Coming Out: The Thread (Continued)
- Thread starter Surgat
- Start date
Saiko
GTWT Survivor
Hehe, well I had an... interesting month while I was away from FAF. Right around... I think three weeks ago, a friend from church asked for my phone number. Please note that I'd met him only a month earlier, but we both went to a two-night long church thingy where we were in the same house; so we knew each other halfway decently. I gave him ma number, and we texted sarcastic jokes back and forth for like 15 minutes. Right at the end he randomly asks, "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Me being myself, I reply rather innocently with, "No, I've never had one. Haven't really ever wanted one either."
His reply: "Are you..."
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
This is a kid from church who actively added to a recent discussion on/against homosexuality in Sunday school... yet I really didn't want to lie to him, I'd juuuust about gotten a chance to come out to a really close friend of mine, and I really wanted to tell someone. So I figured to hell with it and told him that I'm bi with a boyfriend. I was relieved, and a little surprised, to get the response, "I don't judge."
Then not five minutes later I get another text: "I'm bi as well."
WHADAFUUUUUCK?! I thought you said you were anti-gay!
Soooo, now I'm out of the closet to someone after like 6 months at the price of that someone spending the past month blowing my phone up. And I'm still waiting for a chance to tell my other friend. He makes plenty of dirty jokes at me, a good number of them gay-jokes, so there's no shortage in the topic coming up. The problem is that he never seems to make the right kinda jokes when we're alone. >.<
EDIT: Ugh, just read back over this post. Sorry for it kinda being all over the place. One of those instances where I could either explain EVERYTHING in a frickin' tomb that kinda makes sense, or make a short compilation of loosely related facts and events... Apparently the halfway point wasn't much of an improvement x3
Me being myself, I reply rather innocently with, "No, I've never had one. Haven't really ever wanted one either."
His reply: "Are you..."
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
This is a kid from church who actively added to a recent discussion on/against homosexuality in Sunday school... yet I really didn't want to lie to him, I'd juuuust about gotten a chance to come out to a really close friend of mine, and I really wanted to tell someone. So I figured to hell with it and told him that I'm bi with a boyfriend. I was relieved, and a little surprised, to get the response, "I don't judge."
Then not five minutes later I get another text: "I'm bi as well."
WHADAFUUUUUCK?! I thought you said you were anti-gay!Soooo, now I'm out of the closet to someone after like 6 months at the price of that someone spending the past month blowing my phone up. And I'm still waiting for a chance to tell my other friend. He makes plenty of dirty jokes at me, a good number of them gay-jokes, so there's no shortage in the topic coming up. The problem is that he never seems to make the right kinda jokes when we're alone. >.<
EDIT: Ugh, just read back over this post. Sorry for it kinda being all over the place. One of those instances where I could either explain EVERYTHING in a frickin' tomb that kinda makes sense, or make a short compilation of loosely related facts and events... Apparently the halfway point wasn't much of an improvement x3
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SL1PSH0D
Cheese Danish
Heh. I suppose I could tell of my comic out, though its nothing particularly interesting.
I remember being a child (like 8 or so) and starting to really notice that in public you'd see a lot of guys and girls holding hands, or kissing on the telly, and husbands and wives and that such. So I asked my mother (who is a closet conservative posing as an open-minded liberal) why two boys or two girls can't be in love. She gave a basic "its okay to be, but it has to be a secret because they'd get picked on" type thing. I found it appalling. I could never settle on the idea of only being able to be with type person. I thought that so long as I could love them and they could love me, it didn't matter what they looked like.
As I grew up and got to about middle school, I started hearing the term "bisexual" thrown around. I figured it made sense enough, so I was willing to accept that as a label for myself. Eventually, the topic came up with my mother some how. I don't recall the reason... We were watching a movie with a gay couple or something. Well, I told her I was bi. I've never really been shy to that fact.
"No you're not." My mother says poignantly.
"Uhm... Yes I am."
