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Criticism of my outline

sausy1

i'm fine
I'm going to write a simple TF story about a teenage boy growing a lizard tail, and that's it.
I know I need to have some things about the story figured out before I start writing it, so this is my story sheet.
I plan to be writing a good amount of simple TF stories to receive feedback until I get to what I actually want to write.
Any tips or thoughts?
_____________________________________

Tail Growth (Story Sheet)

I have a lot of story ideas like “Those Red Eyes” or the highly ambitious “Tack on a Tail”, but I'd like to build up to that. I will begin with a simple story where an unsuspecting teenager grows a tail due to a magic spell. The transformation will be continuous. The tail itself is a thick, meaty, scaled lizard tail, pretty simple. The story itself will be told in the past tense and framed as if our teenage boy is recalling the events of growing this tail. We can improve this effect by having the conclusion being told in the present tense.

TF Process

Magic spell hits him
He feels nauseous and dizzy
He decides to sit down hoping it would help him feel better
He can't sit comfortably.
He feels like he's being pushed up while sitting.
He goes to investigate and finds a stub that is slowly pushing outward at the end of the spine.
He leaps from his chair to feel around it.
Suddenly, the stub bursts open in a display of blood to reveal a tail.
The tail grows out much quicker than the stub ever did.
He realizes how easily he can whip the rather puny tail around and plays with it
He delights in the tail growing while whipping it around for a while.
After whipping it around for a while, the tail begins to lose some of it's flexibility.
The skin on it starts to feel more stiff.
The skin on the tail hardens and forms patterns.
Of course, these become scales.
The scales acquire a color and form odd patterns.
Then, the scales become so hard and thick that they push upward to create scales overlapping each other.
This all happens while the tail is still extending, by the way.
The extensions and scale growth cease, and he's left with a big lizard tail and no way to get rid of it to his knowledge
Conclusion
 

reptile logic

An imposter among aliens.
It's always hard to be the first to respond. I am not an expert in the field by any stretch of the imagination, but here goes:

There seems to be no clear external conflict, nor mention of an antagonist beyond 'Magic spell hits him'. Neither of these is absolutely necessary, but unless you plan on feeding the reader some meaningful internal conflict from the character's point of view, it seems unlikely that it will arouse much interest beyond those persons who fantasize about being a human and growing a tail. Right now, it feels like a fetish story with a very limited potential audience.

How are you going to build tension for the reader? Detailed visual descriptions are all well and good, but other than 'the tail keeps getting longer', there seems to be no clear path for building up the tension/action to a climax. If that's all ya got, it doesn't feel workable to me.

That's really all I have right now. As much as I love reptiles, this outline doesn't do much of anything to peak my interest. As far as my providing tips for you, I'm not sure how to even start. There is not enough here for me to work with to figure out how to make it pop for me. I'm likely not a very good writing coach, nor do I plan on becoming one.

Hopefully, others here may provide some more usable input for you. Good luck.
 

sausy1

i'm fine
Alright, so the takeaway I'm getting here is that I need to include events and actions that are not directly related to the transformation and use those to build tension and a better story. Besides, I've never had TF stories as a fetish, and I came into the community because I wanted to write TF stories with some depth. (But I haven't done much writing before that so I want to build to it.)

So, I guess an example of an event to punctuate the tail growing longer is this:
Guy develops a headache (I mean, it makes sense)
Guy goes to get some headache medicine and water from the bathroom.
The tail ends up smacking something like a vase or picture on the way there, and it breaks.
(Maybe the thing is personal to the character to sell the tension better.)

I'm also understanding that I need to have an actual character, and relay the the information back to the character.
So, instead of saying "The tail extended outward", say something like "I could feel the tail extending outward"
Also, be sure to commentate on the character's motives, reactions, and feelings toward the TF.
I guess a good way to look at it is that the character experiencing the TF is the star, not the TF itself.

So, would you say that these are accurate?
 
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