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Feeling Closed-minded about other people being different?

Fuzzle

Two scoops of Fuzz
I'm a Christian, not sure I'm enjoying the sentiment there that I'm closed minded. In fact I think the term closed minded is used mindlessly as it's kind of a "get out of this argument while demeaning the other guy" tactic. From what I can tell, being closed minded is simply disagreeing with any or all peoples lifestyles and to be truly open minded you have to accept everything everyone does because they choose to do it or do it because they just feel that way without intention. Well that's a bunch of garbage. I mean its amazing how many people want to throw away a friendship with me because I disagree with them on one thing, but I'm closed minded, even though I'm accepting them. I don't buy the evolutionary instincts side either, I have no instinct telling me to spear a big walking meat animal and eat it and let me tell you that would be the oldest instinct of them all.

We accept things that are familiar but distance things that are uncertain. I can't realistically tell you why you are uncomfortable with that, but you just are and there is no big evil face that gets the blame. Judgement is good, I'll take my moral stands on issues, but I'm not going to listen to any manipulative accusations serving to segment me into a carefully crafted image of "horrible people just like me". I'm friends with friends who are friendly.
 

Day Coydog

Cute, Pink Eyesore
it has a picture of a baby, if that counts.
 

Day Coydog

Cute, Pink Eyesore
That both babies and bunnies are cute... I'm kind of afraid that when I saw the word "bunnies" that I was not thinking the same thing as you.
 

Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
I would feel less like myself, because I feel like those fears are part of what makes me who I am.

So, then, the interesting question for me is, why do you want to be defined by your fear?

Presumably, there are many, many things which make you unique, and make who you are.

I often think of fear (especially irrational or unproductive fear) as something which potentially prevents us from being who we are, or who we could be, because of how it can shut us off or shut us down.

You might ask yourself, if you were to lose this fear, pet peeve, objection, whatever you want to call it, what would happen? Who or what would you become as a result of discarding or losing it? And, what would this change tell you about you?

What's weird is that even my homophobic christian family gets mad at people who use the term fag because they think it offends gays and stuff WTF? They always say they don't accept homosexuality, but then say they love our gay family members, dafuq?

That's very common, in fact. I know many people who are genuinely perplexed and hurt when others tell them they are homophobes for objecting to gay marriage, gay adoption, or gay rights in general. "I don't hate gay people; I just hate their sin/lifestyle!" To ears like mine, this sentence simply doesn't parse, but other people mean it quite sincerely (even as they don't quite manage to hate the sin without hating or hurting the sinner).
 

Ricky

Well-Known Member
Why do I feel like I cannot get over my Christian mindset even though I moved away from Christianity? I feel uncomfortable around certain people for their sexuality/fetishes, like, for example, when I see femboy stuff on FA and find out the person is one, I get this uncomfortable and insecure feeling, like I get this OCD kind of thing.

I don't think it's your "Christian mindset."

Some stuff bothers you, OK, but you are obviously okay with some stuff too.

My question would be why fem-bois?

When you get really squicked about something to the point of internal conflict there's usually a reason for it.
 

TrishaCat

The Cat in the FAF
I don't really think its a "Christianity mindset" so much as simply finding things out of the norm...well, weird. If you don't see or hear about it everyday, of course it might make you feel uncomfortable.
 
As has been said, being open-minded doesn't mean accepting anything. That just means being accommodating. Being open-minded is being open to ideas that are different than your own, which is really just an extension of being willing to understand something before you form an opinion of it. What's true is that if someone accepts something and isn't willing to consider that the thing might be wrong, they are actually close-minded for accepting it.

TS, I think you are only close-minded because it doesn't seem like you really understand why you don't like femboys. It's your responsibility to make sense of your repulsion towards femboys, and if you can't, then you should understand why femboys are acceptable. I strongly feel that it is a matter of gaining knowledge on the subject, and that will not automatically lead to acceptance.
 

