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Critique Requested

Hi there. Since the website isn't quite back to how it used to be, the critique thread seems to have vanished! So i'll post a new one.

I'm looking for critique on two stories i've uploaded to my FA Account Artwork Gallery for Sparks-Litepaw -- Fur Affinity [dot] net

I know they're very idealistic (they're smut, they were never intended to have the most in depth of stories), but i'm looking for commentary on my writing style. Is it flowing correctly? How do I handle the passage of time? Do I give the right bits of the story enough/too much attention?
 
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