Coming Out: The Thread (Continued)
- Thread starter Surgat
- Start date
Ha ha. My parents have had the exact same image going through their heads. They constantly hint at someday having grandkids, and my brother and his fiance are way to financially unstable for that. I was thinking while my dad was ranting "well it isn't like adoption isn't an option", and then he goes on to say that it is immoral for gay people to raise children.
Oh wait, here's another bit that'll be difficult. I've gotta somehow keep my grandparents from finding out. They're Church-of-Christ, wear dresses only, don't cut yer hair types. They've been in Africa most of my life (15 years) as missionaries.
Edit: know what, scratch that. What do I care, I barely know them.
Yeah. More connections with mine: I have two brothers, one is in high school and isn't doing well academically, one is a recovering drug addict who's like thirty. So I'm the only guy my dad would expect to be successful in that regard if I weren't gay.
Grandparents thing is a little different. My grandmother might not like the idea a whole lot, my grandfather would definitely resent it. Which would kind of suck because both of them absolutely admire me. Worst case scenario though is that they develop differing opinions and get into arguments about it. I'm fine if they don't like me so much because of it, I'd hate it if they didn't like each other as much.
My mom was originally totally cool with it but now she's kind of moved backward into "yeah there's no way you're gay." Works for me.
AlexInsane
I does what I says on the box.
It's pretty much accepted by my aunt (whom I live with) that I'm gay, and my dad more or less knows it, but I have no idea about the rest of my family. I haven't told them, even though I'm sure they suspect something. I think out of all the grandkids/young people in my extended family, I'm the only one without a partner of the opposite sex, or even a partner at all. At some point, though, it will all come to a head, I imagine. I'm pretty used to the particular brand of ignorance that my family is fond of trotting out, so I don't think I'll have too hard a time dealing with it - if it looks like a lost cause, I'll know when to stop and leave.
I don't like to think of myself as just a gay person. That's far too limiting and demeaning - defining yourself by your sexuality is going to let you down a lot, so why bother? Your sexuality is just a tiny part of what you are.
I don't like to think of myself as just a gay person. That's far too limiting and demeaning - defining yourself by your sexuality is going to let you down a lot, so why bother? Your sexuality is just a tiny part of what you are.
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Saiko
GTWT Survivor
Hehe, my mom is like that with the family cook-book she made.Ha ha. My parents have had the exact same image going through their heads. They constantly hint at someday having grandkids, and my brother and his fiance are way to financially unstable for that. I was thinking while my dad was ranting "well it isn't like adoption isn't an option", and then he goes on to say that it is immoral for gay people to raise children.
"I can't wait to share this with your wife."
"Hehehehe." You dun have a clue do you?
I myself am thinking of waiting until the day after I turn 18. That way I can have a fun birthday, will be legally independent, and will be able to ask to speak as an adult. And I'll be off to college like the next week, so if it doesn't go too well I won't have to deal with it / stay with a friend for too long.
Criminal Scum
Can't stop.
Yesterday I was hanging out with my friends at a church youth group I go to on Wed. after school. My friend, whom I will call sdf had a laptop with him and got on WoW through wi-fi.
Eventually our conversation went to how sdf's guild leader was gay, but he wasn't (camp). My other friend said how you can never tell if someones gay; "they always hide it." I poker faced and tried not to laugh. I guess I proved that statement. Technically I'm bisexual, but still. Pretty funny.
Eventually our conversation went to how sdf's guild leader was gay, but he wasn't (camp). My other friend said how you can never tell if someones gay; "they always hide it." I poker faced and tried not to laugh. I guess I proved that statement. Technically I'm bisexual, but still. Pretty funny.
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brandot
Husky love.
I have always been too scared to come out. I have a strange feeling that my mom already kinda knows, but my dad is the only issue. I don't think he would take to well to it. He is a pretty aggressive guy, and can be sometimes violent when he gets drunk. But usually he can be a nice guy, however I Don't want anything to explode. Ill wait a few years. When I am out of the house maybe.
Aurus ARK-III
The Narrator of Dreams
Recently, after I got out of a straight relationship, I really don't know why, but since then I started to like girls less as time goes by... I still feel attracted to women, but it's just that I don't know a single interesting woman who's not taken already (that's 0 out of 2 or 3 that are JUST friends).
