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Has anyone completely quit dating & relationships?

Have you given up and quit dating?

  • Yes

    Votes: 14 28.0%
  • No

    Votes: 5 10.0%
  • Not yet, but I'm very close

    Votes: 12 24.0%
  • No, and I don't believe I will

    Votes: 19 38.0%

  • Total voters
    50

The Matte-Black Cat

Dark/Psychic-Timid Nature-Often lost in thought
I don't want to be a downer and explain my personal life - So I'll just state this thread as a simple question. Have you completely given up when it comes to dating?

If you'd like, you can say how long ago you've given up or why you did. Do you feel like more people will quit dating and relationships over time? Do you feel like a permanently single life will be a common thing in the near future?
 
D

Deleted member 132067

Guest
From this day on I will simply quit being sad. That's right, even when my mother dies tomorrow I will not even lose a single tear. I know being sad is natural, happens mostly unconsciously and is a vital mechanism for our psyche, but I will quit it regardless.

In other words, break ups, being hurt by a love interest or simply not being able to find one are all tough. It's okay to be sad because of that. Buy thinking "fuck it!" won't work. Your brain doesn't work like that despite how much you wish it did.
The only situation in which it's reasonable and logical to state that you will quit relationships and dating, is when you recently discovered that you're asexual. And not that whimsy "I'm 23 and never got laid, I guess I'm asexual"- asexuality, I mean actually being asexual.
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Well-Known Member
I havent but i have never really cared about them in the first place. Sure as a teen I was often lonely but I started to like my lineliness and now I have people around me. I am not looking for partner but if one finds me? I guess I can give it a go.

So I havent quit it but i have never been deep into it in a first place. Hard to be when your libido is almost non existential -_-
 

Balskarr

The Lurking Hooman
If I've learned anything in life it is that love is truly blind. I haven't spent much of my life at all looking for love, not even expecting to find it. I'm a loner by nature yet I've managed to be roped into a couple relationships over the past few years by people that could manage to hold my attention.

With my current partner it was just a case of us becoming friends and eventually growing a bond to the point we decided to start dating. So another way in is just to meet people and talk, don't expect anything automatically, just talk.

TL;DR:

Love is blind. It will run into you soon enough so long as you persevere and focus on being your best self for that inevitable special someone.
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Well-Known Member
If I've learned anything in life it is that love is truly blind. I haven't spent much of my life at all looking for love, not even expecting to find it. I'm a loner by nature yet I've managed to be roped into a couple relationships over the past few years by people that could manage to hold my attention.

With my current partner it was just a case of us becoming friends and eventually growing a bond to the point we decided to start dating. So another way in is just to meet people and talk, don't expect anything automatically, just talk.

TL;DR:

Love is blind. It will run into you soon enough so long as you persevere and focus on being your best self for that inevitable special someone.
True, search for love and you will lose your mind. Instead just relax and let it find you.

My last partner was met by complete accident through the computer game. We were together for 3 years.

So if I can give the advice? Enjoy being alone and people will come on their own.

Ths best comparison I can give is the one to cats. Try to pet one and it will go away, ignore it and it will rub against your shins.


P.s - Long timd no see Bal
 

TR273

Pirate Fox Mom
It's never been a big part of my life, but it's there.
Just cruise through life, be comfortable with who you are, enjoy the company of others while they are around (unless they are a total A-hole), but also be comfortable with your own company. Interesting people pop up in the oddest places.
 

dragon-in-sight

mane diva
I never really stared dating to begin with. Love is an emotion that stayed a close book to me until today. I never felt something that suppased a normal amicably affection. And as most other forms of socialising it feels quite draning to me to interact with someone in such a context. But I'm totally cool with it and don't miss something in my life.
 

Sarachaga

Definitely not a lizard
Kinda yes. I used to think it was really important but I'm starting to feel better on my own. I already have a lot of stuff on my plate and idk if I ever want to share that with someone.
 
B

blue sky love

Guest
I had a nervous breakdown that almost ended in taking my own life after I broke up from my ex. We didn't love each other that way; I want to meet someone that does NOT show red flags or makes me feel uncomfortable.
 

CaptainCool

Lady of the lake
I had one relationship and figured that it isn't for me (he turned out to be a selfish, needy momma's boy anyway and I couldn't imagine myself spending the rest of my days with someone like that).

