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Does the perfect mate exist?

Kellan Meig'h

Kilted Luthier
Been married for 36 years, but it ain't perfect. Pretty close to perfect, though. We still have our disagreements but I wouldn't trade her for all of the riches.

BTW, first marriage lasted less than a year.
 

nerdbat

Green butt of reason
Girlfriends (and boyfriends!) are people, with their own wants, needs, and emotions. They are not possessions. Ergo, you cannot "steal" someone's partner, and honestly this idea that you can is kind of toxic and should be stamped out.

I'm not saying go out and sleep with other people's partners (unless they're cool with that), because that's pretty disrespectful. But if Person A decides to break up with Person B in order to date Person C who's been sending them roses every week for the past month, that's still a choice Person A made and it shouldn't be invalidated by trying to frame it like it was all Person C's nefarious doing.
You're mostly right on your arguments, but I think you're missing the point a bit on the concept of "stealing" in general. I can agree that it's a personal right for everybody to choose their own partners and pick from whoever is more worthy, breaking up with those you don't really feel happy with in the process. However, there is a thing like messing up with otherwise perfectly fine relationships in order to get to someone engaged - including, but not limited to stalking, instigating a couple against each other, even stuff like setting up fake text messages and trying mess up with both persons on social media, which sadly gets increasingly easier to do, considering that quarells over Facebook statuses are already a thing. This is what people usually considering "stealing someone", and it's a real thing - when you just invade someone's relationship and start to ruin it, sometimes from inside, doing it deliberately and with a full knowledge of what you're doing. And it's not like it's that hard to turn a happy couple against each other - google "how to break up a couple" for example, there are enough examples of screwing with people to make you paranoid. And going outside the topic, there's also a concern of trust - for example, so-called "bro code", an unspoken rule of "not dating/sleeping with/having romantic involvement with a friend's ex (without asking first)". Without citing several reasons of why it's a wrong thing to do, let's just say that breaking it is a good way to lose your friend forever.

(also, it's not the first time Sl0shy gets agressive over me. There's a thread where she insulted me several times, called me a vampire and told me to f"ck myself. I sent a report ticket, but nobody seemed to care, so despite the hilariousness of the situation, I'll also use this post to adress the mod personally. Seriously, do something about her, she just doesn't leave me alone )
 
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quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
However, there is a thing like messing up with otherwise perfectly fine relationships in order to get to someone engaged - including, but not limited to stalking, instigating a couple against each other, even stuff like setting up fake text messages and trying mess up with both persons on social media, which sadly gets increasingly easier to do, considering that quarells over Facebook statuses are already a thing. This is what people usually considering "stealing someone", and it's a real thing - when you just invade someone's relationship and start to ruin it, sometimes from inside, doing it deliberately and with a full knowledge of what you're doing. And it's not like it's that hard to turn a happy couple against each other - google "how to break up a couple" for example, there are enough examples of screwing with people to make you paranoid.
90% or more of all "how to break up a couple" methods are easily defeated by good communication. They work because of a social climate of glorifying distrust and jealousy in relationships. Trying to sabotage other people's relationships (or friendships, no real difference) is shitty, yes, but it's going to be a whole lot harder if the people in the relationship refuse to play the jealousy game. I've been accused of stealing someone's boyfriend before (and while I did end up dating him later, I had no intention of breaking the two of them up, nor did I have any romantic interest in him at the time - we started dating something like half a year later), and the whole situation could have been avoided if she'd been honest and straightforward with her boyfriend, or even had deigned to communicate her concerns to me. Instead she decided to hold her worries back and let her jealousy and insecurity utterly poison her relationship.

Unsurprisingly, I have very little patience for people getting dramatic over Facebook statuses and rumors etc. Hell, I'm still "engaged" according to Facebook, and I've been married for over two years at this point. (Hubby and I have talked about the reasons for this, but even if we hadn't, it's not something to get in a knot over.) Related post on my Tumblr (slightly NSFW-ish language).

Steering back onto the original topic, IMO that's the most important thing to look for in a partner. They can be otherwise "perfect" for you, but if the two of you can't effectively communicate to talk things out, things are bound to sooner or later get ugly. Having more differences but being able to have an open, honest conversation about anything that bothers you is going to land you a healthier, stronger relationship than having "everything" in common but holding stuff in all the time.
 

