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Confessions thread

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Evan of Phrygia

Evan of Phrygia

WwwHhAaaAaTtTttTttTtT
I guess the reason i mention that is because i have no idea if i am sane anymore. like i can't be away from music for long periods of time, i've come to prefer shutting everyone out and just listening to or playing music for long stretches of time, and some times what actually makes me happy is just having a shit ton of work, even if i don't know if i'm actually capable of it.

like generally i'll hypothesize absurdly hard course demands because i want to. i'll make lists of pieces to play that will be 10-20 long just because.

and yet i still sometimes have motivational issues.
 
K

Kleric

Member
RestlessDreamer said:
Is that what that face is? I just assumed you were excited to be holding that katana!
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If I smiled like that normally, I would be scared of myself. ._.

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Evan of Phrygia said:
I guess the reason i mention that is because i have no idea if i am sane anymore. like i can't be away from music for long periods of time, i've come to prefer shutting everyone out and just listening to or playing music for long stretches of time, and some times what actually makes me happy is just having a shit ton of work, even if i don't know if i'm actually capable of it.

like generally i'll hypothesize absurdly hard course demands because i want to. i'll make lists of pieces to play that will be 10-20 long just because.

and yet i still sometimes have motivational issues.
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Sorry to hear that Evan. Last night I really felt like I was losing a bit of my sanity, I still don't know what was going on. But I hope the best for you. ☺
 
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RestlessDreamer

RestlessDreamer

Scary Monster; Super Creep
Evan, I spend a good chunk of my personal time wandering around listening to podcasts and music as I walk for miles. I'm talking upwards of 7 to 10 miles per day. And when I am not doing that, I feel more comfortable sketching or cooking than anything else.

I'm just not well-suited for social situations any more unless I prepare myself for it. Just make sure not to lose your sense of self if you decide to eschew social contact. And yeah, being productive is SUPER important to feeling grounded.

EDIT: Anyway, I'm going to go to bed myself. It's nearly 1 AM on the east coast (USA) and I really ought be establishing a proper sleep pattern instead of staying up all night again.

Love you all! So happy we were able to talk like this! Sleep well and remember: Always be yourself! ^_^
 
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D

Deleted member 93706

Guest
I kinda feel ya there Evan...When I'm not in class or doing homework, I am listening to music.
 
Evan of Phrygia

Evan of Phrygia

WwwHhAaaAaTtTttTttTtT
Perhaps.

I just get nervous. I know that more than enough people have questioned my sanity when it comes to the workload I set for myself (my parents, counselor, some teachers, even some people here) because I'll sometimes end up destroying myself but almost kind of wanting that.

I don't know. I'm looking forward to the fact that I'm going to be fucked in every single class and working my ass off to make it happen. I guess deep down I refuse to believe I can't do it

I should sleep now to not ruin tomorrow, but i guess to kinda summarize the kind of life i want to set myself, i'm going to be rehearsing close to nonstop from tomorrow at noon until sunday evening, a majority being for a group that works their members extremely hard

and then on MLK day, I'm just going to practice more and do homework, and maybe just sleep a bit.

I guess I kinda wanna be crazy if crazy means I have the knowledge I'm looking for.
 
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C

Clauvio

Guest
ive never had any feelings towards others (aside from friendship inb4 that isnt an emotionand am kinda confused about my sexuality as a result )
i dont really have anybody i can call a true friend, and im lonely and worried that itll never happen.
i have self confidence issues.
i hate sweet foods like cake.
i can only cook about 2 things.
im starting to doubt if art is my true calling.
uhhh
thats it
 
Mikazuki Marazhu

Mikazuki Marazhu

I hate you all
FenrirDarkWolf said:
I get attached to people way too easily and then I have a hard time letting go.
I give out my heart too easily.
God I'm such a whore.
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That happened to me too! I got too attached to someone (which is not a good thing) but I managed to do it... I severed the ties but I felt "heartbroken"
 
D

Deleted member 93706

Guest
I don't get attached to people that easily because as a tutor, I can't...I tutored a few hundred people over the course of four years back at my community college. I was there to do for them what I could, hopefully to the point that they would never need my help again...and I would thus never see them again.
 
