Critique: First attempt at writing something.

[TR273]

Ok I attempted to write something.
It’s a short (less than 700 words) humour story to provide a bit of context to a commission I had done since it was a little different to what I normally post.
I don’t really write much so any tips, advice and critique will be appreciated.
The story can be found here:
www.furaffinity.net: Things that go bump in the night. by TR273

 

[Domjoe414]

Nice Job! I especially liked the cliffhanger ending
The only critique I'd really have is to try not to use the same word, especially a pronoun, to start multiple sentences in a row. but that's a pretty easy fix, just change up your sentence structure a bit!
anyway thanks for posting it! it was a quick fun read!

 

[TR273]

Nice Job! I especially liked the cliffhanger ending
The only critique I'd really have is to try not to use the same word, especially a pronoun, to start multiple sentences in a row. but that's a pretty easy fix, just change up your sentence structure a bit!
anyway thanks for posting it! it was a quick fun read!

Thanks!
(I just noticed I forgot to watch my own thread and only saw your comment by chance. )