FOR THE SAKE OF OUR SANITY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO "COME OUT" AS FURRY!

[Pain-the-wolf]

i agree with you

 

[Saybin~Iacere]

I could not agree more. Using a facade for your orientation does not actually help anyone...

 

[Jijix]

I think what a lot of people might forget is that the people who 'come out as furry' are usually kids who don't fully understand what self-identity is, and seem to think that anything you discover about yourself is important and must be told to everyone. They haven't learned to 'filter' themselves appropriately. Also, with the general public becoming more accepting of orientations, race, disability, and other social markers you get those who 'want to be special, too.' Either through youth and inexperience or simply ignorance, they don't fully understand why some of these social markers are treated with delicacy and/or celebrated. Because something is important to them, it must be important to everyone.

 

[Malo Liska]

I feel that it's indubitably important to respect the level of importance a being holds their furry at.
That's all I have to say about this.

 

[PynkLavender]

*Lines up on the left and holds out a piece of paper and pen* Autograph please! :3

I completely agree with you on this. And know that even 2 the Gryphon said: If it is even the slightest inkling that your parents will overreact, don't $%^&*#@ tell them!
Its not something that you proclaim from the roof-tops! *hugs* However, it takes all kinds to make a universe, so I agree with Malo Liska (above poster) on that. People may hold being a furry as something that is huge to them. But, if that is how they want to live, and take that chance, then by all means: go for it.
Summarized: I agree with Malo Liska, and I agree with NOT having to "come out". In the end, its whatever makes you happy. :3

 

[mapdark]

I think it's very simple.

"COMING OUT" as a furry is stupid and shows your immaturity. If the simple notion of telling people that you are a furry scares you and seems SERIOUS enough that it feels as extreme as coming out as gay it's because you have something more than just liking anthro animals going on.

I mean , the overall understanding of furry fans is that they like human-like animals.

So seen like this , it really shouldn't bring a feeling of shame and guilt. Heck! I sure don't feel bad about being in the fandom. I've openly mentioned it in passing when people asked me what cons I went to.

If you DO feel like you have something to hide , then maybe it's because you do more than just like animal doodles. And maybe nobody wants to hear about THAT part of your "furryness".

 

[AviFox]

Coming out as a furry is ridiculous. Everyone knows I love foxes & sometimes I tell people I dress like one for fun. Usually they think its funny or cool. I don't make a point to talk about it though, just like I don't make a point to ramble about any other use of my time.

 

[Jags]

It's absurd to think you'd 'come out' as furry as a hobby of yours.

i never sat my parents down and went 'mum, dad. i have something to tell you. I like playing pokemon games'

a hobby is a person's interests, not a statement about who they are completely and utterly.

 

[LemonJayde]

One time I sat my parents down and said,
"Mum, Step-Dad...I'm Australian."
The look on their american faces was priceless, let me tell you.

^ True story, I did it for laughs. BUT. This is an example of how ridiculous you would sound.

 

[Outcast]

I still don't understand why people do this; it's just an interest, not exactly something important enough to "come out" and "thoroughly" explain to your friends and family.

 

[Troj]

I think what a lot of people might forget is that the people who 'come out as furry' are usually kids who don't fully understand what self-identity is, and seem to think that anything you discover about yourself is important and must be told to everyone. They haven't learned to 'filter' themselves appropriately. Also, with the general public becoming more accepting of orientations, race, disability, and other social markers you get those who 'want to be special, too.' Either through youth and inexperience or simply ignorance, they don't fully understand why some of these social markers are treated with delicacy and/or celebrated. Because something is important to them, it must be important to everyone.

Quite, quite!

I've noticed that a lot of the standard gripes people have about furries are actually complaints that apply to teens and young adults in general, especially geeky or socially awkward ones.

Like you've said, kids don't know how to filter themselves as well, their emotions tend to be more intense, and they tend to assume that if something's meaningful or salient to them, it should or must be meaningful or salient to everybody! Adolescence/young adulthood is often a time when you try on and experiment with different identities, in general, to see if and how they "fit."