K

Kleric

Member
Normally I know who not to get attached to, but I'd be lying if I said that hasn't happened to me... well once anyway, I still don't know what's going on. .-.
 
jtrekkie

jtrekkie

Feathered
I am the same way. It's easy to love but so hard to let go. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

I am happy to see that Mara's heart is mending. It hurts, but the scars are stronger and perhaps more tender.
 
Crunchy_Bat

Crunchy_Bat

Incoherent Babble Master
Oh I just HAD to go cook didn't I and miss all that fuckin excitement >:l God dammit stomach.
 
Distorted

Distorted

Active Member
I go a bit haywire when people get too close to me. I freak out and do stupid things. I recently went through that with someone and it really bothers me how I reacted. I'm working on it though. Hopefully I can work through my issues and finally be able to fully connect to someone. I doubt anyone would want to deal with my crazy though.
 
K

Kleric

Member
Distorted said:
I go a bit haywire when people get too close to me. I freak out and do stupid things. I recently went through that with someone and it really bothers me how I reacted. I'm working on it though. Hopefully I can work through my issues and finally be able to fully connect to someone. I doubt anyone would want to deal with my crazy though.
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Don't worry, I'm sure they're very willing to deal with your crazy...


;)
 
D

Deleted member 93706

Guest
Crunchy_Bat said:
Oh I read It all, I read it AAALLLLLL.......*breathes heavily*
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So yeah, that happened. xD

Will probably have a dream related to all that shit tonight...I just hope it doesn't involve doing things with a 60-year-old pianist.
 
A

Ariosto

New Member
You. People. Are. Seriously. Amazing. Seriously. Really.
Can we keep this going on, please?

As for myself, I'm afraid I'm almost a complete and utter virgin. Never had sex with another person in my entire life so far, and most of my time is spent fantasizing about how those encounters would be. I know what turns me on a visual and theoretical level thanks to looking at porn, but I've never experienced the real thing and wouldn't know if all those things would hold up for me either.

As for getting attached to people... well, I'm not going to lie, I like being attached, I love it, I love being in love and caring for someone and having someone care for me, the problem is... yeah, I've also never had someone for me in real life.

@Evan of Phrygia:
Actually, your attitude makes sense to me. Sometimes, it's the kind of attitude I'd like to have myself because of how satisfying it feels to pull all that knowledge and work off.
Only thing that makes me afraid is for you to oversleeep after being here...
 
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Mikazuki Marazhu

Mikazuki Marazhu

I hate you all
Ariosto said:
You. People. Are. Seriously. Amazing. Seriously. Really.
Can we keep this going on, please?

As for myself, I'm afraid I'm almost a complete and utter virgin. Never had sex with another person in my entire life so far, and most of my time is spent fantasizing about how those encounters would be. I know what turns me on a visual and theoretical level thanks to looking at porn, but I've never experienced the real thing and wouldn't know if all those things would hold up for me either.

As for getting attached to people... well, I'm not going to lie, I like being attached, I love it, I love being in love and caring for someone and having someone care for me, the problem is... yeah, I've also never had someone for me in real life.

@Evan of Phrygia:
Actually, your attitude makes sense to me. Sometimes, it's the kind of attitude I'd like to have myself because of how satisfying it feels to pull all that knowledge and work off.
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My god this guy is such a hopeless romantic. We really need to hook this guy up with someone.
 
Kinharia

Kinharia

Drunken Irish Snow Leopard
I just woke up about 20 minutes ago. This thread. Really guys :D
 
A

Ariosto

New Member
Mikazuki Marazhu said:
My god this guy is such a hopeless romantic. We really need to hook this guy up with someone.
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Oh, it's not like I've not experienced love or mateship either, it's just the one time I got really, really, really enganged with somebody it was online and now it is no more, so, for once, I'd like someone who's not miles away to cuddle with and such. Hence why I said I had never someone else 'in real life'.
 
Mikazuki Marazhu

Mikazuki Marazhu

I hate you all
Ariosto said:
Oh, it's not like I've not experienced love or mateship either, it's just the one time I got really, really, really enganged with somebody it was online and now it is no more, so, for once, I'd like someone who's not miles away to cuddle with and such. Hence why I said I had never someone else 'in real life'.
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The world is small my fuzzy friend. You'll never know that one guy in my network of online husbandos maybe in your area and is willing to share their love
 
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