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Critique Requested: "Balans Introduction Story"

Balans

Member
Thank you for taking the time to critique my first written work for FA. I published the first rough draft copy of Balans Introduction Story to my FA account. You can view the story with this link.

Balans Introduction Story is a simple, short story with a General Audiences rating that is meant to introduce my fursona (Balans). It's 9 pages long (double-spaced), and I'm looking for readers to give me critical feedback on the work. Specifically, if anything does not read right or you feel that something needs a major change, I would love to hear it. This is the first rough draft of the work after all, so if there's wrong with the work then this will be my chance to fix it for the next draft.

Thank you again for taking the time to read and critique my work! I hope you have a great day! :)
 
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