Game: bad genies

[The Character Consultancy]

The plastic surgeon removes the birthmark but as it needs a new home, puts it back on you, two inches to the left.

I wish I owned the house I live in.

 

[Chad Firepaws]

Granted, the previous owner sold it due to the mounting upkeep bills and health violations.


I wish I could get a normal job

 

[Foxridley]

Granted. You have a normal 2022 job, which means too many hours, not enough pay, and a boss who keeps emailing you when you're off work.

I wish I didn't have these allergies.

 

[Chad Firepaws]

As a rock, you won't have any allergies at all!



I wish to be able to retire at 30

 

[Foxridley]

You are a member of the Platinum caste from Unsounded.

I wish to own a cabin by a lake.

 

[Phoxphite]

Granted. You own a nice cabin by... Camp Crystal Lake.

I wish my father was here

 

[Yakamaru]

Granted, he is a flying head like in Futurama but with a jetpack. And he gives bad advice constantly.

I wish for soy to not exist.

 

[Foxridley]

Granted. As a courtesy, I'll also inform all the lactose intolerant people of your decision.

I wish for a quieter lawnmower.

 

[Frank Gulotta]

I wish for a quieter lawnmower.

Granted! I got it to pronounce a vow of silence. But now there's no swearing, no drinking alcohol, having sex or cooking meat on Fridays allowed anywhere on the lawn.

I wish I wasn't so easily distracted.

 

[Chad Firepaws]

Huh? What? Crap, I didn't catch that.... You wish you weren't diss tracked? Sure, sure, gotcha covered


I wish I could understand people the first time

 

[Yakamaru]

Granted, but your hearing is bad so you often end up asking "What?" and always misunderstand people the second time.

I wish for one giant glass of beer.

 

[Foxridley]

The glass is two stories high, but still only holds 12 oz of beer.

I wish for a free bottle of normally-expensive wine.

 

[Faustus]

Granted! It is delivered to you by a Formula 1 driver:

I wish everybody had somebody to love.

 

[Chad Firepaws]

Granted. Everybody is now hooked on Judy Hopps from Zootopia.


I wish I was forum master

 

[Phoxphite]

Granted, but every time you attempt to get the forum under control, two users begin to derail things.

I wish sugar wasn't so bad for you

 

[Chad Firepaws]

It's not so bad anymore, but now tastes like rubbery sewage water



I wish my toilet was unclogged

 

[Faustus]

I will be happy to grant that wish for you! Just you lean over the bowl a bit...
a bit closer.... just a little bit... *KA-FLOOOOOSH!* Wish granted!

I wish for an apocalypse-proof bunker.

 

[Foxridley]

It’s a completely safe. It will keep you alive as long as you are inside it, no matter what. Also, it won’t let you out because outside is dangerous.

I wish for glasses that never get dirty.

 

[Chad Firepaws]

*hands over a pair of pristine wine glasses*



I wish for a self-cleaning house

 

[Foxridley]

Granted, be warned that the artificial intelligence responsible for cleaning views all organic life as contamination.

I wish for rain.

 

[Phoxphite]

Granted. It rains so much that we get another Noah's Ark situation

I wish for the sun to come

 

[Hollowsong]

Granted, only it's The King In Yellow's star, and you have single handedly brought about the Great Old One's return.

I wish to have a girlfriend.

 

[Chad Firepaws]

This girl happens to be really into potato porn. Should have some fun nights in bed!



I wish to have any romantic relationship with a living thing please I'm desperate ;w;

 

[Hollowsong]

Granted, but it's a rabid axolotle.

 

[Foxridley]

What is your wish @Hallowsong ?