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Coming Out: The Thread (Continued)

Kayze

Member
I've done it :V

Well, after being asked if I had a girlfriend for the 100th time, being pushed by parents to keep it super personal (to lie, basically), and just otherwise watch how I am or what I say; I was fed up with it.

I wasn't exactly a 'closet gay' per say, but out of the benefit for my parents to not get the spotlight with their friends or my mom's folks (or family in general) to know that the future girlfriend will never exist... I kept it a white lie. I'd try all I could to not lie and just stir the conversation, as in not to volunteer information or insight. But now i was fed up with it, cause it was like me saying "I'm unable to get a girlfriend cause of my sword that has +8 strength instead of +5 spirit" (nerdy example of being 'unable' to find love). I'm able to find love and be in love, but it's not with a woman. :V

So, I've not openly come out. did a rainbow fly out of my ass and my clothes shrink? Nope (thank goodness). I'm very much the same person, I just don't have to lie about my love life or try to twist words around. How did I do this? Well, lots of friends and family on Facebook, I posted a status update. I first posted something that was more indirect, sorta giving a message but a easier blow. This time, I posted my reasoning for the statement, and to clearify it's not cause I don't want commitment with a woman, but that I'm homo. I also stated me liking other men is the only difference, where my beliefs and personality are the same.

So yeah... :V time to see if people remove me from friends, drama unfolds, etc. To me, that's not a bad thing. I'm able to see who are my actual friends and test my family in a sense. Might be a bad outcome, might be a denial outcome, or might have the hoped outcome of understanding and accepting.

TL;DR: After being asked about girlfriend status so many times, I decided it's best people at least know there will not be a girlfriend... By posting a status update on my facebook that is friends with many of my friends and family. The first was vague and could be seen as me just not wanting commitment, the recent one explained what I meant and directly stated I'm homo. Stated that liking other men is the only difference from what they know of me. Now I get to see who are my friend or not, and if any drama comes out of it.
 

Cam

Tick my laint
Re: I've done it :V

Thats pretty badass!!

It took me years before I could even start telling people i was bisexual. Even my family still doesn't know it yet..

Ive really always wanted to tell my mom but just never could.. but its a bit too late for me (still too soon to go into detail)

I was totally expecting a very... 'weirded out' kind of reaction from my friends, but surprisingly they were pretty accepting of it.

Im not sure if posting a facebook status was the best way to get the message across, but if it worked then i guess thats good :p

You'll probably get the denial reaction, then the accepting (errr, well at least thats what I got)
 

Velystord

Bloodsail Admiral
Re: I've done it :V

my parents dont even know i have an email so your doing better than i am
 

Eske

Don't believe the mask...
Re: I've done it :V

Congratulations, Kayze. That's not an easy thing to do, and I hope it's nothing but smooth sailing from here on out. :)
 

Karimah

Reject if Seal is Broken
Re: I've done it :V

I wish you the best, honestly :3 I'm glad that you understand that people will reveal who they are toward you, and while there may be a rough road ahead, you'll definitely find close friends through the process. I wish I had half the courage you do, stay strong ♥
 

coward67

Member
Re: I've done it :V

Hey nice! I hope everything works out for you. Mind telling me how I might come out to my general circle of friends?
 

Jude

U1 S7 P106
Re: I've done it :V

Congrats. I told like two of my friends over a year ago, and I never was treated the same by them again. I REALLY hope that doesn't happen with my parents whenever I work up the guts to tell them (If I am, still figuring it out). Anyway, I hope everything works out in the end.
 

Randy-Darkshade

Bike riding squirrel thing.
Re: I've done it :V

Hey nice! I hope everything works out for you. Mind telling me how I might come out to my general circle of friends?

Ditch them, cut all ties with them and find friends elsewhere. Sounds quite a blunt way, but this could be done over a period of time.

As far as everyone knows irl, I am straight as a flagpole. this is mainly because I am unsure of my sexuality myself. I like calling myself Bisexual though.
 

Willow

FAF's #1 Terrorist
Re: I've done it :V

Well isn't that just Jim dandy.

I'm still contemplating my sexuality (fuck being a teenager), but I told my closest friend that I might possibly be bi. I'm still her gay friend though. lul
 

Kayze

Member
Re: I've done it :V

Thats pretty badass!!

It took me years before I could even start telling people i was bisexual. Even my family still doesn't know it yet..

Ive really always wanted to tell my mom but just never could.. but its a bit too late for me (still too soon to go into detail)

I was totally expecting a very... 'weirded out' kind of reaction from my friends, but surprisingly they were pretty accepting of it.