Beyond that, I've found that whenever people in general discover something new and exciting which imbues their life with new meaning and new purpose--*especially* if they felt that their lives were lacking in meaning, coherence, or direction before--they can get pretty zealous about it for a while (in some cases, permanently). A person can become an evangelist (of sorts) for the furry fandom, or anime, or veganism, or political activism, or yoga, or becoming born again Jesus Christ, or any number of other things. Either way, it drives the rest of us batty .

In any case, my sense is that healthy people tend to be ones with *multiple* identities, and that putting all of your identity eggs in one basket, so to speak, can lead to trouble, pathology, and strife on a number of levels.

Here's something else: I'm actually pretty shocked by how big a deal furry is to some NON-furries! People who will mostly tolerate or lightly joke about Trekkies, LARPers, Scientologists, otaku, slash fic writers, bronies, etc., etc., will become positively rabid over the mention of furries in a way I frankly find bizarre, and somewhat disturbing. (And when people become similarly psycho around bronies, it's because bronies are FURRIES!)

I mean, is 2 the Ranting Gryphon kidding or exaggerating about parents actually disowning their children for being furry? Is this a thing that happens?

Long story short, it shouldn't be that big of a deal.

 

[Glitch]

Three years later and I find my writing in the OP... cringe-worthy at best, God-awful at just-about-worst. Ugh.

Still think that coming out as furry is dumb as hell, though.

And ha, 2 the Ranting Gryphon. Ha.

 

[AviFox]

Quite, quite!

I've noticed that a lot of the standard gripes people have about furries are actually complaints that apply to teens and young adults in general, especially geeky or socially awkward ones.

Like you've said, kids don't know how to filter themselves as well, their emotions tend to be more intense, and they tend to assume that if something's meaningful or salient to them, it should or must be meaningful or salient to everybody! Adolescence/young adulthood is often a time when you try on and experiment with different identities, in general, to see if and how they "fit."

Beyond that, I've found that whenever people in general discover something new and exciting which imbues their life with new meaning and new purpose--*especially* if they felt that their lives were lacking in meaning, coherence, or direction before--they can get pretty zealous about it for a while (in some cases, permanently). A person can become an evangelist (of sorts) for the furry fandom, or anime, or veganism, or political activism, or yoga, or becoming born again Jesus Christ, or any number of other things. Either way, it drives the rest of us batty .

In any case, my sense is that healthy people tend to be ones with *multiple* identities, and that putting all of your identity eggs in one basket, so to speak, can lead to trouble, pathology, and strife on a number of levels.

Here's something else: I'm actually pretty shocked by how big a deal furry is to some NON-furries! People who will mostly tolerate or lightly joke about Trekkies, LARPers, Scientologists, otaku, slash fic writers, bronies, etc., etc., will become positively rabid over the mention of furries in a way I frankly find bizarre, and somewhat disturbing. (And when people become similarly psycho around bronies, it's because bronies are FURRIES!)

I mean, is 2 the Ranting Gryphon kidding or exaggerating about parents actually disowning their children for being furry? Is this a thing that happens?

Long story short, it shouldn't be that big of a deal.

People making a big deal about furries, or anything someone is for that matter, usually have some large misunderstandings and self-insecurities.
I'm a furry AND a scientologist & I've only encountered one person in the last 3 years that has made a big deal about it. My parents are neither furry nor scientologist. they think im a bit ridiculous, but nothing ever goes beyond lighthearted jokes. same with other people I meet. all of my friends know I'm a furry. they think its fun (or funny). The one person that gave me a hard time about it totally misunderstood what a furry was. They thought it was someone that actually fucked animals ><. I can't imagine parents actually disowning a kid over being a furry lmao

 

[Ratch]

Three years later and I find my writing in the OP... cringe-worthy at best, God-awful at just-about-worst. Ugh.

Still think that coming out as furry is dumb as hell, though.