Sl0shy

Member
(also, it's not the first time Sl0shy gets agressive over me. There's a thread where she insulted me several times, called me a vampire and told me to f"ck myself. I sent a report ticket, but nobody seemed to care, so despite the hilariousness of the situation, I'll also use this post to adress the mod personally. Seriously, do something about her, she just doesn't leave me alone )

wow could you possibly be displaying any more butthurt? bringing up something that's already over and done with.
you want to be left alone? then stop posting in a public forum. its not like i'm posting on your profile jst to peck at you or anything. and just because i've come across another pisspoor public post from you and called you out, doesn't mean i am going out of my way to target you.
plus i was going to leave this alone after QM told me not to snip at ppl. but then you had to pull this shit.
 

nerdbat

Green butt of reason
Welp, I completely agree, you nailed the point. Though, as you already said, it doesn't make sabotaging relationships any less shittier - at least due to the fact that uncommunicative relationships can improve and open up over time (after partners got to know each other better and made some important conclusions about themselves), while involvement of one wrong person can ruin it forever. If coming to a compromise, I think there is a thing like "stealing a girlfriend/boyfriend" - it just goes beyond simple "choosing one over another" and includes personal involvement
in ruining the current relationship, and since people tend to overuse the term a bit too much, it lost its meaning.
 

nerdbat

Green butt of reason
wow could you possibly be displaying any more butthurt? bringing up something that's already over and done with.
you want to be left alone? then stop posting in a public forum. its not like i'm posting on your profile jst to peck at you or anything. and just because i've come across another pisspoor public post from you and called you out, doesn't mean i am going out of my way to target you.
plus i was going to leave this alone after QM told me not to snip at ppl. but then you had to pull this shit.
Well, I'm expressing my personal opinion on the subject - it just happens that everytime I say something you don't agree with, you go into fight mode and try to demonize me or drown me in insults, bringing it to a personal level. If you want a reasonable, cultured discussion about why I'm wrong, you're always welcome to talk it out, just like quoting_mungo did, but if you will constantly be like "HURR DUUR YOU'RE BAD", of course I'll report you again and again until you get warned or banned - who likes being insulted on constant basis for, well, saying stuff. I mean, your solution is basically "If you don't like being insulted by me, leave this forum" - it already seems like you're trying to bully me off from FAF.
 
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Sl0shy

Member
Well, I'm expressing my personal opinion on the subject - it just happens that everytime I say something you don't agree with, you go into fight mode and try to demonize me or drown me in insults, bringing it to a personal level. If you want a reasonable, cultured discussion about why I'm wrong, you're always welcome to talk it out, just like quoting_mungo did, but if you will constantly be like "HURR DUUR YOU'RE BAD", of course I'll report you again and again until you get warned or banned - who likes being insulted on constant basis for, well, saying stuff. I mean, your solution is basically "If you don't like being insulted by me, leave this forum" - it already seems like you're trying to bully me off from FAF.
you said 'stealing girlfriends' which clearly implies women are a possession. all that stuff about manipulating and sabotaging a couple doesn't negate that. YOU OBJECTIFIED WOMEN and there's no way around it. you wanna talk about insults? that's a pretty nasty insult to women everywhere. and you're surprised to see some animosity in return pfffft give me a break. aside from that, it doesn't help at all that you rekindled drama that was ALREADY DONE WITH for /no/ reason
 

Gaitsu

Well-Known Member
you said 'stealing girlfriends' which clearly implies women are a possession. all that stuff about manipulating and sabotaging a couple doesn't negate that. YOU OBJECTIFIED WOMEN and there's no way around it. you wanna talk about insults? that's a pretty nasty insult to women everywhere. and you're surprised to see some animosity in return pfffft give me a break. aside from that, it doesn't help at all that you rekindled drama that was ALREADY DONE WITH for /no/ reason


Now wait a minute, even as I argued with him, he never said anything about objectifying women, if anything, he was saying that stealing another person's girlfriend is wrong (And by extension, stealing another person's boyfriend,). Personally, I think he should be commended for attempting to retain an ounce of respect for women when dumb people like you forget the core argument that all women have, and throw that argument out the door whenever it suits you.

I also find it strange that he posted before you, saying nothing to you, you posted, saying nothing to him, never once did he mention anything about you, yet you felt the need to call him out for something he didn't even do on the topic in question.
 

Yakamaru

Thine Grumpy Resident
you said 'stealing girlfriends' which clearly implies women are a possession. all that stuff about manipulating and sabotaging a couple doesn't negate that. YOU OBJECTIFIED WOMEN and there's no way around it. you wanna talk about insults? that's a pretty nasty insult to women everywhere. and you're surprised to see some animosity in return pfffft give me a break. aside from that, it doesn't help at all that you rekindled drama that was ALREADY DONE WITH for /no/ reason
"Stealing girlfriends" is a metaphor you idiot. It pretty much means running off with someone elses partner. There's no STEALING involved. And women are objectified all the time. And so are men. Stop pouting.

Hint: Spot the feminist. nerdbat sure as fuck ain't one.
 

Gaitsu

Well-Known Member
"Stealing girlfriends" is a metaphor you fucking idiot. It pretty much means running off with someone elses partner.

Hint: Spot the feminist.

There is a big difference between kidnapping and willfully going with someone. Unless the original poster of the, I got my girlfriend from a love triangle, post is a sicko, I think it means that his wife CHOSE to be with him, which means her old boyfriend was probably shit anyway.

And "Stealing girlfriends" isn't a metaphor, it means what it says, however the term steal doesn't really fit if its the stolen's choice, now does it. I've never heard of a Flat Screen TV CHOOSING to go with the thief, I've never heard of a Car that becomes the thief's getaway driver because the original owner is a brutal appliance murderer.