Im not sure if posting a facebook status was the best way to get the message across, but if it worked then i guess thats good :p

You'll probably get the denial reaction, then the accepting (errr, well at least thats what I got)
I've known about my sexuality for around 3 years now, and was just sick of white lies. My parents found out accidently, in a sense, and well, it was quite a spill until they've come to the point where they brush it under the rug. Sure, that can be seen as "at least they will still treat you as their son" but to be there and just agree with them on jokes of girlfriends and otherwise deny having one, just to please others, it's BS. It's like, I'd rather them resent me than treat it like that. Homosexuality s not a pressing issue, but that doesn't give the excuse to just brush it under and not talk about it (in terms of having a boyfriend, etc) and just lie to others.

I said that I was out of the closet already, which I was. But I sorta went back on my word when I would lie about a girlfriend status (in the sense of not having one 'yet', when I will never :p). So, seeing that, I got fed up with it. So it's either they accept it as an expectation that I won't have a girlfriend and can love a man, and still know I'm the same person. If they can't, that's more reason I shouldn't just lie to be around them. I'm thinking of bringing up the Facebook thing tonight, where i suppose my grandparents will know now. I'm still the same guy, so if this is a problem then fuck you, essentially :p family is close, but cause of this lying, I've been hurting from it, so yeah, it needs to be done.

And see, the new generations are being more excepting of difference. It's good to expose difference and let a person decide their side of it, and more importantly have them know tolerance.
my parents dont even know i have an email so your doing better than i am
Yeah, they found out and took it special. But really, too bad. You gotta face it, and stop burying or I don't want to be your son. Family love is unconditional, so this 'condition' shouldn't be an exception.

good luck kayze :3
*hugs* :3
I would never be brave enough to do this...

Good luck!
It took time of being fed up and hurt from how I essentially have to lie to be accepted, that I just wanted to actually test it. So brave or not, it's a matter of finding out who are my loved ones and friends.
Congratulations, Kayze. That's not an easy thing to do, and I hope it's nothing but smooth sailing from here on out. :)
Yeah, regardless of how this thread might make me seem, I was very much finding difficulty in sending that and still find it hard to talk about, cause it's personal and hurts when people are disgusted about it.
I wish you the best, honestly :3 I'm glad that you understand that people will reveal who they are toward you, and while there may be a rough road ahead, you'll definitely find close friends through the process. I wish I had half the courage you do, stay strong ♥
Thanks :3 Life has rough roads everywhere, it's when we hold onto the past, dragging it by the ankles just to have it, is when we lose ourselves in it. You gotta move on and those that won't, are not worth the trouble. Life is great cause there's always a solution, a future.
Hey nice! I hope everything works out for you. Mind telling me how I might come out to my general circle of friends?
Well, I came out in a sorta easier way by just posting it. I'd say, it depends how close to your friends you are and how much opposition, if any, they have towards same sex stuff. If it just disgusts them, then it will be easy, but if they have active intolerance, it could be harder. It's best to ease it into convo, and pick the right time to do it. Cause it could cause awkwardness :p Send me some info on your relations with them and I'll try to help via PM :3
Congrats. I told like two of my friends over a year ago, and I never was treated the same by them again. I REALLY hope that doesn't happen with my parents whenever I work up the guts to tell them (If I am, still figuring it out). Anyway, I hope everything works out in the end.
Thing is, people will hand stuff differently. If they treat you like a "special person" then try to push you're not and start distancing yourself if needed. If thye can't suck it up, then they're not real friends. Remember the good times, and that's good enough. As for your parents, make it a deep hearted convo and how you were scared of their reaction and that it hurts when it's seen negatively. You might also just wanna start that convo after talking about yourself a bit, you know show who you are. That helped my parents a little, as it helps show I'm the same person, and the rest of me is what you know, but I just don't like the opposite sex. Just do it in a son to parents thing, show it's a tender issue. It's still very hard, it was for me.
 

Kayze

Member
Re: I've done it :V

Ditch them, cut all ties with them and find friends elsewhere. Sounds quite a blunt way, but this could be done over a period of time.

As far as everyone knows irl, I am straight as a flagpole. this is mainly because I am unsure of my sexuality myself. I like calling myself Bisexual though.
Ditch them only if they do not accept it in a sense. That being, they don't have to admire it, but just understand and not let it change things, for that's just stupid when the only difference is the appeal to the same sex. If they do not wish to treat you the same, ditch them. In time they'll grow up or you'll be out of those friends that weren't really friends in the first place. Just fun hang out buddies (assumed).