Still edgy, hun. 8)

 

[Fuzzle]

I think what a lot of people might forget is that the people who 'come out as furry' are usually kids who don't fully understand what self-identity is, and seem to think that anything you discover about yourself is important and must be told to everyone. They haven't learned to 'filter' themselves appropriately. Also, with the general public becoming more accepting of orientations, race, disability, and other social markers you get those who 'want to be special, too.' Either through youth and inexperience or simply ignorance, they don't fully understand why some of these social markers are treated with delicacy and/or celebrated. Because something is important to them, it must be important to everyone.

This is smart I like the psychological observance of people and why they do what they do.

Three years later and I find my writing in the OP... cringe-worthy at best, God-awful at just-about-worst. Ugh.

Still think that coming out as furry is dumb as hell, though.

And ha, 2 the Ranting Gryphon. Ha.

Oh man, I can sympathize with this. My old posts back when I got into this whole Furry thing was so...Lets say my dad would be extremely disappoint. Filled with so many emoticons and snuggling actions.

 

[NaughtyVixen]

Actually you are slightly mistaken early on for otakus (j-nerd, anime fans) they did have too come out with who they were to their parents. This ended in their families disowning them and not even acknowledging their existence. Yeah it was bad, but it is better now that it is everywhere unlike the furry fandom. Damn it I will not acknowledge a furry block buster exists till one sheds light on the fandom. Sorry if I rant.

 

[TheGr8MC]

Personally, if you ask me, having to "come out" as a furry makes it sound like something you are embarrassed or ashamed of. I always hated the term "coming out" even when used by gays because it makes it sound like they're saying "I'm so ashamed of what I am but I have to tell someone eventually so they aren't shocked". (Of course that's just my personal perspective on that phrase). Whatever you are into you have nothing to be embarrassed ashamed of. Life is too short to worry about what negative views others may have on you so just enjoy your hobbies to the fullest.

 

[Kagisnad]

I wholly agree with the OP, perhaps less with the rage, but more with the idea of "coming out" as a furry being stupid. You don't need or have to do it, it's not really a thing.

 

[Sable Oximasoth]

This subject is really interesting. But I think it's important to say that while there are many characteristics in a person that are well ingrained, some are fluid. To say that the characteristic "Furry" in a person's identity is unimportant is faulty. Identity is something that is developed over time. It's also not bound by some set of sociological traits that everyone must follow. It's like religion in that people retain a certain amount of autonomy in how much they feel it is important. To some, it may just be a hobby. But to others it may be a large part of their identity. Neither option is wrong, and even using the word "neither" implies a binary understanding of the situation. It's a scale. To say that it either is or isn't important to a person is a false dichotomy.

Recognizing that the traits we give ourselves, and thus our identities, should not be ridiculed is tantamount to antibullying. It is, to say the very least, unhealthy to marginalize aspects of one's identity. I recognize that many people feel it is just a hobby, but for those that feel it is more, this marginalization contributes negatively to their wellness. And it's not always the adolescent that consider their furryness to be a large part of their identity. Otherkin are a good example of this and while some might view it as an extreme, it does not mean that they should be thought of as less, stupid, or crazy. Psychology is really important, and I think that people should put more effort into trying to see things from other perspectives. Seeing why people think the way they do can provide a wealth of insight into the psyche and even yourself, even if you don't agree.

I'm a strong atheist, and yet I engage with the religious to understand why they believe. Choosing not to would be intellectual stagnation. Something I consider to be profoundly undesirable. Similarly, one should question why it is they believe that some people are crazy for putting more weight behind being furry. The feelings that people have are real and valid: teenager or not. And when people marginalize peoples feelings (especially teenagers, whose identity's are more fluid) you are saying that their feelings aren't valid. Helping people requires that you accept and respect that others may have a different perspective. Automatically disregarding a perspective is intellectual stagnation.

