I have been thinking of this question. Is it possible to date somebody who is not autistic like I am? What are the odds of them falling into me and would a “normal” person even be compatible with our kind?
I have never been diagnosed with it and I have dated 1 that is confirmed, and the second I think likely was but refused to tell me.
(I thought he was fidgety with his fingers because he does gardening and plays guitar. Calloused. But along with everything else [and the fact that his son is autistic and those things don't fall far from the tree] I think he was stimming. He also hummed a lot.)
It's not that people are turned away by people with autism (usually), but their
behavior. My second ex tried to deny it even when the signs were clear as day. I reassured him that even if he was, I'm still here and it doesn't matter to me. In the end I broke up with him because I caught him in his lies (pretending to be a self-made artist when he was just living off of 2k in disability). He also revealed he had a terrible, terrible and toxic view on women through his actions.
- He was paranoid of who would be texting me at 1am when we were literally both awake chatting at that time every night.
- He talked about him and only himself for hours on end, even repeating the exact same stories, with the exact same dramatic pauses. No matter how many times I told him "you've already told me this" he just kept going or brought it up again the next day. Absolutely no memory, like my first ex, and it drove me nuts.
- He started rumors with my online friend, that I'd given him some kind of STD long after we broke up.
- He also thought it would be a good idea to put on a compilation of 'oops wrong hole' videos and laugh harder any time the girl started crying. And the harder they cried, the harder he laughed and wheezed. He had the nerve to lecture me afterwards, saying I should have just explained myself and talked it out with him instead of abruptly leaving. Problem is, I said twice that this was NOT something I wanted to be seeing and that I was going to leave if it continued. He just continued laughing as if I were never there. He was lost in his own little, sadistic world. And why should I have to even explain to a 30 something year old man how that behavior is highly disturbing/inappropriate?
Personally, I don't see it as '
ah their autism ended the relationship'. They were both very intelligent and even had degrees (which I don't have). One could play guitar, worked as a PSW, was tall and lanky with a dad belly. The other was obese and had better digital art skills than what I'll ever achieve. But they chose not to do ANYTHING with it. They just wanted to sit around binging on videos and games all day. I see it as them having NO ambition vs me being ambitious. All impulse and no goals they wanted to achieve. They were chronic liars that manipulated me for their own personal wants and needs. More importantly, they refused to change their ways to the bitter end. I would personally have more respect for someone if they at least owned up to the fact that they were a shit bag, but they tried to play innocent or forgetful instead of holding themselves accountable for their actions. Now both of them are sitting somewhere, living off of disability and eating like shit until they die young and fat when all I ever expected was to be treated as an equal.
I spent 4 years sharing the same apartment with my first ex and all he did was get progressively worse. And as I mentioned, I'm trying to move forward with my life and make it better. Not look for excuses to make it worse, which was what he did. He was never happy or satisfied with anything, but he also never did anything to change it. He expected everyone else to bend their personalities and work schedules to serve his every impulse. Even when he got his way, he was still unhappy. Between him and all of the other shite that went on in the apartment, I neared my first panic attack. I couldn't live with 10 more years of that and no one should be obligated to put up with so much BS for the rest of their lives.
TLDR; if it was possible for them, it's possible for you! Just don't be like them and you're golden! XD
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