Representative of Naboo
I can't tell if this is a parody or an homage but either way it was cool.
Hi morning MouseThat was an amazing read. I loved how finely detailed your art was. Such hard black and grey colours reflecting the darker tones to the story yet it still felt right for the slightly comical elements. I loved the flow of the story. So far it is too early to make any conclusive remarks but I loved how the characters and their conversations felt natural. Reminded me of a few comic books I have read in the past mixed with a crime drama and the heavy shading from your art style just added to that. Was the art style a conscious choice or is that just your normal drawing style? If the former that was well chosen and impressive. If it is your normal art style then I must give respect to being able to stick to what you know and be able to set the pace of a story so well.
I also love how fast passed it got when the action came. Such simple yet well thought out way to deal with people if a little graphic for my liking (Episode 1 page 21! That last guy was just insulting to me XD)
Although I did see a few downsides. Nothing massive but it takes away from the tone you were setting in the earlier pages. When the mysterious first villain appears. the one who deflected those bullets with ease and announced himself as an old partner. Would it not have been better to leave an air of mystery? You were setting a strong detective/police work tone to the story yet you just gave away such a critical element of the story so easily. (Although I am not a mind reader so I don't know how critical it is to the story or how long you plan to make the story go on for) However, when he came in the flow of the conversation entered an uncanny valley of sorts. It was still reasonable but the natural flow felt a little stiff there. It felt like you had an idea what conclusion to the pages you wanted but couldn't quite get the execution right.
This doesn't mean that it ruined everything. This is just my point of view having read the first part of your story. I may be totally wrong and just missing the details I need to see it work in my head. But even if that isn't the case this is still a good 8/10 in my eyes. It was well drawn and set you up for multiple plot arcs if you wish. A slight overload of exposition in the first chapter can take away from the natural flow of the story and you don't need to explain every last detail. Sometimes what the reader uses to fill in the blanks is better than outright telling people all the information right off the bat. If and it is a big IF you wanted to make it a detective/drama story like the earlier tones in the chapter would suggest then leaving in untold answers for even 90% of the story's time is actually a good thing and makes the reader more invested. But if what you wanted was more of a James bond action-packed story with a detective narrative then what you need to work on is the build up. Epic action-packed fights don't get quite as epic as they are without earning every inch of it. Setting up the character development and growth. Setting up the reason for the fight and then executing on it with every last bit of emotion that the storyteller feels is needed. Having such a well-done action sequence in the first part will take away from initial character growth. You have already given a first impression and a strong one at that, adding to it with subtle changes will be harder (Not impossible but will take a lot more thinking and reason).
All in all you have a good thing going here and given the nostalgia it makes me feel of the old black and white detective movies I will read it. And I will continue to read it if you can maintain or even improve the quality of the work. You have a strong opener here so I would recommend playing off that for a bit before adding even more. Careful not to overwhelm to reader or yourself by adding too much at once and you will have a good story on your hands. If you would like further information from my point of view or just wanna talk story with me feel free to pm me. I am more of a book worm/writer myself but I do like the classic comics and I am glad I read through yours. Good luck with your story
My critique is above. I don't think I hit the reply button. Good luck with your 'zine.
Dear Furaffinity people
I would like to thank you for all your support and feedback you gave me all this time, finally Mr.Beaver mini series is on! you can pre order the first issue here:
MR BEAVER #1 VERDUGO MUNOZ CVR A (MR) - Midtown Comics
Or you can pre order Mr.Beaver in your local comicbook store !
the codes are:
And the link : previewsworld.com/Catalog/SEP1…
Thanks you for all your comments and support, you give me the confidence to bring this series to live !