It's worth noting that in psychology, it is undesirable to make a client feel like their feelings are invalid. It causes clients to put up walls where otherwise progress could be made. Furthermore, such cognitive dissonance can cause one to not understand how they feel, not be able to reconcile how they feel, and not be able to properly examine how they feel. All of which are tools that a psychologist must cultivate in order to successfully help a client.

 

[Attaman]

And it's not always the adolescent that consider their furryness to be a large part of their identity. Otherkin are a good example of this

So you're trying to defend Lifestyler furries by insulting Otherkin and lumping them all together as "Totally Furries"?

and while some might view it as an extreme, it does not mean that they should be thought of as less, stupid, or crazy.

Actually, I'm fairly certain "Man thinks they're a duck" is generally well beyond the cut-off point of needing to ask "Is he or is he not insane?"

 

[Sable Oximasoth]

The above poster is either a troll or so rude and far flung from empathy that I don't even think it's worth responding to. The first quote and response is a straw man. The second is disturbing in that you think you are qualified to make such a judgement. If others actually feel insulted by my post, let me know how and why so I can learn.

 

[Troj]

To some, it may just be a hobby. But to others it may be a large part of their identity. Neither option is wrong, and even using the word "neither" implies a binary understanding of the situation. It's a scale. To say that it either is or isn't important to a person is a false dichotomy.

Quite right.

After all, most of the people I know have assimilated their hobbies into their identity in one way or another. You typically don't devote a chunk of your time to something, only to handwave it away as nothing.

It is, to say the very least, unhealthy to marginalize aspects of one's identity. I recognize that many people feel it is just a hobby, but for those that feel it is more, this marginalization contributes negatively to their wellness.

I'd tend to agree.

Now, I certainly believe people can have negative, unhelpful, skewed, irrational, or pathological identities, but you don't change such identities by denying them, or minimizing their influence. Rather, you must first acknowledge and confront them.

Otherkin are a good example of this and while some might view it as an extreme, it does not mean that they should be thought of as less, stupid, or crazy.

Some of the otherkin I've met have been lovely people, and yes, talking to them and learning about them can be enlightening and worthwhile, BUT at the end of the day, Attaman's correct that thinking you're literally a duck is delusional, plain and simple.

(Thinking you're literally a duck is different, mind you, from, say, feeling that you really relate to ducks, or that you share a lot of traits in common with ducks, despite being human, or believing that the duck is your spirit or totem animal.)

I'm a strong atheist, and yet I engage with the religious to understand why they believe.

Good. This is a very good thing indeed.

Automatically disregarding a perspective is intellectual stagnation.

Eh, not necessarily. There are plenty of perspectives in the world that talk, smell, look, and sound like bullshit, because they are.

But, I might agree with you here in the sense that one only develops a decent, reliable, fair bullshit-meter from actually entertaining and learning about other people's perspectives, so that you eventually learn how to spot "red flags" as they're coming over the hill.

In any case, while it might prove interesting or illuminating to explore why a particular person believes bullshit or why a delusional person is delusional, that's different from validating, humoring, or endorsing their view or perspective. The view might be flat-out wrong, even as the individual holding that view might be worthy of empathy and understanding.

It's worth noting that in psychology, it is undesirable to make a client feel like their feelings are invalid. It causes clients to put up walls where otherwise progress could be made.

This is true.

However, in the event the client's perceptions are skewed or irrational, or their behaviors are counter-productive, a skilled therapist will often attempt to coax the client into wrestling with himself, by highlighting his ambivalences and doubts, while still providing empathy and understanding.

In my estimation, a good therapist wouldn't just enable a client by blithely allowing them to hold onto damaging, destructive, or counterproductive behaviors or beliefs.

Anyway, I'm probably picking nits here, because I think we're in agreement on the first point, and we're basically in agreement that it's important to understand where people are coming from.

