Coming Out: The Thread (Continued)

[BarlettaX]

First one to throw a punch is the first to run out of ideas. Too bad they already had an idea in mind... Besides, when I'm getting the shit kicked out me, I like to do what Tyler Durden did in Fight Club... Laugh in their face like a bloody maniac. To let them know that I'm enjoying it. And it's always important to stay positive!

They'll think you're bloody off the deep end :b
But really, sorry bigots have to be strong over there.

 

[Bipolar Bear]

They'll think you're bloody off the deep end :b
But really, sorry bigots have to be strong over there.

Oh. Pffft! Don't be. They got what was coming to them. One of them got 5 years imprisonment, no bail. The other two got 3 years with no bail as well. l=)

 

[WarLegalomon]

Well, I live in Southern Australia, Melbourne. The city itself is really beautiful and homely. The suburb I live in however is not so welcoming. Gangs, Thefts, Beatings, happens every month or 2. Me? I don't let my Ross go ANYWHERE in our suburb without me beside him. No exceptions. l=/

And thank you for your concern, War. Heh, Ross was actually twice as concerned for me as my parents were. And my parents were hysterical when they found out.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't even think of my own safety when I was being beaten. I only cared about Ross getting the blue-hell out of there. And right now, my main concern is his well-being. Not mine. I'll heal up fine anyway. XP

And tonight, we're going to do a lot more than just cuddle up and watch a movie. If you catch my drift... l=)

Melbourne eh? Nice ^_^ I'd love to visit Australia sometime and visit all the major cities including Melbourne!!! A friend of mine lives on the outskirts of Sydney on the western side and his area is actually pretty nice. Really cruddy you live in a not-so-nice area I wish all the nice people lived in the nice areas. That's excellent that you go with Ross everyplace. Have you guys considered moving to a different suburb, that's a li'l more friendly? Probo difficult with classes, work, etc. tho but it IS something to consider in the future.

You are so lucky to have Ross, and he's really super lucky to have you. I, too, have a habit of being more concerned about the well being of my closest friends because they just mean the world to me, and without them I'd be totally lost. Never let Ross go, EVER, especially in bed I hope you managed to calm down his nerves so he was able to sleep peacefully!


And just looking at the later msgs, oh wow! 5 years and 3 years without bail? That's awesome!!! ^_^

 

[Bipolar Bear]

Melbourne eh? Nice ^_^ I'd love to visit Australia sometime and visit all the major cities including Melbourne!!! A friend of mine lives on the outskirts of Sydney on the western side and his area is actually pretty nice. Really cruddy you live in a not-so-nice area I wish all the nice people lived in the nice areas. That's excellent that you go with Ross everyplace. Have you guys considered moving to a different suburb, that's a li'l more friendly? Probo difficult with classes, work, etc. tho but it IS something to consider in the future.

You are so lucky to have Ross, and he's really super lucky to have you. I, too, have a habit of being more concerned about the well being of my closest friends because they just mean the world to me, and without them I'd be totally lost. Never let Ross go, EVER, especially in bed I hope you managed to calm down his nerves so he was able to sleep peacefully!


And just looking at the later msgs, oh wow! 5 years and 3 years without bail? That's awesome!!! ^_^

Me and Ross have thought about moving to a better place, but with work, school, social business and all, it's been rather hectic. But my parents are gonna try and pitch in to help us. We actually saw in the paper a really nice two story flat, and we've decided to make a pool in which to store any extra cash. So we can save up for it! =D

He never lets go of me in bed anyway. XD And thankfully, he's more level-headed now. But like all boyfriends/girlfriends, he still protects me like a Bald Eagle. To be honest, the only thing that can really calm my Ross down is (WARNING! CHEESY PHRASE COMING UP!) the sound of my heartbeat as he sleeps. It comforts him... (=)

 

[WarLegalomon]

Me and Ross have thought about moving to a better place, but with work, school, social business and all, it's been rather hectic. But my parents are gonna try and pitch in to help us. We actually saw in the paper a really nice two story flat, and we've decided to make a pool in which to store any extra cash. So we can save up for it! =D

He never lets go of me in bed anyway. XD And thankfully, he's more level-headed now. But like all boyfriends/girlfriends, he still protects me like a Bald Eagle. To be honest, the only thing that can really calm my Ross down is (WARNING! CHEESY PHRASE COMING UP!) the sound of my heartbeat as he sleeps. It comforts him... (=)

Yes indeed, great idea to start saving up for a move. Your parents are gonna help eh? That's awesome! Best of luck with the saving of cash. You guys need (and deserve) to be in a much better flat and neighbourhood.