Anywho, I want to be able to do what I want. I make enough compromises for others as it is so I don't want to sacrifice the little free time I have just to be shackled to someone else.
If I ever stumbl upon someone who has the same interests, like photography and an unhealthy obsession with lemurs, and if I still get to choose how I can spend my time, then we can talk.
Oh also if they are a Canon user that automatically disqualifies them. If I agree to dating you you gotta be able to choose the superior camera brand :cool: (Just kidding, sharing lenses when we both use the same system would just be really cool :p)
 

Kit H. Ruppell

Exterminieren! Exterminieren!
I haven't given up, but I feel like I'll probably die alone.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
I think it’s important to specify what you mean when you say “permanently single” - the vast majority of humans are not asexual (not to suggest there’s anything wrong with the people who are), so if you are wondering if it’s likely that there’ll be a significant increase in people who engage in no sexual or romantic encounters at all in the lifelong term, I think the answer is no.

I personally never looked to fall in love or date, and have trouble wrapping my head around the idea of actively searching for a romantic partner. I just can’t imagine how you’d form a romantic relationship with someone you weren’t at least good friends with first. But that’s me, and I’m somewhere in the general vicinity of demiromantic, so...

I think dating culture is liable to shift and change over time, and it’s not strange for someone to throw their hands up and say “I’m done!” in the wake of a messy breakup (boyfriend makes the point when related subjects come up that looking at any romantic relationship ending as a failure isn’t a very healthy approach - if you have an amicable breakup that’s arguably more of a success than staying in an acrimonious relationship). I don’t, however, think that most people are going to stick to such resolutions forever after.

What I would like to see is people getting into others’ business about whether they are dating a lot less. Isn’t your problem if I’m having dinner and a movie with someone or not, yanno? But I don’t know how long it might take for us to get to that point, if we ever do. (This isn’t, to be clear, criticism of OP for asking the question, but rather a wish that the stigma of being voluntarily and happily single would fuck off and die already.)
 

CaptainCool

Lady of the lake
I haven't given up, but I feel like I'll probably die alone.
My dad used to be a cop. They found an old lady who died alone in her sleep in her apartment.
By the time they found her the blancket was fused to her abdominal wall so when they lifted it up... Well let's just say if I die alone I wanna make someone throw up when they find me :3
 

Telnac

Fundamentalist Heretic
I took a 5 year break from dating b/c I was tired of stumbling into one toxic relationship after another. I wanted to get comfortable with just being me so when I did enter the dating scene again I wouldn't latch onto the next toxic individual just because they were a willing partner. If I got into a relationship with someone I wanted it to be with the right person and for the right reasons.

Now I'm with someone who treats me right and I'm much happier than I was in any of my previous relationships. :)
 

Fallowfox

Are we moomin, or are we dancer?
I'm terrified of catching the HIV virus, so I don't have relationships. I just try to bury myself in work instead. :\

he turned out to be a selfish, needy momma's boy anyway

Damnit, I had the whole needy momma's boy thing nailed down so well. >:{
 

Minerva_Minx

Explosion loving skooma cat
I met my wife when I quit dating. Interestingly, she had also quit.

That was about 20 years ago, got married 13 years ago. It was nice not being seriously connected to relationships, bars, drinking, smoking, and, well, sex. Granted, I had other issues to consider, but yeah, definitely a good decision. I got happy with myself and straightened up my life. My only rule was everything was negotiable except my happiness and health.

It'll work out.

As for being single? About as faddish as incel. But yeah, know quite a few singles or live-in couples. Think the increase is due to immediate gratification culture.
 

Night.Claw

Well-Known Member
Well it might not be the case here, but when i see people who goes with the "I will be forever alone" or "I will die alone because no one loves me" are the people who don't even leave their rooms, until they must. Which is sad, because i suppose we all know at least one of these peeps.

On my experience, i was waiting to be 18 before i started looking for a partner. Yes in my country, people wait until they reach adulthood, before they start looking, instead of running after girls/boys as soon as they first saw passionate hugging on the internet.
I was with 4 girls and 1 guy so far. None of them worked out. Then since school and work was exhausting, i just decided to start over when i finish school. So almost 7 years passed and now i have a long distance relationship, what my partner and i are managed to hold together for more than a year now.

Dating is not something that magically work. It's not something where you see a girl ask her out, and on the first date, make a blood pact and seal your fate together. It takes effort, several attempts and time. It takes month to learn about someone's personality. And most falls apart even after years. But this is the part where people should go out again and find someone else. If people give up, because they got hurt, is like you never to take a knife into your hands ever again, because you cut your finger once.

A lot of people just wait for a girl/boy to magically walk into their room and say "I'm your partner for life now, and i'm everything you ever wanted.", while they literally take zero effort to find someone. (There are always exceptions). I even know girl, who waits for their mother to find someone for them.

Dating is hard, hurtful and exhausting. If someone gives up, it's on them, and they are the only reason why they feel hurt. No one else to blame. (except when you ex partner turned aggressive, mentally abusing, etc.) If they went through several relationships, maybe they should look elswer. (Yes, i'm going to point out, that Tinder and such are not dating apps. Those are for one nighters ONLY.)