I always liked big muscled anthros in games and such (yeah, even in my childhood, when I just thought they were REALLY COOL), one year before my puberty I started to fall in love for some of my teachers (all of them were women, I still had no insight of homosexual attraction). I just got to admit I was Bi some months ago, when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend because of our "unilateral relationship" in which I were the only one who cared for it. Some weeks before I broke up, I played with some friends of mine, one of them being a Bi and the other being straight. It looked like an innocent roleplay, then I turned it into some kind of Yaoi Fanservice in MSN Chatgroup, me and my Bi friend fighting for the straight guy's attention (none of us knew each other's sexuality for sure, and I didn't care for it, I was just playing, I thought). Then I broke up, when I just couldn't stand that girl anymore, and that Bi friend of mine stood by my side, when no one else did console me. He was always saying things that got me confused, like when I said "I'm looking for a girl who likes things I like, RPG, games and such..." and he replied "Well, I am here!", some times I even doubted he was a guy, because I was so close-minded at that time that I couldn't bear imagine to have a boyfriend, even if I liked so much to look at furry gay art, or gay porn on sites on the web.
My family is always saying things like "I'd prefer to have a whore for a daughter than a gay son" or things that makes homosexuality look like an "UNFORGIVABLE SIN" or some kind of illness (or even the act of devils possessing their bodies, that's surely a pretty crazy way of thinking about it). What matters is that I fell in love for that Bi friend of mine, maybe because I was feeling all alone and such, and I misplaced a strong friendship for love, but in the end we were each other's boyfriend for some time.
Things didn't go very well after a few weeks, as he was going pretty bad at school, and I could barely talk with him, so I felt abandoned. I met someone who quickly became so important for me that every time we talked I felt like I had found my other half, my soul-mate. I tried to lie it to myself and everyone else, but I fell in love for that guy, I just didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend, I even had the crazy idea of getting away from them both, disappearing from their lives, but that other guy made me open my eyes to reality, and helped me make up my mind.
When I had the opportunity to have a serious conversation with my boyfriend, I told him exactly how I was feeling, and in the end he told me he was passing trough harsh times at school, about his low grades, and the friends he was losing. I felt even worse, like if I was the reason for it to be happening to him. It didn't took long until I decided to be that other guy's boyfriend, and I broke with my Bi friend, we are still very good friends (and he still says things like "your virginity is mine", and things that makes me think he still have hopes for we making up again).
Sorry for making this so very long, but it's not over yet. As soon as I felt comfortable with the idea of being Bi, I told one of my friends (a straight guy), for my surprise he didn't try to kill me, as a I thought he would. And then on, I felt more and more free to tell my friends that I am Bi. Actually, the only ones who don't know of my sexuality are my family and some "not so important now" friends. My sister does know, I told her about it and practically ordered her to keep it a secret form our parents and other familiars.
Well, I am pretty comfortable with being a Bi, because in fact I feel attracted for both men and women, although I am quite picky with what exactly attracts me, like red-haired girls, or older-looking guys. I decided to tell my parents about my sexuality only after I get a place for myself to live on my own, or with friends, or even with my current (and if it continues as is, my definitive) boyfriend so that I can (if necessary) say in their faces I can be whatever I want and I can handle myself pretty good with or without their approval.
I always liked big muscled anthros in games and such (yeah, even in my childhood, when I just thought they were REALLY COOL), one year before my puberty I started to fall in love for some of my teachers (all of them were women, I still had no insight of homosexual attraction). I just got to admit I was Bi some months ago, when I broke up with my ex-girlfriend because of our "unilateral relationship" in which I were the only one who cared for it. Some weeks before I broke up, I played with some friends of mine, one of them being a Bi and the other being straight. It looked like an innocent roleplay, then I turned it into some kind of Yaoi Fanservice in MSN Chatgroup, me and my Bi friend fighting for the straight guy's attention (none of us knew each other's sexuality for sure, and I didn't care for it, I was just playing, I thought). Then I broke up, when I just couldn't stand that girl anymore, and that Bi friend of mine stood by my side, when no one else did console me. He was always saying things that got me confused, like when I said "I'm looking for a girl who likes things I like, RPG, games and such..." and he replied "Well, I am here!", some times I even doubted he was a guy, because I was so close-minded at that time that I couldn't bear imagine to have a boyfriend, even if I liked so much to look at furry gay art, or gay porn on sites on the web.
