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Hipster Church Introduces Vape Organ

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Sirocco~

Victorian Gentleman
babylonbee.com: Hipster Church Introduces Vape Organ

PORTLAND, OR—In a move to increase attendance and allow everyone to participate in the beloved pastime of communal church vaping, Freewheel Community Church unveiled its new vape organ, a specially modified pipe organ that pumps out delicious vape flavors throughout the sanctuary.
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"It was distracting during the service to have so many people pull out their vaping devices," said Pastor Zed Herkumpflin. "Now, when our organist starts banging out classic hymns like 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For' or POD's 'Southtown,' the room is instantly filled with the delicious smell of our church's premium craft vapes."
The organist, local musician Eddie "The Ved" Marleyson, pulls a special lever while playing songs to send the sweet vaping haze pumping throughout the sanctuary, creating "that Isaiah 6 throne room look" that churches spend millions of dollars trying to create. Marleyson can select from different flavors of vape cartridges that have been preloaded into the machine or create his own custom mix to match the tone, mood, and feel of the song he's playing.

"I'm partial to Redemption Razzberry," he said as he puffed his own personal vape in the green room. "Pump out some of that goodness while you're playing something like 'Man in the Mirror,' and ain't nobody not gonna get saved by the end of service, you know what I'm saying?"

"We also save money and energy from not having to run the fog machine," Herkumpflin added. "We're going green, which is the main goal of the church that Jesus called us to."

The church is also considering a tobacco pipe organ.
 

Tyno

Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam
*slams fists on table*
They are using the devils usb in their musical instruments now?!?
 

Kit H. Ruppell

Exterminieren! Exterminieren!
Being an antitheist, I never thought I'd *EVER* utter the words "That church might actually be kind of cool", but here we are.
 

Asher Grey

Probably Sleeping
Me, a Portlander, seeing the thread name: "haha that sounds like something you'd see here"

"...dammit."
 

Willow

FAF's #1 Terrorist
Honestly that's kind of cool

Also they're missing an incredible opportunity to rename the church 'Vape Me To Church'
 

isaccoleman

New Member
Ahahah, it seems to me that this is very stupid, and besides, it can offend the feelings of believers and the feelings of musicians. This is my personal opinion. I absolutely do not understand why to do this. I love vaping and I think that it should be a hobby and not a musical instrument. In addition, vape helped me quit smoking and now this is the best period in my life, because I am not dependent on anything. I hope that people will become smarter and begin to use high-quality vapes not to create musical instruments, but for soaring.
 
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ben909

vaporeon
How would this work with people wearing masks for the virus

... kind of missed it was last year... simpler times
 

Mambi

Fun loving kitty cat
"communal church vaping"...you mean...HOTBOXING??? That's what it's called when everyone loads up a room with smoke in order to get as high as possible...HOTBOXING!!! <LOL>
Swap it with pot and you might get some attendance going up, but here's a thought for the church...if attendance is down, maybe it's the organization and the message and not the venue?

It reminds me of when telemarketers will fire staff for not making sales on ridiculous shit, under the :"natural correct" assumption that their product is so good only a FOOL could fail to sell them to random people!!!
 

Filter

ɹǝʇlᴉℲ
Neat! I'd check that out... from a distance... where there's good ventilation and I don't have to breathe the stuff.
 

gavviani

New Member
Haha, it was astonishing for me to see this photo. I would like to see this one in real life. It would be a really cool thing for vapers. Imagine if this was CBD vape kits. This would be so funny. I started to use CBD oil to eliminate the pain, but now I use it to relax. That would be a very relaxing church, by the way. I would visit it every day to calm down after a hard day of work. I think it would be a great idea. In this way, people will relieve stress faster, which would have a beneficial effect on everyone.
 
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Kumali

Lupine-American
Y'all. It's satire.

Check out the other stories on the site. It's like The Onion.
 
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