I don't get why gender has to tie into sexuality at all. Like, if I was dating a genetically male man that identified as female but had no plans to transition, that wouldn't make me bi or gay. I'd still be straight as she'd have the body that I find attractive. Sure I can refer to her as my girlfriend, but I'd still be straight.
That probably wouldn't grock very well with that person. Just saying.
Perhaps it's more gender -expression- that's at play? You're leaving out on whether this person would be attempting to dress/pass as female while simply leaving out hormones or otherwise. Would this person feel better being referred to as "she" or otherwise?
I'm not trying to be mean or anything, just that my sexuality just won't magically transform. I still find the male body attractive. She'll still have a penis. I'll be nice and respect her terms, but in the end I'd still be straight.
Except-- the distinct possibility she would think of herself as lesbian. There's still a lot missing to this comparison. Yes, maybe you would see it that way, but I don't think that the relationship would last very long if you persisted in such an idealism if she thought otherwise. Maybe it would work--maybe it wouldn't.
I personally would move on from a girlfriend who would continued to refer to me as "boyfriend" on into a relationship, even if I was not planning on transitioning, and then go, "lol, but you don't even look like a girl. And you have a penis!" if I tried to correct her. Now--I suppose the question is; is one attempting to pass as a woman without transitioning? If yes, then it should be respected that this person is presenting as female, even if they have "male qualities" that attract your female-straight side.
If no, then that's beyond my experience as trans. I am passive (though most times uncomfortable) about being referred to as male in real life because I'm not in a time and a place where I could comfortably transition and pass without making life extremely difficult for myself. (Maybe if I was in Portland or SanFran or even Austin, but I'm not). But I do
plan on getting there one day and living my life as "she" to everyone I meet.
Idk your comparison is really awkward and incomplete really, and I know there's no malice behind it. I'm not upset or angry even, I just don't think you're seeing every angle. You're assuming that this transfriend in the example would be one-hundred percent okay with not passing, not being referred to as her preferred gender, and more or less being transgender without.... acting on it at it. I don't know. It's possible, and I'm certainly not saying anyone is going to be like that, but it's a super specific example and one that's rare. I have never
met a transperson who expressed her/himself as such--or rather, didn't
Again not to say it's impossible. Transgender =/= dysphoria every damn time.
Making genders tie in with sexuality just makes everything all muddled up. Yeah it adds tags for classification (people love their classification) but each gender doesn't need its own sexuality.
Again, it's already been established that "Bisexuality" covers -all- the genders. It simply differentiates between finding aspects of that gender attractive, or not seeing it as a detractor/addiction into your attraction towards someone. Again, think of the Asexual-inverse analogy. Asexuals don't see any attraction in people at all, but prefer to keep sex at arms length because it's not something necessarily enjoy (though not always). Pansexual is similar in definition, but embrace sex in a more emotional and personal means of attraction.
As for myself, I'm... unsure. I've been identifying as bisexual, because while I for sure like both men and women, I'm actually attracted to some different qualities in each. Those that don't fit the binary or are in a state of transition tend to confuse that, and I'm not sure what to feel. Rationally, I respect transgender and nonbinary individuals wholeheartedly, but libido isn't rational and I can't reason my way into attraction. That said, I have found a few transgendered individuals attractive before, so it all seems to very case-by-case.
See, this is where the example between bisexual and pansexual starts to come into play. Feel free to call me out if my example is too presumptuous.
But if you had a boy/girlfriend who said one day, "I'm transgender" you would probably be conflicted. If that person started changing their appearance in way that you weren't attracted to, then there's a real chance you might call off that said relationship. It's not you being shallow
or anything. Your sexuality just simply isn't comfortable coming forth with that attraction needed to make that relationship consummate. You wouldn't judge a heterosexual for no longer being attracted to a partner who started presenting as they other gender. I don't think you should judge a bisexual either simply because s/he is "into everything", because that's just simply not the case.
However, if you were pansexual, you wouldn't care. This isn't a case of "looking past" the gender, as I was originally arguing it. It's simply "I was never really attracted to your gender qualities. Your female qualities were nice, and I'm pretty neutral on your male presentation, but it was never a deciding factor in my libido. You just turn me on as a person." This would sort of a be an example into a pansexual attitude.
That's not to say a bisexual person can't
be okay with someone transitioning, particularly if they still found that person attractive throughout transition in any way shape form or fashion. And it's not shallow--it's just sexuality.
That's the best I got for this example.