My family is always saying things like "I'd prefer to have a whore for a daughter than a gay son" or things that makes homosexuality look like an "UNFORGIVABLE SIN" or some kind of illness (or even the act of devils possessing their bodies, that's surely a pretty crazy way of thinking about it). What matters is that I fell in love for that Bi friend of mine, maybe because I was feeling all alone and such, and I misplaced a strong friendship for love, but in the end we were each other's boyfriend for some time.
Things didn't go very well after a few weeks, as he was going pretty bad at school, and I could barely talk with him, so I felt abandoned. I met someone who quickly became so important for me that every time we talked I felt like I had found my other half, my soul-mate. I tried to lie it to myself and everyone else, but I fell in love for that guy, I just didn't want to cheat on my boyfriend, I even had the crazy idea of getting away from them both, disappearing from their lives, but that other guy made me open my eyes to reality, and helped me make up my mind.
When I had the opportunity to have a serious conversation with my boyfriend, I told him exactly how I was feeling, and in the end he told me he was passing trough harsh times at school, about his low grades, and the friends he was losing. I felt even worse, like if I was the reason for it to be happening to him. It didn't took long until I decided to be that other guy's boyfriend, and I broke with my Bi friend, we are still very good friends (and he still says things like "your virginity is mine", and things that makes me think he still have hopes for we making up again).
Sorry for making this so very long, but it's not over yet. As soon as I felt comfortable with the idea of being Bi, I told one of my friends (a straight guy), for my surprise he didn't try to kill me, as a I thought he would. And then on, I felt more and more free to tell my friends that I am Bi. Actually, the only ones who don't know of my sexuality are my family and some "not so important now" friends. My sister does know, I told her about it and practically ordered her to keep it a secret form our parents and other familiars.
Well, I am pretty comfortable with being a Bi, because in fact I feel attracted for both men and women, although I am quite picky with what exactly attracts me, like red-haired girls, or older-looking guys. I decided to tell my parents about my sexuality only after I get a place for myself to live on my own, or with friends, or even with my current (and if it continues as is, my definitive) boyfriend so that I can (if necessary) say in their faces I can be whatever I want and I can handle myself pretty good with or without their approval.
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Jonny
New Member
Yes, I agree. I mean, yes, I like other guys, but I also like to read and play videogames and so on and so forth.
I've told my immediate family and they're fine with it. My brother and sister make the occassional joke but no more than that. When I got to uni, I wasn't sure how to go about coming out, if at all, but eventually I decided to just drop it into the conversation casually as if it wasn't a big deal, which it isn't. Nobody really batted an eyelid.
That said, actually meeting and forming a relationship with another guy at this stage is proving slightly more problematic!
Kitutal
cute newbie kitten
I second (or probably quite a lot more than that by now) everything in the original essay. I grew up with little interest in an intimate relationship, never had a proper girlfriend, then I hit 23, and a few little hints (the biggest being my appreciation for a bunch of nice messages sent to me by men on a site I had joined) I started looking again at the people around me (and rather more slowly reconsidering that intimate relationship thing). Long story short, now I know, wish I had done earlier, missed out on a lot...
And the point of this thread, I plan on dropping hints, saying things that people pass over as normal then suddenly double back when they realise what I said. Just anything that can get an interesting reaction out of people. My parents, I'm not sure I could tell them, I'm not a telling people person, more a letting them find out. I have a nice plan there, invite 'friend' over one day, cue intimate greeting, hand holding, casual introductions, then offer to get him a drink. Their reaction will be wonderful.
And the point of this thread, I plan on dropping hints, saying things that people pass over as normal then suddenly double back when they realise what I said. Just anything that can get an interesting reaction out of people. My parents, I'm not sure I could tell them, I'm not a telling people person, more a letting them find out. I have a nice plan there, invite 'friend' over one day, cue intimate greeting, hand holding, casual introductions, then offer to get him a drink. Their reaction will be wonderful.
Keeroh
Shinies Snatcher
I'll be looking over you, my child.
No, but seriously, good for you. Do you know if the people/person you're coming out to is going to react a certain way?
Yago
Ambered Amaranth
Coming out's fairly scary. I lost sleep for months over it. And, as of now, only my good friends know, and my older sister.
I don't think I'll ever tell my mom unless I settle down with a nice guy. Then I'll most likely tell her I'm getting married, and when Mom asks to meet the lucky lady, I'll correct her and say man.