"Have you ever had sex with another man?" She asks.
"Well... No." I respond, not really sure where she's going with this.
"Well then you're not bi."
That statement really bothered me. At the time I had never had sex with a female, either. Did that make me Asexual?
Finally, I work up the gall to ask out of curiosity. "Mom. What would you do if I was gay?"
She shuffled uncomfortably for a while.
"Its not that I wouldn't love you.... I just wouldn't claim you as my son." was her reply. It finally donned on me that she was secretly homophobic. -__-
When I confronted her about it, she told me "No! I have no problem with faggots! I have plenty of faggot friends."
...Yep. She's a bigot.
Anyways, I put that out of my mind. I never really care about my mother's impression of me anyways. I knew I'd never be good enough, so it didn't really matter if I tried to please her or not. I was just gonna be me, and that was that.
I lived under the label of Bisexual up until senior year of high school. To be honest, it had always kind of bothered me, the title. I didn't really think it was true for me, but I didn't know what I was. I wasn't attracted to males or females. I wasn't attracted to the typical "OMG (s)he's hawt~" thing. It was an attraction to people's personality. As emotionally "turned on" as I was by a person was how physically turned on I was. I know, I know... That sounds like a yuppie thing to say, but whatever. It was true. I didn't care if they were male/female, gay/straight, black/white, skinny/fat, "pretty"/a burn-victim.... So long as they loved me. ^^;
That's when I discovered the term "Pansexuality" (which is WILDLY misunderstood, but that's another story). The thought of an all-inclusive sexuality based on an attraction to love rather than the physical body was PERFECT for me. :3
So yeah.... As far as "coming out", I was always very open about it. Yeah, I got picked on and harassed, but it never really bothered me. I dunno. Just coming to terms with the right terms was my challenge. Heh~
I remember being a child (like 8 or so) and starting to really notice that in public you'd see a lot of guys and girls holding hands, or kissing on the telly, and husbands and wives and that such. So I asked my mother (who is a closet conservative posing as an open-minded liberal) why two boys or two girls can't be in love. She gave a basic "its okay to be, but it has to be a secret because they'd get picked on" type thing. I found it appalling. I could never settle on the idea of only being able to be with type person. I thought that so long as I could love them and they could love me, it didn't matter what they looked like.
As I grew up and got to about middle school, I started hearing the term "bisexual" thrown around. I figured it made sense enough, so I was willing to accept that as a label for myself. Eventually, the topic came up with my mother some how. I don't recall the reason... We were watching a movie with a gay couple or something. Well, I told her I was bi. I've never really been shy to that fact.
"No you're not." My mother says poignantly.
"Uhm... Yes I am."
"Have you ever had sex with another man?" She asks.
"Well... No." I respond, not really sure where she's going with this.
"Well then you're not bi."
That statement really bothered me. At the time I had never had sex with a female, either. Did that make me Asexual?
Finally, I work up the gall to ask out of curiosity. "Mom. What would you do if I was gay?"
She shuffled uncomfortably for a while.
"Its not that I wouldn't love you.... I just wouldn't claim you as my son." was her reply. It finally donned on me that she was secretly homophobic. -__-
When I confronted her about it, she told me "No! I have no problem with faggots! I have plenty of faggot friends."
...Yep. She's a bigot.
Anyways, I put that out of my mind. I never really care about my mother's impression of me anyways. I knew I'd never be good enough, so it didn't really matter if I tried to please her or not. I was just gonna be me, and that was that.