And yes, it will increase over the years, because people who you see complain about dating is mostly live on their computer/phone etc. They never or rarely had the need to socialize verbally and it effected their life completely. People can ignore this or refuse to accept, but that's a fact. It's not like back then, where when you wanted to talk to someone, you had no way to message them directly, you had to use your voice. (Yes, i know, mail exists, but imagine an instant messanger start where you send a mail with a single "Hi. Hru?" In it, like how the usual people start talking.

And to quote someone i know, who never tries to give any effort to find a partner, yet complains about being lonely a lot of times... "If i can buy games, order food, pay bills and do my job without leaving my house, why can't i buy a boyfriend too? That should be our privilage in America."
 

CaptainCool

Lady of the lake
Damnit, I had the whole needy momma's boy thing nailed down so well. >:{
Maybe, but I suppose you don't lash out at people when you did something wrong and others point out what you did wrong? :p

He knocked something over, I don't remember what it was, by moving around on his chair too quickly.
While he was in the process of knocking it over I just said "Be careful!" because I got startled as well.
He then screeched something along the lines of "I don't need YOU to tell me that!", with the "you" being stressed in a way that made me incredibly uncomfortable.
It then dawned upon me that this guy really isn't someone I could spend my future with. I mean, what if he lashes out at people in other, way more important situations when he doesn't get what he wants?
So I dumped him.
He came to my apartment twice after that. He did not take it well. But I felt pretty great because I got my freedom back XD
 

Kinare

RAWR
I haven't given up, though it's very hard not to just hermit-mode and isolate myself from all human contact at times. The thing is, if I try to avoid it then I definitely will never find it. I may still not find it, but at least it isn't because I didn't try.

I haven't been in a relationship since I was 21. I'll be 32 this year. I've had attempts at relationships, but none of them stuck. One such attempt hurt me more than any actual relationship I was in and has been a struggle to trust any guy after. After how that and the relationship at 21 went, I told myself I needed to be sure about it before getting with someone again. There are very specific traits I need from a mate and I can form unhealthy attachments to people who are wrong for me, so it's far better for me to stay single for ages than to hop from relationship to relationship hoping one sticks.

Then there's the other side of my brain telling me how I'm just getting old and even more undesirable as time goes on, that all the good men are getting taken, that even if I find the right combo of traits in a guy I need that he won't like me back... which has happened a few times... It's so hard to keep trying, but it's something that is very important to me and I hope some day I find a mate who values me just as much as I will value them. There are plenty of people who don't find the right mate until later in life. As hard as it will be, if I have to wait that long then it will still be worth it.
 

LeFay

Professional meme inspector
I dated a lot as a teenager and then stepped back from it all when i was about 20. A lot of it was me having no interest in dating. Mostly because I didn't have my life together and I was in a bad spot mentally and emotionally.

Despite having many opportunities I decided it wouldn't be fair for me or another person to deal with all the problems I was having. On top of that I just viewed dating as a nussance. Everyone has baggage, everyone wants to suck you into their problems and many guys just wasn't what I was looking for.

Basically I didn't want to do that to others and so I spent that time focusing on myself, building up my self confidence, exercising and doing other things to better myself.

It wasn't until last year I got a boyfriend after 5 years of this. But I broke that off since he was suffering from some mental stuff and nothing was getting better, so after 6 months nothing going anywhere I just left it.

Currently I'm not looking to date, especially not in the fandom and I'm taking the time to get things together and work on myself even more. Breaking down barriers and other things. I haven't given up but it's going to take me a while to get back into it, and I'm going to need to be pretty impressed by someone before I consider it.

Long story short I find relationships to be more trouble then they're worth, but I haven't given up just yet.
 

MaelstromEyre

Slippery When Wet
There is nothing wrong with choosing to remain single. It's a totally valid lifestyle choice.

Be aware that, if you WANT to be in a relationship but you are a "downer" about it, and openly state negative stuff about being single and lonely, that often drives people away who might have been interested.

I mean, would you really want to start a relationship with someone who is really cynical about relationships?

I was 31 when I met my partner. As of January 31, we will have been together 11 years. It's one of those things that just happens. The first time I met him, I was just out of a relationship with a really controlling, manipulative man and not looking to get into anything new. And that was fine, because the first time I met my SO, it wasn't for a date. We just happened to be in the same place at the same time, stopped and chatted for a bit, and went on our own ways.

I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe you have to take the time to get to know the other person, and it doesn't have to start out as a romantic date. Just. . .go do stuff you like to do, chances are better you will meet other people who like those things, too.

So. . .I voted that I quit dating. . .because I don't need to anymore.
 
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