Fallowfox

Are we moomin, or are we dancer?
I'm a Christian, not sure I'm enjoying the sentiment there that I'm closed minded. In fact I think the term closed minded is used mindlessly as it's kind of a "get out of this argument while demeaning the other guy" tactic. From what I can tell, being closed minded is simply disagreeing with any or all peoples lifestyles and to be truly open minded you have to accept everything everyone does because they choose to do it or do it because they just feel that way without intention. Well that's a bunch of garbage. I mean its amazing how many people want to throw away a friendship with me because I disagree with them on one thing, but I'm closed minded, even though I'm accepting them. I don't buy the evolutionary instincts side either, I have no instinct telling me to spear a big walking meat animal and eat it and let me tell you that would be the oldest instinct of them all.

We accept things that are familiar but distance things that are uncertain. I can't realistically tell you why you are uncomfortable with that, but you just are and there is no big evil face that gets the blame. Judgement is good, I'll take my moral stands on issues, but I'm not going to listen to any manipulative accusations serving to segment me into a carefully crafted image of "horrible people just like me". I'm friends with friends who are friendly.

Closemindedness is ignoring new ideas or challenges to old ones.

Openmindedness is being wilful to consider new ideas and reconsider old ones.

Instinctually some humans are curious and some are more cautious, which could manifest in people being unwilling to consider other people's ways of life. etcetera, just like you stated. Whether or not we feel an instinctual desire to shove spears into things is a little irrelevant, because this is a recently developed technological learned behaviour, not an instinct.


edit: sorry it appears several people replied to this before me. :s
 
T

TheMetalVelocity

Guest
TC just embrace not liking people who dress like assholes in public.
You mean like people who wear their pants down to their knees, trying to be gangsta? Or were you being sarcastic? I am not sure what you were trying to get at.
 

TeenageAngst

Banned
Banned
I was being sarcastic, sort of, not really. I've yet to see a femboy who dresses like a normal human being.
 

TeenageAngst

Banned
Banned
People dress different for a reason. If that reason is a political statement, they better be ready to back it up. If it's to make social commentary, they too better be ready to back up their decision. If they're wearing something for attention or to advertise, "HEY! I'm a submissive homosexual!" then they deserve a hard smack up the backside of the head.
 

Fallowfox

Are we moomin, or are we dancer?
People dress different for a reason. If that reason is a political statement, they better be ready to back it up. If it's to make social commentary, they too better be ready to back up their decision. If they're wearing something for attention or to advertise, "HEY! I'm a submissive homosexual!" then they deserve a hard smack up the backside of the head.

How about considering that the clothes people wear are a trivial matter?
 

Hewge

Banana Party
Banned
For some people clothes can be a way to express oneself, like how colors in paintings can represent different feelings, they can in clothes too. Also the way it is all presented.

But yeah, if it's something obnoxious and crying for attention it does deserve consideration of a slapping. xP
 
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Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
I think you at least have to be aware of and prepared for the reactions your appearance might elicit. It doesn't pay to wear something that most people would agree could provoke a bad reaction, and then be shocked and appalled when you get a bad reaction.

BUT, this absolutely doesn't justify bullying or harassing people because of their physical appearance or presentation. There should still be a general social expectation that people keep their shit together, even if someone is dressed in a purple zoot suit made of penises, and wearing hat emblazoned with the picture of Mother Theresa fucking a goat while giving the sign of the horns.
 

TeenageAngst

Banned
Banned
I think you at least have to be aware of and prepared for the reactions your appearance might elicit. It doesn't pay to wear something that most people would agree could provoke a bad reaction, and then be shocked and appalled when you get a bad reaction.

BUT, this absolutely doesn't justify bullying or harassing people because of their physical appearance or presentation. There should still be a general social expectation that people keep their shit together, even if someone is dressed in a purple zoot suit made of penises, and wearing hat emblazoned with the picture of Mother Theresa fucking a goat while giving the sign of the horns.

I don't like assholes that kinda smugly sit there and snicker behind other's backs. If you have a problem you say something about it or you get over it. "Keeping your shit together" just leads to housewife gossip and a rumor mill.
 

Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
Keeping your shit together is meant to encompass generally not being hateful, rude, and obnoxious. So, not pointing and sniggering loudly under someone's back is definitely under that umbrella.

But, if the choice is between being seized and beaten in the alley, and being snickered at, I'll certainly take the snickering.
 

Fallowfox

Are we moomin, or are we dancer?
Pfftftftfft that person is such an asshole!

How can you tell?

The clothes they wear reflect a combination of wavelengths of visible light a few hundred nanometres different on average to those of my clothes.

...right?
 
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