I lived under the label of Bisexual up until senior year of high school. To be honest, it had always kind of bothered me, the title. I didn't really think it was true for me, but I didn't know what I was. I wasn't attracted to males or females. I wasn't attracted to the typical "OMG (s)he's hawt~" thing. It was an attraction to people's personality. As emotionally "turned on" as I was by a person was how physically turned on I was. I know, I know... That sounds like a yuppie thing to say, but whatever. It was true. I didn't care if they were male/female, gay/straight, black/white, skinny/fat, "pretty"/a burn-victim.... So long as they loved me. ^^;
That's when I discovered the term "Pansexuality" (which is WILDLY misunderstood, but that's another story). The thought of an all-inclusive sexuality based on an attraction to love rather than the physical body was PERFECT for me. :3
So yeah.... As far as "coming out", I was always very open about it. Yeah, I got picked on and harassed, but it never really bothered me. I dunno. Just coming to terms with the right terms was my challenge. Heh~
Kosdu
Member
My ex-love and closest friend plans on coming out by making a slideshow video of his furry art, then "My Boyfriends Back" will come on and suddenly it will change to his gay art.
I'm hoping it goes well.
I might be bi, I might even be gay. Not sure at this point.
I'll come out with it once I figure out. Screw the closet.
I'm hoping it goes well.
I might be bi, I might even be gay. Not sure at this point.
I'll come out with it once I figure out. Screw the closet.
Yago
Ambered Amaranth
You're most likely bisexual. I don't plan on coming out. It's not a secret. I just do not feel the need to bring it up.
Kosdu
Member
It's been eating my friend from the inside, his family is homophobic and he is sick of hiding it.
Wants proper dates and all that.
Hehe, so I can flaunt it where I want to stick it?
Yeah, I might just put myself in the open so I can get such a relationship if I get comofrtable enough with it.
Wants proper dates and all that.
Hehe, so I can flaunt it where I want to stick it?
Yeah, I might just put myself in the open so I can get such a relationship if I get comofrtable enough with it.
SL1PSH0D
Cheese Danish
Sadly enough, my best relationships have started on the internet.
Though I haven't had too much to do with guys. I've casually dated, but nothing serious (other than once, but it turned into a long, drawn-out platonic thing). I kinda feel obligated to have a more meaningful relationship with another male.
But its definitely best to grow from a friendship..... Alas, an out of the blue "Hey how are you~" risk taking can always be fun and romantic. ^^;;
Though I haven't had too much to do with guys. I've casually dated, but nothing serious (other than once, but it turned into a long, drawn-out platonic thing). I kinda feel obligated to have a more meaningful relationship with another male.
But its definitely best to grow from a friendship..... Alas, an out of the blue "Hey how are you~" risk taking can always be fun and romantic. ^^;;
ArgonTheFox
Member
Hi again.
My mother has decided to go on holiday to see my nan who lives over in Ireland, and I was thinking about using the time to come out to my dad. but im just not sure how I should do it. I was thinking about doing the same "oh hi, im gay" kinda thing or should I like leave a bit of paper on his desk before running to hide somewhere.
why I want to come out to my dad while my mum is away is because I tried coming out last year and my mum just forced me back into the closet just like "OH NO NO YOU WONT KNOW UNTIL YOUR 30". Im assuming my dad will either just do this silent nod as he always does or just sit there like "w.. .what? how do youse know?" and theres no chance of him reacting violently. hes a 56 year old man.
My mother has decided to go on holiday to see my nan who lives over in Ireland, and I was thinking about using the time to come out to my dad. but im just not sure how I should do it. I was thinking about doing the same "oh hi, im gay" kinda thing or should I like leave a bit of paper on his desk before running to hide somewhere.
why I want to come out to my dad while my mum is away is because I tried coming out last year and my mum just forced me back into the closet just like "OH NO NO YOU WONT KNOW UNTIL YOUR 30". Im assuming my dad will either just do this silent nod as he always does or just sit there like "w.. .what? how do youse know?" and theres no chance of him reacting violently. hes a 56 year old man.
Yago
Ambered Amaranth
A note and running away is childish. I'd not recommend it.
Being spontaneous is not the best option, in my opinion, because it is surprising and people are often difficult to deal with when surprised and it could change the outcome. I'd advise either maturely telling him during a conversation that approaches the topic.