Everyone is surprised when they learn it. I don't act at all stereotypically, and only show those 'friendly' emotions with the right people (close friends, gay friends, etc), since I'd be comfortable then. And well, I don't try to act like it as a way to keep people from feeling i'm a stereotype, it's just who I am. And well, I do love manly men; That being, the strong yet romantic type and not the femmy boys, not saying anything is wrong with them of course, just preference.

Anyways, friends are those that like who you are. If they can't accept/respect a differing sexuality, then they should just stay in their own comfort group of idiotic closed-minded tards.
Well isn't that just Jim dandy.

I'm still contemplating my sexuality (fuck being a teenager), but I told my closest friend that I might possibly be bi. I'm still her gay friend though. lul
Really, I've been twisted from bi to gay and back again and then back to gay. Thing is, I don't have sexual desires for woman, and even the comfort relation of my own sex makes me like it more. I might still be bi, it's just I'm not very sexual regardless and have interest in male anatomy with other desires.

Teen is too young, just wait and understand how you feel, why you feel that way, and start piecing it together. Even experience will help, later, which confirmed it for me even if I dislike anal :p

More power to you Kayze.

I don't have the guts to go that far at the moment... But that might just be me.
It's hard to do, to discuss things with people that helped you in your life and prelife. To lay it on the line in hopes of not disappointing them, or feeling otherwise negative in their eyes. Many parents keep that unconditional love true, and it may take a long time, but they'll come to understand and accept it even if they do not understand it. If they don't, it does hurt. However, it's not the end all of things, in fact you can form new family. It's important to by yourself regardless. Not being yourself is not living your life. And life is too precious to not make it yours.

Also, about the thing I said of commenting about my Facebook entry tonight, it'll be hard :/ RL is always harder for you are unsure what to expect in terms of physical and emotional, instead of just emotional.
 
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Cam

Tick my laint
Re: I've done it :V

I've known about my sexuality for around 3 years now, and was just sick of white lies. My parents found out accidently, in a sense, and well, it was quite a spill until they've come to the point where they brush it under the rug. Sure, that can be seen as "at least they will still treat you as their son" but to be there and just agree with them on jokes of girlfriends and otherwise deny having one, just to please others, it's BS. It's like, I'd rather them resent me than treat it like that. Homosexuality s not a pressing issue, but that doesn't give the excuse to just brush it under and not talk about it (in terms of having a boyfriend, etc) and just lie to others.

I said that I was out of the closet already, which I was. But I sorta went back on my word when I would lie about a girlfriend status (in the sense of not having one 'yet', when I will never :p). So, seeing that, I got fed up with it. So it's either they accept it as an expectation that I won't have a girlfriend and can love a man, and still know I'm the same person. If they can't, that's more reason I shouldn't just lie to be around them. I'm thinking of bringing up the Facebook thing tonight, where i suppose my grandparents will know now. I'm still the same guy, so if this is a problem then fuck you, essentially :p family is close, but cause of this lying, I've been hurting from it, so yeah, it needs to be done.

And see, the new generations are being more excepting of difference. It's good to expose difference and let a person decide their side of it, and more importantly have them know tolerance.
.

Yea, I never got around to tell my parents (or any of my family for that matter) about it.... Im not even sure how I would bring it up

Although I do believe that they got some clues.. i mean the major one being that i refuse to have kids and want a vesectomy :x
(Well and they are well aware of my love for all things Madonna xD)

Im terrified of my dads reaction, to the point where i get nightmares about it...
I always got the feeling that he will just wanna disconnect from me for as long as possible, cause Im supposed to be the man of the family... but what kind of 'real' man likes guys

Being bi was always just kind of a personal thing to me, that I just kinda wanted to keep for myself and no one else to know

But now all my friends know and im open and even joke about it... it makes me so happy that even my ghetto friends can even be accepting of who i am... it really means alot to me

It also makes me glad to see someone like you come to terms with who your are and to not be afraid to show people who the fuck you really are! :)

+100 respect points for you ^^
 

Asmiro

New Member
Currently in the process of coming out to my father. Hoping he doesn't flip a lid. I don't know if it's a good thing that I wont be able to see his initial reaction.
 

<CaliforniaStripes>

Form of a.. College Nerd!
Uggh when i told my parents they first said they Love me but dont accept me. Then they said it was for attention/phase, and now they ignore me and tell me only that they pray to god that ill turn straight and they think it will wear off. So far in the 3 months after my love for my boyfriend has only gotten stronger. Take that prejudice praying parents i have foiled u again! :p
 
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