Yeah, that'd go over amusingly. If she doesn't die from it. That said, mom's cool with LGBT community. Just...not marriage. That's something about man woman blah blah or whatever.
My father who I don't talk to wouldn't take it quite so well. I'm honestly not sure if I'd get killed, disowned, or if he'd die or get over it. He's a huuuuge homophobe.
My step-father probably wouldn't either, but oh well, he's not exactly true family, and he'd get over it in time.
Edit: Both father figures are more of haters than phobes. They'd rather just execute the non-straights.
I don't think I'll ever tell my mom unless I settle down with a nice guy. Then I'll most likely tell her I'm getting married, and when Mom asks to meet the lucky lady, I'll correct her and say man.
Yeah, that'd go over amusingly. If she doesn't die from it. That said, mom's cool with LGBT community. Just...not marriage. That's something about man woman blah blah or whatever.
My father who I don't talk to wouldn't take it quite so well. I'm honestly not sure if I'd get killed, disowned, or if he'd die or get over it. He's a huuuuge homophobe.
My step-father probably wouldn't either, but oh well, he's not exactly true family, and he'd get over it in time.
Edit: Both father figures are more of haters than phobes. They'd rather just execute the non-straights.
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Aetius
It's Me Gordon, Barney from Black Mesa
Not sure, going to find out x3
Keeroh
Shinies Snatcher
Well, best of luck and all that jazz. It's a wonderful moment, exceptionally freeing in a very distinct way. Even if it's not that well received, it's out in the open and makes life a bit easier. (In my experience, at least.)
High five! How did it go?
Aetius
It's Me Gordon, Barney from Black Mesa
Keeroh
Shinies Snatcher
Depends, tbh. One-on-one is usually best, you can respond to their questions and not leave them with assumptions. If you do it as a big family thing, it can go very strongly- but either way. If you have a very accepting family, then it might just be a lot of group hugs and crying. If your families response is questionable, it might not be as pleasant.
Bornes
Hobby Costume Wearer
I was born female.
I had grown up all the time thinking I was not a girl.
But apparently I didn't officially "come out" about it until I was in france with my grandma (I don't remember this) that I thought I should've been a boy. I was 11 at the time.
I came out as bisexual to my parents when I was 15-16, just by straight up saying "Hey guys, I have something to tell you. I'm bisexual." at the dinner table.
Family went silent. I got the "We love you no matter what you are" speech several times later. (And then once I actually started maybe dating girls, dad showed he was lying about the whole thing).
Had "crossdressed" as a dude pretty much all of my life, but when I went to college, I found the "androgyne" label and "came out" as that. I dressed/acted totally androgynously and I guess the intent was to just mess with peoples' heads overall. But at the time I figured I was going to become a totally sexless individual and that was my goal (later I figured out I was ignorant and it'd never happen, so learn to cope now).
It wasn't until I went through boot camp that I realized, hey wait a second, "lol androgynes are stupid I'm really a female-to-male transsexual" (FtM). It went down a little more seriously than that, but yeah. Sent out an email to my parents (I was 22ish by this point, and away from them, in A-school [kind of like military trade school]). It didn't go down very well.
I'm now 24 and my parents say they support me, but I haven't pursued transition at all [yet] since US military forces me into the closet about it. I fully intend to transition (surgically and all) once I get out, but in the meantime my career is too important to me to just drop it all to go get a penis. I do just fine where I'm at now, and I pass (meaning: people think I'm a dude) to everyone that doesn't have prior knowledge that I'm female. I just kind of roll with the 'powerdyke' label for now and live and let live.
I'm pretty certain that, similar to the whole coming out as bi situation, once my parents actually start to realize that "lol not a phase" and I actually go get surgery and shit, they won't be so supportive. But I don't really care about it. They know that I am not too connected to them and that if they didn't bend over backwards to pretend they liked me and guilted me to visit them, I'd never associate with them anyway. (It took them paying for my flight from Japan to the US to go see them on my holiday leave period when I could've seen them every year for three years before that. And really I was super guilted into it and hated 'wasting' my time with them.)
Anyway, it's all whatever. I've lived with my current body long enough and gone through enough shit not even related to sexuality or gender that being pissed off at someone calling me a dyke instead of a man is too far down on my list of shit to care about.
Though you can rest assured that if you go out of your way to insult me (online) or call me female pronouns, I will add you straight to the ignore/block list and/or not bother responding to you at all.
