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Critique for an old story, please?

ElZorroValdez

Milk Bar Regular
This thing is a few years old, and probably a little inaccurate, due to my state of mind at the time I wrote this thing up while on vacation(I was drunk for the rough draft). I cleaned it up and typed it out and this is the end result. Also, it was non-furry. So uhm, lemme know what you guys think.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/13904774/
 

Silvak

I'm all right.
Besides a few small grammatical errors I thought it was well written and enjoyable. One thing I would have done differently though is make the main character freak out a little bit more at the sight of the creatures but thats just my own opinion. Good job. :)
 
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