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Confused dad

Confused dad

New Member
Hi everyone,

I'm hoping you can help me. A few weeks ago I was supposed to fly out to California to check up on a restaurant I invested in. My son was home from college and was going to watch the house by himself for a few days. There were a lot of issues with the flight (weather, pilots had logged too many hours, etc) and it was ultimately cancelled until the next day. I drove home and was going to call my son and let him know amount the cancellation, but my phone ran out of batteries.

When I got home I found my son wearing some type of homemade mascot costume. I really wasn't sure what was going on but he was really embarrassed and I may have overreacted a bit. He went back to school early the next day and we haven't spoken very much since.

I've been trying to figure out what he was doing and I think my son may be a furry. I love him very much, and Im happy with him doing whatever he wants as long as it makes him happy.

How should I broach the subject? Should I just leave him alone and act like it didn't happen? Should I take an interest and try and help him with his costume?

I'm just not sure what I should do and would really appreciate any help.
 

Zenia

Well-Known Member
If he was interested in Star Trek and wore vulcan ears in his spare time, would you also try to 'broach the subject' with him? For most people (though not all) it is just a hobby, not a lifestyle.
 

Tica

Lady Sloth
What did you do/say to him? You might just apologize for whatever you said and be like, "I overreacted. Sorry. Whatever your hobbies are, they're cool with me." Then, just let him bring it up with you if he wants to talk about it.
 

Harbinger

The Last of Us.
>Catches son in a fursuit
>"I think my son might be furry"
 

Schwimmwagen

Well-Known Member
I have the mild suspicion that this isn't a genuine poster, but I can't guess so I'll go for it politely anyway:

I dunno how to say this, but furries are a real mixed bag.

Some are just dudes who happen to really like stuff ranging from Bugs Bunny to Blacksad to Lackadaisy. It's an aesthetic thing. Cartoons and comics. They identify as "furry" simply because they have a hightened interest in the type of characters they see and like to do stuff like draw said characters, make up their own characters, and even become artists themselves, from novices to professionals. They join the online fandom to see more of this stuff, and learn from others about the creative side. Or just make friends. I've made lots of lovely friends through the fandom, and we happen to hate most furries. I've met one from here, spending a couple of nights with him - absolutely great chap, we had a marvellous time when we met. Went shooting, quad biking, and drinking. And then there's one lovely young lady who I am just dying to meet. The fandom happens to be a great place for people who are introverted or not all that popular in school or otherwise in a situation where they don't get to meet many people.

Some people make a good bit of money on the side via the fandom, by selling artwork or costume-related stuff they made themselves. Some make it into an actual job.

Suiters, especially, love going to conventions where all these things are shown off and find themselves in great company from friends that they made from all over the net. A good number of furries have used their suit for things like children's charities. One lady here who uses the screen name of Fay has a long record of entertaining younger children in schools.

Some furries take this a bit further. They decide that they find Lola Bunny attractive, or other characters, more like the ones in comics like Blacksad: http://www.eupedia.com/forum/images/attachments/blacksad1.jpg

This almost never fails to turn into teenagers looking at sexually suggestive/sexually moderate/sexually explicit material of these characters. They're humans with a bit of flavour, a bit of a kink. Think of Playboy girls wearing bunny tails or something. Whoops, you found out, how embarassing.

Now, the fandom can get weird and sometimes scary due to holding certain types of people. There are very odd people to be found in the fandom. They're typically people that don't get on well outside of the internet and it doesn't take long to see why. These people are well-known in the fandom, and a good number of people out there don't particularly like them, even within the fandom. I don't either. This ranges from the belief that they have a spiritual connection with animals. This can go further and be really weird, in some cases. Your son probably isn't one of those, so he may be worried about you thinking that he might be what he isn't, and then causing a falling-out.

As an aside, furries also happen to be very advocative of LGBT rights and a lot of members of the fandom happen to be a part of that community. Stereotypically speaking, this idea isn't something enjoyed by dads, so that may be what he's embarassed about.

So, I think it's good on you that you're not freaking out. Note that "furry" doesn't mean anything that much at all. Being "furry" is all down to what the individual makes of it. Me? I make friends here, loathe most furries, and have a heightened interest in illustration/animation due to loving Disney Movies. The Fox and the Hound was probably my fave movie when I was little. So, results may vary.

I think you could try approaching the subject in simply being interested in what he may be doing at the time. Drawing? Messing about with a costume? Ask about it!
 
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S

Sar

Guest
It's a hobby much like Stamp-collecting. If anything goes for advice it is as duties being a good parent, you should take interest in it. Maybe ask him a couple of things about his hobby and try to get involved with it as a bonding experience.

There was an interesting story I heard before some time ago. It was about a father and son who go to AnthroCon (a convention for Furries) together. The father wasn't pushed into it, in fact he enjoys it as much as the kid did. If you talked to your kid about it and take an interest in his hobby, he can feel more confident and less embarrassed over it to know that he has a father who understands and helps with his hobby.
 

