared. My parents learned to deal with it, and I cut off communication with the family members that didn't approve. Most importantly, I found that meeting similar people that share similar interests and experiences became so much easier. Coming out was the best decision I've ever made. It gets better, and you seem like a very intelligent person with enough coping skills to get through this. Just know that we've been through it and we're here for you.
 
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