ArgonTheFox
Member
Ok, many thanks. I suppose the reason why I didn't think of telling him in a conversation was because ive had the idea set out of just telling him and getting it done and over with, but I suppose being confident about telling people is part of coming out I suppose.
Yago
Ambered Amaranth
Yes.
You don't want to just HEY I'M GAY. It tends to surprise people. And it's never good to do that with important matters.
Kryn
Flyin' Sooo High
Well sometimes you have to surprise people. I haven't came out to my mother yet because we never talk about anything of a sexual nature. That includes even just talk about relationships.
I never had a "brids and the bees" talk, dating advice, or even a question about why I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend. From neither of my parents actually. I think she knows I'm gay and too afraid to ask.
Basically I'm just going to have to surprise her one day.
I never had a "brids and the bees" talk, dating advice, or even a question about why I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend. From neither of my parents actually. I think she knows I'm gay and too afraid to ask.
Basically I'm just going to have to surprise her one day.
Criminal Scum
Can't stop.
I'm planning on coming out before graduating next year. To start, would it be a bad idea to tell people I absolutely trust (a couple even have gay friends) through something like Facebook soon, and tell others over an extended time period? It's been eating at me for a long time and I've about had it. I feel like it could pull some stress off of me. My main concern is whether FB is a good idea or not, since I can PM people. I feel like I'm being a bitch about this.
Yago
Ambered Amaranth
Facebook is just as leaving a note, immature and rude. Unless it's a few friends that you really trust, I'd not go for that idea. Even if you do trust them and they'd understand, it's best to tell them in person IMO. Though I did tell my best friend over a PM in skype. I tried to say it in person. I couldn't even start the sentence.
Criminal Scum
Can't stop.
I can understand why one would feel that way. It would only be a select few people, not a public announcement, and it wouldn't be, "From Criminal Scum: 'I'm gay lol.'"
I just don't know how it'd turn out, nonetheless know if I can tell them in person. I'm afraid I might lose a friend if I'm overheard.
Iknow what you meani've always been raised to be homophobic ive always had homophobic friends, im Catholic and Texan and i dont ant to admit it to myself but i think im bisexual, i mean ive never been attracted to guys ive always gotten aroused by women but lets jus say ive done stuff with two friends of mine who are boys (nothing anal), i enjoy gay porn, ive never had agirlfriend; i dont know why ivenever been truely aroused by a boy but some how the things just happened with my two closest friends more than once to be specicfic, no offense to any homosexuals or bisexuals out there but i dont want to be bisexual.
Yago
Ambered Amaranth
Understandable. I realized it wouldn't be public. But Facebook is the land of bullshit and drama. Posting *ANYTHING* there, I deem ridiculous. Especially important matters.
It'd be much more serious and reasonable if you did it confidently in person or through another less blah medium.
Criminal Scum
Can't stop.
I could send out e-mails :V I don't actually have other contact info for all of the 3, maybe 4 people I plan on telling first. Facebook is shit, though.
Yago
Ambered Amaranth
Yeah. Facebook even in a PM will make you seem desperate and annoying about it. But I'm sure you can get the info fairly easily.
Criminal Scum
Can't stop.
I think I'll do that, then. Thanks for your input.
Yago
Ambered Amaranth
Any time.
Spatel
Well-Known Member
It is common for straight men to lose their virginity late, particularly if they are nerds. Mid-to-late 20s is becoming increasingly common, thanks to the internet, and the economy, and some other cultural dynamics. If nobody is suspicious you're 23 and still single it's because it isn't really that suspicious.
Not wanting to be bisexual pretty much proves you are. Welcome to the club. Get your spandex and your guitar, you've got a bright career in glam rock ahead of you.
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Heh; you're joking right im anything but Bi i just find normal porn "boring" that dosent mean anything and those things i did,didn't even enjoy still don't enjoy it its nothing just some sort of 5-year phase im sure it will be over my senoir yearof high school