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Constructive critique requested!

Nixonia

Hi! I'm irritating!
WARNING: SAD

Hey all. Need some critique on my latest upload. I don't upload hardly anything, hardly ever. But I might start to now.

If you could read it, warning it is sad (due to my current mood), and tell me what you liked/didn't like, I would be most appreciative.

www.furaffinity.net: When you can only watch... by Nixonia

~Nix
 

Jarren

You can't just quote yourself! -Me
From a purely analytical standpoint: you seems to not have a steady meter to your lines. The closest I could find were a few stanzas with two couplets in 10/10/8/8. Even in those, though, if you were going for a steady rhyme scheme, you didn't follow through in all places. There's a solid base here, but I'd recommend going over it again. I could offer some help, but it's been three years since I've taken a poetry course or written any, so sorry if some of this critique uses incorrect terminology.

All that being said, you do a good job of conveying the emotion you're feeling and making the reader understand the situation.
 

Nixonia

Hi! I'm irritating!
Thank you for the feedback. I may go over it again when my thoughts are less......disjointed in and of themselves. I appreciate it!
 

Nixonia

Hi! I'm irritating!
Alright. Now that my head is slightly less of a jumble. I have corrected it into, what I think feels like, its final form.
 
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