Fine, I'll confess something then

. I have unnaturally smooth and girlish hands. I still remember in high school when I figured this out, and random jock friends would stop me and star just feeling my hands cause they're so smooth. High school was a weird time.
Even now, I drive, lift weights without gloves, even when I played guitar....no callouses, all smooth. I'm not sure if that's a medical condition or not, but it is weird.
Also, if Evan sees this, don't worry you bothered people, man. Especially if you went that far, that's something a bit serious. I can tell you I get those moods all the time; usually I'm too ashamed to write anything, but I can't say I did what you did. You can talk to us, it's cool; if you're that far in the rabbit hole, seriously, don't be afraid to get those feelings out in a less violent matter.