Cheating is wrong, period. However, in the case of a Threesome, if thats what the op actually ment, then its a choice between all three people, and not cheating unless it continues without one of said three. A love triangle, as what the op actually said, doesn't have to involve sex in any way shape or form for a relationship to blossem for the "Woman Objectifying Male Thief" to become the choice for the woman in question.

It all comes down to, none of us know what the details are that the op went through, so STOP ARGUING ABOUT IT AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES!
 

Sl0shy

Member
Gaitsu:
"Now wait a minute, even as I argued with him, he never said anything about objectifying women, if anything, he was saying that stealing another person's girlfriend is wrong (And by extension, stealing another person's boyfriend,). Personally, I think he should be commended for attempting to retain an ounce of respect for women when dumb people like you forget the core argument that all women have, and throw that argument out the door whenever it suits you.

I also find it strange that he posted before you, saying nothing to you, you posted, saying nothing to him, never once did he mention anything about you, yet you felt the need to call him out for something he didn't even do on the topic in question"


if you don't see how he objectified women, then you're truly dumber than a sack of hammers. you're going off speculation. if he meant 'stealing boyfriends by extension too', he would have worded it different. not that hard. but with the way he nonchalantly worded like 'stealing girlfriends', he subconsciously referred to them as this thing that guys collect and obtain like some sort of pokemon or trophy. and for that to come out subconsciously just shows what kind of person he is whether he wants to admit it or not. durrrr

Gaitsu:
"STOP ARGUING"
Gaitsu:
"dumb people like you"

yeah that's gonna stop arguments. hyp! o! crit!

edited because Gaitsu deleted his account or something and so his quote no longer displayed on this post. luckily all the text he wrote was still here when i clicked 'edit' ;)
 
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Okami_No_Heishi

Guest
No.
If anything, it sounds like an advice to steal girlfriends from other people
I didn't mean it like THAT. My point is to not be afraid to take a chance on someone, no matter how crazy that chance is, because the end result may be the best thing to ever happen to you in your life, which is what it was fur me.
 
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Okami_No_Heishi

Guest
You who are arguing over this thread should feel ashamed. Everyone is different in life. The one thing we DO all have in common is we are furries. Everyone loves differently, feels differently, and views things differently. That's why there are sayings like "different strokes for different folks", and "a picture says a thousands words". We should respect others opinions, even if we may not agree with them. Now touch paws, lick cheeks, and move on as friends, not enemies.
 

nerdbat

Green butt of reason
You who are arguing over this thread should feel ashamed. Everyone is different in life. The one thing we DO all have in common is we are furries. Everyone loves differently, feels differently, and views things differently. That's why there are sayings like "different strokes for different folks", and "a picture says a thousands words". We should respect others opinions, even if we may not agree with them. Now touch paws, lick cheeks, and move on as friends, not enemies.
Dunno, I'm a fan of a good, reasonable debate, and I don't see anything shameful in it, as long as it doesn't go into the territory of personal insults. Arguing on controversial or complicated matters is a good way to test your knowledge and charisma, challenge your opinions and beliefs, see different perspectives on the subject, and in the end result, get a little bit wiser. Of course, there's some edge in any kind of arguing, but it only makes things a bit more spicey and fun. The only problem is when it stops being a debate and turns into crap-flinging - this is where it gets toxic for everybody and loses an initial purpose. This is the primary problem people in the thread have with Sl0shy, I think - there are more insults in her posts than any actual arguments.
Either way, thanks for clearing things up, now I understand
 
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Yakamaru

Thine Grumpy Resident
so that makes it okay? and you say i'm the idiot.
Yes you are, because you make a big fuss about nothing. A fucking opinion. An opinion is neither right nor wrong unless it contradicts facts. It's like having different opinions on abortion. It's a topic that lives in the grey area where a lot of opinions, even if they contradict others, are correct. And frankly, this subject is a grey area.

You also clearly misunderstood what nerdbat meant by "stealing a girlfriend/boyfriend" by all the hostility you're showing.

Here are some examples of men and women getting objectified:
Underwear commercials
Men in novels
Sports
Models
Gender roles and stereotypes

Just because both genders gets objectified doesn't mean it's inherently/intentionally bad. It's only when an individual or a group objectifies someone in an intentionally bad way you might wanna call him or her out on it. And frankly, nothing nerdbad said is him objectifying women. Nor men, for that matter.

Again, get over it. Objectification will happen whether you like it or not.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
I've told you once already, and don't want to have to tell you again (it makes me cranky). Knock it off with the personal attacks.

You're welcome to disagree with each other about the thread topic (and within reason the broader topic of relationships, as that relates to finding a long-term partner), and discuss your positions on that topic. This also means no more discussing whose fault it was that the thread veered off-topic or whatever; if everyone keeps trying to get the last word in it'll never end.
 
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