Not saying I'm not open for talk about the whole sensitive issue that is transness. I'm just saying don't go out of your way to be a dick to me. Small difference, but existent.
That said, I haven't been on these forums for long. But what I have read it does seem like a lot of you are really ignorant about transsexuality. So if you do have questions or anything, feel free.
I had grown up all the time thinking I was not a girl.
But apparently I didn't officially "come out" about it until I was in france with my grandma (I don't remember this) that I thought I should've been a boy. I was 11 at the time.
I came out as bisexual to my parents when I was 15-16, just by straight up saying "Hey guys, I have something to tell you. I'm bisexual." at the dinner table.
Family went silent. I got the "We love you no matter what you are" speech several times later. (And then once I actually started maybe dating girls, dad showed he was lying about the whole thing).
Had "crossdressed" as a dude pretty much all of my life, but when I went to college, I found the "androgyne" label and "came out" as that. I dressed/acted totally androgynously and I guess the intent was to just mess with peoples' heads overall. But at the time I figured I was going to become a totally sexless individual and that was my goal (later I figured out I was ignorant and it'd never happen, so learn to cope now).
It wasn't until I went through boot camp that I realized, hey wait a second, "lol androgynes are stupid I'm really a female-to-male transsexual" (FtM). It went down a little more seriously than that, but yeah. Sent out an email to my parents (I was 22ish by this point, and away from them, in A-school [kind of like military trade school]). It didn't go down very well.
I'm now 24 and my parents say they support me, but I haven't pursued transition at all [yet] since US military forces me into the closet about it. I fully intend to transition (surgically and all) once I get out, but in the meantime my career is too important to me to just drop it all to go get a penis. I do just fine where I'm at now, and I pass (meaning: people think I'm a dude) to everyone that doesn't have prior knowledge that I'm female. I just kind of roll with the 'powerdyke' label for now and live and let live.
I'm pretty certain that, similar to the whole coming out as bi situation, once my parents actually start to realize that "lol not a phase" and I actually go get surgery and shit, they won't be so supportive. But I don't really care about it. They know that I am not too connected to them and that if they didn't bend over backwards to pretend they liked me and guilted me to visit them, I'd never associate with them anyway. (It took them paying for my flight from Japan to the US to go see them on my holiday leave period when I could've seen them every year for three years before that. And really I was super guilted into it and hated 'wasting' my time with them.)
Anyway, it's all whatever. I've lived with my current body long enough and gone through enough shit not even related to sexuality or gender that being pissed off at someone calling me a dyke instead of a man is too far down on my list of shit to care about.
Though you can rest assured that if you go out of your way to insult me (online) or call me female pronouns, I will add you straight to the ignore/block list and/or not bother responding to you at all.
Not saying I'm not open for talk about the whole sensitive issue that is transness. I'm just saying don't go out of your way to be a dick to me. Small difference, but existent.
That said, I haven't been on these forums for long. But what I have read it does seem like a lot of you are really ignorant about transsexuality. So if you do have questions or anything, feel free.
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pikayoshigirl
New Member
Earlier I posted on this thread saying that I was bisexual.
I'm having second thoughts about this. In all honesty...I can't see myself with a guy.
I tried dating a guy once. Wasn't that fantastic, in all honesty. And the guy ended up leading me on, anyway.
There is a girl that I'm interested in right now, though. Even though the chance I stand with her is probably minimal at best. I'm friends with her on facebook, but that's about as far as it goes. I just feel like I could connect to a girl far better than I could connect to any guy.
Oh, and I don't like penis. Just putting that out there.
I'm having second thoughts about this. In all honesty...I can't see myself with a guy.
I tried dating a guy once. Wasn't that fantastic, in all honesty. And the guy ended up leading me on, anyway.
There is a girl that I'm interested in right now, though. Even though the chance I stand with her is probably minimal at best. I'm friends with her on facebook, but that's about as far as it goes. I just feel like I could connect to a girl far better than I could connect to any guy.
Oh, and I don't like penis. Just putting that out there.
Lunar
Son of a WHORE!
That's how I felt, too. Only recently was I just like, "Fuck it, I'm a lesbian."
pikayoshigirl
New Member
That's...exactly how I'm feeling right now! :0
Maybe you're right, we are twins.
Maybe you're right, we are twins.
pikayoshigirl
New Member
To be truthful, she's a lesbian too, but I don't know. I'm too shy to make any attempt to really talk to her.