Constructive critique requested!

[Nixonia]

WARNING: SAD

Hey all. Need some critique on my latest upload. I don't upload hardly anything, hardly ever. But I might start to now.

If you could read it, warning it is sad (due to my current mood), and tell me what you liked/didn't like, I would be most appreciative.

www.furaffinity.net: When you can only watch... by Nixonia

~Nix

 

[Jarren]

From a purely analytical standpoint: you seems to not have a steady meter to your lines. The closest I could find were a few stanzas with two couplets in 10/10/8/8. Even in those, though, if you were going for a steady rhyme scheme, you didn't follow through in all places. There's a solid base here, but I'd recommend going over it again. I could offer some help, but it's been three years since I've taken a poetry course or written any, so sorry if some of this critique uses incorrect terminology.

All that being said, you do a good job of conveying the emotion you're feeling and making the reader understand the situation.

 

[Nixonia]

Thank you for the feedback. I may go over it again when my thoughts are less......disjointed in and of themselves. I appreciate it!

 

[reptile logic]

I agree with Jarren. It had a sense of rhythm that came and went. The emotional connection is there. I have not studied poetry, so I can't offer any technical advice.

Edit: I meant rhythm when I wrote it. Good poetry is akin to music; my opinion.

 

[Nixonia]

Alright. Now that my head is slightly less of a jumble. I have corrected it into, what I think feels like, its final form.