And I don't think that's cheesy at all ... I find it really sweet Ross definitely has his priorities straight! I'm so glad he's calmed down. It was indeed a very scary situation.

*HUGS* to ya both ^_^

 

[Conn1496]

Still need a little push, but all in all, I'm ready to tell people. Only tell if they ask though. I don't feel they need to know, to be honest, so I keep it to myself. :|

 

[WarLegalomon]

Still need a little push, but all in all, I'm ready to tell people. Only tell if they ask though. I don't feel they need to know, to be honest, so I keep it to myself. :|

Do you have a best bud you trust 200%, one that you know for certain will watch your back? If so, then that's the one to tell If uncertain who you can tell, probe around to see what people's opinions are regarding gays / bisexuals. Maybe strike up a conversation about a celebrity who is gay or portrays a gay character in a movie / tv show. That way you can get a feel for who will be accepting and who will not be.

If you happen to know of a relative who IS gay / bi, then that could very well be some extra support there

But yah, figure out which person you want to tell, it will be a huge weight off your shoulders. Anyone else, they don't need to know unless it's important enough to come up in conversation. Take things in stride, be comfortable

Best of luck to ya!!!

 

[Kryn]

Ugh, I had the perfect chance to come out to my mom the other day. We were both outside doing some yard work. The whole topic of religion and such came up (I'm agnostic, she's a Methodist christian). I was raised in the church till I quit it at about 15. Anyway she told me about a time where she was at a Methodist convention or something and go into an argument with a priest about gays, her point was that she believed they were born that way because she knew gays that, in her own words: "struggled with it their whole lives". Apparently I have some gay relatives i didn't know about either that she told me about.

I just wanted to say the fucking words: "Mom, I'm gay". But goddammit I just couldn't say it. Eventually my dad came outside and I completely gave up at that point.

I guess I should be glad when I'm finally ready to tell her it won't be much of an issue, just feeling like a pussy for letting go a golden opportunity to come out to her. Me and my mom rarely talk about these things and just bringing it up out of the blue feels impossible for me.

 

[Bipolar Bear]

Yes indeed, great idea to start saving up for a move. Your parents are gonna help eh? That's awesome! Best of luck with the saving of cash. You guys need (and deserve) to be in a much better flat and neighbourhood.

And I don't think that's cheesy at all ... I find it really sweet Ross definitely has his priorities straight! I'm so glad he's calmed down. It was indeed a very scary situation.

*HUGS* to ya both ^_^

Awwww, thanks! ^.^

And as a 'Welcome back from the hospital' gift, he drew me and him as Furries cuddling on my couch (see my profile for reference). If he was any sweeter, he would be made of candy! l=)

Oh, and good news. My cast comes off in about 3 weeks! Can't wait. Ross has been, somewhat of a caretaker for me, so I feel kinda guilty about it right now. (=l

Still, better days are ahead for both of us!

So, what about you War? Found that special someone yet? S=)

 

[H.B.C]

I can't imagine how hard it must be for some people. I feel kind of bad that I had it easy. Both my grandparents that I live with and my mother pretty much told me before I even knew myself that they'd be proud of me no matter what, and on one or two occasions specifically said that if I was gay, they'd love me all the same. When I actually did realize it, it was as simple as just telling them.
They didn't mind one bit, and neither did any of my close friends.
Heck, my mom even thought it was kind of cool.
I'm really lucky to have family and friends like them. :3

 

[WarLegalomon]

Ugh, I had the perfect chance to come out to my mom the other day. We were both outside doing some yard work. The whole topic of religion and such came up (I'm agnostic, she's a Methodist christian). I was raised in the church till I quit it at about 15. Anyway she told me about a time where she was at a Methodist convention or something and go into an argument with a priest about gays, her point was that she believed they were born that way because she knew gays that, in her own words: "struggled with it their whole lives". Apparently I have some gay relatives i didn't know about either that she told me about.

I just wanted to say the fucking words: "Mom, I'm gay". But goddammit I just couldn't say it. Eventually my dad came outside and I completely gave up at that point.