 

[Sable Oximasoth]

Nits worth picking, I believe. Your clarifications are in line with my own beliefs. What I meant by automatically disregarding perspective was that "automatic" should be interpreted as without thinking. One should at the very least go "hmm" before they nay say. In religion, lumping people together as "Christian" and attacking generalized statements about the religion that may not even address an individuals beliefs are something that a lot of internet atheist debaters do. Something that's important is asking the individual why they believe and what they believe beforehand so that the debater actually knows the perspective of the individual they are talking to instead of preaching to the air. This is a good example of not automatically disregarding a perspective. Even if the atheists bullshit meter goes off, they still take the time to get to know the perspective of the one they are talking to.

This can easily be applied to the furry fandom. Especially considering that even the social sub culture of otherkin are rather diverse and different, it is faulty to assume what they all believe and automatically think they are all less, stupid, or crazy. This is what I was getting at. (and for those that think I don't understand that otherkin are not always furry, your wrong, I find it rather odd that I have to say that for that one poster, arguing definitions is irritating, especially when one is arguing a misinterpretation of what the other knows the definition to be.)

Edit: Also, something a little off the topic of "is furry a hobby" and more on "what is intellectual stagnation." Education in the US doesnt practice something called divergent thinking enough and it's one of the reasons it does poorly in some cases. Divergent thinking is the practice of thinking about all the possibilities without being constricted by the norm. For instance a paperclip could be used as a hat if it were made of cloth, large enough, and could be cut into the shape of one. Or it could be a chair if it were large enough or even if it were at its regular size and is for tiny people. The practice of divergent thinking is construed as one of the markers of intelligence level and so I think that purposefully not thinking about possibilities (even if they're wrong) could be construed as intellectual stagnation. Just a little background there, hah. Divergent thinking can be really fun and hilarious. Think of all the uses of a paperclip, it's quite entertaining.

 

[Attaman]

The above poster is either a troll

For saying that not all Otherkin are Furries? Or by saying that "Thinks they're a Platypus in a human body" generally is a good sign that something is slightly amiss upstairs?

The first quote and response is a straw man.

It's not a strawman. Otherkin =/= Furry. Many Otherkin do not consider themselves part of the Furry Fandom, and even become insulted when such a comparison is made. Using Otherkin (general) as a textbook example of non-adolescent Furries who treat the fandom as a large part of their life is not only factually incorrect, but at times insulting. Mind, my commentary about them likely having a few marbles loose is insulting too, but I don't think I'm building the premise of my post around the idea of understanding while then completely missing the point.

The second is disturbing in that you think you are qualified to make such a judgement.

Species Dysphoria is a variety of psychosis. Not every dysphoria is made equal: Sexual Dysphoria is a fairly well documented "disorder" (I use the term disorder loosely, as disorder often has negative connotations), but Species Dysphoria is a variety of psychosis of varying degrees (depending on just how far they take it).

 

[Sable Oximasoth]

Thanks for clarifying Attaman, I never would have known if you hadn't have told me. Further, just because you know a psychological term and what it generally is does not mean you are qualified to diagnose it or judge those that may or may not have it. The reason I find your statement derisive is because it's inflammatory. Calling someone with a dysmorphia crazy or "something is slightly amiss upstairs" or "a few marbles loose" or "insane" is inflammatory.

What sucks is that there are a lot of personality disorders that are less known and can be considered more neurotypical than say schizophrenia. And so many people have so little knowledge of them that they lump them together and think that things like dycalculia or a social anxiety disorder makes them a total nut and they should be avoided and made fun of. What's sad is that in order for people to understand I have to use the perceived extreme (which in all actuality schizophrenia ISN'T and should not be exempt from the rule I'm explaining) to explain why some of these statements are insulting. The profound lack of knowledge that the general population displays about psychology is not only disturbing, it hurts. It hurts a lot. Especially when people's statements (that are generally made just in jest) are directed at people that may feel judged or hurt by the comments.

It can be really hard on someone with a personality disorder to say to their friends that they have one and then have their friend say or do something that makes them feel uncomfortable because they don't really understand what it means to have a personality disorder.

It's not a small problem that people make these inflammatory comments. It's a big one. And more people need to know about it.