Game: bad genies

[Simo]

Granted! Welcome to your new life as a house-cat.

...er...wait...this is really not at all bad, depending on the house : )

I wish I owned and ran a successful vineyard in the Loire Valley of France, of not less than 60 hectares, producing wines of great finesse.

 

[Frank Gulotta]

Wish I could live free from money and finance.

Granted! you now live alone on top of a mountain! there is no money, no finance, no electricity or running water, no problem!

Well I'll take a different route, I wish for a lot of money!

 

[Faustus]

Granted! You are now a millionaire in Venezuelan Bolivars! That's worth $2.30.
Any other money you had is gone.

I wish for a pet dog that doesn't require constant exercise, smell, poo, eat or kill things.

 

[Frank Gulotta]

I wish for a pet dog that doesn't require constant exercise, smell, poo, eat or kill things.

Granted! it's a beautiful specimen too and very cuddly, pure blood foxhound. Belonged to king George IIId. Stuffed by His Majesty's own taxidermist on April 17th, 1802. Mechanized by Nikola Tesla himself, won a dog race in 1939 against Hitler's dog Blondi! and programmed by non other than Steven Hawking and Elon Musk! Death ray eyes optional!

I would like to wish for a simple banana pie

 

[Universe]

Granted but it got slammed in your face
I wish I had a bologna sandwich and a Mountain Dew voltage

 

[Faustus]

...and programmed by non other than Steven Hawking and Elon Musk!

That is SO spooky, I just made an Elon Musk reference in another thread immediately before coming to look at this!

@Universe okie doke! The bologna is expired, and the voltage of the Mountain Dew turns out to be about 17,000.

I wish I could bring statues to life

 

[zandelux]

Granted. You try out your powers on an attractive Greek statue, having brushed up on your ancient Greek. The eyes flicker and you can see the surprise register in them. But the statue remains marble and doesn't change in appearance otherwise. Then with horror you realize that they cannot move or speak. Even their eyes are locked into place. You have doomed this poor soul into an eternity of being forever trapped in an unmoving form, unable to blink, unable to scream, able only to stare at you. Their eyes beg for release from this tortured existence, and you grant them this act of mercy by smashing them to bits with a sledgehammer. You are filled with a profound sadness and never use your power again.

I wish I didn't need to eat to live, while still being able to eat for pleasure if I wanted to.

 

[Foxy Emy]

Granted. You try out your powers on an attractive Greek statue, having brushed up on your ancient Greek. The eyes flicker and you can see the surprise register in them. But the statue remains marble and doesn't change in appearance otherwise. Then with horror you realize that they cannot move or speak. Even their eyes are locked into place. You have doomed this poor soul into an eternity of being forever trapped in an unmoving form, unable to blink, unable to scream, able only to stare at you. Their eyes beg for release from this tortured existence, and you grant them this act of mercy by smashing them to bits with a sledgehammer. You are filled with a profound sadness and never use your power again.

I wish I didn't need to eat to live, while still being able to eat for pleasure if I wanted to.

Granted... But you always feel absolutely FAMISHED. You don't technically need food to live anymore, but it always feels like you need to a whole elephant just to have the strength to leave the table.

I wish that FAF never vanishes again.

 

[Monosuki the Aurian]

Granted! But in turn, every other furry site disappears. Well, least FAF is here to stay, even if it's the only furry place left!

I wish I had pants. Any pants, as long as they are comfortable.

 

[Foxy Emy]

Granted! But in turn, every other furry site disappears. Well, least FAF is here to stay, even if it's the only furry place left!

I wish I had pants. Any pants, as long as they are comfortable.

Granted! But each leg is an individual pant you have to strap on. It takes a while to get them on and off.

I wish I had some hot chocolate.

 

[Monosuki the Aurian]

If I'm late deploying to bloody duty, I blame my pants. My CO will understand mate.

Granted! You have hot chocolate, but now there is....seemingly no end to the hot chocolate. Every time you drink it, it fills right back up. Oh, and if it spills, then it'll fill right back up again. Guess that's on you mate. Ya didn't specify how much hot chocolate.

I wish...I got paid more.

 

[GroovySpaceFox]

Granted, but you have to work twice as much while only getting paid 5% more.

I wish I had a vast, empty field.

 

[Halligan322]

Granted! It’s on Mars...and your spaceship is down for repairs.

I wish for a new pair of boots.

 

[Foxy Emy]

Granted! It’s on Mars...and your spaceship is down for repairs.

I wish for a new pair of boots.

Granted, but they @GroovySpaceFox's space boots that he needs before going to his vast empty field on Mars.

I wish I had some more honey for my tea this morning.

 

[Monosuki the Aurian]

Granted, but they @GroovySpaceFox's space boots that he needs before going to his vast empty field on Mars.

I wish I had some more honey for my tea this morning.

Granted! You now have honey, but nothing to stir it with. Least you got your honey mate!

I wish I knew other languages.

 

[Faustus]

Granted! You now know an alien language called...
...actually I can't tell you, because it can't be written in a mere three dimensions, can't be pronounced with less than six tongues, and in any case it's spoken at a tone and pitch that's outside of human hearing. You therefore can't speak, hear or write it, and even if you could, nobody on earth speaks it... but you know it.

Oh, also, learning it made you forget English.

I wish for a cool robot dog.

 

[Mike_Wolf]

Granted but he shits chips and other electronic components on the floor for you step on. Ooof thats worse than Legos.

I wish for breakfast in bed.

 

[Foxy Emy]

Granted but he shits chips and other electronic components on the floor for you step on. Ooof thats worse than Legos.

I wish for breakfast in bed.

Granted... *pours cereal and milk on your sheets*. Your breakfast is in the bed! Make sure to tuck it in!

I wish I didn't have to buy more ink for my printer.

 

[TR273]

*Makes your printer explode*

Granted!

I wish I didn't have to clean the kitchen up.

 

[Foxy Emy]

*Makes your printer explode*

Granted!

I wish I didn't have to clean the kitchen up.

Granted! You or on bathroom duty! Make sure you have PLENTY of cleaning supplies. It has been neglected with all the focus on the kitchen.

I wish for a new pair of PJs.

 

[Faustus]

Granted! I have hired two guys to come around and start throwing all your underwear up in the air and catching it again.
... PJs stands for Panty Jugglers, right?

I wish I had awesome solar panels so I never had to pay electricity bills.

 

[DireDrag0n]

Granted! I have hired two guys to come around and start throwing all your underwear up in the air and catching it again.
... PJs stands for Panty Jugglers, right?

I wish I had awesome solar panels so I never had to pay electricity bills.

Granted! The sun now requires payment by the hour, and you really aren't in a place to bargain.

I wish for a stable, well-paying job.

 

[Foxy Emy]

Granted! The sun now requires payment by the hour, and you really aren't in a place to bargain.

I wish for a stable, well-paying job.

Granted! You are the sun!

Earth is suing you for monopolistic practices.

I wish for... CHEESE!

 

[Monosuki the Aurian]

Granted! But every time you take out the cheese, a line of hungry mice follow you. Time to be a good samaritan then!

I wish I had catnip!

 

[TR273]

Granted!
Catnip is now however a Class A controlled substance, and the police spotted you.
You are sentenced to 30 years down the Mischief Mines.

I wish I could stop burning pans.