I guess I should be glad when I'm finally ready to tell her it won't be much of an issue, just feeling like a pussy for letting go a golden opportunity to come out to her. Me and my mom rarely talk about these things and just bringing it up out of the blue feels impossible for me.

Oh sweet, you have some relatives who are gay! See if you can get ahold of any of them, even email. They'll probo be the best ones to talk to first so you can be sure of their support! Hopefully you can get the chance to tell your mum soon tho. Sounds promising that she understands the whole "being gay" part and knows that it is NOT a phase.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear she's not dead set against gays! Give it time, another opportunity will present itself Best of luck to ya!!!!!

 

[WarLegalomon]

Awwww, thanks! ^.^

And as a 'Welcome back from the hospital' gift, he drew me and him as Furries cuddling on my couch (see my profile for reference). If he was any sweeter, he would be made of candy! l=)

Oh, and good news. My cast comes off in about 3 weeks! Can't wait. Ross has been, somewhat of a caretaker for me, so I feel kinda guilty about it right now. (=l

Still, better days are ahead for both of us!

So, what about you War? Found that special someone yet? S=)

Oh wow! What a lovely picture!!! Is Ross also on FA? If so, what's his FA name so I can find him and +Watch? Just did you ^_^

That's great you are healing up so nicely!! The next few weeks will go by quickly!

As for me, heh, nah, I don't have that Special someone yet. Altho it sure woulda helped having one during this past year while battling cancer. Instead, I had a super sweet kick-ass best bud of a friend to check up on me and did my grocery shopping and visited me in hospital, took me home, etc. So in a way, he could be considered my Special someone but I'm happy enough that he's my very best bud

Someday tho I may latch onto someone just as awesome as my bud and be able to take it beyond the next level! haha

^_^

 

[WarLegalomon]

I can't imagine how hard it must be for some people. I feel kind of bad that I had it easy. Both my grandparents that I live with and my mother pretty much told me before I even knew myself that they'd be proud of me no matter what, and on one or two occasions specifically said that if I was gay, they'd love me all the same. When I actually did realize it, it was as simple as just telling them.
They didn't mind one bit, and neither did any of my close friends.
Heck, my mom even thought it was kind of cool.
I'm really lucky to have family and friends like them. :3

Wow that's Great HBC ^_^ Everyone should be as lucky as you! I'm so happy you have an awesome family

 

[Bipolar Bear]

Oh wow! What a lovely picture!!! Is Ross also on FA? If so, what's his FA name so I can find him and +Watch? Just did you ^_^

That's great you are healing up so nicely!! The next few weeks will go by quickly!

As for me, heh, nah, I don't have that Special someone yet. Altho it sure woulda helped having one during this past year while battling cancer. Instead, I had a super sweet kick-ass best bud of a friend to check up on me and did my grocery shopping and visited me in hospital, took me home, etc. So in a way, he could be considered my Special someone but I'm happy enough that he's my very best bud

Someday tho I may latch onto someone just as awesome as my bud and be able to take it beyond the next level! haha

^_^

Thank you! I had it framed in our bedroom. (=)

And no, sadly. He doesn't like doing commissions for people other than me or himself. And I don't blame him. Commissioning can be quite a chore. l=/

Funny story actually. Ross was (and still is) my childhood friend. We went through Kindergarten together, we went through Primary school, through High school, we've together now for 12 years. And one day while we were chilling at my house, playing some Gears of War, and well... He just latched onto me and pashed me. Funny how things turn out? l=)

Who knows? Maybe your first kiss will be from him!

Best of luck to you, War.

 

[H.B.C]

Gosh, that's so cool. I hope I find someone like your Ross someday. I mean, like how you two seem to share such an incredible bond. It's inspiring, to say the least.

 

[Bipolar Bear]

Gosh, that's so cool. I hope I find someone like your Ross someday. I mean, like how you two seem to share such an incredible bond. It's inspiring, to say the least.

Hahahahaha! It's rather funny, that he knows me better than my family does. XD

And hey, I hope you find someone like him too! =)

 

[Ptomaine]

Touching stories all around. Several seem sadly common, mostly family and friends pushing away because of the hypocritical stereotypes, or just being religious almost to a fault. But, still quite a few that are rather nice and heart warming.