DeCatt

Parking Lot Enthusiast
If this is a legit account and not someone's smelly sock, then I think that there is no particular reason to "approach the subject" for any other reason than to take interest in his hobbies. If he was a bit embarrassed about getting busted in suit, then that's mainly because, well, it just looks weird. Anyone who remembers the Star Wars kid probably heard about how embarrassed he was when the video got leaked. It's also a pretty umbrella term and people have their own ideas about what "furry" means. I don't even use it to describe myself. Just ask him about it and don't be confrontational, you'll probably find out that the extent of his weird behaviour is said costuming and drawing dogs with glowsticks in workbook margins.
 
S

Sar

Guest
If this is a legit account and not someone's smelly sock

Are... are you serious or just edgy? The user wants advice about his kids hobby and suit making and asks a Furry Forum if it's normal. It's actually the approach parents should take for helpful advice. What's there not to fake and what would be gained from it not being legitimate?
 

Conker

Destroyer of Nazi Teddy Bears
It's such an obvious troll that I'm offended.
 

LadyToorima

Nyaa nyaa~
What's there not to fake and what would be gained from it not being legitimate?

Sorry, but he isn't the only one to doubt the legitimacy of this thread. I am content to leave it as Gibby put it though. No need for pointless drama and confrontation for "Confused dad".
 

powderhound

Active Member
This sounds like a job for Dr. Phil. I've read this through a few times and I don't think this is a troll for a number of reasons.

Should I just leave him alone and act like it didn't happen?
Yes, for the most part. However you and your son are going to have to do something to smooth the existing awkwardness over.

Furry is, by and large, a social community for young people. It's a new thing that's becoming popular in the internet age. Instead of running naked through the fields at Woodstock on acid kids go to parties in crazy costumes that may represent an alter ego they've developed through online social networks.

Each generation of young adults will have their escapes and expect their parents to disapprove or not understand. Even if they did, after high school, most kids would be embarrassed to have their parents invade their social circles. For many the whole point of the costume is to become someone different and have a good time. It's an escape, a head change and a social experiment of sorts.

Well intentioned dad: "Oh you’re going to a disco hall in a costume? I went to a Kiss concert when I was your age dressed as The Catman. Why don't I go with you kids. I’ll bring some Beatles tapes in case they run out of things to play." Oh my god, any college guy would shoot themselves.

The fact that he has a costume means he's probably getting out and using it as a social platform to cut loose, goof around and enjoy himself with friends. Don't cramp his style.

Tell him you understand it's something the kids are doing these days and your cool with it. That leaves the door open for him to let you in on things to the degree he wants. Frankly I think he’ll find that kinda liberating. But don't dig. The "escape" doesn't work if your parents are stalking you online. Every guy wants that about as much as a parental camera in their dorm.

The furry community has weird nerdy parts and cool hipster parts. People are embarrassed about it because the counter culture is largely underground and the only information at peoples fingertips on google is drama they’d rather not be associated with. He's prob freaked out your reading all kinds of stuff online right now, getting the wrong impression and about to book him on the Dr. Phil episode about this very topic.

You sound like a cool dad with a good son. This isn’t going to be hard for you guys to work out.
 
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Mr. Sparta

Scale Face
Basically don't treat fandom identification like you would a sexual orientation. Theres no point to approaching the subject at a serious level.
 
S

Sar

Guest
Sorry, but he isn't the only one to doubt the legitimacy of this thread. I am content to leave it as Gibby put it though. No need for pointless drama and confrontation for "Confused dad".

Not really. There's isn't really anything in this that could entice people into drama and it's quite an interesting topic to discuss. Considering how many Furries are immature enough to treat it as a sexuality combined with what their parents would think means this has good discussion weight.

Fake or not, an interesting topic to discuss.
 

CaptainCool

Lady of the lake
It's a hobby. And as long as it's not turning into more than that everything is ok.
About the costume. It's just that.
 

DrDingo

Moved to phoenix.corvidae.org with the others
I'm actually sorta impressed to see a well-spoken, reasonable, and polite adult that actually knows about the fandom asking on here about it. Normally it's just agitated concerned parents that have no clue what they're doing.
 

Hooky

Was hermiting.
Just mention that you don't care if he's a furry or not. That if he likes the fandom, you're fine with it.
 

Willow

FAF's #1 Terrorist
Are... are you serious or just edgy? The user wants advice about his kids hobby and suit making and asks a Furry Forum if it's normal. It's actually the approach parents should take for helpful advice. What's there not to fake and what would be gained from it not being legitimate?
I think what's throwing people off is that the OP knew what furries were beforehand.
 

DrDingo

Moved to phoenix.corvidae.org with the others
Alright, Confused Dad. I know you probably ain't gonna come back to read messages but I might as well say- Don't see any of this ordeal as your fault. It's not. Your son is just a bit embarassed and confused, since he wasn't expecting this situation at all.
 

redhusky17

Member
Your kid might be shy or embarrassed and confused This can happen when 1) you want to show it to few close friends or people who like the same thing 2) or he thinks his parents will see him an weird kid or the negative public image of furry’s
You could wait till your son does the first move , or you can gently ask/talk to him, making sure he feels save and knows you don’t see him as an weird kid
 
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