Have to say, when I first "came out" to anyone, it was my mom and step-dad about 7 years ago. My mom was ok with it at first, but I'm pretty sure that my step-dad was not very happy about it, but it seems like he's lying to my mother anyway, so I don't really care what he thinks. However, they both started telling me that it wasn't a good idea to tell anyone else, and that I should almost keep it a secret from everyone. I started realizing that they weren't happy with me when they started heaping extra chores on me and practically keeping me a prisoner in the house. I had almost no social life at all, and it really didn't help that they had decided to pull me out of school by the 7th grade and simply "leave me" to learn on my own.

I finally started going to the community college in town, and made several friends within a few days. And it wasn't long before some of my "habits" started raising red-flags to my friends, and a few of them actually came up to me and asked if I was gay. It was so sudden, I didn't even have any time to think of a lie, so I just told them the truth. Practically everyone still accepted me for who I was though, although there were quite a few more "gay jokes" thrown my way than before. (Didn't bother me in the least though, since I usually turned em back on them with something far worse.) This helped me to come to better terms with who I was, and helped for actually telling the one person I was deathly afraid of telling: my grandma. My mother had repeatedly told me that my grandma would stop loving me if I told her that I was gay, and sadly enough, I believed her for the longest time.

It was about a year after coming out to my friends at the college that I was living with a few friends after having a "falling out" with my mom and step-dad, and I was at my grandmas' house visiting. We were both smoking outside, talking about how college was going for me when I decided I'd ask her a question to lead up to me telling her I was gay. And I swear, that woman had the single best response I've ever heard anyone say so far. I asked her a simple question, scared to death that what my mother had been saying was right: "Grandma, do we have any gay relatives?" And her exact response? "Besides you?" I swear, my jaw practically touched the concrete, I was so surprised at the way she just threw that simple response at me like it meant absolutely nothing to her. I broke down crying for a good ten minutes, letting her know how much I loved her and how scared I was to tell her because of what my mother had said.

After that, it seemed like a weight lifted off my chest, and if I was asked by a friend or co-worker about it, I simply laughed and told them "Yeah, I'm gay. Is that a problem?" It felt really good to be able to tell people that, and not have to worry about what they thought about me. Almost everyone was very accepting of it, though a few started making jokes that were bordering on rude a bit more than usual, and others just stopped talking to me. I even had an old friend/bully drive slowly past me as I walked home from work and shoot BBs at me from his car after he found out. I was just lucky that he was a horrible shot, even from less than 10 feet away.

I've also told my biological father, my step-mom and my 2 sisters about 3 years ago when I finally got the chance to see them again after almost 12 years of being kept from them. (My mom was quite the @#$%& when it came to anything to do with my father, and decided to make me suffer for it while I lived with her. Needless to say, I don't talk to her anymore.) All of them accepted me immediately, with both of my sisters being extremely interested in asking me LOTS of questions.

So, I'd have to say I had an easier time coming out than I thought I would, and I'm thankful for that. Though, living in Kansas state now, doesn't really give me a lot of leeway to be as open as when I lived in Washington.

 

[Saiko]

I felt guilty and told my parents that I'm bi. I felt insecure and ashamed of it and spent two months building my confidence and becoming comfortable with myself again. I even was able to conclude that, if I'm not gay I'm about as gay as you can be and still be bi.

And last night when I tried explaining what I felt and why I felt it and who I felt it for... I got knocked back to square one.

Except now I've lost confidence in my parents, friends, god, and self. I feel alone and like a self-deluding fool. I feel like I won't be satisfied with any path I take.

 

[BlueDog4]

I'm basically in the process of coming out, when I told my dad he flipped out and is in denial still talking about girls with me and my brother seems like he's become okay with but when I act like myself he ends up acting all weird and uncomfortable around me. But most of everyone else I know seems okay with it. But most of the straight idiots I grew up with sorta act all nervous and uncomfortable around me. The coolest people I know who have been cool with it are my furry friends. I just know that eventually that things will get better for me along with the many other people having trouble coming out.

 

[Indigo-Mew]

Wait ... wha? Job application forms have tick boxes for Orientation?! I think that's illegal to put on Canadian job application forms, but I could be wrong about that. Wow ... UK certainly is different from over here.

Good job on a successful Coming Out

Keep the stories coming! ^_^

Oh I should explain that it was on a fair employment thing so they can monitor if they are being fair, still it probably upped my chances of geting the job!

I am not out yet though, every time I tell someone they always accept me and I feel much better so I have had it easy. I am still scared to let more people know however with time I think it will get better! I don't however want people to know I about my bf (kinda long distance). Don't get me wrong I really love him greatly but I just worry that people won't accept him or just think I am stupid as I have a relationship with someone I don't get to see much!

 

[H.B.C]

I felt guilty and told my parents that I'm bi. I felt insecure and ashamed of it and spent two months building my confidence and becoming comfortable with myself again. I even was able to conclude that, if I'm not gay I'm about as gay as you can be and still be bi.

And last night when I tried explaining what I felt and why I felt it and who I felt it for... I got knocked back to square one.

Except now I've lost confidence in my parents, friends, god, and self. I feel alone and like a self-deluding fool. I feel like I won't be satisfied with any path I take.

Not sure if this'll help, considering circumstances for me were different, but I was in the same boat as you for a few months.
I mean, as far as the whole self-conflict thing goes...
If you need someone to talk to, I can try to help. I resolved all that turmoil with help from family & friends who supported me, along with a bit of an epiphany, but I had it easy.

 

[Saiko]

Not sure if this'll help, considering circumstances for me were different, but I was in the same boat as you for a few months.
I mean, as far as the whole self-conflict thing goes...
If you need someone to talk to, I can try to help. I resolved all that turmoil with help from family & friends who supported me, along with a bit of an epiphany, but I had it easy.

Eh, I've calmed down a good bit now and am mostly just trying to cruise on the matter until I move to my dorm Wednesday. I've actually since concluded that I'm as good as gay. The term bi only applies to me on a technicality. I may have no physical preference or hardly even attraction, but I have no emotional desire for a woman. I desire... and IMO need, a man. I'm also regaining trust in my reason as well as noticing some small inconsistencies in my parents', which is comforting.

Full recovery? Not yet, but I'm getting there. :3
(It helps that they recently stopped checking to see if I'm being day online... >.>)

 

[Zuckerdachs]

Still semi-closeted.

My friends all know I'm gay, and I've no problem telling people if the subject arises. My family can't know, though. They're loud, proud Tea Party, with all the delightful xenophobic trappings. I'll never be able to be with a woman if I want to maintain any sort of relationship with them. Family is important to me ... even if it's conditional for them.

This is what homophobia does, folks.

 

[Bipolar Bear]

A quick, but delightfully happy update!

After living in this piss-poor excuse for a suburb for a long time, me and Ross have spoken to my parents and they talked to my uncle about maybe giving us a place to stay other than here. Oh, it gets better...

He's given us his spare house over in a wonderful and rich neighborhood called Kew. It's closer to our school, and it's a way, way more pleasant suburb than the one we're currently in. One story house, 3 Bedrooms, 2 Toilets, 1 Bathroom, 1 Kitchen, the whole kitten-caboodle! Fully refurbished, new furniture, new floors... The house looks brand-bloody-new.

God, I'm so happy that we finally have a new place to call our own! No more death threats, no more fear, no more beatings... Oh god, I could cry tears of joy right now! (=,D

 

[CaptainCool]

I felt guilty and told my parents that I'm bi. I felt insecure and ashamed of it and spent two months building my confidence and becoming comfortable with myself again. I even was able to conclude that, if I'm not gay I'm about as gay as you can be and still be bi.

And last night when I tried explaining what I felt and why I felt it and who I felt it for... I got knocked back to square one.

Except now I've lost confidence in my parents, friends, god, and self. I feel alone and like a self-deluding fool. I feel like I won't be satisfied with any path I take.

the only one who can give you confidence is yourself. realizing that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you is always the best first step.
your parents and friends simply have to learn to accept you for who you are. give them some time.
as for god... we cant know whether it actually exists so i wouldnt waste time on that. not to mention that the bible, which is supposedly gods word, makes it out to be quite the homophobe. why worship a homophobe?

Still semi-closeted.

My friends all know I'm gay, and I've no problem telling people if the subject arises. My family can't know, though. They're loud, proud Tea Party, with all the delightful xenophobic trappings. I'll never be able to be with a woman if I want to maintain any sort of relationship with them. Family is important to me ... even if it's conditional for them.

This is what homophobia does, folks.

you really shouldnt waste time trying to hold up a certain standard for them. you are wasting your time trying to make them happy while you are emotionally killing yourself from the inside.
let them be tea party members. who cares? just be yourself!^^